Archive: By Master & Apprentice, my site, WWOMB and
SithChicks
Pairing: O/Other, Q/Other, O/Q
Category: Alternate Universe
Rating: NC-17 for the series; this episode rated PG
Disclaimer: What's a disclaimer?
Warning: Spew. Actor fic as well, but NOT who you are
expecting.
Summary: Follows canon. Qui is dead, and in building a new
lightsaber Obi accidentally finds a way to move to different
realities, where he discovers many strange and wondrous things
in his quest to be with his beloved Master again.
Notes: The blame for this one lies with my twin sister
(separated at birth), Mac. Aussie bunnies are particularly
vicious, you know. Complain to her, kiddies, not me! As always,
I'm paying homage to the great SF author, L. Sprague DeCamp
with this story. Thanks (again as always) to Beta Readers Par
Excellence Fox, HiperBunny and Emrin Alexander.
The bang of displaced air was still echoing when Obi-Wan
managed to look around. It was completely silent... for about
two nanoseconds. Abruptly, the garden erupted into a fury of
sound coming from all around him, most of it from a short man
with a salt-and-pepper beard.
"WHAT the HELL was THAT?" he was yelling. Dozens of people
rushed about frantically, adjusting pieces of sophisticated
equipment that all seemed to be focused on a sunny spot in the
garden, where stood two hooded Jedi, deep in conversation. "Oh,
cut, cut... this is no good. Let's try it again. Can someone
please figure out what that noise was?"
The two Jedi turned towards the man, then their shoulders
slumped and they walked a few feet away to turn and freeze.
Puzzled, Obi-Wan got to his feet and watched from the shadows,
raising his own hood.
"Awright... from the top..." a young man said, holding up some
oddly shaped datapad. "Scene 32B episode 197, Galaxy Heroes,
take fifteen... GO!"
The two Jedi began walking towards the sunny empty glade in
perfect silence. The shorter one began to speak. "I've heard
there are problems in the Senate. This confederation of traders
will be trouble, I sense it."
"You should listen to the Force, young Padawan. The future is
always in motion," the older one said, his voice sonorous.
"But do you think that the Council will listen to the Senate?"
"The Council is not our concern. Although I do worry about my
friend, Master Jinn."
"And CUT! That was perfect. Is it in the can?" The short man
was agitated, looking from person to person for an answer.
Finally, a young woman, her gaze intent in another piece of
machinery, said, "Set, boss. It's in the can."
"Excellent! What's next?" Rising from his chair, he turned and
stretched, then suddenly noticed Obi-Wan standing in the
shadows. "Ian! Why are you here... and in costume? You don't
have any lines today."
Before a confused Obi-Wan could answer, the man was distracted
by someone approaching, calling to him breathlessly. "Mr.
Zukas! Mr. Zukas! We have a problem over in SPFX..."
Quickly, Obi-Wan sidled out of the way and stepped into the
Temple, and further into befuddlement. The corridors were
filled with people in street clothes, some carrying large
pieces of equipment, some studying datapads seriously, some
arguing with others. Occasionally, he would pass someone
dressed as a Jedi, but a quick Force probe revealed they were
as much Jedi as the others in the corridor... which is to say,
not at all. Several people glanced at him, some waved or said,
"Hi Ian," before moving on.
Stepping into an alcove, Obi-Wan paused and tried to figure out
what was happening. Apparently all these people thought he was
someone named "Ian", which wasn't his name but it was possible
- he supposed - to exist in the reality and yet be called
something else. Closing his eyes, Obi-Wan cast his Force sense
out, and almost immediately came upon two very familiar auras.
Once again stepping into the corridor, he made his way deeper
into the Temple towards them.
Where the Grand Arena had been, there was instead a large stage
of some sort. Strange blue backdrops leaned at crazy angles and
raised platforms looked complete on one side and flimsy on the
other. There were two men in the room, both with strange light
metal poles in their hands; one was sitting on one of the
platforms, his legs dangling, while the other stood near him
and leaned his elbows on it. Both had bottles of water near at
hand and were dressed in casual clothes. It looked as though
they had been working out.
"I'm telling you Ian, Serge is never going to allow it," the
bigger man was saying. With a start, Obi-Wan realized he was
Qui-Gon... but not, at the same time. This man had little to no
Force sense, and though physically similar, there were
significant differences. He was not nearly in the same shape as
Qui-Gon, did not appear athletic at all, and in fact had a
slight paunch.
"Will, would you just trust me," the other, smaller man was
saying. His head was turned away from Obi-Wan, but the Knight
could see the Padawan braid from where he stood. "The ratings
will go through the roof. You KNOW our biggest fan base is with
young women..."
"Ian," the older man said tiredly, looking up at the younger
man. Then he stiffened, catching sight of Obi-Wan in the
doorway. "Um... Hello? Are you lost? Can we help you?"
The younger man turned as well, and with a start Obi-Wan
realized it was him. But again, as with the Qui-Gon look alike,
it both was and wasn't him. Similarities and differences... and
confusing.
Taking a step forward and lowering his hood, Obi-Wan said,
"Well, yes, I guess you could. You could tell me what the Force
is going on around here."
Both men gasped as he stepped closer. The older man looked
between them, his eyes wide. "Ian! He looks just like you...
but I thought Charles..."
"Who are you?" the younger man asked, frozen.
"My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi," Obi-Wan answered. "Ordinarily I'd
say I was you...but I'm not so sure now..."
The younger man snorted in derision, his eyes narrowing. "There
is no such person as Obi-Wan Kenobi. He's just a part I play.
Will, this must be some fan boy pretending..."
But the older man was shaking his head gently, still looking
between the two of them. "No," he said slowly. "I don't think
so Ian. Something..."
"I assure you I AM Obi-Wan Kenobi," Obi-Wan said firmly. "And
I'd like to know exactly what's going on around here."
Rolling his eyes, the young man called Ian said, "Okay, okay,
fan-boy. You' re Obi-Wan. Prove it. Show us your lasersword."
"My... Oh. My lightsaber. All right," Obi-Wan said, frowning.
Making sure he had the one that was not the switch, he thumbed
it on, filling the large room with the hum and blue-white
radiance. Ian leaped off the stage and darted behind the bigger
man. "Joom's BALLS! What the hell is that!?"
"You wanted to see my 'saber," Obi-Wan said, confused. He
thumbed it off again, holding back a grin. "Believe me now? I
really am Obi-Wan Kenobi. I'm not exactly from around here."
"Um, that would be an understatement," the bigger man said.
Hesitantly, he stuck out his hand. "Will Leeson. This quivering
wreck behind me is Ian McLawson. How... how is it that you are
actually here, Mr. Kenobi?"
Taking the proffered hand, Obi-Wan briefly clasped it. "Well,
that's rather a long story, which I'd be glad to tell you, if
you'll only tell me what's going on around here? What has
happened to the Temple?"
"The Temple?" Ian squeaked, peeking around his friend's arm.
"You mean the studio?"
"Studio?" Obi-Wan repeated stupidly. "Isn't this the Jedi
Temple?"
Ian and Will exchanged looks, then turned back to the young
Knight. "You mean you really ARE a Jedi?" Will asked. "I mean,
a real, honest-to-God, dyed-in-the-wool Jedi? With powers and
everything?"
// How does one answer THAT? // Obi-Wan thought to himself.
"I-I guess so. What do you think a Jedi is?"
"Well," Ian said, cautiously coming around his friend, "can you
fly? Levitate things? Kill people with just a thought? You
know... all that stuff. You've already got the lasersword,
which is so totally cool, by the way, can I see it again?"
Studying the young man who looked so like him, Obi-Wan
reflected how to answer those questions. "Let's see," he said.
"Fly? I suppose, if I concentrated enough. But it would be very
tiring. And yes, I can levitate things. But I've never, ever
heard of killing someone with a thought and I don't think it
would be allowed. I'm sure it is against the Code." He pulled
out his 'saber again and lit it, carefully holding it out so
Ian could look at it. "I wouldn't advise you holding it," he
cautioned.
Holding his hands behind his back, the younger man shook his
head. "I wouldn't DREAM of it," he said earnestly, his gaze
ecstatic. "Can it really cut through steel?"
"Yes, there's not much I've found it won't cut through,"
Obi-Wan confirmed.
Will had been silent through the byplay, staring curiously at
the young Knight. "If you are the real Obi-Wan Kenobi," he
suddenly asked, "where's your braid?"
"I'm no longer a Padawan," he explained. "Master Yoda cut my
braid when I was made a Knight."
"You were made a Knight," Will repeated. He looked at Ian.
"When were you made a Knight, Obi-Wan Kenobi? When did you take
your trials?"
"I didn't take my trials," he explained, curious. "After...
after Qui-Gon died, the Council decided I had sufficient
experience from fighting the Sith..."
"Hah!" Will exclaimed, interrupting him. "Where did Qui-Gon
die?"
"On Naboo," Obi-Wan said, frowning. "Why?"
"I TOLD you, Ian," Will said, agitated. "There's no contract
dispute. Serge is going to get rid of me. He's going to write
me out!"
"Oh Will, put a sock in it," Ian said derisively. "This doesn't
prove ANYthing. Somehow, the real Obi-Wan Kenobi shows up and
now you're all certain you're going to get canned."
"Please explain this to me," Obi-Wan said plaintively. "I don't
understand any of it."
Ian began talking rapidly, explaining. The fact that he was
faced with the real incarnation of someone he had always
assumed was just made up appeared not to phase him at all, for
some reason.
What Obi-Wan knew to be the Temple was a studio, filled with
actors and technicians. Ian and Will were the stars of the most
popular holovid show on Coruscant, "Heroes of the Galaxy" where
they played Jedi Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi and his Master, Qui-Gon
Jinn, respectively. The show was extremely popular, going into
its sixth season, and the producers were still able to charge
exorbitant amounts for ad time. Totally confused, Obi-Wan let
that part slide.
"So the Jedi do not exist in this reality.. in this galaxy?" He
asked, his brow furrowed as he tried to understand the
situation.
"In this galaxy? Who knows. We haven't gotten past this system.
We may play it on the screen, but we don't have a clue what's
really out there."
That gave Obi-Wan pause. But before he could comment on it,
Will was speaking. He had obviously not paid much attention to
the conversation. "Most popular show... for you maybe Ian. Not
for me any more." The man's voice was positively morose, and
Ian snorted.
"Knock it off, Will. I keep telling you.. if you're that
worried, then let' s try it my way and I guarantee you'll have
a new contract for the next decade."
"New contract or blacklisted," Will replied, only a little heat
to his voice. "You KNOW how Serge is. Remember what happened to
that girl who played Bant?"
Turning around, the younger man fixed his comrade with a steely
look. "Will. I am living with Rebecca. And yes, I
remember what happened to her. So WHAT if Serge is still a
seven year old boy at heart?"
"So what? So what?" Will put his hands on his hips. "THAT'S the
reason why it'll never work. Serge will edit it out. Case
closed. Cast reduced by one."
"Don't you remember what tomorrow is? The live broadcast! We do
it then, in front of the studio audience, who goes bananas, and
you're in! Will you just TRUST me in this?"
Sighing, Obi-Wan closed his eyes and tried to center himself.
Oblivious, the two actors kept on arguing. It was obvious this
was a conversation they had been having for some time.
"Trust you? Trust you! YOU almost got canned when you tried to
sneak that groping scene past Serge. He was NOT amused, Ian.
And Rebecca is female."
"And you're not. I've noticed that." Ian's voice was sarcastic.
"There's differences here, Will. One: the groping scene was
taped, not live. Two: there is a definite subtext between
Obi-Wan and Qui... wait a minute. We have the perfect foil
right here." He whirled on Obi-Wan. "Okay. Tell me. Are you in
love with your Master? With Qui-Gon?"
Obi-Wan shuddered slightly. He was really in deep and
completely out of control. "Yes. That's why I'm seeking... I'm
traveling between realities seeking..."
Cutting him off, Ian continued. "There. See? Told you. Trust
me, Will. Twenty thousand women simply cannot be wrong. I TOLD
you there's this whole sub-culture..."
"Wait. Please," Obi-Wan was developing a headache. "Please
explain what all this is about? Please?"
Will lifted himself to sit on the edge of the platform. "All
right, let me this time, Ian. You see, Mr. Kenobi, Serge Zukas
is the director and owner of this show. Galaxy Heroes. He's the
writer, the director, the producer, he does everything,
including make up what happens. And he's lousy at it."
"Oh come on Will..." Ian started, laughing.
"I'm serious, Ian. He's a shitty director, his dialog sucks...
the only thing he's good for is the ideas. Galaxy Heroes is a
one of a kind thing, we have this enormous fan base, and most
of it's older women... twenty and thirty year old women. But
Serge refuses to see it. He still writes and directs as if his
main audience were 8 to 12 year old boys. No sex, no kissing,
no innuendoes, nothing. Nada." Will shook his head sadly.
"We've been fighting for years now to have a romantic
entanglement for one or both of us. No go. He insists his
precious Jedi are celibate ascetics."
"Are you?" Ian asked suddenly, looking at Obi-Wan.
Unprepared for this sudden shift in the conversation, Obi-Wan
gaped at him for a moment. "Are we... what? Celibate? No."
"Hah!" the young man crowed. "I gotta take you to meet Serge."
"I-I don't think that's a good idea," Obi-Wan said slowly. "I'm
going to have to be moving along here soon." // The sooner the
better, // he added to himself.
"Oh, do you have to?" Ian's face was a study in disappointment.
"You could be the perfect argument for what I want to do. You
see, we have this big story arc we're shooting right now.
Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon get sent to a planet that's suddenly under
attack. Lot's of action, shoot-em-ups, all that. We've been
practicing our moves for weeks."
"Still not enough for me," Will said ruefully. "I'm just
incapable of getting that crossover."
"You'll get it, Will," Ian chuckled. "Anyway, we've got this
big sequence coming up with the Space Queen. And it's going to
be shot before the live audience. Lots of dialog, angst, the
whole nine yards. Qui-Gon's going into danger on a desert
planet without Obi-Wan to back him up. So I thought... well...
when Qui-Gon comes back from almost being skewered by the bad
guy, I'd just plant one big old wet one on him."
Obi-Wan looked between the two men, frowning. "Are.. are you
two lovers, then? Is that why you don't want him to be expelled
from... from the studio?"
Both men blushed. "No, no, nothing like that," Will said
rapidly.
"Oh no, I'm as straight as they come," Ian said simultaneously,
laughing. "But all these fans just KNOW there's something going
on, you know? So if we come out and admit it, before a live
audience where Serge can do nothing about it, the outcry will
be such that Will's contract will be renewed for as long as he
wants it."
"I'm getting too old to audition," Will added, apologetic. "To
be honest, I 'd just rather stay where I am, continue to be
Qui-Gon, and grow old gracefully. I'm nearly vested. Another
couple of years and I'd be set for life. But Serge apparently
thinks I'm no longer viable. He's got some little brat all
ready to take over, and I'm sure what he wants is for Obi-Wan
to be Knighted and take this kid as his Padawan. New blood and
all that. Kids make great ratings, not old men."
Ian laid a gentle hand on his arm. "Oh, Will. You've got just
as many fans as I do. You know that. Hell, you can't even make
a personal appearance without security all over the place. The
women just love you."
Bemused, Obi-Wan watched the men interact. "Well, I can tell
you that I loved Qui-Gon. I still do. But I didn't tell him,
and maybe that's why I'm searching for him now. Through all the
realities."
Ian looked thoughtful. "Alternate realities, huh? Cool. That
would make one hell of a science fiction show."
Looking rather sour, Will said, "Oh, all right. We'll give it a
try, Ian."
"Great!" Ian smacked the older man on the arm. "Tomorrow. We'll
work out the little ad lib tonight, and just wallop 'em. I
guarantee, it'll be a killer, Will."
"I hope you're right, Ian. I hope you're right." He looked
thoughtfully at Obi-Wan. "Mr. Kenobi, are you sure you can't
stay?"
"Ah, no," Obi-Wan said, rather firmly. "But I'd appreciate it
if one of you would help me get back to the garden. I should be
moving along now."
"Sure," Will said. "It would look rather funny to have Ian do
it, so let me."
"We'll work on that crossover when you get back, Will," Ian
said. Then he stuck out his hand at Obi-Wan. "This has been
truly weird, man, but totally cool. I'm glad to have met you."
"Same here," Obi-Wan said, hoping the hysteria bubbling beneath
the surface of his calmness wasn't evident. He shook his
doppleganger's hand briefly, then followed the older man out.
The film crew had abandoned their posts by the time they made
it back to the garden. Will shook Obi-Wan's hand. "This was
very strange, but fun," Will said. "Good luck to you, Mr.
Kenobi."
"Obi-Wan, Will," Obi-Wan said, grinning. "And good luck to you,
too. I hope your contract is all right."
"Thanks, Obi-Wan. Can I watch you? What happens, do you have
some kind of apparatus you use?"
"No, just this," Obi-Wan said, pulling the switch 'saber out.
"Stand clear." So saying, Obi-Wan dropped into meditation, then
thumbed the power. With a bang, he disappeared.
Will Leeson shook his head, his eyes big. "I'll be damned," he
whispered. "He really WAS Obi-Wan."
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