Rating: PG 13 for weird mood piece and suicide references
Warning: Character Death!!! unbeta-ed cos no-one should be
asked to fix irreparable problems like this one.
Summary: An affair with his apprentice leads a master to find
love where he last expected...blossoming from guilt.
Disclaimer: U2 sings "for love or money, money, money" LOVE!
definitely love here, Mr Lucas, please don't sue, trying to
save up for a Qui Gon doll here...no infringements intended, no
money made, I do not own these boys.
Feedback: Wack me over the head with your comments, I *so* need
it!
He stole into the darkness, his blue eyes black and fervent,
searching like a predator in the book room's night, as false
and glassy as the names of the text books: "There Is No Death",
"Shields and Bonds". He closed the door behind him and expertly
caught Qui Gon's hand. Pressed the unsure thing over his heart
and sang the master's name as if it pained him. It's all so
wrong! Obi-wan liked it when Qui Gon felt guilty.
Or maybe Obi-wan didn't, maybe he was not made out of
extraordinary metal like Qui Gon imagined he was. But oh, it
was so important for Obi-wan to be wickedness incarnate, so
crucial to Qui Gon's soul. Because only then, Qui Gon could
rightly take leave to woo him and give the apprentice woes by
his pledges of love and desire. Only then, it would have been
right for him to tell Obi-wan he loved him.
The pleasure of it, slipping a badly composed note into
Obi-wan's journal pad - decadent ink writing smudging over the
LCD that displayed high grades - and see Obi's eyes glitter
cruelly at the sight of his master's hand writing. Sentences
like "Perhaps we shouldn't do this? But darkling I can't stop!"
delighted Obi-wan. And his vicious little mouth mocked Qui Gon
incessantly. That odd little interval when the master looked
around the room to pick a padawan to answer a question,
Obi-wan's mouth always said "I know you're thinking of me
now...I know you are filthy."
And Qui Gon became two things. The proud, unapproachable,
charming Master Jedi of the temple; and a whimpering, begging,
moaning wreck of an ordinary man at Obi-wan's mercy. No, that
wasn't true! A lying,scheming, stalker of dark rooms would be
more appropriate. Obi- wan called out the worst in Qui Gon, all
dominace, all selfishness, all conceit and all cunning for just
one touch of his young genitals. That has to be seduction,
Obi-wan seduced him!
He seduced him by refusing to be what he was; he was totally
innocent, wasn't he? Meaning, he wasn't insensible, he was just
utterly pure - in love. Meaning, Qui Gon was a big bad
pervert to want his innocent Padawan, being who he was to the
boy. Meaning, he was so lucky that the mission to Naboo came.
"Don't go," Obi-wan entreated. "I'm going to die!"
"In what sense of the word?"
"All senses! You know I will, I'm Jedi but I'm human. I
feel something...a shortness of days and time...Master, one
day, I will leave you and I will die inside, if I've not begun
already! Please, before that I want to do so guiltlessly in
your company. Give me that sweet agony again! Guiiltless
please, please, please..."
"It's an offence, a violation, a crime," Qui Gon announced
cruelly. "I'll be prosecuted for it."
"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate...hate..." Obi-wan
recited Yoda, his voice mocking, his eyes wet, a double
reminder of Qui Gon's fears of corrupting his apprentice with
lust and his corrupted apprentice Xanatos.
"Shut up!" somehow it ate away all his self-control and
tenderness, Qui Gon slapped Obi-wan.
Obi-wan smiled, he knew he made Qui Gon want to do it.
Naboo Lake
A mountain of moutains bore down on him from here, the lake
glided lethargically but tirelessly, carefully between him and
the rocks. There was a world of phallic imageries, covering the
cliff before him, of excellently conditioned trees. It made him
stiff. he stripped and walked into the water. Obi-wan wasn't
even his type! He liked them fair. He was suited to dark men
like titans, glossy cascades of caramel gold skin; red ocean
tides in their eyes. He liked them so tall, it would be like
climbing, and when you went down on them you would have to
absail. He began to swim upstream, against good resistance.
Inertia...inertia..."He had much to learn!" he exclaimed to all
the nymphs underwater. I can be as inconstant as my nature. I
conquer and divide. I feel no mercy. I have no feelings. I
sense nothing...
His last words to Obi-wan as they boarded the ship for Naboo,
flittered overhead and across his mind like clouds on water. A
last romp in a droid closet "I want this, even though
you've no need for it." How wondrous it was when Obi-wan
agreed. That trembling with anger, he nodded and then gave to
Qui Gon another stolen kiss and a deceptively languid,
unimportant fuck.
Something electrifying touched his finger, a fish? Then the
shock went into his heart, a spastically orgiastic feeling. It
hardened everything! Threw his arms straight and cold, the
fingers petrified and he sank. Free-falling, not thinking,
down, down. He felt the muddy mess on the bottom, he thought it
was a heart attack. The water in his nostrils moist like Obi's
inner thigh. // No regrets, no regrets, My love //
"Master, it was good," Obi-wan gasped air through the hole in
his chest. "I liked it...honest."
A last breath of compressed air in Qui Gon's lungs threatened
to explode, so he purged it, letting the hurt go. Things looked
quiet from underwater, the sky of Naboo blue and bright. But in
his heart what was blue is now purple, Obi-wan's dead eyes full
of love. Qui Gon let the dullness hold his head as his great
bulk drifted deep and yes...there they were, the Mermen.
Slithering, coiling, embracing him with their scale covered
lengths. And the sharp sound of Obi-wan's laughter, shrieking
and sighing gathered in his ears to pierce lonliness with pain.
The braid loosened from his wrist, tempting him to follow and
Qui Gon was determined to go where Obi-wan will, this time.
THE END
Another inane experiment, please tell what you think, I'd
really like to know. Thanks heaps. Boots (g)
Archive 