Master A'hu'el'ki released Jezrael Rima from the care of the
Healers after the final series of tests, including a brain
scan, revealed that the Jedi Knight was wholly healed from the
injury to his brain sustained through a glancing blaster shot
to the head from a pirate on Poothradin. However, the little
Master strongly directed Knight Rima to report to Master Koth
on the morrow to begin the training of his new Force sense.
Jezrael, elated at his recovery, made noises of promise and
departed for his temporary quarters.
Once there, he threw himself on his bed, but about two minutes
later he was up again, too restless to relax, much less sleep.
[I've got to sense the Force... I don't need Koth's muddling in
my mind, I can do this on my own... it's there, I know it is, I
just have to...] But all the straining and concentration was
having no effect. There was some sort of barrier, like a
blindfold preventing him from seeing. Jezrael thought he could
feel it, a wall keeping the Force from his awareness.
"Damn!" he swore aloud and sat on the edge of the bed again,
holding his head in his hands. "This can't be happening..."
Again he was up, pacing the length of his quarters. [Can't
meditate, can't relax... oh, Sithhell, it's been so long, three
months without, without...] He dropped to the edge of the bed
again and began to rock in his anguish.
He remembered, of course, what it felt like to have the Force
flow freely through him, guiding him and warning him, even that
last day when his transport was boarded by pirates... blocking
the blaster fire easily with his lightsaber, flashing green in
a dizzying pattern, so fluid! Then he felt so immensely Jedi, a
force indeed to be reckoned with, and that first wave of
pirates had indeed fallen back, daunted, but then there were
too, too many of them, coming from all over...
That he'd survived at all was a miracle... the pilot had
evidently sent an ultrasonic sound pulse through the ship to
overwhelm the pirates - too little, too late, for the Jedi -
and managed to land the craft and escape with the injured
Knight in tow into Poothra City where he got medical care for
him. Jezrael had never seen the man again. After delousing his
ship of the pirates, the pilot probably took off, nervous about
getting a Jedi Knight injured, an actual Republic
representative. Jezrael had been holed up there one month while
his main injury healed, but the damage was done. He'd gotten
passage on a cargo transport whose captain miraculously was
friendly to the Republic, although it had taken the next two
months to work his way home to Coruscant.
Having to depend on the med-droids for all of his healing -
subsequently on the charity of those he could not influence
with the Force - had been the hardest thing he'd had to do as a
Jedi Knight. He'd battled pirates aplenty, talked Hutts into
deals they'd ordinarily not entered, wrestled Wookiees and
worse... but having to manage without the Force he'd been able
to sense his whole life... had been a terrific test. Only the
thought of returning home and finding Qui had kept him from
despair and the Dark Side.
Seeing Qui-Gon Jinn again... Twenty years had only turned a
too-tall, lanky Knight into a stately, powerfully built
warrior... and Jedi Master. Jezrael laid back on the bed.
[Force, he's magnificent!] he thought, then as he turned his
memory back to when they were lovers, he recalled those large,
strong hands on his body. He groaned as a surge of desire
welled up. He clasped his hardening erection through the cloth
of his pants, letting himself indulge in forbidden images...
Qui-Gon over him, plundering his mouth, going down on him...
Abruptly there came another unexpected image and something else
unexpected... Jezrael pictured Qui-Gon's young lover, Kenobi,
naked and wanton on his bed... and suddenly he felt the Force
through the surge of hard lust that rose in him at the thought
of taking Qui's nubile lover. The sensation shocked him so much
that he sprang from his bed, his heart suddenly pounding as he
spun around and stared down at it, afraid to believe what he'd
felt. The Force! He had felt it, even if briefly!
Eagerly he reached to feel the Force again, but to his dismay
there was nothing. [Damn, I know I did feel it,] he thought
with anguish, and again the old despair threatened to
resurface. Abruptly there it was again just when he thought his
heart would burst... but only a brief flash. Yet, it was
something! [Oh, Sith, I do have the sense! But why isn't it
working?!!]
Frustrated, Jez hurled a pillow across the room. And just in
the height of his burst of anger, he felt it again like a sweet
caress in his mind. Jezrael stood transfixed, bewildered.
[There is some pattern here...] he had the thought. Then he
realized with a hard shock that sent him to his knees suddenly,
reeling against the side of the bed.
Lust. Despair. Anger. Avenues to the Dark Side. Each brought
him the craved touch of the Force. [No, no, this can't be...]
He could hear his Master's admonitions again: "The Dark Side of
the Force," Master Inthil would remind him, "is very easy to
embrace as it touches the baser parts of us, our lower selves
which need no discipline to indulge. When you give into these -
hatred, fear, lust, greed - the Force will indeed flow through
you easily, but the cost... is your soul."
If only the Dark Side brought him the touch of the Force he
ached for... then he must submit to the Dark or else forsake
the Force completely.
The truth of the matter was that Jezrael Rima's Force sense had
to be redeveloped slowly with the help of a Healer or a Master
like Eeth Koth with special gifts in mental discipline. It was
not going to come back automatically, and all the concentration
in the galaxy wasn't going to make it work... only the slow,
arduous application of mental exercises performed under an
expert's guidance. Jezrael, of course, had been told this, but
believing wasn't the same as knowing. All he believed was that
he should be sensing the Force, needed to sense the Force,
craved it...
The full truth was even crueler, had he known it; Anakin
Skywalker, a boy of nine years of age, untrained in Jedi ways
and skills, could sense the Force more easily. Jezrael,
however, did not have a mental bond with anyone at the Temple
and his own master was many years dead due to a training
accident with another padawan. No one touched Jezrael's mind.
Anakin benefited from his bond with both his Masters, and in
truth had been sensing the Force on a subliminal level all his
life. Had Jezrael Rima known of this irony, his descent might
have hastened, returning him into the despair that would lead
him to the Dark.
Forsaking the Force, of course, meant leaving the Jedi Order.
As for most in the order, being "Jedi" and all that meant
defined whom he or she was in relation to the rest of the
galaxy - a peacekeeper, defender of the defenseless... champion
of the Light. [How could I leave the Order?] he wailed within,
hugging his arms to himself, rocking with inner pain in his
dilemma. [How could I abandon the Light?]
Jedi Knight Jezrael Rima had been on his own for a very long
time... and was loathe to ask for help when it didn't involve
his actual physical survival, as on Poothradin. He knew at some
level that he needed to seek advice, should go to Koth anyway,
but he hated weakness, most of all his, and he perceived that
to ask for help was a sign of weakness. The only "weakness"
he'd allowed himself in thirty years as a Knight was to need
Qui-Gon Jinn to heal him of his injury.
With further dismay, he remembered... [The atonement... how can
I free Anakin Skywalker's mother if I have no use of the
Force?] It was a debt he'd promised Qui-Gon, and one he must
perform. But he knew planets like Tatooine well, knew that he'd
need every advantage to free even one slave. Probably he'd have
to gamble for her, make a wager with the Toydarian that the
little gas-bag couldn't refuse to accept, then win it. Jedi had
no wealth, so he could hardly bring anything of real value to
trade for the slave woman, so Jez might also have to steal - a
starship? He'd done it before, having little compunction about
taking transports from slavers or pirates. Could he do it
without the Force?
The Knight had other gifts - he was a charmer and a fast
talker, and though he'd never had to exactly sell himself, he
had good looks enough by human standards to get him into some
otherwise inaccessible doors. He could also quickly discern
another's weakness, and exploit it to his advantage. Using Jedi
and his own powers to gain advantages over the scum of the
galaxy required no moral quandary. Though the Rim had certainly
hardened him to many things, Jezrael's game was still Jedi -
making life bearable for those unable to help themselves,
working in smooth, subtle ways. Perhaps only the Hutts, who
controlled much of the area, resented his machinations enough
to threaten his life on occasion, but he'd always managed to
slide away.
He was also a master of disguise, utilizing perhaps as many as
fifteen "personas" which he employed at various times to enable
him to move through the Rim above suspicion. Ironically, the
mission to Poothradin had been a rare occasion where he'd
traveled as himself, a Jedi Knight sent to check out reported
Republic sympathies on the planet which was rather more Mid-Rim
than Outer. Without the Force, he hadn't been able to complete
his mission.
[Qui, I can't ask you for help again,] Jezrael thought, again
indulging in picturing his tall, one-time lover. [I have to do
this on my own. Forgive me, my once love, for what I must do
now...]
The children's laughter echoed through the high ceiling of the
arena where Jedi students of all ages played in various team or
one-on-one sports. The main event of the evening was a rather
free-form version of what was called Trounce on many worlds,
but in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant was named Agility
Repetitive Operations Game or AgROG for short. Participants
employed anti-grav devices called T-disks which normally had
foot controls, but in the Jedi Temple, the controls were
internal... and Force-manipulated.
Anakin had been itching to play, but without foot controls, he
could not use the Jedi-T-disks. Used to easily picking up any
game he tried, it was frustrating to have to watch. But he knew
his disability was only temporary, hopefully fairly short-term,
so he bore his dilemma patiently. Already he was more and more
aware of the movements of the Force, and knew he would be
actively using it very soon under his Masters' expert tutelage.
His practical nature made him view his waiting as an advantage,
for having to sit by allowed him to study the styles of his
potential opponents.
Hence the Jedi padawan from Tatooine was concentrating rather
intently on the game, missing some of interaction among the
onlookers. While most of his friends were involved in the game,
two others were sitting with him, Freeda Brightrider, a human
girl who was small for her age which was nine Standard years as
Anakin, and Chre siv J'walin, a Lumina who did not participate
normally in games for bipeds, although in this case, Chre's
unusually long reach disqualified the Lumina from playing.
Unbeknownst to Anakin, some boy sitting behind Freeda had begun
to tease her.
"Why aren't you playing, Brightie?" a boy sneered, punching
Freeda lightly in the back. "I've got an excuse, what's yours?"
The girl jerked, but did not turn around. It was well-known
that the delicate girl's strengths were mental, not physical.
She'd been accepted as a Jedi student when she was two years
old despite the fact that her bones broke easily because she
was extremely Force-sensitive and potentially Healer material.
The boy, Cilas Danebe, delighted in teasing her on a daily
basis, to which she was inured. Beside her, Chre, the tall
triped, glanced over, but did not interfere.
"You know Master Worr will never take you on as Padawan," Cilas
persisted, poking Freeda in the shoulder. "You can't be a Jedi
if you break into two."
Freeda put her hand to her forehead, trying not to let the
Corellian's taunts get to her. It was getting increasingly
difficult, especially now as she was under consideration by
Master Lin-Chi Worr to become his Padawan.
"Yaa, Brightie Bony, that's your name..."
"Stop it, Cilas," Freeda muttered, turning around to glare at
him. "Just leave me alone, can't you?" She rubbed at her
shoulder where he'd been poking her; she'd have bruises there
later, though she could Force-heal them... and Cilas knew that.
"What are you going to do about it, Bony?" Cilas persisted in
his taunting. "Use the Force on me?" He and a group of his
friends laughed as she turned back around.
By this time, Anakin was distracted from the game more by the
fluctuations in the Force near him than by hearing what was
going on. "Freeda, you all right?" he asked, bewildered, then
turned to glare at the laughing boys behind them. "Can't you
leave her alone?" he shot at them, then glared at Chre who
still was pretending to ignore the whole thing.
"Nope, can't leave her alone, slave boy," Cilas snapped, and
punched Anakin hard on the shoulder.
Shocked, Anakin experienced a sudden flood of conflicting
emotions: anger at the boy's teasing, bewilderment over his
friend Chre's indifference, sympathy for the delicate Freeda,
and a flash of fear of being drawn into something that would
surely get him into substantial trouble. He didn't understand
how a Jedi student could be so cruel - why hadn't Cilas been
reported to the Masters? The Corellian was a year younger than
Anakin, though was a lot bigger.
"We're getting out of here," Anakin abruptly announced to his
friends, hastily assisting Freeda and pulling at the sleeve of
Chre's tunic. To his relief, Cilas and the others did not
follow them, though they kept laughing.
By now Obi-Wan had lost interest in his dataposts. He could
feel his padawan's anxiety but as yet hesitated to reach out to
him. Instead he inquired of his beloved, who had halted in his
walk through the gardens. [Should I go find him, Master?]
Qui-Gon, his arms folded in the sleeves of his robe, stood
still, his eyes closed, reading their bond with their padawan
closely. [We cannot run to him every time he feels anxious,
beloved,] the Master returned, his mental voice deep and quiet
as if he was meditating. [Someone has hurt one of his friends.
He needs to deal with this alone.]
[He will deal with this as with his friends on Tatooine,]
Obi-Wan reminded him, not anywhere as calm as the Jedi Master.
[May I remind you that he was wallowing in anger just yesterday
and causing plants to droop?]
[Anakin knows he's no longer on Tatooine,] Qui-Gon reminded him
back. [In fact, he's afraid of getting into trouble, something
we'll need to work with him on soon.]
[Soon?] Obi-Wan shot back, incredulous. He loved Qui-Gon
deeply, but was often frustrated with his methods and approach
to things. Was this how it was going to be, arguing over how to
handle their precocious padawan? The Knight took a deep breath,
centering himself. [Yes, we will talk with him soon. Meanwhile,
do you object if I remove myself to somewhere closer to him...
just in case?]
The Master sent a wave of amusement and love to the Knight. [I
forget he is your first padawan. It is natural to be anxious
that your charge will do well as his success reflects upon your
teaching. Solek did lead me on some merry chases, I recall,
until I realized I had to let her fail, make mistakes. I wanted
to protect her from herself.]
[Ah, so that's what I'm feeling?] Obi-Wan returned, relaxing
minutely as he grinned. Still, he shut down his datapad and
went to the door, slipping on his robe. [I want to protect
Anakin from Anakin? It seems to me he sorely needs protection
from himself, though... at least until he gets some
Force-control.]
[He's outside the J'ranst. I sense more caution in him than you
give him credit for, Padawan.] Qui-Gon sighed, sitting on a
bench near a small waterfall. [Give him a chance to sort this
out.]
[I can do that,] Obi-Wan grinned as he left their quarters,
sending his lover a Force-wave of love.
Once Anakin got his two friends outside the J'ranst hall, he
rounded on the tall Lumina. "What's wrong with you, Chre? Why
didn't you help Freeda?"
Chre looked down at the small human boy, blinking nictitating
membranes over silver-blue eyes, the Lumina's demeanor solemn.
"Freeda has been told by the Masters that she must defend
herself when this happens," the Lumina intoned in a deep,
slightly accented Basic. "She has the control and the power to
do so, but she does not."
"Stop talking about me as if I wasn't here, Chre," Freeda
retorted, then faced the bewildered newcomer. "Cilas isn't
really hurting me. I accept this as a challenge to my will. I
will not strike back."
Anakin shook his head, even more confused than ever. "But he's
a bully - and bullies only understand one thing."
To his amazement, Freeda Brightrider only smiled. "It must seem
that way to you, Ani. You'll understand the way of the Jedi
soon. We are to serve others, always." Nodding to Anakin, she
gave him a little bow and departed. Chre was about to say
something, but instead bowed as well and went with her.
[Huh, this is so non-wizard,] Anakin thought to himself, more
confused than ever. [What does serving others have to do with
standing up to bullies?] A sudden wave of fear washed through
him as he wondered whether he could really understand the Jedi
after all. It was all so confusing...
Obi-Wan hastened his steps, though he reminded himself not to
interfere. But Anakin was still so very new to the ways of the
Force, and could get into trouble before he realized what was
happening.
Anakin, leaning against the wall beside the entrance to the
J'ranst, had slid to the floor, lost in troubled thought. When
Cilas Danebe burst out of the hall a moment later, Anakin was
shocked to find himself kicked over onto his side one moment
more.
"You!" Cilas barked at him as Anakin struggled to his feet,
holding his side. "You don't even belong here, slave boy!"
In the garden, Qui-Gon's eyes flew open. He rose to his feet
and started for the J'ranst as his padawan's emotions spiked
suddenly. Obi-Wan broke into a run.
"I'm NOT a slave!" Anakin retorted angrily. "What kind of a
Jedi are you, Cilas? You treat your fellow Jedi like trash!
Maybe I should report you to the Masters!" As soon as he said
this last, he realized he'd made a big mistake.
The other boy's face grew flushed with hot anger. "I'll ruin
you, Skywalker - you're not one of us and you never will be.
You'll never be a Jedi..." As he said this last, he shoved
Anakin hard into the wall. "Maybe I treat you like trash
because that's what you are!"
As Anakin slammed into the wall, it seemed as if time slowed
for a moment and a part of his mind separated from him,
watching as rage surged up within him. He saw it coming, and
knew he could not give into it, so he reached out for the Force
and his bond with his Masters, his link to the sanity that he
knew was there. [Not anger, I can't give in to anger,] he told
himself, squeezing his eyes shut.
Qui-Gon, abruptly realizing that Anakin could get seriously
hurt, reached out to his padawan's mind to reassure him... and
disappeared a moment later.
Obi-Wan halted about thirty feet away, distracted for a moment
by something odd from Qui-Gon. Fortunately neither boy noticed
him yet. He looked back at the boys, stilling.
"I'm not a slave and I'm not trash," Anakin spoke evenly in a
lowered voice. He felt anger swirl within him, urging him to
lash out, hurt the other, but he ignored the sensation. "I'm a
Jedi Padawan Learner. Jedi should not fight Jedi..." He thought
he felt something from one of his Masters, but he couldn't be
sure.
The Knight started as Qui-Gon was suddenly at his elbow with a
strange look on his face. But they looked first together at
their padawan, who raised, not fists, but his open palms up
before his adversary.
"I will not fight a fellow Jedi," Anakin murmured, feeling to
his immense relief that calmness flooded in to replace the
rage. [This must be what Freeda meant,] he thought.
"You fool," Cilas snarled and threw a punch at Anakin's
stomach.
The Jedi Master calmly gestured... and the punch never landed.
But the Master was just as surprised as their padawan, because
the Force-shield Qui-Gon had tried to raise only added to
another shield... from Anakin?
[Where did you come from?] Obi-Wan asked him, frowning. Qui-Gon
only threw him a peculiar look before their attention was drawn
away again.
Cilas, instead of landing the punch, howled in pain from the
shock of hitting the Force-shield. "Skywalker, you scum," he
muttered, backing away, fear in his eyes, "I'll ruin you..." By
now he'd noted they had an audience... indeed, there were
others now watching beside the Master and Knight. Freeda and
Chre had returned, and with horror Cilas recognized Master
Windu of the Council.
Anakin stepped in his path. "No, you won't, Cilas. When you
think about what you've done, you'll come back. I'll be ready
to be your friend then if you are."
But the Corellian only threw him a wild look before backing
even farther away.
"Cilas Danebe, just one moment," Master Windu said calmly. He
had a Monitor droid with him, which, no doubt, had recorded the
entire incident.
Anakin looked immediately for his masters, who were slowly
approaching, then he hastily faced the Council member. "Master
Windu, please don't send Cilas away. He's afraid of what he
doesn't understand." He shrugged and looked down at the floor.
"I can see why the other students don't understand why I'm
here," he added.
Mace Windu looked down at the remarkable Anakin Skywalker, then
glanced at the boy's masters. "So, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, you're
having an interesting week, I hear," he said conversationally,
nodding to both of them as they joined the group.
"You could say that," Qui-Gon murmured, glancing around at the
children. The past week or so had seen the failure of an
outrageous invasion by the Trade Federation, a change in the
Supreme Chancellorship, the discovery of a remarkable boy who
could fly pod-racers, the return of the Sith, and the Knighting
of a Jedi. It was an adjustment for all of them. Then he sent
privately to the Council member; only Obi-Wan would be able to
hear him. [I have been wondering if it would help or hinder to
have Anakin interact with the other children.]
[And your conclusion?] Windu wasn't about to share his opinion
of the boy. He was still wary of training a child this old to
be a Jedi.
[There is much they are already teaching him... and I believe
he has much to teach them,] Qui-Gon replied. [These two...
Freeda Brightrider is far more powerful in the mind than in the
body, yet she will make a formidable Jedi. And Chre siv
J'walin, too, will succeed. Anakin has a sincere desire to
become Jedi in every way, and I believe he will embrace our
ways wholeheartedly.]
Windu narrowed his eyes at the other Master, his gaze turning
flinty. [Do not become enamored of this one, Qui-Gon Jinn. You
have gone down that path before... and this time infatuation
will destroy you. I can only hope that Kenobi can keep you from
that.]
The exchange took only a couple seconds. [You have no idea how
well I have learned that particular lesson, Windu,] Qui-Gon
replied calmly, nodding to the tall dark man. Beside him,
Obi-Wan bit his tongue, keeping still.
"Cilas, you have been trouble before... and I should dismiss
you from the Temple," Mace Windu sighed, looking down at the
boy again. "It seems you have an advocate here in young
Skywalker. Tell me why I should let you stay."
The Corellian boy glared at Anakin, though now he was more
upset than angry. "I didn't ask him to speak for me..."
"It's okay, Cilas," Anakin shrugged, giving the other boy a
small smile. "I know you didn't mean all those things."
Cilas looked at him peculiarly, opened his mouth to retort, but
closed it again, not knowing what to say to that.
The Council member sighed. "Cilas Danebe, please accompany this
droid to the Counselor's Office. Your progress will be...
reviewed. You are dismissed."
The boy, chastened, bowed hastily and went with the Monitor
droid meekly.
"Are you all right, Ani?" Chre asked gravely, touching him on
the shoulder.
"I'm fine," Anakin murmured, then turned to look at the quiet
Freeda. "Thanks, Free, I owe you one. You know, on Tatooine, if
anyone harassed me like that, I'd have fought him. But he's
just scared. It's different here somehow."
Freeda smiled. "We're Jedi. That makes the difference. Cilas is
struggling to find his place here. He attacks what he doesn't
understand - you are right."
"Anakin, we need to speak with you," Qui-Gon said softly, his
hand falling on the boy's shoulder. He bowed briefly to the
others. "Excuse us."
Instead of returning to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's quarters, the
Master led them to a meditation parlor, one of many available
throughout the Temple for visitors and Jedi who visited but did
not stay overnight in regular quarters. The spartan room only
contained a stack of pillows and a single fat white candle on a
stand. Qui-Gon Force-lit the candle, then took a pillow to sit
upon and gestured for them to do the same. No one had spoken
since leaving the J'ranst.
Anakin looked from one Master to the other, noting that not
only did they not look at him or each other, but both seemed
unnerved by something. "Did I do something wrong, Masters?" he
said finally, breaking their silence.
Qui-Gon immediately reached out to the boy with his mind in
reassurance, looking over at last. "No, Ani, of course not. I
just think we need to talk about what just happened. I think
you handled Cilas very well... but I'm afraid this sort of
thing has only just started. There will be more harassment."
Obi-Wan spared a glance at Qui-Gon, but then looked over at
their padawan. [Later, beloved, we will talk about
that.] "Anakin, I share Master Qui-Gon's concern. I'm
glad you have made friends so quickly, but you will just as
easily make enemies, as you have seen. Cilas is not going to be
the only one. These children have been here all their lives,
and many have not yet been chosen to be padawans. Yet you have
come in here at the age of nine, already a padawan. At the
least they will envy the ease at which everything will come to
you."
The boy sighed heavily, looking down at his hands folded in his
lap. "I know, Master Obi-Wan. I guess I shouldn't have showed
off in the J'ranst earlier when I mastered the j'hi. Actually,
things have not been that easy and I was so relieved that I
could really master something."
"Balance, Padawan," Qui-Gon murmured. "You find philosophy and
meditation difficult, but the Jehadra may come easily and of
course your mastery of science and mechanical engineering is
very far along. You are wisely finding friends who are also
somewhat different, envied or misunderstood by their classmates
- Chre who is of a species rarely seen in the Temple and not
well understood - you do know Luminas have six genders?"
"Yeah, Chre doesn't like to be referred to as 'he' or 'she',
but I feel funny referring to, er, him, as 'it'." Anakin
wrinkled his nose and smiled. "But that's no more weird than
some of the species I've seen in Mos Espa."
"Indeed," Qui-Gon replied, thinking of the rough town on
Tatooine. "And Freeda Brightwater was born on a world with less
gravity than Coruscant. She's adapted well, but will always be
somewhat physically delicate. Jedi training has helped... and
fortunately for her, she has more than the needed mind powers
to compensate."
Anakin nodded. "If she uses them... I think she could have at
least shielded from Cilas. He kept poking, shoving her, too."
The Jedi Master nodded, exchanging a quick glance with the
Knight. [Then it wasn't Anakin who shielded against Cilas...]
[I thought it was Ani, too,] Obi-Wan returned. [That's a rather
advanced mental power. I have do doubt our padawan will develop
that some day, but I'm not ready to deal with that in him quite
yet!]
[Nor am I...] "Ani, my instincts tell me to restrict your
contact with the other students," Qui-Gon said seriously,
stroking his beard as he regarded the boy, "especially until
you have developed more consistent control. You did very well
managing your anger. But you will be further provoked. I would
like the three of us to discuss whether or not you will stay in
the dormitory."
Anakin opened his mouth, closed it, looking from one master to
the other. He felt chastened, realizing how fragile his control
of the Force was.
Obi-Wan, seeing the boy's dismay, hastened to add, "You also
need to feel the Jedi Temple is your home, and staying with the
other students, working and living with them, will aid this
feeling. Understand, however, that we do not want to jeopardize
your progress by exposing you to students who will make your
life miserable because they resent you."
"But I'm going to meet people who resent me my whole life,"
Anakin broke in, then looked mortified, fearing he had
interrupted. When Obi-Wan gestured for him to continue, he
rushed on, "I mean, aren't I? You know, Kitster..." He halted
suddenly; it was the first time he'd thought of his best friend
on Tatooine in a week. Then, before either Knight could say
anything, he gulped and went on. "Kitster liked that I was good
with machines, better than he was. He never resented me. Some
of the others did a little, I guess..." He took a deep breath.
"I miss Kitster."
"Of course you do," Qui-Gon murmured. "A Jedi is always leaving
people behind... sometimes he can find others to go through
life with..." He paused to meet his lover's eyes as Obi-Wan
looked over at him. "That is a gift, to find such a friend or
lover. A Jedi also often has to endure a great deal of
solitude. A life dedicated to the service of others means
sacrifice, Anakin. We all have had to leave others behind."
[Beloved...] Obi-Wan sent to him silently. [You are indeed the
gift of my life.]
Qui-Gon sent back, his heart full, [And you are mine, beloved.]
Anakin nodded, understanding though his heart was aching and
his eyes felt moist. He swiped at his eyes with his tunic
sleeve. "I want to be a Jedi, Masters. I know it's a hard
life." He shrugged, taking a deep breath. "I want to learn to
control the Force better... but I also want to be with the
students. I can take care of myself, really. Besides..." He
suddenly could not look at them. "I don't want to be a
bother... and you two need your privacy."
The Jedi Master narrowed his eyes at the child, then his
expression softened, though his tone of voice was firm.
"Padawan, we will keep our own council on what privacy we need,
and if you think you are any sort of a bother, you have not
been listening to me... we are Jedi first. And right now
your training is our highest duty."
"Yes, Master," Anakin hastily murmured.
"But thank you for thinking of us," Obi-Wan added gently. "I
think we'll still manage to find some privacy. You would still
have classes and training sessions in the J'ranst to attend."
"Yes, Master Obi-Wan," the boy replied, relaxing a little. He
looked up and caught a wink from his younger master.
Sighing, Qui-Gon said, "So, what do you think, beloved? Should
Ani stay in the dormitory?"
The word "beloved" sent a tendril of warmth into the boy, who
was thrilled the Jedi Master would speak so to his lover in
front of him. He grinned suddenly and looked from one master to
the other.
Obi-Wan, too, looked pleased, though his words were serious. "I
think our Padawan needs a few weeks to settle in... with us,"
he replied. "His Force sense is waking up more and more, but
the other students have been actively using the Force every day
for most of their lives." He paused to sigh, feeling the Force
deep within him, feeling it within his lover, and surrounding
the child like a bright aura. "Once you move through your day
with the Force ever your guide, Anakin, you will feel more at
home with your fellow Jedi students. And they will sense that
as well. I think you need that."
[You have a way with him,] Qui-Gon sent along with a note of
gratitude. [I am so proud of you, my Padawan, my beautiful
lover.]
Anakin was nodding earnestly. "I feel the Force in here,
Masters. I want it to guide me, teach me the Jedi ways."
"As I believe it already is," Qui-Gon whispered. "But Obi-Wan
is right. You need to settle in. You will stay with us for
three months, and then return to the dormitory. Unless of
course we are called away on a mission... but I believe the
Council will leave us alone for a while until you are further
along."
The boy nodded, his eyes bright. "Yes, Master Qui-Gon."
"Your only contact with the other students will be classes and
training, although we can arrange for more time specifically
with your friends, though perhaps not with the general populace
of students here at the Temple," Qui-Gon continued smoothly.
"Chre and Freeda, certainly..."
"And Xethomir and Izdal!" Anakin piped up cheerily. "Xeth's
really my best friend now - he's so wizard! He's Padawan to
Master Davothir - they're both from Firrerre. Izzy's a heavy
worlder, and she's so unbelievably strong... then there's
Haggulda... wow, I never thought I'd meet a Dug here, much less
make friends with one after beating the pants off Sebulba..."
He halted suddenly, seeing the expressions on his masters'
faces.
"Yes, Ani," Qui-Gon said quickly, smiling. "You'll be with your
friends, too." Then he sobered again a little. "It's important
that you learn control first, of course."
"Yes, Master," Anakin replied, relieved. "I understand. Is it
okay if I go get my stuff?"
The Knights exchanged glances. One look between them said
everything: Obi-Wan was warring with his instinct to protect
the boy, while Qui-Gon accepted the boy's statement that he
could take care of himself. However... The Jedi Master nodded
to his partner, acceding the point. "I have a bad feeling about
this... the Danebe boy has friends, no doubt..."
Obi-Wan blew out his breath, relieved. "I have a bad feeling as
well... Anakin, we'll arrange for someone to bring your things
I think. Just to be sure."
Anakin looked disappointed, but nodded in acceptance.
Within the half-hour it was done. Anakin settled down at the
table in the common room with his datapad to work on his class
assignments after Master Lo Ku'ri sent Chre with Anakin's
possessions and datapad from the student dormitory. The Master,
who had accompanied his padawan, left Chre to study with Anakin
while he spoke to the former slave boy's masters in the
hallway.
"The boy's bedlinens were shredded and fouled," Master Ku'ri
told Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan solemnly when the door had closed.
"Chre said some boys were watching for Anakin. You were wise
not to send him back. In fact, I am keeping Chre with me for
the time being as well."
"Children can be cruel," Qui-Gon commented, sighing. "Even Jedi
students."
"Those will not last, will not become Knights," the other
Master said firmly. "Just because they have been here all their
lives is no guarantee that they have embraced our ways." Lo
Ku'ri, a human Healer from the planet Byblos, relaxed and
smiled. "Anakin is a good boy, Qui-Gon, and very open. Chre
likes him, which is saying a lot. My Lumina padawan is slow to
warm up to others, being very reserved, even with me." He
nodded to Obi-Wan as well.
"Thanks for your help, Lo," Qui-Gon said, clapping the other
man on the back. "Hopefully the Counselors will work to resolve
this situation soon."
The Knights all bowed, then Ku'ri took his leave, saying he
would call later for Chre.
Obi-Wan looked up at his pensive lover, wondering. They'd been
standing, lost in thought, their arms folded in the sleeves of
their robes, for at least five minutes after Master Ku'ri left.
The Knight wasn't sure how to approach the subject of what
happened as they'd arrived at the J'ranst.
The Jedi Master was wondering as well. At best, it took a good
ten minutes running to reach the J'ranst from the maze of
gardens outside the Jedi complex.
"Your were still in the gardens when Cilas threw Anakin
up against the wall, weren't you, my Master?" Obi-Wan said
finally, his voice soft and as neutral as he could make it.
"I was," Qui-Gon replied. Within, his stomach was churning a
bit at the realization of what he'd done.
"But when Anakin responded to him, choosing not to fight... you
were beside me, though it was but moments later." Obi-Wan
studied his lover's face, but the Jedi Master wasn't revealing
anything.
"Yes," the other answered simply, not looking back.
"Qui-Gon..." Obi-Wan began, but hesitated, feeling foolish.
"Ah, I did not know that teleportation was a Jedi talent." He
touched the other's mind, but the Master had his shields up.
The tall master looked over and down at his companion. "Nor did
I."
"The Guardian?" Obi-Wan gasped.
Qui-Gon nodded.
Obi-Wan sighed heavily. "That would have been a handy trick at
Naboo."
"Indeed." Qui-Gon lowered his shields enough to allow his lover
entrance. [Sorry... I find this as unsettling as you, perhaps
more.]
[Where is this leading you, beloved?] Obi-Wan asked, touching
the other's mind in a mental caress, sharing his worry as well.
[I do not know,] Qui-Gon responded truthfully, closing his eyes
as he let his lover's caress soothe his mind.
Obi-Wan withdrew, frowning. He was starting to fear what the
Guardian was about, and he could not do that. [Then find out,
beloved. Talk to him.] Suddenly he felt restless, needing to
distance himself. This latest development was just a bit much
to take. [I... I've got to go. I'll be at the J'ranst.] His
glance sliding away from his lover's, he turned and strode
away, his robe swirling around behind him, his boots clicking
sharply on the floor.
The Jedi Master stilled, distraught at his lover's reaction.
But Obi-Wan was right; he needed to find out from the Guardian
where all these changes in him were going. Qui-Gon bowed his
head in thought for a moment, attempting to read the Force...
and his symbiont. [Not here,] he thought in resignation. After
quickly checking on Anakin, Qui-Gon Jinn departed for the
gardens again.
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