Vaartuslik

by Katrinka
(katrinka@flash.net)

Archive: master_apprentice, and my homepage only. Anyone else, just ask.

Rating: R

Warnings: some voyerism, a lot of angst, also the results of Child sexual abuse. (No actual abuse take place in the story)

Spoilers: None for this part

Summary: Obi-Wan's past ghosts come back to haunt him.

Feedback: Hug a author, give feedback. Any feedback will be answered.

Copywrite: No, don't even think I own these characters. The big L in the sky does. Thanks to: Asaara for Beta'ing this!

Part One: Discovery

When Qui-Gon Jinn awoke, he was the only person in the quarters he shared with his Apprentice. They had been on this planet for a month, attending a "Peace Conference". Every morning, Obi-Wan would slip out, and explore another part of the island. So Qui-Gon knew his apprentice was probably somewhere.

Obi-Wan's behavior had changed since a ghost from his past had arrived at the conference. Obi-Wan had withdrawn into a shell that was inside him. Qui-Gon was frankly worried about his Padawan. He didn't know how the young man would react if he remembered the past. The older man decided to go looking for him.

Qui-Gon found the younger man, under a waterfall. His braid was loose, dark golden hair falling below his bare shoulders. The water rippling over his muscles. He looked pure, and sensual at the same time. Qui-Gon was in a perfect place, where he could watch Obi-Wan shower, without being seen. It wasn't his place to do more then just observe.

The younger man was just a few days from Vaartuslik, the age of deciding. The time when a Padawan decides if they want a relationship with their master. The older man did want to bond, but traditions dictated that the Padawan would be the one to make the Vaartuslik.

He watched as Obi-Wan's hand moved down his body, his hand wrapping around his cock, caressing it. With the other hand, he braced himself against the side of the waterfall.

Qui-Gon knew he shouldn't do it, but he had to know what turned on the young man. He read his mind. He was shocked to find the younger man fantasizing about him.

//You want me don't you?// he asked in the fantasy. His hand around the younger man's cock, pumping it hard.

//Yes,// Obi-Wan gasped in the fantasy.

//Tell me! Tell me what you want!// the dream Master demanded.

//I want you, Master// The kneading got even harder, painful, until he pleaded. //Take me, I want you to take me.//

//I'm going to hurt you, and your going to enjoy it.//

//Please, don't hurt me,// the younger man pleaded.

Qui-Gon got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He could hear himself saying the same words to his master. Begging not to be hurt, and being rebuffed in the process.

Qui-Gon closed his mind to the fantasy, turned and left. He now knew that the Vaartuslik would never take place.

Obi-Wan was back in their room, unpacking. The Master watched as his Padawan opened a drawer, then reached up and rubbed his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Qui-Gon asked.

"I have a horrible headache. No matter how I concentrate, it won't go away."

"Perhaps you should take today off?' He suggested.

"It's okay, I can handle the work."

"I didn't say you couldn't," Qui-Gon went up behind his student, close enough for Obi-Wan to feel him, but not close enough to be actually touching. He could hear an intake of breath from Obi-Wan.

"You're not Superman, even you need a break."

"I am a Jedi. I must be strong."

"You are strong. That's what I admire in you the most. It's very attractive."

Qui-Gon felt the Padawan reach out and touch his mind. Obi-Wan's voice shook. "You like me."

"Let me guess, you don't like men?"

"Master, you're gorgeous. How can I not find you attractive?" Obi-Wan said impulsively. The man's trembling grew even stronger. Obi-Wan was terrified.

"You're a virgin aren't you?"

"Yes...no...I don't know."

The younger man was uncomfortable, there was no question about that.

Qui-Gon had been assured that the memories had been taken from Obi-Wan. Now the young man remembered that sometime in his young life, he had been raped.

"It's all right, I won't bring it up again."

"I do want you, but I would like to take this slowly, would that be okay?"

"That would be great." Qui-Gon smiled.

Obi-Wan smiled back, then he moved forward a step. He put his hand on Qui-Gon's cheek, and kissed him, very gently.

Qbi-Wan waited outside a conference room, as his master was in another round of endless negotiations. Qui-Gon had specified that he wait outside the door until he was ready.

The Governor of the planet Quarbia walked up to Obi-Wan. He was the same height as the Jedi, with long dark curls. "Are you on duty?"

Obi-Wan fought down the urge to run. This man was a Quarbinte, from a race that was highly telepathic. "I am waiting for my Master."

"Would you be permitted to come to my quarters, for a break?" Hayata smiled, his dark eyes dancing.

Something told Obi-Wan not to trust this man. Then he realized that Hayata might be able to help the negotiations by talking to him. "I could use a break."

He followed the Quarbinte to his quarters. The man gestured to a chair. As Obi-Wan sat down, Hayata ordered tea.

"It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

"I don't understand."

"Look into your heart Ben. Who was your first master?" The dark force was deep in this one. Obi-Wan could feel it.

"My Master is Qui-Gon Jinn."

The governor came closer to Obi-Wan. "You really don't remember me, do you?"

"I've never met you before this conference."

Something grabbed Obi-Wan from behind. he tried to move away from the chair. But there was now iron bars across his chest and legs. Then another slap, and his arms where tied down.

The man reached out, putting a hand on both sides of Obi-Wan's head. In his mind he heard. //Remember! You will remember!//

Memories flooded over Obi-Wan. Of a year-long hell at the hands of a Jedi Master who believed that it was his right to use his apprentice body. Of a life where a young boy used to dream of dying to except the pain.

"You remember, don't you whore?" Hayata swore roughly. Obi-Wan know knew the man, he was his first master!

"Why do you want me to remember? Why?" Obi-Wan asked hopelessly. The nightmares that had plagued Obi-Wan where real. He had really been abused as a child.

"Because you are my whore, and I want you back!" The man kissed him roughly, pushing his tongue into Obi-Wan's mouth. He unfastened Obi-Wan's pants and began to manipulate his penis. "You liked being my apprentice. I am simply putting our lives back the way they should be!"

//Master help me!// Obi-Wan screamed in his mind. //Please help me!//

"Qui-Gon won't hear your cries. You're my slave now." The man kissed him again, and rubbed harder. "I'm going to take you, and you're going to like it."

"I won't let you!" Obi-Wan tried to use the force, but it was useless. It didn't work on his former master. His body was betraying him, his cock growing harder at the manipulations.

//You're a bit long in the tooth for my liking, but you'll do.// The former master said in his mind.

Obi-Wan closed his mind to the attack. It had helped him before. Hayata would have his body, but not his mind.

Then suddenly his former master was being pulled off of him, and thrown to the floor.

"Are you all right?" Qui-Gon! It was his Master!

"Master!" Obi-Wan tried to struggle against the chair. With swift motions, Qui-Gon unfastened Obi-Wan's bindings. //First chance you get, run!//

//Master, shouldn't I fight alongside you?//

//Not with this. Do as I say Obi-Wan.//

The look in his master's eyes made him nod.

"You've interfered in my life one too many times Qui-Gon!" the Quarbinte thundered.

"Your argument is with me, not the boy."

"Why should I give you the boy? He was mine before yours."

"If you think he will stay with you, show him that you care for him." Qui-Gon said. "Let the Padawan go."

"He's mine. You can't take him away from me!"

//Go Obi-Wan! Go now!// Qui-Gon commanded.

Obi-Wan did as he was told, running away.

//Run little boy,// he heard the voice of his former master say. //Trust me, you'll come back...//

Qui-Gon found Obi-Wan on a hill. He was staring at the horizon. The younger man's legs where tucked up under his chin, his arms around his knees. The memories tried to take control of him.

//I'm no longer twelve! I'm eighteen!//

//No, I'm nineteen! A year from my life was taken!//

//Center, you must find your center.// Qui-Gon heard Obi-Wan tell himself. //A good Jedi can forget such things. The past cannot harm me. I must still my mind.//

Qui-Gon realized that Obi-Wan had yet to face his recovered memories. He decided to talk to his young charge. "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to meditate. I need to rid myself of these memories."

Qui-Gon sat on the grass beside Obi-Wan. He pretended not to notice when the younger man flinched. "Sometimes meditation cannot rid a mind that has yet to be healed. Use the Force to help heal you."

"No! I will never use the Force again!" the young man swore.

"That is your decision." Qui-Gon said.

"I will not give into emotions." he vowed. "You knew about my lost time, didn't you, Master?"

"Yes I was told." the Master admitted.

"Yet you never brought it up. How could you keep it from me?"

"Perhaps it was because I went through similar abuse, and I wished I could have had it taken from my mind."

Obi-Wan looked at his Master. "How many times did it happen?"

Qui-Gon hated to talk about his first master, but knew that the younger man needed to know he understood. "I was with my first master for four years. He convinced me that abusing me was a normal part of my training."

"How did the abuse stop? How did you convince him not to hurt you?" There was question in the young man's eyes.

//He blames himself.// the Master realized. "I went for a Jedi exam. The examiner was Yoda. He read my mind, and found the truth. My Master was allowed to quit the Jedi."

"What happened to you?"

"Yoda took me on as his apprentice. The rest of the Jedi pretended that nothing ever happened." Qui-Gon wiped a tear from his eye. This was harder then he thought. "Something did happen. It took me many years to learn to accept my pain."

"You were never punished." It wasn't a question, not really.

"Why should I have been punished? What happened to me wasn't my fault."

"I was punished."

"No, you were innocent."

"Then what do you call what they did to me?" he countered. "They took my memories. They wouldn't allow me to count the one year of training I had with Hayata towards my Jedi Knighthood." The Padawan's voice was soft, so soft Qui-Gon had trouble hearing him. "Time after time, Jedi Knights came for Padawans. I was never even considered. People talked about me. I knew I did something wrong..."

"The Jedi who took your memories did so you could have a fresh start, without the pain of your first year troubling you."

"The truth was there. I just didn't know it. I was weak enough to let myself be used."

"You weren't weak. Your master was much stronger then you."

"It was my fault, it had to be my fault!"

The young man was getting more upset. Qui-Gon knew he needed to face the truth. "Sometimes, when something is really bothering me,I let my emotions take over for four minutes. Then when the time is over, I put myself in control again."

"Not this." He took a deep breath and let it out.

"You are human Obi-Wan. You're allowed to hurt."

"I don't want to hurt. I want the pain to go away!"

"If you refuse to deal with your emotions, your hurt will never leave you." Qui-Gon tried to reason. "For a few minutes, let the pain rule you. You don't have to be brave all the time."

Tears began to stream down the young man's cheeks. Qui-Gon reached out and touched his student's back, trying to calm him telepathically.

The master was surprised when Obi-Wan turned to him. //Hold me.//

Qui-Gon took the younger man into his arms. Obi-Wan began to sob. //I was innocent. Why would anyone hurt someone who is innocent?//

"I don't know." Qui-Gon said out loud, as he stroked his Padawan's hair.

Obi-Wan felt strength from the touch of his teacher. The older man made no move to hurt him, only comfort. Qui-Gon had been right, letting the feelings take over made him feel better. There was something else Obi-Wan felt in the touch. His mentor was masking his feelings towards him.

//He's trying to protect me.// Obi-Wan thought.

Obi-Wan pulled away from his mentor. "Thank you Master."

"Do you feel any better?" There was concern in the man's eyes.

"Somewhat."

Qui-Gon reached out and wiped the tears from Obi-Wan's cheeks. "You will feel better once more time has passed."

Impassively Obi-Wan asked. "In the time I have been your Padawan, you have had no relationships. Is it because of the abuse you suffered?" When he saw the pain in Qui-Gon's eyes, he quickly apologized. "I am sorry for asking such a personal question Master."

"You really want to know, if someday, you will trust enough to have a relationship." When Obi-Wan nodded, Qui-Gon continued. "I have had lovers before, but the relationships did not last long. It has been hard for me to trust. I gave myself to the Force instead."

"I trust you Master."

The mentor's eyes questioned. "How can you trust me? I didn't tell you about your mind-erase."

"Master, I understand your reasoning behind not telling me. You where trying to spare me the pain that you once had felt." Obi-Wan met his mentor's gaze. "I do trust you."

"I wish you had never gotten your memories back." Qui-Gon broke eye contact.

Obi-Wan decided to change the subject. "My former master is here. What should I do?"

"You must wait. Given time, the man will convict himself."

"What if he tries to kill me?"

"He wouldn't be that foolish." There was the sound of chiming bells in the background. "It's time for our next conference. Are you ready?"

"I'm ready."

Qui-Gon reached out, touching his young apprentice. "If he tries anything, I might kill him myself."

Part Two: Betrayal

Time: A week later

It had been a wonderful day for thirteen year-old Obi-Wan Kenobi. He had met and talked to other first year apprentices and their Masters. Seeing old friends gave him a good feeling. There was a Jedi Knight who had given Obi-Wan real hope for the future. He could foresee the boy being a great Jedi Knight, and he told him so. Then the time came when he had to return to the quarters he shared with his Master.

//How dare you talk to Qui-Gon Jinn without my permission!// Hayata demanded.

"I don't understand. Why can't I talk to the Qui-Gon? He's been so nice to me."

Hayata hit the young Obi-Wan Kenobi in the face, and the child fell to the floor.

//He was asking questions! You gave him answers that could take you away from me.//

Terror coursed through Obi-Wan. His Master had told him often enough what happened to those who where taken away from their master. The apprentice was killed. "Please Master, let me stay with you."

"No matter how nice Qui-Gon is to you, you will not talk to him!" was the command.

"I promise Master, I won't."

//You know, I am your only hope.// Obi-Wan could hear Hayata's voice in his mind. //You are unworthy of being a Jedi.//

"I am unworthy of living." Obi-Wan knelt on the floor, his forehead pressed to the cold floor.

The blow came out of no where hitting him in the back. It hurt, dammit it hurt! Obi-Wan felt tears sting his eyes.

//Do you feel pain?//

//I'm trying to block it.// he told his Master.

"If you wheren't so savage, you would use the Force to block the pain!" Another hit, this one harder. Then a sound of the Master turning on his lightsaber. "You are failing in your training. This will teach you a lesson!"

Obi-Wan wanted to run. Instead he stayed still, trying hard to stop trembling. Searing pain lowered itself on Obi-Wan's back. Obi-Wan bit his lip so hard that he could taste blood. The lightsaber was lifted, then lowered again, and again. Obi-Wan passed out from the pain.

"Obi-Wan wake up!" he heard the voice of Qui-Gon Jinn say.

Obi-Wan opened his eyes, he began to back up on the sleeping mat. He had been hurt before talking to this man. He wouldn't let it happen again.

"Leave me alone."

"It's me, your Master."

"My master's Hayata!"

Qui-Gon reached out, and touched Obi-Wan's cheek. He opened his mind to him. //You had a dream.//

//A dream.// Obi-Wan repeated. He looked into his Master's light-blue eyes, in them he could see the truth. He began to cry.

Qui-Gon took him into his arms. Obi-Wan let himself go. The older man stroked Obi-Wan's hair. He sobbed in his Master's strong arms for quite awhile before saying. //It was worse this time.//

//What happened?//

//I dreamt that I met you when I was with Hayata. He punished me for talking to you.//

//It was just a dream.//

Obi-Wan pulled away from his Master. "Don't lie to me! I met you before my memory was taken!"

"Yes, I met you when you where with Hayata." his Master admitted.

"You where kind to me. I wanted to thank you for that."

"You needed a friend." Qui-Gon shrugged. He lowered Obi-Wan back to the mat. He began to stroke his hair again. "Go to sleep my Padawan. You need your strenth to fight Hayata."

Obi-wan tried to keep the pain away as he entered the conference. He closed himself to the Force, it wouldn't help him with this problem. It had been a long week since he found out the truth about his past. A week since he had allowed himself to be open to the Force.

His former master was there. Hayata kept glancing at Obi-Wan, smiling almost in triumph. Obi-Wan stayed behind Qui-Gon, not saying anything, trying not to betray his emotions. It had been a week, and in that week, Hayata had only given Obi-Wan looks, nothing more.

Then, as the conference ended, he heard Hayata ask Qui-Gon if they could meet in private. Qui-Gon nodded. Then his Master turned to Obi-Wan. //Come.// was the telepathic command.

Obi-Wan fell in step behind his Master. As they entered the Quarbinte's private chambers, he said, "I want us to talk alone. I don't want your whore with us."

//Whore!// The word sent shivers down Obi-Wan's back. He could remember the memories of his former master calling him that word, often.

"Anything you need to say to me, can be said in front of my Padawan." Qui-Gon glanced at Obi-Wan, his gaze telling the younger man not to move a step.

"Very well. You know that I was once a Jedi Master."

"You did tell me." Qui-Gon said blandly.

"It was because of the treachery of this young man that I was forced to leave the Jedi." Hayata accused. "A treachery so devious that the Jedi were forced to erase the child's mind."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"The prostitute is a risk, he will betray you the way he betrayed me."

"I trust Obi-Wan with my life." the mentor said quietly.

"He's fooled you hasn't he?"

"The negotiations have nothing to do with my Padawan." Qui-Gon sounded bored. Obi-Wan reached out, trying to read from the force his Master's feelings, but there was nothing.

"If you give me the boy, Quarbia will sign any agreement the Senate wants."

"I will not give you Obi-Wan."

"Then know this. If you do not do as I ask, I will release holo-footage of your Padawan with me. I will show the people of this planet how the Jedi will sell themselves to the highest bidder." Hayata threatened.

Obi-Wan tried to fight down the fear. His former master had footage of the abuse.

"I will not agree." Qui-Gon said coolly.

"Then you are opening your whore to shame."

Qui-Gon turned to Obi-Wan. "We're leaving."

Obi-Wan was silent as they returned to their room. He felt betrayed. Without talking to his mentor, he began to lay out his bedding. The pain he felt from his Master's betrayal was more then a beating would be. //I trusted you!//

"What's wrong?" Qui-Gon asked, concerned.

"Nothing is wrong Master." he lied.

"There is something wrong. I can feel it."

"I am tired, I want to sleep." he told his master. "We have a busy day tomorow."

"You should open yourself to the living Force. It could help you with this problem."

"The Force won't help me! I won't use it!"

"Did you know what the penalty on this planet is for child rape?" Qui-Gon asked.

"Death, I'll be killed then." he tried to sound as if he didn't care. //Thanks a lot.//

"Why would you be killed? You're the victim."

"Victim? He always said that what happened was my fault! That I forced him to hurt me!" Obi-Wan couldn't keep the pain out of his voice.

"Tell me something, would you in your wildest dreams want what he did to you?"

"Of course I wouldn't." Obi-Wan turned from his Master, the tears began to flow. "I wanted to die everytime he touched me. Now everyone will see my shame! Master, why would you let him put out a holo of what happened?"

He felt Qui-Gon touch his shoulders. "I wanted him to have justice. If he puts out the holo, then he will be arrested."

//I love you, I would never hurt you. Trust me.// Obi-Wan felt his master think through the bond.

//How can I trust you?//

//Look in your heart. Was there ever a time I walked over your feelings?//

//Today, you hurt me. I can't trust you.//

Obi-Wan felt regret from his Master. "You might not trust me, but I trust you. My belief in you is complete. I would never hurt you intentionally. I thought you knew what I wanted. I want to make sure your former master will never be allowed to hurt another child again."

Obi-Wan's stomach gave a lurch. "Another child?"

"Do you think he would stop with you?" his Master pointed out. "There is another."

"Then, as Jedi, our duty is to protect that child." Obi-Wan said as if by rote.

His mind saw the young child who had been with the former master. The boy who had totally trusted the man. The boy was bleeding from the beating that he had gotten from his Master. The wounds still open from Hayata's Lightsaber. Obi-Wan could hear the voice of his younger self.

//Avenge me.//

//How can you be here?//

//I live in your memories. Until you face Hayata, I will not be allowed to rest.//

//My Master will not understand my want of vengeance.//

//Look into your heart. Remember the one who rescued you. He will understand.//

Obi-Wan saw the tall man who had taken him away from the first master. He had beaten Hayata into unconsciousness. His hair was the same, minus the grey. There was no beard or moustache. He could see himself, huddled in a corner. The man knelt down to his level. "It's all right, you're safe now."

"Why did you do that to my Master?" his younger self demanded.

"Your Master is evil. He will be disciplined." The Jedi reached out and touched him. The touch had been the same as a touch he had felt many times since. The rescuer had been Qui-Gon.

"If you take me away from him, I can't be a Jedi!"

"No, my young friend. I will make sure that you finish your Jedi training. I can see you will someday be a great Jedi." Qui-Gon promised. "Please trust me."

The boy looked up to the older man. He could feel honesty coming from him. "I trust you."

//I will avenge you.// he promised his young self.

Obi-Wan woke, his Master was sleeping beside him. He watched the older man. Then he moved so his head was on his Master's shoulder. He was surprised when the still sleepng Qui-Gon put his arm around him. He felt safe in this man's arms. He knew Qui-Gon would never hurt him.

Obi-Wan wanted to tell Qui-Gon the truth, that he knew he rescued him. The older man had never mentioned it. Obi-Wan guessed that his Master didn't want him to know.

Part Three: Understanding

Obi-Wan wanted to see if Hayata had chosen another child. He couldn't follow his former Master. The man was a telepath, who could sense the presence of Obi-Wan. Instead, he hid in the bushes outside Hayata's quarters.

This had been his second day here. The Padawan had asked his Master for permission to find the child, and Qui-Gon had readily agreed. Now he sat, his long hair braided. Feeling like someone who was trying to break into a house.

//Like a thief//

The back door opened, and a young boy slipped out. He was younger then what Obi-Wan had been, perhaps eleven at the most. He glanced around, making sure that no one was near. Then he looked up to the stars. Dark bruises dotted the child's cinnamon skin.

"Why can't I die?" the boy asked the stars. "Please, gods, let me die. Take me away from this pain."

Obi-Wan's heart went out to the boy. He sounded so much like himself when he trained under Hayata. When he believed that death was the only release from pain.

Obi-Wan's communicator started beeping. He quickly turned it off.

The boy looked at where he was hiding. "You in there! Come out!"

Obi-Wan stepped out of the bushes. "I won't hurt you."

"Why are you spying on me?"

"I wanted to make sure you are safe."

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't raise the alarm." The boy tried to sound tough.

"Because Hayata will beat you if you're caught outside."

The boy flinched. "You're right, he would. I'm Maybeus."

"I'm Ben Kenobi." Obi-Wan used a name he hadn't gone by since leaving his old master.

"The one that got away."

"You've heard of me?"

"My Master talks of you often. He told me you were stolen from him."

"I wasn't stolen, I was rescued." Obi-Wan paused. "I'm free now. No one hurts me."

"That won't happen to me. I will be used by Hayata, then sent to the mines when my usefulness is over." the boy said matter-of-factly. "It happened to the one before me. It will happen to me."

"The one before you?" Obi-Wan gasped in surprise. "How many boys has Hayata had?"

"I don't know."

"How long have you been with Hayata?"

"Two years. He came to my village, looking for new students, and I was picked. My mother thought it was an honor. She didn't know the truth...."

There was a noise inside the house. Obi-Wan could feel Hayata's presence. "Your Master is back."

Maybeus looked panicked. "I must leave now. I hope to see you again someday."

"I hope so too." Obi-Wan agreed.

The boy ran back into the house. Obi-Wan could hear the voice of his former master, then the unmistakable sound of a hand making contact with the skin of another.

//I will free you Maybeus.// Obi-Wan promised.

"I saw Hayata's boy, Master." Obi-Wan carried a large bag full of equipment.

"How old is he?" Qui-Gon walked beside the man. They were going to a place for training that Qui-Gon had picked.

"I'm not sure. Eleven would be my best guess."

Qui-Gon looked haunted. "So very young."

"Even younger then I had been."

"Now that you know about the boy, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know." Obi-Wan confessed. "I want to get him away from Hayata, but I don't know how."

"Perhaps the answers will come to you when you train." Qui-Gon stopped. "This is the place.

Obi-Wan put the bag he was carrying down with a thump. They had been at the conference for two weeks. Obi-Wan felt his heart healing. The dreams he had, made him realize that his only ally was Qui-Gon. He still didn't trust the Force. His former master had taken that from him. "Why are we training here?"

"Does it matter where we train?" his Master said dryly. "You must use the Force."

"No! I will not open myself to the Force!" Obi-Wan almost spat.

"The Force didn't hurt you."

"He can use the Force against me." Obi-Wan thought of Maybeus. He wondered if Hayata used the Force against him.

"It's been two weeks, can't you trust the Force yet?"

"No, I can't."

They were beside the waterfall. Obi-Wan felt guilty. He had given into carnality here. Before he knew the truth of his past. Did his Master know?

Qui-Gon took off his cloak, then his shirt. The sight of his rippled chest turned on the young man as the Master picked up a sword. Long healed scars crossed his back. The Padawan had always believed that his Master got the scars in battle. Now he knew the truth. "Let's practice."

Obi-Wan picked up a sword. It was made of metal, and was heavy in his hand. He wanted to take off his shirt, but remembered his own scars. He was ashamed of them.

They practiced the same moves they had gone over time and time again with lightsabers. The practice was made more difficult with the swords in their place.

"You must accept the pain you have in your heart. Channel the pain through your moves."

Obi-Wan closed his eyes. Parry, turn, parry again. The pain of a young child went through him, into the moves. Swing, move, parry.

Every move that Obi-Wan made, he felt a layer of hurt leave him. He was strong. He was a man. His former master had lost. He would be able to free Maybeus.

He realized that he could open himself to trusting Qui-Gon.

When the practice was over, Obi-Wan was hot and sticky. "Would you mind Master, if I showered under the water?"

"Go ahead."

Obi-Wan's fingers trembled, as he began to take off his shirt. Damn, he was nervous. Then he heard his Master's voice. "Perhaps I should go."

He tried to fight now the impulse to flee. "Master, I would be honored if you showered with me."

Qui-Gon took off his clothes. Obi-Wan watched as his Master climbed up the rocks to the waterfall. Then, not looking at Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon got under the water. His hair fell around his shoulders and water ripples over his scars.

His master was beautiful.

Obi-Wan's fumbling fingers took off his clothes. Then he climbed the rocks. His master didn't say anything, just moved over so there would be room for him.

Obi-Wan kissed his Master's lips, and felt his Master's arms go around him, pulling him close.

Then Qui-Gon pulled away from him. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I'm no longer a little boy." he pointed out.

"You're a man now." Qui-Gon unfastened the younger man's hair, running his fingers through Obi-Wan's braid. "We will take this slowly."

"I want this."

"Still, we will take things slowly." the older man repeated. "In two days you will be 20, Vaartuslik must be completed by then."

"I want Vaartuslik."

"You don't understand. If you decide that you want a relationship, it must be a permanent one."

"What about you Master? What do you want?"

"It is not for me to say." he said softly. "The decision must be yours alone."

Obi-Wan looked into his Master's light-blue eyes. "I've decided that our relationship should be more then just Padawan and Master. That we form a bond, Vaartuslik."

The Master said somberly, "I will not force myself on you. I love you too much to do that."

Hearing Qui-Gon's words made his heart soar. "Master, may I touch you?"

"You are permitted to touch me anywhere you like."

Obi-Wan reached out and ran his hand down his Master's chest. His fingers raked across the small scars there.

//Open yourself to the Force.//

Obi-Wan did as he was told. The Force rippled like waves around them. He could feel his Master's desire for him. He could feel his Master holding back, trying to mask his thoughts. Even now, trying to protect the younger man.

Obi-Wan saw himself in the future, fighting alongside his Master. He could feel the strong Vaartuslik between them. One soul, two bodies, fighting in perfect union.

//Give into the Force. Let us form our bond//

//The Force wills us to be together. Don't you feel it?// He kissed Qui-Gon.

As they kissed, the Force stirred around them. Obi-Wan pulled his lover into the small cave behind the water fall, and onto the floor of the cave. It was cool beneath them.

Qui-Gon rolled onto his side. He took him into his arms and their cocks touched, hardness against hardness. Qui-Gon's hardness frightened the younger man. //Master, I don't know if I can let you inside of me.// Obi-Wan confessed. //It's been too soon....//

Obi-Wan could feel understanding from his Master. //We can make love this way.//

//How? I've....//

//You've never been with a man when it was your choice?//

//Never.//

//And now?//

//It's my choice, I want to be with you. I love you.//

//Move, Obi-Wan, that's all you have to do.//

Obi-Wan began to thrust slowly against his Master's belly, then Qui-Gon too began to move. The friction between the hair on the Master's belly and Obi-Wan's cock made him gasp. //Master, this feels so good.//

The Master opened his mind to his lover. Obi-Wan could feel the pain of relationships that had gone bad, and the fear that Qui-Gon had in rebuilding trust. //You're different Padawan. I trust you.//

Obi-Wan opened his mind to the older man's. The thrusting increased in power. Qui-Gon's grip on Obi-Wan made the younger man feel like he would be crushed, although he knew his Master would never hurt him.

Their minds melded together and became one. They continued moving. Obi-Wan felt like he was climbing a mountain, and he was near the peak. The climax was near.

Obi-Wan tried to pull away from his Master. Qui-Gon's arms were stronger. "Why are you leaving?"

"I don't want this to end. If I come, it will be over. I don't want to be alone again." Obi-Wan confessed.

//Accept your orgasm. We will have other times together. You will never be alone again.//

The words drove Obi-Wan over the edge. As he came, he could hear the older man cry his name. He could feel the stickiness from Qui-Gon spurt onto his belly. In that moment, there was no Obi-Wan, no Qui-Gon, just one living creature.

As his Master held him, Obi-Wan realized that the bond was still there. That Qui-Gon was still a part of him. Vaartuslik had been completed.

Part Four: Redemption

Obi-Wan couldn't explain it. He just knew it was time. He had tied his hair into a thick braid, then he put his clothes on. He fastened the ties on his shirts, knowing this might be the last time he put them on. Then he picked up his belt, fastened that, then checked his lightsaber.

He looked down to Qui-Gon, who was still asleep. They had been lovers for only one day. He knew that he would probably be killed, and that this would be the last time he would ever see his Master. //I didn't know I could love anyone the way I love you.//

He sat down on the pallet, then he reached his hand out, and touched his Master's hair. There was still so much to learn from him. Qui-Gon still had barriers that Obi-Wan would now never see behind. "I am sorry that our Vaartuslik had to be so short. I wish it could have gone on forever."

Qui-Gon's eyes opened. "You're going to face Hayata?"

"Yes, Master."

The older man's eyes narrowed. "Alone?"

"I am the one that should take care of this."

"I must come with you."

"This is my fight." Obi-Wan said firmly.

"It is both our fights. Mine more then yours." Qui-Gon was steely in his determination.

"Master, I know we are now involved." Obi-Wan took a deep breath and let it out. "But the truth is, I should fight my own fights."

"You asked me last night what I had behind the wall in my mind. I told you I didn't want to discuss it."

"That was your right."

"I never told you the whole truth about my former master. He wasn't allowed to quit after the council found out about the abuse." There was a pained look in Qui-Gon's eyes. "Instead, he was 'rehabilitated.' After several years, they believed they could trust him with a new Padawan. When I found out that he was abusing his new apprentice, I almost killed him."

Qui-Gon looked away from his lover, but opened his mind to him. Obi-Wan could see a young Qui-Gon, crying, bleeding.

//You're not strong enough!// the voice of his Master echoed in his mind. //If you gave yourself completely to the Force, my beatings wouldn't hurt.//

The voice! It was Hayata's! Qui-Gon's first Master had been Hayata!

//I'm sorry Master, I'll try harder.// The young Qui-Gon begged, his forehead on the ground.

//There is no try!// The whip came crashing down on his back. //There is just do!//

Qui-Gon let Obi-wan see it all, the beating, the rape. Until finally the older man closed his mind. Tears dripped down his cheek. "I'm sorry, I should have found him and killed him. Then he couldn't have destroyed your life."

"I don't think I could have loved you if you had given into the dark side. Killing him wasn't the answer." Obi-Wan pulled the older man into his arms, stroking his silky hair. "You were like me, young, innocent."

"I don't even think I remember being innocent." Qui-Gon confessed.

An hour later, Obi-Wan was walking towards Hayata's quarters with Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon's hair was tied back into a ponytail. Qui-Gon acted as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Obi-Wan wondered if was because he now knew the secret.

Obi-Wan now felt a new bond with his Master. "A shared pain."

"What?" Qui-Gon asked.

"I was thinking."

"You said a shared pain. Is that how you feel about our bond?"

"Yes Master." Obi-Wan looked away.

"You were telling the truth. Our pain is shared." Qui-Gon stopped, looking around the square, as if lost. Several guards passed them.

"I don't think I can defeat Hayata, he is a Master." Obi-Wan confessed. "I will be killed."

"You are being a pessimist."

Obi-Wan looked into Qui-Gon's eyes. "I am being a realist, Master. You know him. What are my chances of being able to defeat him?"

"Very slim." Qui-Gon admitted. "I will face Hayata. You will have to get the boy."

"Master, I can handle my own fights!" Obi-Wan insisted.

"You yourself said you cannot defeat Hayata." Qui-Gon pointed out. "The boy is young, innocent. He needs a protector."

"But, Master!"

'The child knows you. He would trust you enough to go with him." Qui-Gon's voice was soft. "Besides, we have just bonded. I couldn't forgive myself if you where killed."

//Master....//

Qui-Gon looked into his eyes. //I can't risk loosing you, my beloved.//

"Master, you must trust me to fight my own fights.//

//I do trust you, but not today.//

//You've seen something in the future.// Obi-Wan guessed.

//Yes My Padawan, I have.//

Obi-Wan thought over his Master's words, then reluctantly said. "Yes Master."

They slipped into the back yard of Hayata's quarters. A guard came up to them. "This is private property."

Qui-Gon waved his hand. "We are allowed on the premises."

"You are allowed on the premises." the man echoed.

"Tell the security computers not to record us."

The Guard picked up his communicator and ordered the security cameras not to film Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.

"You may go on your way." Qui-Gon said, waving his hand again.

"You may go on your way." the man repeated.

Obi-Wan followed his Master into the house, and opened himself to the force. He could feel Maybeus. The boy was hiding in a closet. The boy was terrified of his Master finding him.

"He's in the house." Obi-Wan told the Master. "I can feel Maybeus's fear."

"Find him, make sure he's safe." Qui-Gon ordered. "I will follow. If the boy comes out in the open, Hayata will find him."

"Yes Master."

Obi-Wan slowly went up the back stairs. He quieted his mind, trying to feel where the boy was hiding.

He could see the boy in his mind's eye, cowering behind cloaks. His shirt was soaked in blood.

//Quiet your mind. Quiet your mind.// the boy kept repeating.

//Maybeus! Where are you Maybeus!// Hayata yelled telepathically. //If you don't come out, I will kill you!//

The rage that Obi-Wan felt from his former Master made him realize that the boy would die even if he came out of hiding.

//Find him, I must find him.// He closed his mind to everything but the boy. There was a panel on the side of the staircase, barely visible.

Obi-Wan put his hand on the front of the panel. He concentrated, and the panel opened. Obi-Wan moved the cloaks. The boy moved back further into the closet.

"You must leave! He'll find you." the boy's eyes were large, terrified. "Ben, he'll kill you!"

"I'm not afraid of Hayata."

"If I stop hiding, he will find me." Maybeus said.

"I'll protect you." Obi-Wan promised.

"How can I believe you?"

"Because if you don't, Hayata will murder you." Obi-Wan held his hand out. "Do you want out of here?

"Yes!" The boy took his hand.

Qui-Gon watched from afar as Obi-Wan started walking down the staircase with Maybeus. The boy's hand tightened around Obi-Wan's. A lump grew in Qui-Gon's throat. This young one reminded him so much of Obi-Wan when he was a child. Obi-Wan had the same scared look on his face, not willing to trust.

Obi-Wan acted as if he had no fear. Through their bond, Qui-Gon felt the Obi-Wan believed that the courage came from him.

//Not so my Padawan. Your bravery comes from inside.//

//Maybeus!// Hayata yelled, coming into view. //Ben! What the hell do you think you're doing?//

"I am freeing your slave!"

Hayata came closer to the two of them. He hit his Padawan across the face. Maybeus flinched, then sank to the ground, covering his head protectively.

Obi-Wan stepped back, took out his lightsaber, and turned it on.

//You can't use it against me!//

"I am no longer your slave!"

//Didn't I teach you that you can't control the Force when I am near you.?//

"You lied. You are afraid of the Force."

Hayata reached his hand out and tried to use telekinesis to take Obi-Wan's lightsaber. Obi-Wan, without moving, willed a large planter off of the ledge above. It crashed into Hayata, sending him sprawling.

"Run, Maybeus!" The Padawan said. The boy was too terrified to move. Obi-Wan picked up the boy and carried him down the stairs.

Hayata got up, and started going towards Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon came out of hiding and lit his lightsaber. "Your fight is with me, not the boy."

"Well, if it isn't Qui-Gon." Hayata turned towards him. He brought a lightsaber of his own out from under his jacket. "I should have killed you a long time ago! You are the reason I am no longer a Jedi Master!"

"You would have been caught without me." Qui-Gon watched as Obi-Wan took the boy out of the building.

"Tell me, do you beat Ben often? He was always the best in bed, if I beat him first. Almost as good as you were!" Hayata lowered his voice. "You can't defeat me. Once I get out of here, I'll just get another boy to use."

Qui-Gon went towards Hayata. The man seemed shocked, but countered. Qui-Gon was easily able to step away from it. In his memories, Qui-Gon could remember the strength of the fighter. How he had always wished he could be as strong as Hayata. But Hayata was rusty.

"Too busy molesting children to practice, I see." Qui-Gon said.

"Why should I practice? I am already the best!" Hayata seemed to ooze arrogance.

They fought for several minutes. Hayata was getting visibly exhausted. The former Master tried to parry again, but Qui-Gon dealt a harder blow. Hayata fell down the stairs. Qui-Gon could hear his former Master's neck snap, then ran down to make sure. Hayata was dead.

An hour later, Qui-Gon returned to his quarters. He could feel Obi-Wan fighting the urge to run to him. //There's was plenty of time for that later.// he told his Padawan.

Maybeus was sitting in the corner, his legs pulled up to his chest.

"Tell me, do you want to be free of Hayata?" Qui-Gon asked him.

"Please sir."

"Hayata is dead. You'll never have to go back to him."

Qui-Gon expected the boy to be happy, but instead the boy said, "Then I must go to the mines."

"Why would you have to go there?"

"Hayata told me that's what happens to his boys when he is finished with them. They are sent to be slaves in his diox mines."

"He lied to you,"

"What happened to the boys?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Some of the boys "disappeared", I would expect they had been vaporized. Others were sent to outer worlds, and sold as slaves. A few returned to their families. The rest went on to become Jedi Knights"

"How many boys where there?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Hayata had been a Jedi Master for 360 years before he was forced to retire. He had 45 Padawans. Then after his retirement, he had 3 more boys. The two before Maybeus "vanished"."

"Over 360 years old? He's not human?" Obi-Wan gasped.

"He's a Quarbinte. They appear humanoid, but their livespan is much longer." Qui-Gon explained. "The average Quarbinte lives to be 900."

"Forty-Eight boys." Maybeus looked up to Qui-Gon. "Sir, what will happen to me? If I go home, Hayata's relatives might come looking for me, wanting revenge."

"I contacted your parents." Qui-Gon began.

The color drained from the boys face. "They know?.."

"Your parents now live on Ahwatukee. Far away from Hayata's influence. They very much want you to come back to them."

"How...how do I know they will take me back?"

"We will come with you. If they don't want you, we will find someplace else for you to live." Qui-Gon promised.

Qui-Gon had respected his apprentice's request for some time alone. After rescuing Maybeus, it was deserved.

He felt Obi-Wan's calling through the Vaartuslik.

He found his Padawan kneeling on a blanket on the floor of their room, his eyes closed in meditation. His normal braid was untied. His hair blanketed him. His beautiful hair. Qui-Gon couldn't help but admire it. There some sharp instruments on the floor in front of him.

Was the man planning on killing himself??? Then Obi-Wan said, "Master, would you sit in front of me?"

Qui-Gon knelt on the ground in front of Obi-Wan. He noticed that Obi-Wan was wearing the same blood-soaked shirt he had rescued Maybeus in. "What are you planning?"

"I ask that you help me in restoring my lost honor."

"Are you going to kill yourself?"

Obi-Wan's face couldn't mask the surprise. "I would like to perform the ancient Jedi ceremony of restoring honor. I would like for you to cut my hair."

"You want me to cut your hair." Qui-Gon said slowly.

"Exactly."

"It's an old tradition. No one follows it anymore." the older man pointed out.

"I would feel better if we went through with the ceremony."

Qui-Gon let his fingers run through the golden waves. His apprentice had beautiful hair. "Are you sure?"

"Please, Master. It's the only way."

There was something to Padawan's voice that made Qui-Gon pick up the scissors. As tradition dictated, he made a small braid of hair that lay beside the younger man's ear. Then he cut the rest of the hair.

With every cut, Obi-Wan visibly relaxed, until all his hair lay on a pile on the floor beside him. Obi-Wan's hair was now short, spiky.

"How do you feel?" Qui-Gon asked.

"Better, whole again." Obi-Wan reached up, touching his hair. A smile drifted over his lips. "Thank you, Master."