Spoilers: Not really, since it's AU, although it does cover
some things from the movie
Archive:Master and Apprentice, anyone else ask please
Summary: If there had been more time, how much of it would have
been wasted?
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, much less these fine
characters--although I own a couple of action figures of them,
does that count? Probably not. Oh well, I refuse to make any
money off them, and crave feedback as much as Obi-Wan craves
Qui-Gon and vice versa.
I watch as Obi-Wan darts about the room, cleaning dust off of
spotless areas, straightening clothing that is wrinkle-free. He
is worried; I don't need my Jedi abilities to tell me that
much. The dark cloaked figure I fought scared him. Or, more
precisely, it was my fighting the other man that caused his
fear.
He is afraid to lose me. I understand that fear all to well. He
has had his share of near-misses over the years, but the past
two years have been the worst. It is bad enough to lose a
Padawan. It is far worse to lose someone for whom you feel more
than just a Master's love for an apprentice.
In the past two years, I have used every ounce of my Force
abilities to hide my feelings from Obi-Wan. I have always loved
him, but only recently has that love changed into something
deeper. The change has created a desire, a need so strong
sometimes it shakes me clear to the core. But I must not act on
this. To do so would cause him nothing but problems with the
Council.
To make things even more difficult, I sense he could feel the
same way. That revelation has only led me to bury my feelings
deeper. I can not, will not stand in the way of his
becoming a Jedi Knight. I might gain a little happiness, but
something tells me the world would lose far more than my
happiness would be worth.
So I keep silent, mentally as well as verbally. Whether he
understands my reasons, or simply thinks I don't care, he has
held his peace as well. His feelings have surfaced from time to
time, especially during any disagreement between us, when I
could feel his resentment of my lack of response to his
affection, but he has never spoken of them.
And now he is ready to become a full Jedi. I haven't told him
this yet, but he is ready. When we return to Coruscant, one of
my requests to the Council will be that he face the trials. But
I don't want his mind on anything but the mission, so I will
keep my silence until we arrive at the capital.
"Obi-Wan."
He turns expectantly, his face a polite mask, only a tiny spark
in his eyes betraying his emotions--and then only to one who
knows him well. He has learned how to hide his feelings in the
Force, but he has yet to learn how to keep them completely out
of his eyes. "Yes, Master?" he asks after a moment.
"I think that is enough for one day. We will need our strength
when we reach Coruscant."
He nods. "Can I get you anything?"
"No. I'm fine. Sleep, Padawan. Tomorrow will be here before you
know it."
He climbs into bed, murmuring a goodnight as he shuts off the
lights. I lie there on the sleeping couch and stare at the
ceiling, listening. His breathing becomes more even as he
attempts to make me think he is sleeping, but it is a long time
before I sense him actually slipping into unconsciousness.
And longer still before I manage to do the same.
Throughout my report on the dark lord, I sensed no fear from
Obi-Wan, but I knew it was there. The Council had no idea--of
that I was certain. He has learned well; he betrayed no sign of
his fear. But I know him better. I know he is still worried. I
know, because if I were in his position, I would be afraid. Not
for myself, but for him.
And now I may have to hurt him on top of everything else. He is
convinced the Council will not let Anakin be trained, and as I
wait for their decision, I fear he may be right. I am convinced
the boy must be trained. So if the Council will not do it, then
I will do it on my own. Obi-Wan will think I am getting rid of
him for the boy, and there is nothing I can do to keep him from
being hurt, except trust that he knows me well enough to
understand the truth. Eventually.
Even though I had planned to ask that he face the trials, I
find myself reluctant to let go. But only by letting him go can
I truly have what I want most from him, assuming he will even
speak to me when this is done. So I have to let him go. If I
can figure out how.
The council has finished with Anakin and asks us to rejoin
them. As I study their faces and concentrate, I can't get a
clear picture of their answer. It comes soon enough when I ask
if he is to be trained.
"No, he is not," Mace Windu responds. "He is too old."
Are they blind? "He is the chosen one." Despite their reasons
and objections, I know they are wrong. He must be trained. I
listen, then I step behind Anakin and place my hands on his
shoulders. "I will train him then. I take Anakin Skywalker as
my Padawan learner."
Obi-Wan's feelings to this point have been well-hidden, but now
they flow from him in a rush. I doubt anyone in the room is
oblivious to his surprise, or his...the second feeling is
harder to discern. Anger? Or jealousy? I suppose it could be
either or both, depending on your point of view.
He quickly clamps a lid on them, however, and comes to my aid
when I try to convince the Council he is ready to become a Jedi
Knight. For his efforts he is silenced by Master Yoda. Already
my actions have caused him problems. How many more could I
cause if--
There is no sense in thinking about what cannot be. We receive
our orders, orders which include helping the Queen on her
journey back to Naboo, and not training Anakin. We gather our
belongings in silence. As we head for the Queen's ship, Obi-Wan
once again tries to convince me of the danger in training the
boy, but no matter what my feelings, I cannot give in to him.
The dangers in not training Anakin far outweigh the dangers of
training him. That much power unharnessed, or worse, in the
wrong Master's hands, is unthinkable. And with a possible
resurgence of the Sith...I can't imagine what the Council must
be thinking by refusing his training. If Obi-Wan cannot
understand that, I certainly cannot do anything to make him.
I have to do what I have to do. If his path lies in another
direction, I cannot do anything about that either. I exist to
serve the Force, not the will of Obi-Wan Kenobi, or even the
will of my own heart.
The journey to Naboo was strained, to put it mildly. The Queen
was secretive about her plans, only announcing an overview to
us as we neared the planet. Anakin was feeling out of place,
Jar Jar was underfoot, and Obi-Wan...he was silent. Polite,
obedient, helpful, and silent.
I wanted several times to try to bridge the gap between us, but
the invisible walls he has erected are too much for me to try
to tear down at this time. There are too many other things I
have to attend to. If this problem that lies between us is not
resolved before this mission ends, I will deal with it then.
I am waiting for Jar Jar to return from the Gungun city when
Obi-Wan comes to me, speaking to me willingly for the first
time since we left Coruscant. After starting off with questions
about our current situation, he gets to the real reason he
joined me by the water.
"Master...I'm sorry. It's not my place to disagree with you
about the boy."
Finally. I'm glad he chose to resolve this before the battle,
but sorry he felt the need to apologize. He hadn't done
anything I considered wrong in expressing his opinion, though
his anger could use some tempering. "You've been a good
apprentice, Obi-Wan. And you're a far wiser man than I. I
foresee you will become a great Jedi Knight." As I make this
pronouncement, I cannot help but put my hand on his
shoulder--physical proof to myself that things are right
between us again.
Captain Panaka joins us, putting an end to our conversation,
but now at least I can go into this battle with my full
concentration on the mission. I will need all my wits about me.
We all will.
It was inevitable, my facing the Sith Lord again. There is no
doubt in my mind now that he is a Sith. His training,
the darkness emanating from him in great waves, these are the
cornerstone of the Sith order. A ruthless, angry fighting style
that is powerful in the short term, but over a long period
proved to be the downfall of the entire order. Or at least most
of the order--apparently something of it survived after all.
As he powers up a double 'saber and I feel Obi-Wan power his in
tandem with mine, I feel a twinge of something at the corner of
my consciousness. Something is not right. It isn't Anakin or
the Queen. It has to do with this fight. I only have time to
hope that it has nothing to do with Obi-Wan before he leaps
over the Sith's head and the battle begins.
Soon I forget to worry about Obi-Wan, or even Anakin or the
Queen. I am lost in the dance, my training leading me to that
place where my world has narrowed to the feel of the Force
flowing through me and the presence of two people--my partner
and my opponent.
Perhaps partner is the wrong word. We are like two halves of a
whole when we are fighting together. It is as good as having
four arms and four legs. No, better than that. There is also
another consciousness there. Another life force to feed off of
and give back to. A comforting presence.
It can also be distracting at times. When Obi-Wan gets knocked
off the walkway, the blow dazes me slightly. I quickly knock
the Sith off as well, take a split-second to recover, then jump
after him to continue the fight, reassured that Obi-Wan caught
himself and will be fine.
As the Sith and I dance down the walkway, I can sense Obi-Wan
hurrying to catch up. We enter a long hallway. As we approach
the end, I have a second of warning to stop right where I am
before a security gate made of energy rays clicks shut,
separating me from the Sith. He sneers at me then tests the
gate between us with his lightsaber, but it holds.
As I kneel to meditate, I can sense Obi-Wan behind me,
separated from me by several more of the gates. He is worried
he will not be able to catch up in time. Part of me almost
hopes he does not. There is nothing at the end of this hall but
a small room with a large melting pit. I know this is where the
fight will be decided, and suddenly I am not sure of the
outcome.
Too soon I feel the gates about to open. Obi-Wan's anxiety
increases as he powers his lightsaber. My own flares to life as
the gate opens and I crash my sword into the red fire of the
Sith's double-sided 'saber. Almost as a distant background
noise I hear the gates shut again, and sense Obi-Wan's
distress. He did not make it through in time, and he is
trapped.
I would comfort him, but even as part of me starts to try, I
feel his support flow into me. If he cannot be at my side, he
will at least give me what assistance he can. Yes, he will make
a fine Jedi indeed.
His support gives me strength, and I put more effort into
studying the Sith, trying to figure out a weakness to exploit.
He has changed his fighting style several times, making it hard
to predict his next moves. He lunges, and I see an opening, but
before I can take it he jerks back to center, then uses the
handle of his lightsaber to hit me full force in the face.
The red-hot 'saber blade has entered and left me before I even
realize what happened. I grab at the wound in my side and fall
to the ground, unable to continue and unsure if the cry of pain
from Obi-Wan was out loud or only in my head. The security
gates will open again soon, and he will be left to face the
Sith without my help. He can defeat him. I believe that. But
only if he believes it too.
The gate opens. The only sounds I can hear are the feet of the
two opponents, their labored breathing, and the clash of
lightsabers. I cannot seem to move to watch the fight, so I
close my eyes and concentrate, almost seeing it in my head. The
effort takes away from my need to try to heal myself, so I
reluctantly focus more attention on that, keeping one part of
my mind open to any change in Obi-Wan's situation.
Precious moments slip by, and then suddenly I feel as if I'm
falling. No, not me, Obi-Wan. Falling for an instant, and then
stopping suddenly. I focus on the room around me, and I see
him, hanging from something in the pit, out of reach of the
opening, his lightsaber on the other side of the room, sent
there by the Sith's foot. He hangs there, concern for me
clouding his mind, blocking the solution to his problem.
Concentrate, Padawan. Focus. Use the Force.
He hangs there for what seems like an eternity, then I feel the
Force swirling to him and around him, gathering like a storm.
Suddenly the storm unleashes, and in my mind I see him almost
fly out of the pit, his 'saber shooting to his hand and
powering as he flips and lands on the other side of the Sith.
He slices straight across, and the Sith falls backwards, cut
completely in half.
I let out a shaky breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding,
then realize how much it hurts. I hear the squeak of Obi-Wan's
boots, and a second later he is at my side, gathering me in his
arms as if he can hold me together by sheer will.
"Obi-Wan...promise me...promise me you will train the boy...."
"You will train him."
"If I can't...promise me."
"I don't need to," he insists stubbornly. "You will
train him."
"Promise me."
"If I don't promise you, you'll have to stay, if only to punish
me for disobedience." I manage a faint smile in response. "Now
be quiet and let me concentrate."
He closes his eyes, and after a moment I feel the result of his
efforts in my side. The pain in the wound lessens somewhat, and
I find I can breathe a little easier. He does what he can, then
opens his eyes, breathing heavily. "That's the best I can do.
Can you get up?"
I try, but it causes more pain in the wound. Although I manage
to hide my reaction, he knows. Before I can try again, he lifts
me up and carries me toward the exit, holding me with the same
gentleness I used on him countless times when he was injured in
the distant past, before he became too old to allow me to
comfort him in that way.
Taking comfort from another person through the Force has become
second nature to me, especially since taking Obi-Wan as my
apprentice. But I'd almost forgotten how it felt to be
comforted by physical means. Now that I have been reminded, I
make a mental note to use the method more often if I survive.
It is a wonderful feeling.
I close my eyes and let the heat from Obi-Wan's body warm me,
safe in the knowledge that he would do everything in his power
to keep me alive. The Sith has been defeated, from the faint
cheering we could hear outside and the broken droids we pass, I
assume the battle was a success as well. I can sleep now and be
reasonably certain I will wake up again. My Padawan will make
sure of it.
The next time I open my eyes, I see white. A white ceiling and
white lights. They are quickly replaced, however, by Obi-Wan's
face. "Master?"
"Obi-Wan," I croak, then try to clear my throat. He hands me a
glass of water, and after several gulps, I try again. "How
long...how long have I been asleep?"
"The better part of the last two days." He smiles faintly. "You
were starting to worry me."
"I knew better than to go anywhere. You would have come after
me."
"Yes, I would have." The joking tone has a layer of seriousness
underneath. The look on his face changes. "The Council is here
on Naboo." "All of them?" Obi-Wan nods. "Why?"
"They came with the Healers."
"Healers? I was that bad?"
He looks away. "You were much worse than I originally thought,"
he says after a moment. "You...you almost died. And then there
was Anakin, and...well, there have been a few developments
while you were resting peacefully."
"Not so peacefully," I respond, remembering bits and pieces of
the nightmares I had while I was healing. Especially alternate
endings to that fight, scenes where Obi-Wan was the one cut in
half and hurled down the melting pit. Scenes where his anger at
the Sith overcame him and he struck the Sith down, only to
fight an even worse battle with darkness itself. Scenes where I
was fighting to breathe, and he was hovering over me, unshed
tears shining in his eyes, alongside a look of helplessness
that equaled the one he wore when I first told him I would not
take him as an apprentice all those years ago.
"Master?"
"I am sorry, Obi-Wan, I seem to have wandered for a moment. You
were saying something about developments?"
"Anakin blew up the Federation ship." I can't even begin to
mask my shock. "Even he seems to be a little unsure exactly how
he managed to do it, but whatever he did, it saved the planet."
"And the Council?"
"They have reversed their decision. He will be trained."
"By who?"
Obi-Wan shakes his head. "They did not say. I suspect they were
waiting to see if you would live."
"I cannot train him." I reach up with my hand and touch his
braid. "I have an apprentice."
He shakes his head again. "The Council has also decided that
defeating the Sith was my trial."
"You are a Jedi?"
"Technically I am still an apprentice, but as soon as you are
able to stand, we will sever the Master/Padawan connection." He
looks a little less pleased than he should, a feeling I
understand. Becoming a Jedi is what he has worked for his whole
life, but it means giving up our closeness. Things will never
be the same.
I smile up at him. "I shall have to speed my healing. I can
only imagine the impatience you must be feeling to get rid of
this," I joke, touching the braid again.
"Take your time. I don't want to risk your health just to cut
off some hair." He says it so casually, as if it is just any
haircut. But I sense the emotions behind the casual attitude,
and the reasons for them, and I hope that we can talk when that
ceremony is over.
If there is time. The Council may very well be waiting to see
if I plan to train Anakin. And if they will let me, I will
train him. Obi-Wan will be starting his life as a full Jedi,
and I will be starting another Padawan down the path Obi-Wan
has just completed.
Simply thinking of the effort involved in all that, even
without added complications, makes me tired. I close my eyes
briefly, then look up again to see Obi-Wan smiling. "Usually
I'm the one who is reluctant to release sleep," he says, the
smile turning into a grin.
"I would argue, but I fear I'm too tired to do so."
"Sleep, Master. I will still be here when you wake."
That is all I need to hear.
"Confer upon you the level of Jedi Knight the council does."
Yoda's gruff voice seemed to have a note of satisfaction in it
as he said the words. He joined the rest of the Council, waited
as both Obi-Wan and I bowed, then they filed out of the room.
"Well, Padawan...I guess that's the last time I'll call you
that."
Obi-Wan smiles, but I can sense something else behind it. "Soon
enough you'll be using that word for someone else."
I nod as I try to find the right words. "I may have had many
Padawans in my career as a Jedi, but there is only one Obi-Wan
Kenobi."
"Is that a nice way of trying to say I was a pain in the--"
"Padawan!"
He laughs. "You said it again."
"Yes," I answer with a smile, "I suppose I did. It will be
difficult not to call you that."
"I'm afraid it will be even harder not to call you Master. At
least I can get away with it. I will only have one Master in my
career."
I could point out that Jedi Masters are called simply 'Master'
by most people, Jedi or not, but there was more than one
meaning to his statement. "Here." I picked up the ceremonial
knife from the table beside us and reached for his braid. "The
Force is your only Master now," I say as I yank the knife
through the braid as close to his scalp as I can. It falls free
in one try, and just like that, Master and Padawan are no
longer, and we face each other, Jedi to Jedi.
Obi-Wan stares at the braid as I place it in his hand, then one
corner of his mouth turns up. He pulls a small thread out of
his pocket and ties off the loose end before it can come
undone, then coils the braid and places it in his pocket.
"You're not planning to burn your braid?" I tease.
"No, Ma--Qui-Gon." The words sound as awkward as I sense they
felt. The braid may be gone, the Code may say we are no longer
connected, but it does nothing to sever the connection through
the Force. I can read him as well now as I could two minutes
ago. "I plan to keep it. A constant reminder."
"Of?"
"My training, of course."
"Of course." Without realizing it, my hand reaches up to touch
the spot where the braid used to be. "Does it feel as odd as it
looks?"
"I feel a bit lopsided, but I imagine that will fade," he
answers with a smile. My hand lingers for a moment, my
fingertips resting on his neck as his smile disappears. He
swallows, and I realize I must let go. As my hand pulls away,
he leans toward it slightly, and my hopes that he might say
something rise.
"Mas--Qui-Gon...."
"Is there something you wish to say, Obi-Wan?" I only barely
manage to fight the desire to will him to speak.
After a moment, he gives an almost imperceptible shake of his
head. "Thank you." He bows formally. "It has indeed been an
honor to be your apprentice."
"The honor has been mine," I return softly. I bow to him, and
he leaves the room without looking back. And just like that, I
am alone.
Until tomorrow. Tomorrow I officially take Anakin as a Padawan
and we are to leave for Coruscant to spend two weeks at the
Temple. I know that Obi-Wan is due to leave for a mission
tomorrow. Normally he would be given a week or two of freedom
before being sent on a mission, but we Jedi have been so in
demand of late, there is no time. I smile to myself--he will
most likely spend the evening somewhere warm. He hates the
cold, and he is being sent to Hoth, a planet covered in ice.
My thoughts turn to several places he could spend the evening
that would be very warm, but I shove those ideas aside. He did
not speak, so I will not. Perhaps I misread his feelings and
simply saw what I wished to see. In any case, it could be
weeks, months or years before we see each other again. It is
best not to think of things you cannot have.
Best instead to think of the future.
It was three weeks. One day short of three weeks to be exact.
Anakin and I were sent to Danohr for a routine mission. I have
developed a tendency to notice every male with short, sandy
hair wherever we are, especially those dressed in robes similar
to the ones Jedi wear, so I am not surprised when I see someone
I think could be Obi-Wan. It does surprise me, however, when
the man turns around and I realize he actually is Obi-Wan.
Anakin spots him and smiles. "Obi-Wan!" he calls out excitedly
before he remembers that he is supposed to be acting like a
Jedi. He quickly composes his features and bows formally to my
former apprentice.
Obi-Wan gives the boy a smile and bows, first to Anakin, then
to me. "M-Qui-Gon," he catches himself quickly, but shakes his
head anyway.
"Obi-Wan," I reply, bowing back. "It is good to see you. I
didn't know you were coming to Danhor."
"Just a quick stop. I leave for Alantris in the morning."
"Well, then, have dinner with us. We aren't expected at the
King's palace until morning."
"I would like that." The three of us head for the walkway that
connects the hangar to the royal guest quarters. Before I can
even ask how he's been, Obi-Wan stops at one of the doors.
"This is mine."
"We're down the hall, I believe. Should we come back here on
our way to dinner and get you?"
He nods, then gives a slight bow as he opens the door and steps
inside. After a moment, Anakin looks at me questioningly.
"Master?"
"Sorry. Let's get going, shall we?"
"So, how have you been?" We've made it all the way through
dinner, and the only conversation so far has consisted of small
talk.
"Good. Busy." That doesn't surprise me. "They keep me going so
much from one planet to the next I fear half the time I'm not
quite sure where I am when I wake up in the morning."
I smile. "You mean you actually wake up?"
"Well, I'm a Jedi now, not a lazy Padawan," Obi-Wan returns
with a grin. "I don't have a Master to make me get up." Our
eyes lock for a second, then he turns to Anakin. "And how do
you like your training so far?"
"It's great! We were on Coruscant for two weeks, but we've been
to two planets so far on this trip, and I got to fly the ship
part of the way here."
One of Obi-Wan's eyebrows quirks up. "They let you fly the
ship?"
"Well, for a minute anyway," Anakin admits.
"I would have thought you'd had enough of flying for a while
after Naboo."
"Are you kidding? That just made me want to fly more." He
realizes what he's said, looks at me, and backtracks. "But not
at the expense of my training, of course."
I repress a smile. "I think it's time for a certain Padawan to
get some sleep if he's going to be able to train tomorrow
morning."
"Yes, Master," Anakin replies, almost managing to keep the
disappointment out of his voice. "Will I see you tomorrow,
Obi-Wan?"
"I doubt it. I have to leave early."
"Oh," he answers, his frown deepening. "Good-bye, then," he
adds as he bows, first to Obi-Wan, then to me. He turns and
walks out of the room with as much dignity as a nine-year old
can manage.
Both of us watch him go with a smile. "He seems to be adjusting
well to life without his mother now."
"He has had a few nightmares, but for the most part he's doing
fine," I answer with a nod. "And how are you adjusting?"
"Fine. Rooms all to myself, responsibility, no one to tell me
what to do, except the Council, of course...who could ask for
more?"
His tone doesn't quite match his words. "You do make it sound
like a good life." At least in theory.
"It is exactly what I was told it would be. An honor, a
privilege, a thrill, and...."
"Lonely?"
He blinks, the only sign of his surprise. "Isn't that what
we're told to expect?"
"Expecting it and experiencing it are two very different
things, Padawan."
A half-grin crosses his face. "You did it again."
"I'm sorry. It just comes so naturally."
"I know. The loneliness...it's not always bad. It makes one
think."
For the first time since running into him, I probe the
connection still there between us, but apparently he's been
busy learning new tricks over the past few weeks. His feelings
are shielded from me. I can tell they are there, but I cannot
see them. He didn't know how to do that when he left. Or maybe
he just hadn't needed to. "About?"
He shakes his head. "A great many things," he answers
cryptically as he checks his chronometer. "I should be getting
some rest, I suppose. I'm leaving quite early in the morning."
"I see." In fact, I don't see at all. Something is obviously
bothering him, but he does not want me to know what it is, and
he is taking great pains to see that I do not figure it out.
"Be careful in Alantris. Some of the people there are not
overly fond of the Jedi."
"I know, Master. I have done my homework."
"Master?"
"If the boot fits...."
Ah, I suppose I did sound a bit like I was still his master.
"Old habits die hard."
"Yes, they do," he responds softly, a hint of something
unfamiliar in his tone. "It was good to see you again," he says
as he stands.
"It was good to see you too." We clasp hands, and then he bows
before heading to his rooms. After a long moment, I turn for my
rooms to check on Anakin before trying to sleep.
Two weeks later, Anakin and I are weaving through a crowded
market on Nagura when a voice behind us stops me in my tracks.
"If I didn't know better, I'd think you two were following me."
"Obi-Wan!" Anakin grins as he turns and remembers at the last
second to bow.
"Hello, Anakin." He bows to the boy, then to me. "Qui-Gon," he
says carefully, making sure he doesn't slip up.
"Obi-Wan," I answer as I bow in return. "What brings you to
Nagura?"
"The same thing that brings you here. The Council thought you
might need some assistance and since I was nearby it seemed
like a logical choice."
Not the Council's usual procedure, but then many things they
had done lately had been out of character, especially when it
concerned Anakin or myself. "How considerate of them."
"Perhaps. Or perhaps they just wanted me to check up on you, in
which case it's just downright rude."
I try to hide my grin. He seems a little more at ease than he
was on Danhor. I wonder if he has managed to resolve whatever
was bothering him then, but a quick test of the tenuous
connection we still have shows that his feelings are still
shielded. "Whatever the case, it's good to see you again."
"And you." One of the locals almost knocks Obi-Wan down. "We
seem to be in the way. Shall we sit down somewhere and talk
about the mission?"
"Our quarters are just up ahead; we can talk there."
"Show me, then I'll find out where I'm to stay and come back to
talk."
"Let's go then." I check to make sure Anakin is paying
attention and following, and we move out of the main square.
"So you don't think the Naguran Cabinet will argue against it?"
"They know it will do them no good. They cannot win." I glance
over at Anakin, who is looking out the window instead of
listening to the conversation. "What do you think, Padawan?"
He turns back to me, startled. "I...um...well...."
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry," he says, lowering his head. "I'm afraid I got
distracted, Master."
"I can see that. And so could anyone else. You must learn to
focus."
"Yes, sir."
I feel a little sympathy for him. He was not brought up from an
early age to focus on his surroundings; it must come harder to
him than to most apprentices. But that only reinforces why I
have to make sure he learns it quickly. "Maybe you should get
in a little training before dinner."
"Yes, sir." He gets up, bows to us, and leaves the room.
I don't have to look at Obi-Wan to know he's grinning. "What?"
I ask, trying not to laugh.
"It's very interesting to see you talking to someone
else like that. I must say I prefer watching it to being
on the receiving end of it."
"You're not so old that I can't talk to you like that if I
choose."
He shakes his head. "You won't."
"You're certain about that?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
He shrugs as he stands up. "I told you, being alone has given
me time to think. I see many things much more clearly now."
"And that includes being able to understand me?"
"Never," he answers immediately, a smile playing about his
lips. "Predict your actions, perhaps. But understand
you...well, maybe just a little. Only a little, though."
I'm not sure like his answer. "What do you mean?"
"I'd love to explain, but I really have to go. If I don't get
back to the main government office immediately I may not have a
place to sleep tonight." He turns toward the door, then looks
back. "I'll be back in time to have dinner with you and Anakin,
if you like."
I nod, and he leaves me to wonder what he meant by his cryptic
comments and if I'll get an answer tonight, or just end up with
more questions.
"So, your time alone has made many things clearer to you?"
Obi-Wan blinks at me, taken aback by my question. Anakin has
just gone back to our rooms to sleep, and Obi-Wan's comments
have been on my mind since this afternoon. Catching him
off-guard might get to the bottom of whatever has been
bothering him.
"Mostly, yes."
"Mostly?"
"No one understands everything, not even a Jedi."
He is hedging. "True. I didn't realize you were hoping to
understand the entire universe."
"I'm not. Just my own piece of it," he says quietly as he
stands. "We should rest. The negotiations are due to start very
early tomorrow."
I want to push harder, but I no longer have the right as
Master. If he wants so badly to keep it from me, there is
nothing I can do. "Yes, of course." I rise from the chair and
fall into step beside him, heading back to our rooms without
another word.
"It has been nice having you at my side again. Your assistance
proved to be quite valuable."
Obi-Wan bows. "Thank you. I was happy to help." He picks up his
bag. "I'm going to miss my transport," he says as he bows.
I return the gesture. "I'm sure we will see each other soon."
"Somehow I think fate will make sure of it," he says with a
small grin. I wait until he is on the ship before I let down my
guarded feelings of frustration. The negotiations took a week,
a week during which Obi-Wan made sure I did not get the chance
to question him again. Whatever he was dealing with inside his
head was well-guarded. I refused to try to break through the
shield, and I could not question him. As a result, I still have
no idea what was bothering him.
At least he seemed to be coming to terms with whatever it was.
He had been more relaxed this week than when we met up with him
on Danhor. I only hope that means a happy resolution is in
sight for his problem.
His problem. That is exactly what it is. His problem. He
is his own man now. I cannot help him if he does not want me
to. With that thought in mind, I leave the shuttle bay and
search out one I can help.
I stop even trying to lecture Anakin on control once we are in
Naboo's orbit. The lecture would just fall on deaf ears. He is
too excited at the prospect of seeing the Queen to listen. So I
will let him be for now, and then drill him twice as hard
tomorrow when the lesson will actually do some good. I hope.
A guard takes us to the Queen's sitting room, Anakin's
excitement somewhat contained now that he is actually here. I
suspect he does not want to appear too young when he sees the
Queen again. There is an interesting energy between those two,
one that bears watching. It is rare to see it between two
people so young.
As we walk into the room, the Queen is out of her costume. Even
dressed as Padme, she looks much older than she did just months
ago in the battle. As she laughs, I detect a little more of her
youth. Then I recognize the laugh of the person sitting with
her.
"Obi-Wan." Once again he has surprised me. "I had no idea you
were on Naboo."
"The Council finally gave me the time off I was supposed to
have when I first became a Knight. Amidala was on Coruscant at
the time, so I accompanied her back here."
I turn to the Queen. "You have just returned from the capital?"
"No, we have been back for several days. I convinced Obi-Wan
that Naboo was the perfect place to take a vacation." She turns
to Anakin. "Do I not even get a hug?"
That one line was all he needed. He hurried forward to hug her,
then the two went off hand in hand. I joined Obi-Wan as he
watched them leave. "So, how are you enjoying your vacation?"
"I must confess I feel a bit lazy," he answered, his grin
belying his words. "Even though I still do training exercises,
there are no meetings to hurry off to, no transports to run and
catch...it's very different."
"Don't get too used to it. We need you too much."
"I didn't say I was going to make it a lifestyle."
I nod, still trying to figure out what exactly is going on
here. "I didn't know you and the Queen were such good friends."
He gives me a long look before answering. "I have a great deal
of respect for her opinions, and I enjoy her company. We talked
often on Coruscant, and she thought it would be good for me to
come here. Is there a problem?"
"No, of course not. You are free to do whatever you wish on
your own time." The return of Anakin and the Queen puts an end
to our conversation. "Anakin, we must do some training this
afternoon. Your Highness, with your permission?"
"Of course. I will see you both at the evening meal." She leans
down to give Anakin another hug. "I am very glad to see you."
"Me too," he says before he bows to Obi-Wan and joins me on the
way out of the room. I am dismayed but not surprised to sense a
faint hostility emanating from Anakin, but I am surprised to
find a small strain of it in my own mind. It is not a feeling I
am very familiar with, but I recognize it all the same.
Jealousy.
This will not do. A Jedi must be at peace, and I will have
great difficulty teaching Anakin that if I cannot learn it
myself.
Maybe we should forego the physical training today and
concentrate on meditation.
The Queen is back in character again, having donned a more
elaborate costume and painted her face since I saw her this
afternoon. I note with interest that she has placed Obi-Wan
directly to her right. Anakin and I are about half way down the
table, separated from the two of them by at least six people,
but I can read their body language if nothing else. They are
very comfortable with one another.
I sense Anakin trying to use the techniques I have taught him
to let go of his anger and hurt at being placed so far from the
Queen, but his hostility toward Obi-Wan seems to be a little
harder for him to release. "Anakin," I say softly, warning him.
After a moment, he calms further until I sense very little
anger in him at all. For now.
Most of the people at the table seem to have other things to do
as the meal ends, and soon the group has dwindled down to four.
Myself, Anakin, Queen Amidala and Obi-Wan. Once the crowd is
gone, Amidala joins Anakin. "Master Qui-Gon?" she asks.
"Yes, Your Highness?"
"Please, call me Amidala." I nod. "I was hoping I could give
Anakin a tour of the palace."
"By all means. Annie, do not be too late." I hope that by
spending a little time alone with her, Anakin will realize his
jealousy is unnecessary and it will help him control it. The
two of them stroll off happily, leaving me alone with Obi-Wan,
who is studying a plant by the window.
"Where is your next mission?" he asks as I join him.
"Bandomeer."
Obi-Wan's head jerks up in surprise. "The mines?"
I nod. "It seems that the Hutt have decided Arcana owes them a
debt from years ago when many of their 'workers' were 'stolen'
by Arcana."
"That's not quite how I remember it."
"Nor do I. That is why the Council is sending me to mediate.
The meeting takes place in four days. As I had promised Anakin
a trip to Naboo when I could arrange it, it seemed the perfect
chance."
"He misses Amidala, doesn't he?"
"Yes, I believe he does." I hesitate to interfere, but I can't
seem to stop myself. "Obi-Wan...what is going on between you
and the Queen?"
He crosses his arms, studying me in that maddening way he's
developed. "Why?"
"When we arrived today, Anakin saw you with her, and he was...a
little upset. I sensed it again at dinner."
"I sensed it also. But that doesn't explain why you want to
know my relationship with Amidala."
"I hoped to put any fears he might have on that front to rest."
"It would be better, I think, to teach your Padawan to control
his fears."
The rebuke stung. I freely admit, at least to myself, that my
biggest failing is my pride, so any criticism stings. But from
a former Padawan, and not just any Padawan.... "Anakin is a
special case."
"Yes, I've heard that."
"I only sought to comfort him with facts. I see no harm in
that."
"You sought to comfort him?"
"Yes."
He nods once, but I do not need the Force to know he doesn't
accept that answer. "My relationship with the Queen is between
us. If your Padawan cannot accept that she has a life outside
of the brief moments he spends with her, then that is something
he will have to work on." Before I could say another word, he
turns and exits the room.
Anakin arrives in our rooms a short time after I do. "That was
fast."
"Obi-Wan showed up and took Amidala with him." To Anakin's
credit, he manages to keep from scowling. And his voice is
almost free of disgust. Almost.
"They are friends, Padawan."
"That doesn't mean he can just walk up and take her away from
me."
"I know he knows how much you want to spend time with her. He
obviously needed her for something or he would not have pulled
her away."
He said nothing, he just stared out the window. After several
minutes, he turned back to me. "I think I'll meditate before I
go to bed, Master."
"Very well." I am pleased that he came up with that solution on
his own. He bows and leaves me to wonder why Obi-Wan went
straight to the Queen after our conversation. Just what is
their relationship? I would have expected him to go back to his
room to be alone, not to seek out another person. If he went in
search of her....
The bright flare of jealousy that hits me is something I can do
without. I quickly dampen it, hopefully before Anakin can sense
it. He had the right idea--meditation is definitely in order. I
must stop myself from having this reaction if I am to survive
this trip. And all the rest to come.
Tonight's evening meal makes last night look easy in
comparison. This time, it is just the four of us. The Queen has
even foregone her makeup. Despite the intimate table for four,
conversation is more stilted than it was last night at a large
table. Only the Queen seems to be outside it, as if she does
not notice the tension in the room. Yet she must know it is
there.
I reach out with my senses, gently probing her feelings, only
to find myself blocked. The Queen never displayed any signs of
being able to use the Force before. Unless...my eyes jump to
Obi-Wan, who is all but glaring at me. He's blocking her from
my probe. And he knows that I tried.
Once, at the Academy, I was caught using my abilities to pilfer
an extra desert. The Master who caught me didn't make me feel
nearly as guilty as I do at this moment. My guilt increases as
I notice Anakin looking between me and Obi-Wan, sensing
something is going on.
Finally, the Queen takes pity on us. "Anakin and I are going to
hear the children's choir."
"But you're not dressed to go out," Obi-Wan says hurriedly.
"No, but they are singing in the square. There is a room
overlooking the stage where we can hear them quite nicely
without being seen."
"I'll join you," Obi-Wan offers.
"That is not necessary. Stay and catch up with Master Qui-Gon."
The look he gives her would be comical under other
circumstances. I am not sure if he is afraid he will lose his
temper with me or forgive me, but he obviously does not want
her to leave him alone with me. Therefore, I will do everything
I can to ensure she does.
"We do not have to start early tomorrow, Anakin, so take your
time and enjoy the concert."
Anakin smiles and an extra skip enters his step as he and the
Queen depart. They haven't even disappeared from view when
Obi-Wan turns toward the door. "I really should--"
"Obi-Wan."
He stops, an instinctive reaction to the tone of command in my
voice, then seems to remember who he is now. "As I said, I
really should be going."
"Wait."
He sighs. "Why?"
"I'm sorry."
"For?" he asks curtly, his arms crossed.
"Earlier, with the Queen. I should not have tried to probe her
feelings."
"No, you shouldn't have."
"You expected it?"
He inclines his head. "I thought it might be a possibility and
sought to ensure her feelings were her own."
I am not sure which is worse--that he thought I would resort to
such measures or that I actually did. "I have not been myself
since reaching Naboo for some reason."
"My Master would have told me that intense meditation could fix
that."
One corner of my mouth lifts up. "He sounds like an intelligent
man."
"I always thought so."
"Thought? You have doubts on the subject?"
"His recent actions have led me to wonder a bit."
Yet more stinging comments, but deserved ones. "I realize that
you can do as you please, however, I do feel the need to
mention one thing."
"If you must."
"The Queen...be careful. She is young, and she may not know her
heart--" His harsh laugh cuts off the rest of my advice. "You
find this amusing?"
"I take it back. I have no doubts. On some matters, you are not
nearly as intelligent as I would have thought."
So now even my advice makes no sense to him? "You may think
that, but I assure you she is likely to change her affections
several more times in her life." This comment receives more
laughter. "You are so sure of her feelings for you then?"
"Yes, I am quite sure of her feelings for me. And mine for
her."
"And there is nothing I can say to dissuade you?"
"Nothing." He studies me for a moment before another harsh
laugh escapes his lips. "You don't understand, do you? No, of
course not. I care for Amidala. But not in the way you mean."
"Then you should not lead her on."
He stares for a moment before laughing again. "She knows. We
are friends. She has helped me figure out some things in my
life recently."
"Then why did you let me think otherwise?"
"You seemed so intent on thinking it, who was I to tell you
otherwise?" He leans forward, his face drawing close to mine.
"Reality is a matter of point of view."
I cannot recall how many times I said similar words to him. It
is both satisfying and humbling to have them thrown back at me
now. "Trust me, I no longer have any point of view on the
subject. What is the truth?"
He shakes his head. "Oh, no, it's not that easy. You will see
the truth when you are ready, and not a moment before."
More of my own teachings used against me. I think I may have
taught him a little too well. "I think I may need a little help
on this one."
He opens his mouth, the closes it. "No. This one you will have
to figure out on your own," he says before hurrying out of the
room.
I stare after him. I don't know what to think. I can't feel his
feelings through shields, he will not answer my questions...how
am I supposed to pull answers out of thin air? And how did we
grow apart so fast? It was mere months ago that he willed me to
live, using the Force as he'd never used it before to keep me
alive. The Healers told me after I woke up and Obi-Wan had gone
to get some rest that he had saved me. And he had not left my
side until I woke up. He simply refused to let me die.
"I knew better than to go anywhere. You would have come
after me."
"Yes, I would have."
He could not possibly feel that strongly and then have it turn
to nothing. Unless....
I am a fool.
And now I want answers to a whole new set of questions.
All the way to Obi-Wan's room I berate myself. I sensed it
before the fight on Naboo. Then he became a Knight, and he
seemed so different that I disregarded everything I knew about
him. He has changed, but only in that he's grown more confident
as he realized he could survive on his own. Underneath the new
layer of confidence is the same person whose braid I cut in
this very building a few months earlier. The person who saved
me during the Naboo battle. The person who was terrified of
losing me when I first fought the Sith.
The person I was almost convinced felt the same way about me
that I did about him.
As long as I was his Master, those feelings were dangerous. But
now we are equals. In fact, at the moment I fear I may be a
little inferior to him. There is nothing to stop us.
If I am right.
I won't even stop to think about being wrong. All of the clues
lead to this conclusion, now that I stop to look at them
clearly. And if I have somehow misjudged the situation, then I
will deal with that. But I have to know.
My first knock yields no response, but I can sense him on the
other side of the door. He may be able to shield his thoughts,
but he has not figured out how to conceal his presence from me
yet. I knock again, but still no answer. Finally, after a third
knock, he opens the door. "I'm too tired to answer the same
questions again."
"That's good, because I have a new set to ask."
After a moment, he pulls the door open wider, allowing me to
enter. I hear it click shut as I cross the room to look out a
window. "You said I would see the truth when I was ready.
Perhaps you were right."
"Oh?" His voice sounds disinterested, but for the first time I
sense a sliver of his feelings, and he is not as calm as he
seems. He covers it quickly, but it is too late. I felt it, and
my hope increases.
"You're not in love with the Queen."
"No."
"But you have feelings for someone else." Silence. "Someone you
hesitate to mention your feelings to lest they be rebuffed."
More silence. I spoke the words as fact, not as questions, but
an agreement would be nice. I turn to face him. "Obi-Wan?"
"I do have feelings for someone, yes." His eyes are locked with
mine, and although another tendril of his emotions leaks out
and I sense his nervousness at this line of questioning, his
gaze never breaks away. He is determined to see this through.
I leave the window and move to stand a few feet away from him.
"Queen Amidala knows about this." He nods, still meeting my
eyes. "That is why she took Anakin and left us alone, because
she wanted you to talk to me about it?" Another nod. "Why would
you have cause to doubt your feelings would be returned? You
must know this person well if you thought that."
"I do."
"Yet not well enough to tell if they returned your feelings?"
"Once I would have thought I did, but now...no, I am not sure."
"You won't always be sure of everything in your life, Padawan.
Sometimes you must take a chance."
"I am not your Padawan."
"No, you are no longer a Padawan. But I wonder...are you still
mine?"
He blinks, and some of his control over his emotions
slip--enough for me to be sure I am right. "You have figured it
out then?" he asks hoarsely.
"It took me much longer than it probably should have, but even
Jedi Masters can be blind with their eyes wide open when they
don't take the time to look."
"And when you could finally see?"
"I realized I had been afraid to see for fear of seeing an
illusion."
Slowly, without ever looking away, he leans up to kiss me,
tentatively at first, then with more assurance as he realizes I
am kissing him back. His eyes are closed when he finally pulls
away, then after a moment, he opens them. "I wasn't sure what
your reaction would be."
"So you chose not to find out?"
"It was easier to let you think whatever you liked."
"I didn't like what I was thinking at all."
One corner of his mouth lifts. "Then perhaps you should have
examined the facts more closely," he says as he reaches out,
his hand pulling at the back of my neck until my lips find his
again. The reality of the moment is finally sinking into my
brain, washing away doubt and leaving behind a stronger sense
of need than I have ever known. My hands trail down his back,
finding solid matter instead of the thin air of my dreams, and
the reality hits home again.
Would his skin be as warm and soft as I imagined? One hand
wanders back up to his neck, tracing a line under the collar of
his tunic. The skin there is indeed soft, and much warmer than
in my dreams. My fingertips trace the skin just under the edge
of his tunic down his chest, drawing a sharp gasp from his
mouth as I hit a sensitive area.
Anxious now to find out if the rest of his skin is even softer,
I dispose of his belt quickly. His stomach contracts as my
hands come to rest there, gliding slowly up his chest, leaving
shivers in their wake. His lips leave mine, and he tilts his
head back, his concentration centered totally on the sensations
of my hands.
I reach his shoulders and continue my exploration down his
arms, taking his tunic with me. As my hands reach his, the top
falls to the floor, leaving nothing but golden-brown skin in
front of me. After I spend a moment drinking in the sight, his
eyes open, seeking mine. It is the passion I see in their
depths that finally convinces me this is real.
The fires that had been simmering inside me flare into bright
blazes as I can feel his need, both in my fingers on his body
as well as through the Force. My hands return to his neck,
caressing the soft skin there with my fingertips, my light
touch causing goose bumps all over his neck, chest and arms.
Fascinated by the texture of the small bumps, I run my hands
down his arms, the slight roughness of the bumps creating a
completely different sensation than the smooth skin from
before.
I have had enough of simple touching. My eyes focus on the
pulse beating rapidly at the base of his neck. When my lips
descend upon it, the beat increases, lessons in control either
forgotten or thrown away in the heat of the moment. His arms
close around me reflexively as his head tilts back further,
allowing me easier access to the strong column of his throat.
My lips work their way around to the hollow at the base of his
throat, then down further. His hands begin to work at the belt
around my waist until I reach one hard, brown nipple. As I bite
down gently, his efforts with my belt cease, and he grabs my
shoulders. Tremors in his emotions flow into my mind through
the Force as I let my tongue circle the area once, twice, then
move to the other side, as he renews his efforts with my belt.
The other nipple falls under the same attack, but his time he
is prepared, and despite the increased shallowness of his
breathing, he continues with my belt, freeing it and throwing
it to the floor. My tunic soon follows, and then his hands are
on my skin. But it is not the same slow exploration I indulged
myself in. His hands are more demanding, the quick movements
creating a sensation of being touched everywhere at once.
The feeling causes me to lose my concentration for a moment,
then I resolve to return the sweet torture. My hands slide down
his back and dip below his trousers, down to his thighs before
returning to pull at his hips, pulling him tightly against me.
The feel of his erection against my thigh, even through the
fabric, is almost my undoing.
I release him, my hands returning to his waist to play around
the band of his pants, but I have increased his need. His hips
rub against my thigh restlessly, demanding attention. Slowly, I
trail kisses down the middle of his chest, stopping to nip
lightly at the edge of his navel before pushing the trousers to
the floor. The action knocks him backwards, and he lands in a
chair, the stunned expression on his face quickly replaced by a
look of sheer ecstasy as I run my tongue around the edge of his
cock.
His boots disappear, as do the pants, and once I have removed
the last of my own clothing, I move my lips to his ankle,
working my way slowly up the inside of his leg. He is rock hard
with need, but I pause only a moment to lick a drop of moisture
off the end before I go to the ankle of the other leg and begin
my trip upward. By the time I reach his knee, his hands are in
my hair, tugging just hard enough to be insistent without
causing me pain, leading me to the area I have apparently
neglected for far too long.
Slowly, deliberately, I circle the tip, then take the length of
him in my mouth, relaxing my throat until my lips meet the
base. His hoarse cry is the sweetest sound I have ever heard. I
grasp at his hips, holding him as steady as I can as I
withdraw, then take him in again. I can feel the shifts in his
unique pattern in the Force as his body takes over, his mind no
longer caring if he has control. My lips meet the base of his
cock again, and I swallow, that action finally bringing him
over the top. He cries out again as he spills over into me, a
feeling I will never forget.
After a moment, I pull back and look at him. He is sprawled
bonelessly in the chair, his eyes closed, his breathing heavy.
Even at the end of our toughest battles he has never looked
this exhausted, but I have also never seen him look this
content. All his life he has seemed to be searching for
something, and it gratifies me to see that he appears to have
found it. That he found it in me makes it that much sweeter.
Still, he will be very uncomfortable when he regains control if
he stays like that in the chair. I manage to rouse him enough
to move a little, and we tumble onto the sleeping couch. For
endless moments we lie there in silence. Finally, his breathing
begins to return to normal, and I sense a new restlessness
building in him. Soon, his hands begin to move, exploring my
chest, then lower, tracing random patterns on my thighs, but
avoiding my erection that has yet to be relieved from our
activities minutes before.
He finally looks up at me, the blue-green eyes still slightly
clouded with passion. "I had no idea," he breathes softly.
"I rather thought you did at this point."
He laughs softly. "I had some idea. But that...never. Nothing
like that...."
If not for my blindness...but I refuse to think about that. The
past is past, and cannot be undone. But the future...I can see
the future shining on me, reflected in his eyes. He slides up
my side to reach my lips with his, kissing me with an intensity
stronger than I would expect from one who seemed so tired
moments ago. He has regained his strength quickly, that much is
evident as he begins to work his way down my body with his
lips.
As his lips explore my chest, his hands are busy everywhere
else. Soft strokes through my hair, fleeting touches on my
arms, smooth caresses up and down my thighs--he leaves no part
of me untouched, his lips moving down my thighs, across my knee
and down the length of my leg and foot. When his soft, wet
mouth closes down over my big toe, it nearly jerks me off the
bed.
His grin is almost predatory as he flicks out his tongue to
lick the bottom of the other foot before enclosing two toes in
his mouth. The touch sends white-hot tendrils of desire
straight to my cock, which grows almost painful with need. He
must sense it; his trip back up my leg is much quicker. His
mouth closes down over me before I expect it, and it is all I
can do to control myself.
"Obi-Wan..." I manage. He pulls back and looks up at me, eyes
questioning. Somehow I manage to roll him until he is on his
back, his eyes wide with surprise at the unexpected move. They
widen a little more as I kneel in front of him and pull his
legs up to my shoulders, then suddenly they narrow, and a small
smile crosses his face. I sense an almost primitive excitement
in him as I test the tight passageway with one finger.
There is a bottle of hand lotion on the table by the couch,
just out of reach. I exert a small tug on the Force and it is
in my hand. I try to be gentle, worried I will cause him pain,
but all I can sense is a growing excitement, displayed by his
growing physical reaction to my ministrations and echoed
through the Force. Finally he is ready, and I enter him. The
sheer pleasure of my reaction mixing with his in my mind is
nearly enough to make me pass out. For a moment I am completely
still, reveling in the feeling. Then he moves against me.
That is all it takes. All my years of training, the amount of
control I have learned to exert over myself, over others, is
gone. It is as if I am someone else, part of another being, and
I am no longer sure where I end and he begins. Endless ages
later, and much too soon, I come with a blinding pulse of
white-hot light searing through my brain, even as I feel his
seed spilling all over us, the shared pleasure more than enough
to set him off.
I collapse on top of him, and it is several moments before I
can manage to roll off and let him breathe freely. We lie
there, not moving, not thinking, barely feeling, only a shared
link of love penetrating our conscious thought.
Eventually, the room grows cooler, and I find the energy to
pull a sheet over us. "Qui-Gon--"
"Shhh." My finger covers his mouth. "We'll talk in the
morning."
"Anakin--"
"Will be taken care of." I know that the Queen will make sure
he is safe and gets rest. She excels at taking care of him just
as she does her people. "Rest."
He does not argue further. He simply buries his head against my
chest and breathes my name softly before falling asleep. Once I
am sure he is resting peacefully, I surrender myself to a
dreamless sleep.
When I awake hours later, the sun is only just starting to
lighten the night sky. Obi-Wan stirs in my arms, but does not
wake. I can only just make out his features, but I can see
enough to tell he is smiling, even in sleep. Now that the
shields he has held so tightly these last months are down, I
can feel his emotions, the connection we have similar to the
one we had as Master and Padawan, but threaded with something
stronger and closer.
His eyes blink several times before staying open. He starts to
speak, then yawns. "I wasn't sure as I was waking up."
"Sure?"
"If I had been dreaming."
"No." He smiles at my response, then moves close enough to kiss
me. "I thought it must have been a dream, for I have never
experienced anything like it before."
"Nor have I." I glance out the window at the rising sun.
"However, I should go soon."
"No." He makes himself more comfortable against my side.
"Stay."
"I would like nothing more. However, I have an apprentice to
attend to."
Obi-Wan sighs softly. "It is always to be like this, then?"
"Like what?"
"Stolen hours in between the call of duty?"
My eyes lock with his. "I don't know. Possibly. We have a
responsibility that we cannot ignore--and we would not, even if
we could get away with it."
His scowl is short-lived. "You have this maddening habit of
being right."
"I am sure we will see each other. We seem to have a talent for
being in the same places at the same time. And Anakin will
finish his training one day, then there will be more time. If
you are not tired of me by then," I finish with a smile.
"Never." He kisses me again, and I force myself to get up
before he can distract me into staying longer. It would require
very little effort, as I am sure he knows, but he lets me go,
understanding my need to do my duty. He watches as I dress,
then pulls the sheet around him as he gets up and crosses the
room. "I must admit I do not miss early morning drills at the
moment."
"You would not like to join us then?"
"Tempting, but I think I will enjoy my vacation and skip the
exercise."
"Very well." I have only my boots left to put on. "Although I
imagine I shall need a long shower after such strenuous
activity."
"Then maybe I will skip the exercise but participate in the
shower."
As if he read my mind. But then he probably did, or near enough
to it. "I am sure the Queen gave you a room with a
well-appointed shower, perhaps I will use yours."
"You are welcome to it."
"Thank you."
"For a price."
"And the price is?"
"We'll discuss that later." I cannot resist a few kisses before
I make myself leave while I still can. He does not try to stop
me, but he comes close to doing so anyway just by standing in
the doorway as I go. Duty, I remind myself firmly, turning and
walking away purposely, not allowing myself to look back.
"Do they really need you on Bandomeer?"
The question comes as a surprise--not because he asked it, but
because it was so soon after a last bout of lovemaking before
my departure. "You remember the Hutt and the Arcana miners.
What do you think?"
"Hmm...maybe you need help?"
I brush a stray lock of hair out of his face, my hand sliding
through the growing layers, then lingering at his hairline. "I
think Anakin and I can handle it. Enjoy the rest of your
vacation. It may be the last you get for a long time."
Obi-Wan's face turns serious. "The galaxy does seem to be
growing exceedingly dark and dangerous these days."
"And as a result we are in demand now more than ever."
"Don't remind me." He kisses me, his longing running along that
cord that seems to bind our emotions together. "Qui-Gon...will
we still be able to feel that connection when we're apart?"
"I don't know. I'm afraid I'm as new to that as you are. But I
would imagine we will, at least for some distance, if not
everywhere."
"And you're always right."
"Not always." I close my eyes and take a deep breath, enjoying
the moment one last time. "It's time."
He shakes his head. "One more minute."
"And then another, and then another...I have to go."
"I know," he responds with a sigh as he reluctantly gets up
from the sleeping couch and begins searching for all his
clothes.
I start my own search, finding a few of his things along the
way, and eventually the clothing we had scattered all over the
room is back to its proper owner. One final kiss at the door
turns into two, then three, then I break away before it becomes
too difficult to leave. "I'll see you in the hangar in five
minutes?" Obi-Wan nods, and I kiss him once more before walking
out the door to find Anakin.
Five minutes later, as promised, I am crossing the hangar to
the ship that will take us to Bandomeer, Anakin at my side. He
has spent most of his free time with the Queen, and from the
look on his face he is as reluctant to leave as I am. I know
that the excitement of a mission will chase away most of his
sadness as we get closer to Bandomeer. I wish my own desire to
stay here could be dealt with as easily.
I can sense the same frustrations in Obi-Wan as clearly as if
they were my own. Anakin says a warm goodbye to Obi-Wan, before
turning to the Queen to say goodbye. The time he has spent
alone with her the past few days has banished any worries he
might have had about Obi-Wan and the Queen, and for that I am
grateful. He does not need jealousy clouding his mind now.
"Are you sure you don't need help?" Obi-Wan asks, a ghost of a
smile on his lips. He is joking, and yet I can feel him almost
hoping I'll change my mind and tell him to join us. But I
cannot. I have neglected Anakin's training these last few
days--not completely, but enough that to do it on a long-term
basis could be detrimental to his future. And if I were to
spend many more days with Obi-Wan, I am not sure I could leave
again. It is better to see him sparingly and have the familiar
ache of distance.
"Not this time." I have to exercise great control not to lean
down to kiss him here. "I feel certain we will cross paths
again soon. In the meantime, we will have to be content with a
connection."
"Assuming the link remains when we are apart."
"We shall see." We bow to each other, the formal goodbye
feeling stranger than ever after the intimacy of the last few
days. "Take care of yourself, Obi-Wan."
"You too." I turn and get on the ship, Anakin trailing behind
me after a final hug from the Queen. Only when we start to move
do I look out the window and see Obi-Wan standing there, his
eyes never leaving the cockpit windows. Then the ship turns and
I cannot see him anymore. But I can still feel him as we leave
the planet, and then break from the planet's orbit. As we get
further and further from Naboo, the link is still strong, and
now that I know I can feel it for at least some distance, I
take a seat and relax, waiting for the pilot to let me know
when we near Bandomeer. I cannot be with him all the time, but
I carry a little bit of him with me, and considering the
hardships of a Jedi's life, getting half of what you want is
quite a victory.
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