Was it Worth it?

by Ewankenobi (PadawanEwan@aol.com)

Rating: R

Catagory: Not even sure.

Archive: M-A

Pairing: Q/O, O/X

Warnings: Dark

Spoilers: TPM, AoTC

Disclaimer: Nah, not mine. I am just having fun.

Notes: I would like to thank all the wonderful and talented writers, I have had the pleasure of reading and e-mailing with. Mostly, I would like to thank -- My Master, The Rose -- and my awesome Padasibs in Clan Rose, Kalu, Kat, Vesta, Mac and Chan. Thank you!!!!!!

This is un-betaed. I promised Master something very dark, short and evil.

I sit here and meditate.

It's been five years.

I ask myself: Was it worth it?

The training -- certainly.

The rejection -- well, no.

You know Qui-Gon, you could have saved your own life if you hadn't rejected me. Oh, I don't mean the Council. In your last moments, had you said "I love you" -- I would have followed you to hell and back. You didn't. I let you die.

I know you here me.

I catch a glimpse of you -- here and there. So disapproving.

Do you enjoy seeing me fucking Xan?

Do you remember all the times we had sex. I won't honor it by calling it making love. How does one make love to someone they don't even know?

Did you know I was a Sith? No, because you were so wrapped up in bad memories and lost causes.

You created the creature I am. All the rejections, never good enough. Xanatos gave me self-confidence. He is my true Master.

I handed that slave you found to Sidious.