I see the lost look in your eyes and I ache for you.
The celebrations are a time of joy, yet you remain sad, not a
ghost of a smile touching your lips. I know, my Padawan, but
the pain will not last long. Later, when you are quiet and at
rest, I will show you that I am still with you. You will hear
me, I know. You will see me and feel me. None have ever been as
close as us, my beloved apprentice. None have shared as much or
bonded as tightly.
Not long now, my heart, I make you that promise.
*** ***
I can wait no longer as you drop down onto the bed and let your
sheilds fall. You have been strong, my Padawan, for Anakin, for
the Queen, for the council and the code. Now I will show you
that you need not grieve.
I reach out. And my fingers stroke your cheek in hope.
I know you feel me, for you raise your head and your eyes
close. There is no need. Open them, Obi-Wan, for I am no dream,
no illusion to torment you. I am real. I am here.
That's right... look at me. Your stormy-sea eyes have always
regarded me with such adoration, such a deep respect and a
heart-wrenching plea to be accepted and loved. My Obi-Wan, you
are loved. With all my heart and soul. And now those eyes hold
such dismay and dispair, for you do not believe this is
possible.
I do all I can. I move to sit next to you, and your arms wind
around my neck as your tears fall to my shoulder. I can comfort
you as I have always done, stroke your back, your hair. You've
kept your braid, Padawan, and I wonder why as I wind it around
my hand as I have always done. I know you will explain in due
course. I may be able to guess as to why, knowing you as I do.
Your tears calm, and you pull away to look at me, tentatively
leaning in for a kiss. Oh, my heart, I will do more than kiss
you. I urge you back onto the bed, blanketing you with my
weight, and the joyous smile on your face is worth living and
dying for.
You don't believe I can be here, so real in your arms. But I
will make you believe it. I will stay while you sleep, be here
as you wake. I will speak to you through your days of training
Anakin, as you will for me and not in my memory as you think
now. I will always be at your side. You will always know my
presence, and in quiet times you will see my smile and feel my
body. And when your time eventually comes, Obi-Wan, I will be
here, waiting to take you once more into my arms. The circle is
eternal, my lifebond, we are eternal.
How could you ever believe I would leave you? I need you as
fiercely as you need me.
Now our joining is as intimate and forceful as it has always
been. More so now, as I can move in your mind with more ease
than before. And you accept me there my passionate one. Oh how
precious your embrace is. How could I ever leave it for long?
I could never have imagined it would be like this.
At your completion - our completion - you sob your love for me,
beg me not to leave you. I won't, Obi-Wan, ever. But only time
will make you believe that, only my never-ending presence by
your side and in our bed will convince you. I will convince
you. I am going nowhere. I lie and hold you as I have done so
many times before. I sooth your tears although I know it will
be a long while before you allow sleep to take you. You can let
go. I will catch you. I will never let you fall.
*** ***
I have not slept. I no longer need to sleep. I will stay awake
at nights and watch your beautiful face, map its every nuance
until I know it as intimately as I know the tone of your voice.
You are waking now, and you turn in my arms. I can see the
memories - the pain on your face - as images flash through your
mind and you know I am dead. But not gone from you, not lost to
you. For you open your eyes and you see that I am indeed still
here. You hold me, kiss me, and I respond, returning the
gestures with the certainty of one who has no fear now.
I know you want to stay, but you must rise. Anakin will be
breakfasting already. And he needs you, as I need you still. I
watch you continuously looking back at the bed, at me, as if
checking I have not simply disappeared. Time, Obi-Wan, time
will ease your fears.
I rise also, vanishing for a brief moment to dress, and even in
that short time I feel your panic. I hold you when I return,
easing you into this new reality between us, this truth that
you do not have to live without me.
It breaks my heart to see you sad, Obi. Do you know that? Know
how much I wept for you when I died? You looked so broken. I
could feel your tears under my fingers and I did not want to
leave. As I slipped away, I just knew that I would be with you,
that the Force was strong enough between us to allow me to
return.
Come now, beloved Padawan. It is time to see your own
apprentice. Together we will teach him all he will need to
know.
You look at me as you step toward the door. I put my arm around
you, feeling you close, letting you feel me. I will come with
you, Obi-Wan. Do not worry. And you smile. And I can see in
that blinding joy the acceptance of me, of this. My heart
swells to see it and I kiss you, long and deep, to add more
certainty to your feelings.
There truly is no death, Obi-Wan. Not for me. Not for you. And
not for us.
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