You Needed Me
by Triskell (triskell@xpoint.at)
Archive: m-a please, my website
(http://www.user.xpoint.at/e.lebic/default.htm)
Category: h/c
Rating: PG-15
Warnings/Spoilers: takes time just after TPM...some spoilers
Summary: Obi-Wan's dealing with his new responsibility...
Disclaimer: All the characters used here belong to George
Lucas, the creator of the Star Wars Universe - I wrote the
story which is copyrighted by me and must not be used anywhere
without my permission. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Note: This is not intended to be a song-fic really, I
just thought of it as a lovely addition to whatever story I'd
dream up around the song (see end of story).
//indicates telepathy
**indicates thoughts
**This isn't true. It can't be. It mustn't be...**
//MASTER !! ANSWER ME... Please...//
A strangled sob broke from the young man who sat on the cold
metal floor cradling his Master's lifeless body. He bent over,
consumed with a grief too powerful to resist. He let go of all
his stoic serenity, all his composure, simply felt the anguish
rushing through him, tearing his being, his soul apart, washing
coldly over his faith, his beliefs, chilling the teachings he
had once felt to be just, so they were no more than molasses
filling his mind.
The limp form in his arms had been his life. Had taught him
everything. Had loved and cherished him all his life. Accepted
the child, the boy, the man. Always loved him. Tears ran down
his cheeks... The first one hadn't fallen. His Master had wiped
it away, a teasing touch, so soft he had hardly felt it. So
many nights when these hands had roamed his body, taken his
breath away with their gentle ministrations. So many days when
they had cared for a sick little boy, a feverish youth, a
wounded young man.
His throat was dry. He wept silently. What he felt was so deep,
so powerful he could never have explained it. Not to those who
believed Qui-Gon to be the Master only. Not the lover. For that
was what he had been. Obi-Wan's lover, his dearest friend and
confidant. What a difference those few moments had made. A life
taken, another broken into shards that could never be completed
to reveal the same, free-spirited, happy young man again.
Never... The end of a destiny. A new one being born from its
ashes.
The pyre had been lightened. His lover's body was burned by the
red dances of fire that leapt over him, flames that consumed
the form of his beloved as the blood-red of the Sith's weapon
had taken his life.
//Qui-Gon? Are you here, somewhere?//
It was an attempt. What else could he do? He was left with the
greatest responsibility he had ever had - training a talented
child, preventing the boy from straying, from falling to the
Dark Side.
**He might have thought of someone better. Someone more
qualified for this task than I am.**
//Fret, you do, Obi-Wan. Talk we must. Alone.//
//Yes, Master Yoda. As you wish.//
The conversation with the ancient Jedi Master had officially
named Anakin to be his Padawan learner. His knighthood was
bestowed on him a few hours later, his new Apprentice watching
intently. Obi-Wan bowed deeply as he accepted the severed
Padawan braid.
**I wish I could have burned it...with Qui-Gon.**
The night held many spectres for Obi-Wan. He relived the death
of his beloved again and again, failing to reach the damned
Sith in time to prevent it. Knew he had to be faster. Knew he
couldn't do it, was bound to see Qui-Gon killed, a memory he
would keep forever. The young Knight sat up in his bed. It
wouldn't do. He'd find no sleep like that. Reaching out for his
charge, he felt the nightmare that threatened to overwhelm the
child. He dragged himself out of bed, taking his robe with him
as he padded softly towards the adjoining room.
He knelt down beside Anakin's bed, gently shaking the moaning,
wriggling boy, waking him.
"It's alright, Ani. It was only a dream."
His voice was soothing. He remembered how he had put Qui-Gon to
sleep with it once, when he was wounded. He had talked to him,
and even though his lover had been in a coma, too far away for
others to reach, he had heard him and come back, falling into a
deep, healing sleep, dreaming of Obi-Wan...
"Master, sir, I...I'm cold...my Mum..."
Tears welled up in the blue eyes. Almost as blue as
Qui-Gon's...
"I'm here, Ani. We will get through this all together. Tell me
about your dream."
He sat down on the little bed, resting his back against the
wall and pulling the sleepy child in his lap. He pulled the
blankets around the little boy, wrapped him up in his robe and
held him tight.
//As I held you, many years ago, love.// The voice echoed in
Obi-Wan's mind.
As he listened to Anakin stumbling over his feelings in an
attempt to make sense of his dreams and tell them so his new
Master would understand, Obi-Wan went back to the many times he
had needed Qui-Gon. Needed his support, his care, his love. He
had given him back all that he could, yet some things could
never be repaid. They became memories to be cherished, emotions
to hold dear.
"Am I very bad, Master, sir..."
Obi-Wan snapped back to reality, the there and then, focusing
on the little bundle in his arms.
"Bad? No Ani, you aren't bad. It's natural for you to miss your
mother, to miss Qui-Gon. I...you know I never knew my family. I
was brought to the Jedi Temple when I was very little. All..."
he sighed.
"Master Qui-Gon was all you had?" Obi-Wan nodded. "I do have
friends, Ani. And so do you. But I know that it's not the same.
It can't be."
//You'll learn to accept that, in time.//
Obi-Wan's mental touch seemed to soothe the little boy towards
sleep, so he continued to whisper into his mind, telling him of
the beauties of the lush jungles of Yavin 4 where he had once
camped with his Master.
//We could go there one day, you know. I think you'll like it.
There are thousands of animals, creatures and the vegetation is
splendid. Imagine the greenest green you've ever seen and lace
it with a soft humid scent of earth and flowers,
intertwine...//
//He's asleep, love...your storytelling can be quite exhausting
for such a little mind.//
A smile tugged at the corners of Obi-Wan's mouth.
//You're here.//
//I always was, love.//
//You won't leave?//
//Not unless you want me to.//
//Do you...I mean...//
//It's a wonderful place here. I create my own surroundings if
I wish. I remembered Yavin 4 when you began to tell your story.
It was as if you led me back there. Though you left out the
best part of the story...//
//I couldn't tell Ani that we first made love there...not now
at any rate...//
The grin filled Obi-Wan's mind. As did many other sensations.
The touch of warm, rough hands on his body, a soft kiss,
Qui-Gon tucking him into his robe as a child to keep him warm,
sparring practice, lessons, discussions, passion, looks and
gazes stolen from his lover at times where they might have been
inappropriate had they been discovered, jungle rain on his
skin...
Obi-Wan leaned back, holding Ani close. He could no longer
share his love with Qui-Gon as he always had. But his beloved
was there, in the Force, close to him, in his memories and
thoughts. He wasn't alone. And he could give his little Padawan
all he had got from his own Master. All the support, care,
friendship and love.
Qui-Gon had made him the man he was. And he would see to it
that Ani would benefit from all Obi-Wan had ever been taught.
That was the dearest present he could make to his lover - do
well by his charge, by the boy who had been entrusted to him by
the other half of his soul.
The End.
YOU NEEDED ME
You needed me...
I cried a tear, you wiped it dry
I was confused, you cleared my mind
I sold my soul, you bought it back for me
And held me up
And gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me
You gave me strength to stand alone again
To face the world out on my own again
You put me high upon a better stool
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me
You needed me
I can't believe it's you I can't believe it's true
I needed you and you were there
And I'll never leave what should I feel, why be a fool
Cause I finally found someone who really cares
You needed me
You held my hand and it was cold
When I was lost, you took me home
You gave me hold
When I was at the end and turned my lies
Back into truth again
You even called me friend
You gave me strength to stand alone again...
The song "You needed me" was taken from the album "By Request"
from Boyzone (copyright 1999 Universal Music Ireland); the
transcript of the song is my own doing, so I'm responsible for
all the mistakes therein. - No copyright infringement is
intended.
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