Archive: Yes paaa-leeez, m_a and anyone who wants it
Category: Humor ( I hope )
Feedback: Yep. No bomb threats, please.
Rating: G ( I guess )
Spoilers:none
Warnings:Hmmmmmm....no? For general idiocy generated by my
scary ways of thinking perhaps?
Summary: Mace overhears a heated...discussion between the
newly-bonded Qui and Obi.
Notes: I've never written humour before. I've also never
written slash for Star Wars before. Therefore I thank Tilt for
beta'ing and encouragement, Coan-teen for her wonderful
series,sheila for the best darkfic I've ever read, and the
world in general for coping with me. Also, I'd like to
apologize to anyone whom I've ever pestered with feedback...;),
and to sockii, in case I screwed up the 75-numbers-law. I have
a computer, but he doesn't like me much. Sniffle. Anyway, here
goes nothing...
"NO!" The voice sounded determined, and a little pissed off.
"But Obiiii-"
"Don't 'Obiiiii' me, Qui-Gon. This - this thing is not
gonna stay in there."
"But it's perfect! It fits! Perfectly! Where else could it be
placed better than in your - "
"Qui-Gon, this is ugly. By the way, I never knew it was
so big. What did you do with it - feed it stimulants? And it's
twitching all the time."
"Well, it's twitching because it is happy. Wouldn't you be
happy, all warm and cozy and wet with - "
"Qui-Gon."
"I mean, this is the place where it was meant to be from the
start. It just wouldn't stay anywhere else. And you are the
only one I know who's willing and able to accomodate
such a large - "
"Qui-Gon."
"If it could purr, I'm sure it would be, right now. Oh well,
it's a shame it can't purr. Hey look, it's getting hard ag - "
"QUI-GON!!"
"What?"
"It has tentacles."
"So?"
"SO?! Would you like to sleep with a thing that has
tentacles?"
"The Force has mysterious ways, my Padawan, and..."
"Don't sidestep me, sweetheart. It has tentacles. It twitches.
It has the tendency to get hard whenever you, and I mean
you, touch it."
"Padawan, I'm very sure that I'm not the only one who can get
it hard. There, why don't you try it? I'm certain it would - "
"I am not gonna touch that, and if my life depends on
it. How were you able to hide it that long anyway? I wonder why
nobody else has seen it yet, being as large as it is."
"As I've said before, Padawan, the ways of the Force are
mysterious. This was meant to be. Kismet. Fate. Really!"
"Hm. Well I guess - EEEWWWWW!!!"
"Padawan?"
"ARGHHHLL! YUCK!! YUCK!!!!!!!!"
"Padawan, are you hurt?"
"NO!" Moments of silence, interrupted by the sounds of a
certain Jedi Padawan spitting. "What is this white stuff? I
hope it's not poisonous!"
"Oh, I can assure you it isn't."
"Salty."
"Hm?"
"It tastes...salty. Baaaahh.."
"Did you know it can grow wings?"
Mace Windu tried to stop his jaw fom slowly migrating to the
floor and took a step back from the door to Qui-Gon's and
Obi-Wan's quarters, wedding present clutched tightly against
his chest.
Tentacles.
Wings.
.......
Oooooookaaaayyy.....
He looked at the brightly wrapped box of tea he'd meant to give
to the newly bonded couple, and decides that yes, this was
really, really really a bad time. He would come back
later. Yes.
A lot later.
In the quarters Obi-Wan shared with his teacher, mentor, and,
of lately, bonded lifemate, the young man stared back and forth
between said lifemate and the huge, ringling ahreeanian larvae
Qui-Gon had unearthed from a terranium he didn't know existed.
The creature was currently enjoying the comfort of their
exquisite bath tub, which Qui-Gon had filled with luke warm
water. Evidence of its earlier outburst of joy, a white,
clinging, jelly it had spewed from a mouth Obi-Wan still had
trouble locating, was slowly melting down his front.
Obi-Wan made the mistake of looking at Qui-Gon, who stood in
the door to the bathroom, hands clasped behind his back, a
pleading smile on his lips.
"Please, love. It'll die out there."
"What is it with you and pathetic lifeforms?"
Huge puppy dog eyes fixed on him. The ahreeanian larvae
ringled, and splashed water to add to the young man's current
state of stickiness. He sighed, and shook his head.
"I don't know who's more pathetic at the moment, you or that
thing there. But all right, it can stay. On one condition."
Happy to have persuaded his lifemate, Qui-Gon nodded
enthusiastically.
"I want you to get rid off the cistaurin smoke cat."
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