Series: The Storyteller (14/?)
Pairing: QG/OW
Category: Humor, AU
Rating: G
Archive: MA and anyone else who cares to. Just let me know,
please!
Warnings: If you love the art of playwriting, run away!
Spoilers: None
Summary: Our Heroes meet their match!
Feedback: Yes, please. Always and always!
Disclaimer: These dear, wonderful characters belong to our man
Lucas, always and forever. I only make happy spaces in my heart
by using them in these stories.
Note: As children, my friends and I had fun writing plays. As
students, we did not. I expect that in that galaxy far, far
away, neither did some of the Young Ones... [g]
From the files of Master Yak, Drama and Creative Writing,
Level Five
Assignment - Rewrite, in play form, any legend or myth as
archived in the Jedi Temple Library. Be creative.
Paper Number Seventeen
The Unexpected Jedi
by Korva, Trad, P'Eklan, and Du 'mill
Act One
Setting: The City of Coruscant. Too early in the morning.
From the other side of the stage, a Large Master and his Young
Apprentice enter. They are full of Force and happy with it. But
all is not as it seems.
The Mighty Qui-Gon Jinn: Oh, my Obi-Wan. What a wonderful,
happy day. Do you not feel it? The Force sings in my blood.
Hooray!
Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi: Yes, my Master. It makes me want to
hum a lot. Perhaps we could have a big party and invite bunches
of Jedi and dance and sing. Gee, that would be fun.
Jinn: Super idea, Padawan. We will have gobs of food and
drinks and, just for fun, some exciting fireworks.
Kenobi: I am with you, oh Master. And since it is Little Green
Yoda's eight hundred and somethingth Nameday, let us call it a
Nameday Party and give each other presents. Whoopee.
Jinn: Exactly, Padawan. What I was thinking. Let us get to
work.
They trod manly off the stage.
* * * * * *
Act Two
Setting: Temple Wreck Room. Midnight.
Lots of people are reeling and enjoying the special punch.
Every Jedi ever made seems to be on the floor. In the center of
the room, three Jedi are having the best time.
Jinn: Hello, my old Master. You are looking tremendous and
fit. You don't look that old.
Kenobi: Yes, you look even younger than before. Kind of.
Little Green Yoda: Shutup. Come closer, you must.
Kenobi: Oh, no.
Yoda: A secret, I have.
Jinn: We are not listening.
Yoda: The Bauble of Biceptual Modality, get rid of, you must.
Here.
Jinn: The what?
Kenobi: Huh?
Yoda: Shutup. To Cavern of Dume, it must go. Destroy it, you
must.
Jinn: Wait a minute.
Kenobi: We are really busy now.
Yoda: Scram!
The two famous Jedi rush off to obey the wrinkled old Yoda,
carrying the BBM hid away in a sock.
* * * * * *
Act Three
Setting: Jedi Spaceport
The Mighty Qui-Gon is talking to the gang he has picked to go
with them on their long journey. The Handy Apprentice is
changing his socks.
Jinn: Listen up! This is a really dangerous thing we are
doing. What we are doing is, we are going to Spackle Prime,
'cause that is where the Cavern of Dume is. Right, Obi-Wan?
Kenobi: I guess.
Jinn: So, this is a really dangerous place.
Master Windu: How dangerous?
Kenobi: You just would not believe.
Jinn: It is the home and workshop of the Evil Chiffaune, the
guy who made the BBM.
Padawan Chun: The what?
Jinn: The Bauble of Biceptual Modality, silly.
Padawan Bant: The what?
Jinn and Kenobi: Really Bad Karma!
Jinn: Okay. Everybody got your Sabers? Underwear? Gum? What
else?
Kenobi: Socks.
Windu, Chun and Bant: Yeah!
Jinn: Okay, guys, come on!
The plakboard spaceship takes off with a blast of talcum
powder, heading for Spackle Prime.
* * * * * *
Act Four
Scene: The yucky planet Spackle Prime. It is gray and yellow
and full of yuck.
A skinny old man in hipboots is jumping around a big table
with glass junk all over it and waving a big eye on a stick.
Chiffaune: So, mighty Jedi. Think you are some bad stuff?
Well, no. I am the baddest thing ever done and my Big Eye will
blast you up you will not know what hit you! Ha ha ha ha! The
blarsted Jedi are no match for me I say. Where are my Qwarfs?
Qwarf One: Here.
Qwarf Two: Like that.
Chiffaune: Find the Jedi. Kill the Jedi.
Qwarf One and Qwarf Two: What is Jedi?
Chiffaune: Shutup.
The Qwarfs go to do their bad stuff and the skinny old man
jumps around like he is got saber crystals in his pants and
laughs until he passes out.
* * * * * *
Act Five
Scene: The caves of Spackle Prime.
The Five Jedi are creeping along the plakboard tunnels in
search of the dastidly Chiffaune.
Jinn: Everybody. Be real quiet. I mean, like, really quiet.
Okay?
Chun: This is sure a scary place. Are there bugs here?
Kenobi: Haha. Bugs? In a stupid smelly cave? No way!
Jinn: Shhhh.
Kenobi: There is probably only cave blats or munci rolls.
Jinn: Shhhh.
Windu: I hate cave blats.
Bant: Do munci rolls eat your socks?
Jinn: Shhhh.
Kenobi: No. Qwarfs do that. But there are none here.
Windu: Are you sure? Cause they sound pretty bad.
Bant: Can I be scared now?
Chun: I need to go to the bathroom.
Jinn: Shhh.
Kenobi: Brave Jedi never need to pee. They just grit their
legs.
Windu: Can we shhh now?
Kenobi, Bant, and Chun: Okay!
Jinn: Aaachooooo!
Kenobi, Windu, Bant, and Chun: Shhh.
Windu: Oh, look. Little hairy guys with pointy sticks.
Chun: Do we know them?
Qwarf One: Shutup.
Qwarf Two: Me too.
The Famous Five are tied up with lots of knots and put
somewhere with no bathrooms.
* * * * * *
Act Six
Scene: The magic cave house of the dastidly Chiffaune.
The five Jedi are sitting on the floor, tied all up with lots
and lots of cool knots.
Chiffaune: I caught some Jedi, I caught some Jedi, I caught
some Jedi!
Kenobi: No you did not, the Qwarfs did.
Chiffaune: Shutup. Where is the Bauble of Biceptual Modality?
I crave it.
Windu: You what?
Chun: He craves it.
Windu: Oh. That is serious.
Chiffaune: Shutup. Give me the Bauble or else.
Jinn: What?
Chiffaune: What?
Jinn: Or else what?
Chiffaune: Shutup.
Kenobi: Now, Master.
Jinn: Now, what, Padawan?
Chiffaune: Shutup.
Kenobi: Our ropes are blasted with the Force. Let us smash
them.
Jinn: Ropes?
Bant and Chun: Yea, Obi-Wan!
Chiffaune: Shutup. I am the boss.
Windu: Smash him, Obi-Wan.
Jinn: Ropes?
With a pow and a blam, the Plerky Padawan puts Chiffaune
backways into one of his glass viles. The Famous Jedi are safe.
* * * * * *
Act Seven
Scene: Temple Wreck Room. About a few days later.
The special punch is gone but the floor is still reeling with
Jedi and cetera.
Yoda: Here you are, why?
Jinn: Your green backside is safe, oh dear Master.
Kenobi: Yes, and why not.
Yoda: What?
Jinn: The Bauble of Biceptual Modality is busted in the Black
Pool of Hot Junk on Mount Dume.
Yoda: Survived, you did, how?
Kenobi: Me.
Yoda: You?
Jinn: Him.
Yoda: Shutup.
Everyone had tiny black things on bread and cups and they
celebrated a lot too long.
And the galaxy was safe again.
The End.
**********************************************
Hey, Mace. Did you get a chance to read this?
What'a ya think. Performance?
**********************************************
****************************************
Absolutely, my dear Yak. Absolutely!
But you didn't want to correct the name?
****************************************
********************************************
Ha, ha! Of course not! How would they ever
understand the concept of Bisexual Modality?
********************************************
Archive 