Yellow and Blue Make Green! (sequel to "An Apple A Day")

by kalypso (free_lunch_club@hotmail.com)

Summary: don't mix the red, blue, and yellow pills!

Category: Pre-Slash/Humor

Archive: MA, Early Years, my own site (www.dreamwater.com/kalypso)

Rating: G? PG? I don't get these ratings anyway.

Disclaimer: 'tis George's. tis looney. Pulp Fiction=Tarantino, Brassed Off=Mark Herman

Thanks: to Mon Maireid for the havoc-suggestions and to Danni for the beta and suggestions.

Notes: It helps to know that in my universe, gimer stick=cat nip.

From the front page of the Jedi Temple Student Newspaper:

Every healer knows not to mix the red and blue pills together, and they also know the havoc that can occur when yellow pills are mixed in as well.

The healers at the Jedi Temple have been reminded of this phenomenon when a young healer prescribed all three pills to a patient. While he gave proper instructions to the patient and his padawan, he should have known that patients that require all three medicines are also required to stay in the healers ward for dispersion of the medication and supervision.

Havoc struck yesterday at the Jedi Temple, and Master Qui-Gon Jinn was the unsuspecting cause. The three medicines melded in his system to give him strange telekinetic and mind control powers, plus Force suggestions, that he was both unaware of and thus unable to control. Usually, the telekinetic powers are limited to Force sensitive beings only.

First, calypso music began blaring through the halls of the Jedi Temple over the intercom system, and measures to shut down the system failed as technicians could not locate the source of the disturbance.

The council chambers were affected next. Master Mace Windu, president of the council, jumped to his feet and began dancing along to the music, despite that the fact that he claims his musical taste runs the classical gauntlet, yet reporters have discovered a high number of rap albums in his collection at press time. Master Windu claims he began to dance unwillingly.

"Do you know what they call a Jediburger on Malastare? . . . Oh, right, the council meeting. No, I do intend to dance regularly in council meetings, I don't even like to dance! Well, I usually don't dance anymore, anyway . . . If my answer frightens you that you should cease asking scary questions," Windu said.

It seems the lyrics of "Shake, shake, shake Sinora, shake your bodyline. Shake shake sinora, shake it all the time. Work work work, Sinora, work it all the time . . ." were too much for Master Adi Gallia, and she joined Windu on the impromptu dance floor. Soon all members of the council were dancing as well.

"I never knew that Master Yoda could get down and funky," one council member said who wishes to remain anonymous. "I didn't know muppets can dance."

Master Jinn's well-known cat, Rancor, floated into the council chambers, the Force obeying her every command, despite the fact she is not Force-sensitive. She was unnoticed by the boogying council. She promptly started chasing Master Mickey, a small mouse-like being from the planet Rodentia.

Master Mickey had been reporting on the state of affairs on the Togorian Homeworld. His attempts to use the Force to muffle the cat were unsuccessful, and so he ran to Yoda for help. Thankfully, Yoda's gimer stick came between him and the cat. At press time, both the gimer stick and cat have yet to be found.

"Sith spawned cat, that is. My gimer stick, she will return, or pay she will. Put up with this, I will not," Yoda is rumored to have said, and the source says that Yoda's ears were flattened back.

Master Mickey is currently in the healers wing, receiving bacta treatments for the bite marks on his tail and ears. "EeeeeEEeeeEEeeeEeekkkk!" he is quoted as saying.

Young Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi was affected next. According to the Padawan, he was returning from a shopping trip to buy tea and rent more holovids for his master. The padawan, his packages, and a passing probe droid were all thrown into the swimming pool.

The droid shorted out when it entered the pool, and the electrical charge it created made the water begin to boil. Luckily young Kenobi was able to climb out of the pool before serious damage occurred to his person. He is currently residing in the healers wing to receive treatments on the mild burns covering most of his body.

Temple maintenance crews are unsure how long it will take them to clean the pool of its Baja-fruit tea smell.

All of young Kenobi's holovids were ruined, and the charges for damages he incurred with the 'vid rental store rumored to total over 20,000 dactaries. Young Kenobi was unable to confirm or deny this allegation.

"The only reason I get up in the morning is to see if my luck's changed, and it never bloody has," Kenobi said.

Food dispensers on all levels began to dispense Kala, which according to Windu, is Jinn's favorite food. All 'freshers began flushing counterclockwise instead of their normal clockwise, and the doors to the crèche would open to initiates only. The water in the fountain meditation garden turned to ale, and Master Yoda was last seen heading in that direction, stating that he was looking for his gimer stick.

And across Coruscant, tragedy, as Senator Palpatine's son, Syan-Indigio-Terance-Horton Palpatine, was apparently struck dead by some kind of anomaly with effects similar to purple lightening. The Jedi are currently unsure if this accident is related to the others.

Senator Palpatine's press agent says that he is "understandably saddened by the loss, and plans to take on another ward. This new child, a Zabrakian, will not be able to take Syan's place, but at least a child needs a home will be helped, and a broken family can try to pull itself back together."

The Jedi Council has stated that measures will be implemented to make sure this never happens again.

"I told you not to take those pills while lying next to your datapad," Obi-Wan grumbled, laying prone on his back as multiple bacta strips healed the minor burns on his body. "Your datapad is an electrical device, and the healer said to stay away from such devices."

//Quit grumbling. At least you get to go home when when your treatment is done.//

//You're whining again.//

Mace Windu entered their room, obviously in pain. "Master Qui-Gon would like to know what is wrong with you, sir," Obi-Wan said after being mentally prompted by his master.

"I pulled a muscle dancing. I hadn't done the limbo in many, many years, not since we were on Velga 4 . . ."

"Don't tell my padawan that!" Qui-Gon tried to yell but it came out as a whisper.

"You're not supposed to talk! Hush up, Master."

//Wet nurse.//

//Do you want me to have to translate for the rest of your life? Talking can cause your. . . //

//Voice to be lost forever. I know, Padawan.//

Mace sat down on Qui-Gon's bed. "Do you know the amount of trouble you caused?"

"It's not like he meant too," Obi-Wan translated.

"We are taking precautions to make sure that this never happens again," Mace smiled. "Although it was rather amusing to see Yoda dirty-dance with Yaddle. And let's not even get started on Yareal Poof and Adi."

Qui-Gon winced.

The end of this section.

Movies quoted in this story: Brassed Off and Pulp Fiction