Archive: Master & Apprentice, SithChicks, my site: Stolen
Moments (www.ravenswing.com/YoGurt), others please ask:=)
Category: POV, angst
Rating: PG
Pairing: Q/O
Warnings: Character death (LOL, as if we don't know it by now)
Summary: Qui-Gon's thoughts at seeing his Padawan mourn
Disclaimer: George Lucas owns everything - so there, I said
it.
Feedback: PLEEEEEEAAASEEE, at quigon_jinn21@hotmail.com, or
on-list
Notes: It just came over me, my Mace!Muse kicked my Qui!Muse
who said "Yeah, do it!" * Shrugz* Thanks to Yodie and some
Nightly.net friends for their encouraging comments!
How strange it feels - no pain, no body, just ephemeral spirit
and Force-essence, I am dead and gone from you, my Padawan.
Without that shell that bound me - to my duties, to the
Council, to the Jedi ... even to you. Without restraints at
last.
Oh my Obi-Wan, elated as I am to have let go finally, seeing
you kneel there huddling together with my burned corpse - it
hurts me, as much as it must hurt you right now.
So much I wanted to tell you ... your beauty, your strength,
your faults, everything I so desired to possess that is so
undeniably you. But you must know yourself how it is in our
lives. Never the right time, the right mood, the chance to
touch on the unspeakable with the person you love, more than
life itself even.
Don't cry, my Obi-Wan. If only I could share this freeness
with you now ... but there will be time for this, in many years
to come when you will come to me, longing in your heart, joyful
to be struck down by ... your own Padawan!
You know, I can foresee the future now, something never
granted to me while being in that weak, vulnerable body you so
admire and cherish. Yes, I can see you will never become a
Master yourself because ... I have failed! You, the Council,
the Jedi, but especially ... you, my own!
Anakin, sweet boy but oh so dangerous. You see, my Obi-Wan,
foresight has it's drawbacks when ...
Oh Obi ... sh-shhhhh, be still, my Obi-Wan, I can almost
"feel" your tears running down your cheeks, your hands holding
me ... how I wish to hold you now, my love. Yes, you're the
love I never had courage to accept, to propose, to enjoy.
Forbidden, the Code wouldn't allow it ... Bullshit! Mace and
the Code, what do they know about the needs of men? ... But
what mute point to admit to my love for you now that you are
unreachable for me, isn't it? And Force spirits cannot, do not
make love as that shell could have made love to you in some
dark, passionate night.
Don't cry, please, my forever Padawan! I will be with you - in
your dreams, in your thoughts, and soon ... when the Force
deems the time right, we will be together at last. Just a few
more years, and after all the sorrow you will know, after all
the disappointments and the pain of loss, there will be another
for you to teach and guide.
Always another there will be, my Master knew it when I lost my
Padawan, and so will you when you will loose yours. How
parallel our fates will be ... but now, I only see you broken,
lost, no tears left to cry for me.
Shh, my beautiful - stop and watch my shell disintegrate with
the fire of the wood they will offer in solemn ritual to send
me to the Force. As if I am not with it already, watching them,
laughing at their helplessness, but mourning your loss of me.
Strange, but the Force does not only grant serenity, it also
harbours grief, sorrow, pain, fear ... they all are part of it,
yet the Jedi so fear them and build a forbidden shrine around
them they call Sith. But they are all just part of the one,
just as my love for you always has been, always will be part of
it.
They wonder - my body is still there, didn't vanish as
countless others have, as yours and my Master's will - they
don't know why and I cannot tell them, yet! ... To give
purpose, an end to their grief - yes, for them to go through
their ritual to find an end to sorrow, that is why they'll need
fire to send my body here. Those fools, they don't know!
But you will, my beloved, my brother in arms, my shield, my
comfort, my love - you will and then we'll be one after all. So
wait, be patient, endure, bear your sorrow, your defeats like
the Jedi I made you - until we'll meet again in this realm of
everything and nothing, where you are me and I am you, at last
... at last.
Hurry now, do your duty and then come ... no matter when, I
know you will.
Archive 