Eeth Koth came with Yoda in tow. "Your master wishes to be
present, Qui-Gon," the horned Council member murmured as they
entered.
Qui-Gon bowed low before them both, then looked down at his own
former master with a smile. "I am honored, my master," he
replied, sighing. Somehow, after this morning's disturbing
events, he was relieved to see Yoda here. "You sensed the Dark
fluttering, then, Master Yoda."
"Sensed it, I did," Yoda muttered, then perched on a chair as
they waited for the others. "Handled that well, Qui-Gon... you
did. The Force was with you. But now you see... troubled is the
boy, deep."
Koth answered before Qui-Gon could. "I read many changes in
you, Qui-Gon Jinn," the Master insisted, reaching to touch the
tall human's forehead. "Something else disturbs you..."
Qui-Gon held still before his peer's scrutiny. "An old lover of
mine returned today. He was injured out on the Rim and is
Force-blind. He insists that I heal him."
"Will you?" Yoda said rather sharply, his green eyes peering
intently at him.
"Of course not," Qui-Gon sighed. "I'm no Healer..."
"Hmmm," Koth made a noise, regarding him closely still. "You
may in time. But not now. These changes must be seen through."
He looked at Yoda. "I sense..."
The door to the quarters opened again, and Obi-Wan entered with
a subdued Anakin in tow. The Knight's glance flew to meet his
master's. [The boy is worried. I think he senses something. He
may fear he will be sent away. Why is Yoda here?] Aloud he
said, "Masters Koth, Yoda, greetings and welcome." He bowed
deeply, Anakin a beat behind him.
[All is well, beloved. Ani will be fine.] Qui-Gon smiled at his
lover, then smiled at their padawan when he looked over.
Anakin looked decidedly uncomfortable. "This is about my
fainting in the Conservatory, isn't it, Master Qui-Gon?"
Qui-Gon nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, Padawan. If you had been
bonded to us, this might have never have occurred. So it's been
decided not to lose any more time. We will create your bond
with us now. Master Koth is going to help."
A flush of relief rippled through the Force and through the
boy. "My padawan bond... with my Masters?" He looked to Obi-Wan
for confirmation, and the Knight nodded with a smile and a
wink. "Oh, wow, I thought I'd gotten in trouble somehow!" He
bowed again to the dark-skinned Jedi Master. "Thank you, Master
Koth. Master Yoda, are you helping, too?"
The stubby green finger prodded Anakin gently on the shoulder.
"Observing, I am, Padawan. Not the usual bond, this is. Very
unusual, two Masters to have."
"And your Masters," Koth spoke up, having returned the slight
bow, "must become one mind. There can be only one bond. You
will not form a bond with each of your Masters, Anakin. You
form a bond with them. One bond with one mind. One
united mind." He gestured for them to take seats, Yoda and
Anakin at the table, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon to sit in chairs in
the middle of the room, facing each other. Koth sat to the side
of them.
"How will that work?" Obi-Wan asked.
Koth bade them to join hands. Knight and Master did so, looking
into one another's eyes, wondering. "Within the bond, both of
you will together and immediately know your padawan's more
obvious needs, emotions, and location. He will sense you as
One, then secondarily identify which half of 'Master' he is
sensing. There are complications, of course, but I believe
these to be related."
"Complications?" Qui-Gon inquired, but he already thought he
knew: the changes Koth had mentioned. "You mentioned changes...
in me."
The other Master smiled. "I did, and you know of what I speak,
though not what it means."
"The Guardian," Obi-Wan breathed suddenly, tearing his eyes
away to stare at Koth. Then he and Qui-Gon both turned around
to look at Yoda.
To their shock, they watched as Anakin's eyes closed... then
the boy laid his head on his folded arms. He was asleep in
seconds. Yoda watched for a moment, then nodded. "Proceed you
will. About what you call the Guardian, the boy is not to know.
Too young to process this, though strong in the Force he is.
Later, when he is older, tell him you may."
"What is the Guardian?" Qui-Gon asked of Koth, bewildered. But
the Master only nodded to Yoda, deferring the question to him.
"Knowledgeable in mind bonds, Master Koth is," Yoda explained
gravely. "Know of Guardians, he does not. This I know, Qui-Gon
Jinn... entities of the Force itself, there are, existing
symbiotically within only a very few Jedi. Close, close to the
Force you are and have always been. Expecting this... I have
been. Possessed of one such entity... I am also." He did not
say what Qui-Gon immediately wondered... and knew to be true.
It was why Yoda, after a century of not taking a padawan, had
taken Qui-Gon Jinn as padawan forty years ago.
Qui-Gon could not speak. Obi-Wan asked for them both, "An
entity of the Force itself... possesses you?" His voice came
out in a croak.
The small Master nodded solemnly. "Not possession as you think,
young Kenobi. Shares my body, dwells in my mind only, it does.
Control me, it does not. Interfere, it does not."
"It guarded us, kept our shields firm when we performed the
Ritual," Qui-Gon said at last, his voice low and quiet.
"And prevented others from seeing... the Dark in the
Conservatory," Obi-Wan added. "This is an entity? But it looks
like Qui-Gon..."
"Look like whomever it wishes, it will," Yoda replied. "Rare
for such to be so active. Wants to help, I believe it does.
Enlist its help, you must. If it consents."
"And we cannot create the bond with your padawan without its
cooperation," Koth put in. "You see our quandary. We cannot
command this being to help."
Qui-Gon sighed heavily. "Master Yoda, do you feel this within
yourself right now? Because I feel no different..."
"You will. When it shows itself to you. Very important, this
is, Qui-Gon. Future of the Jedi, this shall be..."
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan abruptly turned and faced the door as if
signaled by something. There stood, gazing at Qui-Gon alone,
the Guardian shadow they'd glimpsed before. He did not bear a
lightsaber this time, but stood still, his arms folded in the
long sleeves of his Jedi Master's robe. The entity smiled
warmly upon his host. [Yoda speaks of evolution, in a sense,]
they all heard in their minds. [You are so close, so loved by
us, that it happened that a hyperconcentration of cells formed
a cluster within your cerebral cortex with specific
midi-chlorian counts over 50,000... and there we came to
reside. We will not interfere with you, though it is now
impossible for Darkness to overcome you. We are of the Light
alone, and do not speak to the Dark.]
Qui-Gon was on his feet by now, approaching the image of the
entity. [I am... loved by you? Is there more than one of you
here?] He felt a knowing joy within himself, and heard it
happily echoed in his mind from his lover.
[We are a collective entity, though there is but one entity
within you,] the Guardian explained. [We are one with each
other, one with you, one in the Force. We are the Force,
Qui-Gon.]
[Obi-Wan...?] he thought to ask, wondering what this might mean
for their relationship. [Does he...]
But the Guardian was shaking his head slowly. [We have been
close to you for a very long time, Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan has not
been long attuned to us, though increasingly he is, because of
you. So, someday... yes.]
Yoda nodded and murmured, [Seen this as well, I have. Many
years of blending with the Force, there must be. But even then,
the entity may not speak to its host. Unusual, you are, my
padawan.]
Qui-Gon looked into the face of the Force-entity, looking as it
were into his own eyes. [I think rather it is this entity which
is unusual...] There was now an expression of joy on his face
to match that of his shadow-self.
[You are correct,] the entity replied, and surprised him by
chuckling. [But it is because we are more like our host. While
he is close to the Force, we have chosen to be close to life.]
He closed his eyes, still smiling, his spirit form rippling as
he raised his hands, palms out to them. [We are One...]
Then, as the Jedi watched, the Guardian's wispy form began to
stream as tendrils of mist, moving to re-merge with Qui-Gon
Jinn's body. When it was done, Qui-Gon, his arms wrapped
tightly about himself, took a step forward and thudded heavily
against the door, lost in reunion. A moment later Obi-Wan had
his arms about him as well, his eyes streaming with tears, also
caught up in the re-integration, his mind entangled with his
lover's.
Koth nodded. "Their minds can merge now. I feel the entity
willing it, facilitating their union. It is well."
"Hold back the Dark in the boy, shall their Light," Yoda
murmured. "Well, it is." He waved his hand, and Anakin began to
stir. Gradually the boy straightened and rubbed his eyes
sleepily.
[Beloved,] Qui-Gon was murmuring to his lover. [Someday you,
too, as well, will know the Force like this. But now we may be
one. Come in deeper... match your mind to mine, Obi-Wan. Then
we will bond our padawan to us.] There was an echo to his
mental voice as if the Guardian spoke as well.
[Yes, beloved Master,] Obi-Wan replied fervently, yielding all
of his mind in the melding. He felt... something... the
Guardian? take him in, align his mind to Qui-Gon's. It was as
intimate as the embrace of love though they did not feel the
pull of sexual desire. Sometime later they would realize the
Guardian was suppressing such... distractions. They didn't mind
in the least. This was now for Anakin, to help keep the Dark
from the child.
The Jedi moved to take up new positions. Eschewing the chairs,
which were removed to the side, Qui-Gon sat on the floor in the
middle of the room, drawing Obi-Wan to sit before him, facing
away, so that he could wrap his arms around him, rest his head
against his. Their mental connection remained solid, bolstered
by the Guardian who would now see this through with them,
effectively merging the two Jedi into its collective being.
Then the Knight raised his hands to reach for the boy, who
stood and came wondering to them, sitting to face them, his
small hands in Obi-Wan's.
"Is it time?" Anakin asked them, his eyes wide.
They nodded. "Close your eyes, Padawan," Master Koth instructed
him.
"I'm a little nervous, sir," Anakin admitted with a grin. For
some reason, seeing Qui-Gon holding Obi-Wan so close, his face
so composed and at peace, made Anakin feel happy. A sign of
stability in a young life so recently thrown into upheaval.
"Do you want the bond, young Skywalker?" Koth asked him
thoughtfully.
"Oh, YEAH!" Anakin exclaimed hastily. "Master Koth, sir, I want
this very much. What do I need to do, sir?" He belatedly
squeezed his eyes shut, remembering he was told to do so.
Koth knelt beside the trio. "Concentrate on the moment... there
is no past, there is no future. There is now." His voice
gradually lowered, settling into soothing, calm tones. "Empty
your thoughts. You need not do anything else, Anakin."
[There is no past, there is no future,] another voice echoed. A
third, shadow arm reached out from Qui-Gon to touch the boy's
forehead. [There is the Force, Anakin Skywalker. Let it embrace
you.]
Anakin felt... something. Warmth? He welcomed it; he was always
so cold in the Temple. Whatever it was, he wrapped it around
himself, accepting it. His thoughts, usually so frenetic with
all he was trying to absorb, calmed.
"The Mind of your Masters accepts you as padawan, Anakin," Koth
continued to guide him. "Let them touch your mind and establish
the bond with you."
[He has shields,] the merged mind informed the others with
momentary dismay. But it did not come to a surprise that an
ex-slave boy fiercely strong in the Force would have developed
mental shields all on his own. [We will take care of that.]
Koth nodded. He recognized that a superior entity was involved
with this, now. He could sense the Force powerfully with the
merged pair, as well as Yoda's mental support and
concentration. No matter that he had helped dozens of
Master-Padawan pairs settle into their bonds when having
difficulties. This was now out of his hands.
What did matter more than any of those was Anakin Skywalker's
bond.
[Anakin, we feel your tension,] came a soothing voice to the
boy, heard also by the two observing Masters. [You want this,
but you must let down your shields. There is nothing to be
afraid of. You will feel great comfort in being able to touch
our mind and be touched, Ani. You've been so alone. No longer,
Padawan. You will be alone no more...]
The voice was warm and full of love. The boy scowled with
frustration. "I don't know how to let down my shields, Masters.
Please show me how?"
That was easier said than done. [Shhhh, Padawan, do not worry,]
the voice of his Masters continued soothingly. [We can take as
much time as we need to. Patience, Ani. Just relax. Picture
opening a window... only there are layers of windows. One at a
time...] On they coached him until at last the first level of
shield slipped away. A whimper escaped the boy involuntarily.
[Easy, Ani, you must adjust now. You have never touched a mind
before or allowed one to touch you. This is no more difficult
than flying a pod-racer. Just different.]
"Very different," Anakin muttered. Obi-Wan's hands squeezed his
in reassurance.
[It is going to feel like breathing very soon,] the voice
continued, still sounding so like Qui-Gon and indeed Anakin
believed it was Qui-Gon speaking to him. [One more layer...]
Frowning in concentration, Anakin tried, then the touch to his
forehead was back... the long fingers, he thought, of the Jedi
Master. He relaxed his expression... and another layer faded.
"This is SO hard," he admitted.
[No, it gets easier, Ani,] the voice lovingly continued. [Do
you trust us?]
"Yes," Anakin sighed. Another layer dissolved.
Koth sent to Yoda privately, [The Force is strongly within this
one. Will it be too much for the child to bear? Can they keep
the Dark from him?]
But Yoda was all but smiling, feeling a sense of rightness in
this endeavor so far from the troubled clouds he'd sensed when
Qui-Gon had first presented the boy to the Council. [This our
future is, Koth. So also was Qui-Gon as a child, strong in the
Force, though his yielding was much easier. Obi-Wan, in his own
way, also. At Naboo, lost was the Dark Path. Much brighter, the
future is.]
Anakin, through the gentle, patient coaching of the Guardian as
merged with his Masters, slipped finally into trance, his
shields bared at last. He was only lightly aware of them,
awaiting the moment when his mind would make the connection...
sense them for the first time.
[Accept your padawan,] the Guardian said to the minds linked
with his. [There...] And there it was, just like that. The
Masters reached out and touched the child's mind. In response,
there was a flutter of emotion, of wonder and awe and delight.
[Like so, Ani...] The boy reached out as he was directed, and
touched... something. A presence that he would come to know as
his anchor - the mental presence of his Masters. The returning
flutter of emotions washed over him, as yet tempered by the
newness of the bond: pride, warmth, protectiveness.
Anakin opened his eyes to look up at them, and Qui-Gon and
Obi-Wan opened theirs at the same moment to look down at him.
They all smiled, resting for the moment in their new
connection.
The Guardian was there, though quiescent in the background, as
usual protecting them. Not that he needed to; both adult Jedi
were suppressing emotions which the child would not be able to
handle, holding back memories that would threaten this fragile,
new bond. Obi-Wan was still not fully recovered from the
near-loss at Naboo... when he would allow himself to remember,
he would have to fight the anxiety that he not only would have
been deprived of Qui-Gon, but also would have had to train
Anakin alone - a task for which he did not feel prepared.
Qui-Gon, for his part, had memories of other padawans to whom
he'd been bonded... and though he had put Xanatos behind him
and mostly out of his mind, there was still the fact that he'd
nearly managed to reject accepting Obi-Wan. But none of these
were in their minds now, fixed as the Jedi were on the present,
the moment. They breathed the Force like air.
"This is so great," Anakin murmured happily. "Thank you,
Masters!" Then the wonder came over his face again. "This is
really happening? I can sense you now?"
They nodded. "Yes, Padawan," Qui-Gon replied quietly. "You will
always be able to sense our presence unless we are parted by
significant distance. Emotions will depend on shielding between
us. We will teach you to manage your shields so that we will be
able to sense when you're having difficulties or if you are
upset."
"Can I talk through the mind like you and Master Obi-Wan can,
sir?" Anakin asked, wide-eyed. "I mean, I know you do, sir, I
can tell... I see it on your faces." He blanched as if worried
that he wasn't supposed to notice.
"I suppose you do," Qui-Gon replied, smiling. "No, Padawan,
though that may come much later. The bond is not for that kind
of communication, though a closeness may develop in time that
will allow that to occur. There may be thoughts shared, but not
'talk' as we do with our voices. In times of danger, we may
warn one another with more clarity."
"Qui-Gon and I," Obi-Wan related gently, "have only been able
to 'talk' in this way in the past couple years, Ani. As you
know, we have gotten very close."
"You're in love," Anakin said simply, nodding. "I hope I can
find that someday with a padawan of my own," he added. There
was a slight tremble of the Force that the adults only felt.
[And he shall,] they shared the thought, wondering.
A swell of that love surged up within the merged mind, spilling
over to their padawan. Anakin grinned happily, and suddenly
leaped up and threw himself into Obi-Wan's arms. In moments, he
was sobbing on the Knight's shoulder in an emotional release
that had been coming for a long time...
About ten minutes later, Anakin was fast asleep in Obi-Wan's
arms, having cried himself out. The two Council members were
gone, and Qui-Gon still sat, wrapped around his lover and their
padawan, his head on his lover's shoulder. [This has been quite
a day... and it's only noon,] he noted with a rumble of
amusement.
Obi-Wan was leaning back into him, his head still against his.
[What happened in the Conservatory, Qui-Gon? Anakin was in a
lot of danger, wasn't he?] He caressed his lover's mind, still
closely en rapport though no longer merged.
[More than you know, Obi-Wan,] the Jedi Master sighed. [Anakin
had been consumed by the anger engendered in him from being
wrongfully accused by Jezrael. It was effecting the plants...]
The shock rang through the Knight. [Oh, Force, no...]
[I saved them. It was... astonishing how easily the Dark got
into him. I now see why Yoda was so against training Anakin.
But I believe we have turned that corner...]
[I could not do this without you, you know that,] Obi-Wan
interrupted, again accompanying thought with caress.
Qui-Gon caressed his mind back, adding a kiss to his temple.
[No more thinking about what might have been, love,] he
cautioned him. [Clear your mind of the vision, Padawan. That
path cannot occur now.]
[Just as I cannot allow myself to contemplate what I nearly
accomplished on Bandomeer so long ago - when I would not take
you as padawan.] Qui-Gon closed his eyes, calm, resting on the
pulse of the Force cradling them both. [You were my padawan
from the first moment our minds touched. I just had to accept
it.]
[That was the call of the Force, Qui-Gon,] the Knight reminded
him. [Just as strong as your compulsion to teach this child. We
will do much good in training Anakin to be a Jedi Knight.]
[Yes, I believe we will, too,] Qui-Gon replied. [Now, our
padawan really needs to report to the Training Master. And you
and I need very much to try to get Jezrael Rima to see the
Healers.]
[Now? This is so peaceful, sitting here like this with you and
Anakin, Master.]
[Yes, it is, beloved. But one Jedi Knight is feeling a great
deal of unpeace. He, too, is in danger from the Dark.] Qui-Gon
raised a hand to touch his lover's cheek tenderly. "We are
Jedi," he whispered. "He came for my help and I cannot turn him
away... only the love he still wishes to give me. I have no
feelings for him anymore. But I am Jedi."
"We are Jedi," Obi-Wan echoed, [Of course, Master. I will help
however I can. You have but to command me.]
Qui-Gon went still. [We will need to talk about... commands...
tonight, beloved.]
Obi-Wan leaned against the other's quiet. [I have told you that
I want to serve you.]
[We will discuss this tonight.]
[Yes, Master.]
In one smooth movement, Qui-Gon released his lover and stood
up. He was a bit... unnerved by his lover's attitude, but he
felt the peace in Obi-Wan. Sighing, he went to take a quick
look at his dataposts.
"Wake up, Ani," Obi-Wan was murmuring to the boy. He touched
Anakin's mind through their new bond. "Time to wake up."
Anakin stirred, then looked up sleepily at his younger Master.
"I had the most beautiful dream, Master Obi-Wan..." He rubbed
his eyes, then stood up as Obi-Wan released him.
"A dream, Padawan?" Qui-Gon murmured.
As Obi-wan stood also, Anakin straightened his tunic and bowed
to the elder. "Yes, Master. I dreamed all the slaves on
Tatooine were free."
The Knights exchanged a glance. "That's a very beautiful dream,
Ani," Qui-Gon said softly, closing down his dataport. They
could feel the peace in the child. "Anakin, I would like you to
write down your dreams. They could be useful tools for
self-discovery. Dreams are not to be taken literally, but
sometimes they are used to examine potential paths of the
Force. Record them in your datapad."
"Yes, Master Qui-Gon," Anakin replied dutifully, though it was
clear this was one dream he fervently hoped would come true.
Obi-Wan exchanged another look with Qui-Gon, then said to their
pupil, "Anakin, you may go do that now, then report to the
Training Master. He will go over your new schedule with you,
which will start tomorrow. After that, you're free for the rest
of the day."
"Yippee!" Anakin exclaimed, then sobered hastily before his
Masters. "Yes, sir, Master Obi-Wan, Master Qui-Gon. Thank you,
sirs." He bowed formally before them, then left for the
dormitory.
Qui-Gon put his hand to Obi-Wan's shoulder. "The bond is sure,"
he murmured, sensing the presence of the boy moving farther
from where they stood.
"How will we find Jezrael?" Obi-Wan asked.
The tall Jedi Master took a deep breath. "With luck, he'll find
us."
Master and Knight strode side by side with slow, measured paces
through the corridors of the Temple, in harmony and calm. They
spoke little, concentrating on the fluctuations of the Force
around them. Every few minutes, each separately checked on
their new bond with their padawan... and were relieved to sense
nothing awry.
When the attack came, they were ready, though it was most
unexpected. One moment they were walking along, and the next
they were reacting already to a threat that jumped down from a
balcony before them a couple seconds later. Lightsabers were
activated, the Jedi's reaction to danger, but then Qui-Gon was
shouting, "No, Obi-Wan!" As he deactivated his own saber, he
hastily gestured to Obi-Wan to stand down. The Knight obeyed
without question, backing up and going to one knee as he
deactivated his lightsaber.
Jezrael Rima, anger emblazoned on his face, still brandished
his lightsaber before his one-time lover who remained to face
him. "It's him, isn't it?" he cried, nodding to Obi-Wan. "He's
the one you love now! I would challenge him, Qui-Gon!"
Qui-Gon, his arms spread wide in an attitude of non-aggression,
shook his head slowly. "There will be no challenging, Jez. Put
down your lightsaber."
"Afraid to fight me in my condition, is he?" the Knight
countered. "Are you? He's barely more than a boy, Qui. Remember
what we had?"
"Oh, yes," Qui-Gon breathed, edging nearer the glowing blade.
"Once we had magic, Jezrael. But you wanted too much of me. I
needed to give to others and you wanted it all for yourself.
That is not our way, not the way of the Jedi. I am a teacher,
Jez. I gave time, knowledge and wisdom freely to my padawans...
and here you see one result." He gestured gracefully toward
Obi-Wan. "You cannot keep anyone, Jez. Just as I cannot
keep this fine young man." As he spoke this last, he
felt the gaze of his lover sharp upon him.
Jezrael did not lower the lightsaber. "You can heal me, Qui.
Only you. If I have to hurt you to get your cooperation, I will
do it."
Qui-Gon stepped closer. The lethal energies of the laser were
no more than a couple inches from his face. "Then we would both
need healing - is that what you want, Jez? Let me take you to
the Healers..."
"No!" The Knight's hand trembled on the base of the lightsaber,
and Obi-Wan had to fight an urge to rush forward to knock the
weapon from him. "Please, you, just you..."
"The Healers. Give me your lightsaber, Jez," Qui-Gon insisted,
his voice and demeanor still calm.
[Why doesn't he use Force to convince him?] Obi-Wan wondered to
himself, his hands clenched together on top of his knee as he
tried to will himself to calmness. [The man is Force-blind -
he'd never know...]
Jezrael glanced over at the other Knight kneeling a short
distance away. [They are lovers,] he thought with
dismay, seeing Obi-Wan's worry. [A Knight trained by his own
hands! They have been together over ten years, likely. I did
not even know him that long...] He clutched the lightsaber
tighter, his gaze shifting back to the Jedi Master. "I did not
want to leave you, Qui-Gon..."
"We were not meant to stay together, Jezrael," Qui-Gon replied.
"The Force did not will it."
"The Force? THE FORCE?!!" Suddenly Jezrael lunged forward,
anger flushing through his face. But the Jedi Master was
already moving, dropping below the killing slice through the
air. At the same moment, Qui-Gon struck Jezrael's wrist with
the side of his hand, causing him to drop the lightsaber, which
fell to the floor and rolled away from them, the laser energy
spitting and crackling. Obi-Wan unfroze suddenly and rushed to
retrieve the lightsaber as Jezrael stumbled backwards in
surprise, gasping. The younger Knight rolled and neatly grasped
the base and deactivated it before returning to a kneeling
position.
Qui-Gon was already straightening. "You must be restored to the
Force, Jez," he said, his voice again soothing and low. "Your
illness is drawing you to the Dark Side, and you cannot even
feel it... but we can, Jez. Please, before it is too late..."
"Only you," Jezrael said, though more weakly, the fight drained
out of him abruptly with the loss of his weapon. "Please, it
must be you, Qui. You can heal me, I know it."
"I can be there with you, Jez," Qui-Gon sighed, coming forward
to touch fingertips to the man's cheek. "I will go with you,
stay with you..."
"Why would I even want healing if you cannot love me again?"
Jezrael murmured, leaning into the touch. "What is there to
live for now?"
"Do you remember the touch of the Force within you, Jez?"
Qui-Gon said, looking down, deep into his eyes. "Do you
remember its caress, how it flows through your being like water
down a canyon, like light spilling through a cloud?"
"Yesss..." Jezrael sighed, and they could sharply feel the
aching in the man. "If I could have that back again..."
"You will love again, Jezrael," Qui-Gon whispered to him. "You
will again feel the Force within you." He moved his large hand
around to the back of the Knight's head, and drew him close
against his shoulder. With a sob, the man melted into his
embrace. "You will love again..."
Qui-Gon looked over the distressed man's shoulder at the other
Knight. [It is well, beloved. We will take him to the Healers
now.]
Obi-Wan nodded solemnly, rose and approached to accompany them.
Hours later, three Jedi Healers had completed their examination
of Jezrael Rima and had settled him in a private healing
chamber with a sedative. Qui-Gon had stayed with him the whole
time; Obi-Wan stayed for a while, then went out to observe one
of Anakin's classes.
After Jezrael was asleep, the chief Healer, Master A'hu'el'ki,
called Qui-Gon to him to discuss the Knight's condition. "Most
Force-blindness, Master Qui-Gon," the short, reddish-furred
Healer began with a bow, "is psychosomatic or caused by an
emotional or mental block. This, however, is physical. There
exists within the human brain an area which allows
Force-sensitivity, much like it allows vision or hearing. He is
Force-blind for the same reason a man may have nothing wrong
with his eyes and be unable to see. That is where his damage
has been sustained. If he were not a Jedi, he might never know
of the disability."
"Then there is nothing you can do for him," Qui-Gon murmured,
sighing. "He will have to leave the Order."
A'hu'el'ki looked up at the tall human, considering for a
moment. "Knight Rima maintains a belief that you can heal him.
Do not underestimate the powers of the Force, even in a case
which seems hopeless."
"I'm no Healer," Qui-Gon countered, frowning. "Certainly I can
do nothing you cannot do."
Still the little Master looked long at him. "We will see what
we can do. The Force may use you in the end."
Obi-Wan found Qui-Gon back in their quarters an hour later. The
Jedi Master was kneeling in meditation again, though the Knight
noted the slight frown marring his brow. Obi-Wan, his heart
filling with love for the tall Master, knelt before him,
sitting back on his heels, his arms folded in the sleeves of
his robe.
For a long minute, Obi-Wan could do nothing but gaze at his
Master, intending to do nothing but savor the sight of him. [So
beautiful... noble, strong, virile, wise... serene...] His
glance lingered long on the lines of his face, particularly on
his forehead and around his eyes... then on the silver
streaking the brown of his hair and beard. [Age matters not,]
he told himself automatically, though he knew well that even if
they both lived long, good lives, that Qui-Gon would die long
before he would. [I would serve him, take care of him if need
be, love him as long as I can,] he added, looking at his
beloved with all the love in his heart shining in his eyes. [He
is my Master and I am his...]
He smiled, knowing Qui-Gon would not approve of his wording,
most likely. [I would be his slave,] Obi-Wan thought happily.
[No other could be worthy of that trust.]
[You ask a lot of me, beloved,] came the unexpected response.
Belatedly, Obi-Wan realized it took a conscious effort now to
block Qui-Gon from his mind, something he hadn't thought to do.
[Master, I trust you with all that I am,] Obi-Wan replied
fervently. [I am yours.]
[It is a tremendous responsibility to own another, love. I
would love you, not enslave you,] Qui-Gon thought back,
wondering. His eyes were still closed, but he knew what
expression was on his young lover's face, and was not sure he
could bear to see it.
[Perhaps you have already,] Obi-Wan returned with good humor.
[So, are you saying that you would refuse my service, stop me
from kneeling to you?]
The Jedi Master's eyes opened, tracking immediately to the
other's blue ones. [Why? Why do you want this, Padawan?]
[I am selfish, Master,] Obi-Wan admitted. [I want to because it
pleases me, because deep within it brings me peace, to know my
rightful place before you.]
Qui-Gon searched the Knight's eyes, not yet understanding.
[Your place is ever beside me, not on your knees before me,
Obi-Wan...]
[Beside you in negotiations and battle, yes. Behind you to
guard your back as you guard mine. Before you... and on my
knees... here, alone with you. To show you what you mean to
me.]
The Jedi Master's brow furrowed a little. [I will have to think
about this, Obi-Wan. This is not something I had... expected...
would develop between us.]
Obi-Wan sobered, nodding. "I understand, Master," he said
aloud. "Please forgive me if this offends you. I only mean to
please you and love you." Humbly he bowed his head.
Abruptly the elder Jedi was on the floor beside him, drawing a
hand up around his neck. "No, no, love, I am not offended..."
Qui-Gon pulled his lover into his arms, needing to feel him
against his body. "But I must meditate on this to discern how
this affects us... our work... and our training of our padawan.
It must be incorporated into who we are as Jedi, and conform to
that, otherwise it is not of the Force."
Obi-Wan buried his head into the solid bulk of his Master's
broad shoulder as if he were a child, though his own shoulders
were now no less broad. "Yes, Master, yes, beloved," he
murmured fervently, slipping his arms around him as well.
"I love you so much," Qui-Gon whispered, kissing the top of his
head. "I do not want to lose that to... excesses. You know the
Code."
"Of course. I will abide by your decision. We will meditate
together."
The soft, tender kisses of affection made both their hearts
melt a little further until Qui-Gon tilted the other's chin up
to cover his mouth with his. As was his way, Qui-Gon kissed
long, slowly, and deeply, and completely unselfconsciously, not
aware in the least - or cared - that they were both fully
dressed, still in their robes, even, sitting in a heap together
in the middle of the floor of their common room. All that
mattered was that this incredible, beautiful young being was in
his arms, and that he loved him.
It did please him greatly, he had to admit to himself, that
Obi-Wan Kenobi would not be the full-fledged Jedi Knight that
he was today if it weren't for him. It was not a prideful
thing, something to be lorded over the young man, to remind him
that no one else wanted to train him... but instead it was a
deep satisfaction that he had trained him so well, and that his
own directions enabled the molding of the muscles of this
young, taut body. But Qui-Gon never wanted to possess him,
prevent him even from leaving him to follow his own path as a
Jedi... though he was deeply pleased that Obi-Wan chose to
remain with him.
Could this new thing be integrated into what they already were?
A Padawan often functioned as servant for the Master, but that
was merely for the purpose of instilling self-discipline and a
sense of service, for Jedi were in service of others... but
Qui-Gon had no will whatsoever to need to treat Obi-Wan in that
manner any more, the lessons having been well-learned indeed.
Still... it seemed that this was still something else yet... [I
cannot dismiss this easily,] he thought, not minding if his
thoughts were overheard. [His desire brings him great peace...
what, then, is my desire?]
Gradually, Qui-Gon ended the kiss, lifting his head to gaze
down into the blue eyes solemnly looking back up at him.
[Beloved,] he began as he caressed Obi-Wan's neck and ran his
fingers lovingly through his hair, [it awes me that you even
want to stay with me... the galaxy is yours, my padawan. I
don't fully understand why you want to chain yourself to your
old teacher...]
Obi-Wan smiled warmly at him as he took one of the large hands
in his. He kissed the backs of the long fingers then laid the
back of his Master's hand against his cheek. [You're not old,
and I still have much to learn from you. And my galaxy is right
here. Besides, I love you.]
[And I you. Let me ask you something...] Qui-Gon took the hand
holding his to Obi-Wan's cheek and brought it up to his own
lips for a kiss.
The response was mental, a shifting of shielding so that
Obi-Wan's mind was bared to him all the more. [Anything.
Everything. I am yours.]
Qui-Gon caressed the mind as it opened to him. [The depth of
your submission to me... awes me and honors me. But I worry
about the trust you put in me, love. I am only a man. Do not
put aside your own substantial powers to depend on mine.]
The Knight gasped at the shudder of pleasure that Qui-Gon's
mental caress caused to shiver through him. [I won't, Master. I
know my powers and I know the Force flows deep through me as
well, though not as much as through you. Your communion with
the Force is a beautiful, blessed thing, my love. But though I
know what you are saying, you are not 'only a man'. In the
Conservatory, you took the Dark into yourself and broke it,
replacing it for Light in Anakin. I could not have done that.
That was possible only because the Dark Path was prevented at
Naboo...]
[I have heard enough on that topic,] Qui-Gon broke in, sighing.
Aloud he murmured in his deep, quiet voice, "There are many
paths to the Force, Obi-Wan. Many leading to the Dark, many to
the Light, many nowhere. Anakin is a unique and rare conduit of
the Force... and great things will come of him. If I had left
him on Tatooine, I believe he would have allowed ambition and
hatred toward his enslavers to mold him into a conduit for the
Dark. True, he could have grown up to lead a revolt against the
slaveowners there, which is a great good, but I do not believe
his anger would have escaped the notice of the Darkness... even
the Sith. I have seen someone turn to the Dark already, love."
He sighed and entwined his fingers with Obi-Wan's. "Anakin's is
a power that I would keep from the Sith at the price of my own
life, Obi-Wan. The only way to do that is to make him
thoroughly Jedi and firmly on the side of the Light. And I
believe the love you and I share is one of the most powerful
weapons against the Dark we have to use in this endeavor."
Obi-Wan smiled and impulsively kissed him again, though
briefly. "I understand and agree, Master..." Then he sobered,
looking down at their joined hands. "But making him Jedi will
cause a greater risk of notice by the Dark, particularly
the Sith. We must help Anakin to choose Light over Dark - he
has to want to keep close to the Light. You and I have
chosen, though as anyone, even we must keep vigilant..."
They remembered what the Guardian had said about Qui-Gon: "it
is now impossible for Darkness to overcome you."
[He said that because knew I would not believe that, and I
don't,] Qui-Gon said, smiling, whispering into his lover's mind
with another caress. [Vigilance against the Dark is the Jedi's
way of life. If the Dark cannot affect me personally, it may
affect my actions which affect someone else. I may not turn,
but I may inadvertently cause another to... so I must watch as
any Jedi.]
Obi-Wan sighed, as much from Qui-Gon's forthright practical
wisdom as from the loving sensations flowing through his mind
from him. He returned the mental caress, adding an unspoken
wish for more, though he knew they could not take the time.
Tonight, perhaps.
[Perhaps the Guardian could help you heal Jezrael,] Obi-Wan
thought to him.
This time, when his lover went very still, he was prepared for
it. Again Obi-Wan sent a wash of love and waited until Qui-Gon
was prepared to answer.
[Beloved, this much I know about the Guardian,] Qui-Gon replied
finally, sighing. [I cannot ask him to help me. And I still do
not believe I can heal Jezrael of Force-blindness. That is
beyond my capability.]
Obi-Wan looked at him long, listening to the Force pulsing
within his own being. Then he reached up to finger the soft
beard on Qui-Gon's chin. [Beloved, I believe that if you make
this attempt, the Guardian will heal him through you. I think
Jezrael came home to Coruscant at this time for a reason... by
the will of the Force. To help you learn to work with the
Guardian, perhaps. To help you to know him, and know your own
capabilities in defeating the Dark. It happened in the
Conservatory... and here in creating Anakin's padawan bond with
us.] He paused, a thumb brushing tenderly over his Master's
lips. [He may have even sent me the vision which saved you. And
I will not bring that up again.]
Qui-Gon studied his young lover's earnest, trusting expression.
[You may be right, love. I will consider this. I have much to
meditate on. Meanwhile Jezrael will be fine for now in the care
of the Healers. We must see through Anakin's adjustment to the
bond. Speaking of which...]
Together the two Jedi Knights paused to read their new bond
with the boy. They could detect his location roughly - at this
time of day, what they sensed was consistent with respect to
the direction of the common dining hall where students gathered
for nightmeal - and from the emotional sense they could
perceive of his mind, he was enjoying the company of his new
friends. Could he - did he perceive his Masters? Did the loving
harmony between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan penetrate through to their
padawan? They would have to ask him later.
[We haven't eaten much today,] they said together, then
chuckled, knowing shared thought was only going to get more
common between them. [And I missed our workout,] Qui-Gon added.
[I suppose I'll have to compensate somehow... perhaps later.]
He gave his lover a wink.
[I look forward to that, love,] Obi-Wan replied, returning the
wink.
The two Jedi embraced again, then rose from the floor
gracefully, shaking out their long robes. Qui-Gon slung a
companionable arm around his former padawan and led him out to
head for the dining area for Knights and Masters.
After their meal, Master and Knight parted, Qui-Gon to check in
on Jezrael, and Obi-Wan to check in on their padawan. The
Knight found Anakin with ten other children sitting around him
in the student's lounge area, regaling the rapt listeners with
a story about... he might have known... pod-racing.
Obi-Wan leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed in front
of him, settling in to listen. Anakin had his back to him, so
intent on his very animated tale that he did not sense his
Master at the door. To the boy's credit, he was not telling
about the pod-race he'd won right before leaving Tatooine, but
another that he had observed. [Good, he's not boasting about
his accomplishments,] Obi-Wan thought with relief. A couple
children on the fringes looked up to see the Knight watching,
but he waved their attention back to the storyteller.
"You know this is a no-holds barred race," Anakin was saying;
he was on his feet, using body language to great efficacy as he
punctuated his points, "so when the Dug was seen to be fooling
around in Get'schaw's racer engine, NOBODY paid him no mind.
You attract Sebulba's attention, you get wiped out. Best to
ignore him while he picks on someone else. Anyway, when Get
started up, the right pod explodes in this great fireworks,
WHOOOM! Aw, it was great! Metal flying everywhere, sparks like
when a twister kicks the sand up. All orange and white... but I
think Get'schaw had run across the Dug before, because what
does he do? He's got another racer! Turns out he's got FOUR,
and his cronies are firing them up because they EXPECTED
Sebulba to pull this - so Get just jumps into the next one over
and they're OFF! Sebulba is heaping mad, but the race is on!"
The children all chittered their excitement as they got caught
up in Anakin's explicit and entertaining story. The level of
detail made it clear that this was either an eye-witness
account, or that Anakin had an amazing imagination - and the
audience apparently didn't care which. "Did Sebulba win all the
races?" one Bothan boy impulsively spoke up when the tale was
done.
"Yep, every one," Anakin said, grinning. "Of course, there were
challengers, and the Hutts could usually find ringers, make the
betting sweeter, but unfortunately that wiley old Dug came out
on top every time."
"Aw, man!" "That's no fair!" "They shoulda run the races
without Sebulba!" The reactions from the other children were
all properly indignant, which was evidently the desired effect
that Anakin had sought. He let them make all the noise they
wanted, then broke in cheerily, "Don't worry, someday, probably
soon, Sebulba is going to get his. The Hutts won't let him win
forever because no one is going to bet against him. And if
there's no betting, that's BAD for the Hutts. So eventually,
someone is going to beat him or mess up HIS pod racer, mark my
word."
More indignation, but less, as all agreed the law of averages
would deal with the likes of Sebulba the Dug. As the group
dissolved into discussion, Anakin turned around and sketched a
little wave at Obi-Wan, still grinning. So he HAD sensed his
Master watching!
Obi-Wan gestured for him to come over, also smiling. "Very
interesting story, Ani," he said, winking. Then he dropped his
voice so as not to be overheard. "But someone did beat Sebulba,
I hear."
Anakin smirked as he looked up at the Knight. "Oh, yeah,
someone did indeed! See, I said it had to happen." He returned
the wink.
"Why didn't you tell them, Ani?" Obi-Wan asked, sobering a bit.
The boy pulled him out into the hallway after checking to see
that no one was listening to them. Then he looked back up at
him. "Look, even I know better, sir - you want trouble, you
make yourself seem better than others. Even if you are, you're
asking to get drawn into a fight, make others envious and then
they do STUFF to you... no, thanks! I know some are already
looking at me funny because I obviously just started here and
I'm nine years old... the last thing I want to do is attract
more attention to myself..."
"You're going to get a reputation as a remarkable
storyteller... if you don't already have one," Obi-Wan
observed, smiling. He was impressed with the boy's good sense.
"But you're being very mature about not needing to boast about
your accomplishments, and that's excellent. You're right - it
would attract the wrong attention, bring you nothing but
trouble. I'm glad that's a lesson you won't have to learn the
hard way as some boys do."
"Welllll," Anakin said, pulling his mouth to the side in a wry
grin, "perhaps it's because I already have... you know what
they say - 'already was there, already went through that'... In
Mos Espa, I learned to pick my battles. Here, however..." He
sobered, glancing down. "This is the Jedi Temple, not the back
alleys of some dusty bordertown on the Outer Rim. The only
fights I want to have any interest in will be in the practice
ring. And I know I'll get plenty of that when the time comes."
"Indeed," Obi-Wan replied softly, remembering that Anakin was a
former slave... and that as a slave, he'd had to grow up pretty
quickly, just to survive among the Dugs and Hutts and
Toydarians of the rough spaceport. The boy was a survivor, one
of those fortunates who fought their way through life, managing
to rise above every nasty thing that came their way... well,
most things. [He flew a Naboo fighter and destroyed the droid
army command ship,] he remembered soberly. [Force...]
He looked up and saw a small group of the children hovering at
a respectful distance, waiting for Anakin to return to them.
"Your friends want you back, I see," Obi-Wan nodded in their
direction, smiling. "Master Jinn and I will see you tomorrow
morning for our philosophy discussion. Good night, Padawan."
Gently he touched the boy's mind, communicating a bit of his
growing affection for him.
Anakin's whole demeanor lit up suddenly and he beamed broadly
at the Knight. "I look forward to that, sir. Good night, Master
Obi-Wan!"
Obi-Wan went to meet Qui-Gon at the Healers, feeling amazingly
refreshed from the short visit with their padawan. [I hadn't
expected this,] he thought, a small smile still lingering on
his lips. [I hadn't expected that Anakin would come to mean so
much... to us both.]
[He is a remarkable child,] Qui-Gon returned, sending a flicker
of love to him through their connection. [I warn you, beloved.
He steals hearts...] There was a hint of amusement... and
something else.
It didn't need to be said. Obi-Wan felt a flush of recognition.
Qui-Gon himself had been infatuated with a student to the point
where he did not see the final slide into the Dark until it was
too late... A lesson learned so hard that Qui-Gon Jinn had
never wanted another padawan again... [Master, I won't let that
happen. Besides, you've already stolen mine...] He returned a
loving whisper to his lover's mind.
[Xanatos was the perfect student... and a cunning conniver,]
Qui-Gon murmured, watching Jezrael sleep. [I was so blind...]
Obi-Wan entered the room, sliding an arm around the Jedi
Master's shoulders, fingering the long fall of hair. [We won't
be so blind, beloved.]
Qui-Gon smiled at the touch, leaning into it gratefully. But
his expression sobered. [We must know our padawan's heart. And
I will tell him about Xanatos.]
[Anakin is devoted to you already,] Obi-Wan observed with a
smile. [And I believe he's responding well to me, too...]
[Padawan,] Qui-Gon cautioned, looking up and back at him, [be
careful... you have never risked your heart like this...]
[No?] Obi-Wan looked down into the crystal blue depths of his
Master's gaze. [I gave you my heart first when it was adamantly
clear that you did not want it,] he reminded him gently.
[You wanted to be a Jedi Knight,] Qui-Gon reminded him back.
[Yes... but then our minds joined in a bond even before you
could bring yourself to accept me,] Obi-Wan returned, fingering
the long brown-silver hair. [And Anakin has recently been
separated from his mother...]
Qui-Gon eased into a smile. [You're right, beloved. We must
care for this child even as we guard against infatuation.
Balance.]
[Yes, Master,] Obi-Wan replied with a grin.
The Jedi Master looked on the man in the bed again. [Jezrael is
in a troubled sleep... I feel the Darkness already getting a
grip on him. His condition affects his judgment and his
emotions. Without the touch of the Force, he is susceptible to
the whims of the Dark.]
Obi-Wan looked on with him in silence. If only the Guardian...
[I cannot command him,] Qui-Gon responded to the thought
gently.
[I know.]
They stood there another ten minutes more, then the Master rose
and led the Knight out.
The mind of the Jedi Master calmed and went quiet, a layer of
shields settling down. Respecting his silence, Obi-Wan left him
be as he used the 'fresher in their quarters and then settled
in to study, lying on his stomach in bed with his datapad. Now
that he was a Knight, it was left to him to select subjects and
materials to research in order to further his knowledge. No
more would he be bound by his Master's selections. But in fact
for a couple years now, Obi-Wan had already been managing his
own education, having proven to his Master that he could
responsibly do so. This week he was concentrating on Outer Rim
cultures... since their new padawan was a former Outer Rim
slave boy.
Study and training was a Jedi way of life, not at all limited
to the apprenticeship. He knew his Master's own studies of late
tended to be in the sciences, and he'd wondered, since Qui-Gon
had discovered Anakin Skywalker, if he was studying the
midi-chlorians...
Qui-Gon had put aside study for this one night to devote his
mind to more meditation, for he had a lot to think about from
this day. He hung up his robe, belt, and stole, and settled
down on his meditation mat in the middle of the floor, kneeling
then sitting back on his heels, his back straight and his hands
resting on his thighs. Closing his eyes, Qui-Gon began to work
on calming his mind further, emptying it for the receptivity to
the trance state.
Once there, he felt... a presence. Immediately he opened his
eyes and saw, kneeling in a like posture to his... his shadow
self. [You...]
The Force-entity nodded solemnly. [We are here. We would
meditate with you.]
Wondering, Qui-Gon nodded. [Much concerns me tonight. The boy
must stay in the Light... my beautiful young lover wants to
kneel to me, serve me... and my once-lover has lost his sense
of the Force. And there's you... what do you want of me?]
[We want to love you, keep you close,] came the soft answer,
the entity's chosen image smiling back at him out of his own
face. [The boy is not going to lose the Light if he is at your
side, both of you. And your lover just wants to please you...
and you need to allow yourself to be pleased. As for the
other...] The entity paused.
[What of the other?] Qui-Gon asked, curious. [Tell me...]
The image searched his face a moment more, than replied gently,
[That one is damaged... an extraordinary healing would have to
take place to make him able to sense the Force again.]
Time went by... Qui-Gon pondered the entity's wording
carefully. Damaged... well, he knew that. Something the Healers
could not heal. Extraordinary healing... what did that mean?
[Can I heal him?] he asked suddenly.
[Yes. But what is the question you need to ask? You already
knew that was why we had come to speak to you.]
The Jedi Master shivered. [Yes... somehow I did. And the
question is... how can I heal him? What must I do?]
Another long look, and then Qui-Gon felt a touch that he'd felt
only rarely before... the Force touching him deep in his heart.
It made him momentarily dizzy, not from disorientation but as
if a piece of Other had been lodged in his heart, a piece of
the Force itself. It was... ecstasy. Physically it caused a
flood of seratonin to course through his brain; psychically it
was a joining with the Force, becoming one with the Force.
Qui-Gon let out a soft moan that he never heard, his eyes
closing.
Then the voice, deep and melodious... so like his own...
[Sometimes such a healing requires a balance to be achieved.
Sometimes there must be a sacrifice.]
Qui-Gon did not hesitate to respond, feeling the Force strong
and full within him. [I am willing to make that sacrifice,] he
replied.
[Dear one, you do not even know what it is. And you are not
willing to pay any price,] the entity teased him. [But
we will tell you...]
[Yes? What is the sacrifice?] Qui-Gon asked. He had no fears.
His only desire at the moment was the will of the Force.
Another pause. He opened his eyes and saw the gaze of pure love
shining at him. [Your eyesight, Qui-Gon.]
He felt the shock run through him, followed by conviction. To
save the mind and life of Jezrael Rima? [I will pay it,]
Qui-Gon answered immediately.
[We will teach you about healing... tomorrow.] The sense of the
presence faded immediately, leaving the Jedi floating within
the trance.
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