Turn

by Boots ( obi_wan_kenobi69@hotmail.com )

Archiving: Yes please

Category: Really lame Humour/Parody, AU

Pairing: A/O (I *am* ashamed of myself)

Warning: Sooo politically incorrect I really ought to just disown this bunny. Also, there's one tiny mention of N'SYNC. Oh and spoilers.

Spoilers: Yes, a bit, AOTC.

Summary: Obi-Wan must turn Anakin back from the path to doom.

Disclaimer: Not mine, George's.

Feedback: Please, please, please, harder, I mean ... please?

'Turning, Anakin is,' says Master Yoda 'Admires Senator, he does. Prevent this, you must, to the Dark Side it will lead.'

Lifting one manly brow, Obi-Wan gave askance a blue-eyed, gold lashed glance. "He shows unusual taste, but whilst Senator Palpatine is not everyone's cup of Tatooine juice . . ."

"Anakin is interested in Senator Amidala," Mace Windu corrected, with a grave and serious look on his face.

Well, as Anakin would say, it just wasn't fair!

Why don't Mace get off his tanned Council tenure-ed ass and fix it?

Blast it to Tatooine, Yoda's packing serious firepower in that scrawny little backside of his, Obi-Wan just knows he is, why don't Yoda go and turn Anakin back? Why must Obi-Wan, long-suffering, faithful, heart-broken Obi-Wan, have to be burdened with the task of busting Anakin's butt back to this side of the Force?

Master Kenobi's broad chest heaved and his lion-mane hair fell like a brush of flame against his forehead. Because Obi-Wan alone had a chance at succeeding, that's why. With grace and power, Master Kenobi stalked back to his quarters and began preparations to execute his duty.

That evening, Anakin arrived back at the Temple after spending another day protecting (and checking-out) Senator Amidala, with a bounce in his step he entered their rooms, and exited, and then checked the door number, 69, that's them.

Obi-Wan sat on a mat in the centre of the living room, surrounded by candles and incense.

"Fumigating?" Anakin sniffed the air.

His Master cracked open one stunningly sparkly eye and closed it again.

"Power failure?" Anakin indicated the light switch.

"Padawan," whispered Obi-Wan.

"Yes Master?" Anakin moved forward. "Have you lost your voice? Maybe we should open some windows, all this smoke can't be helping ..."

"No!" Obi-Wan sighed, then regaining self-control, he slowly unfurled from his lotus and rose up. Master Kenobi was wearing a pair of gold silk low slung sleep-pants and glittered oil.

Anakin blinked. "Yeah. Okay."

"Padawan," Obi-Wan husked again, more urgently.

Anakin tucked his hands behind his back and waited.

With halting breath, Obi-Wan mewed in a tremulous sigh. "I feel so hot."

"That's um," Anakin cringed. "Because you're playing with your nipples, Master."

"Padawan!" Obi-Wan exclaimed. "The way you say that, makes me, oh."

"Say 'Master', Master?" Anakin bit his lower-lip to refrain from smirking.

"Yes, Padawan, oh yes," Obi-Wan began to undulate his hips, torso and waist.

Anakin watched a bit and then sucked at his teeth. "So."

Obi-Wan fixated his dazzling aquamarine eyes on the front of his Padawan's tight leather trousers, and concentrated.

Anakin giggled. "Are you Force-calling my dick?"

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes into his eyelids and flopped onto the couch. "You are a lost cause, Padawan," he moaned exasperatedly, throwing a gold downed forearm over his eyes. "Just, go away and leave me alone."

"Master," Anakin knelt down on one knee and pushed Obi-Wan's arm away, staring into frustrated eyes and petting Obi-Wan's whiskered jaw in comfort. "Dare I ask what that performance was about?"

"If you can't tell, I wasn't doing it right!" Obi-Wan huffed, twisting away to bury his heated face into the cushions, presenting only his sweating, glistening, broad back to his apprentice.

"You wanna date me?" Anakin pulled a face like he'd just smelled something funky.

"No, blast you, I was trying to turn you back!" Obi-Wan jerked around, shouting. "The Council knows you are on the knife's edge of turning, and I cannot let that happen, Qui-Gon ..."

"Oh of course Qui-Gon's involved in this," Anakin pouted.

"Yes, he's part of it," Obi-Wan said sternly. "Qui-Gon, who would have been here, making love to me right now, sucking the sweet spot on the arch of my left sole ..."

"Spare me, Master."

"...and finish with a long kiss to the flushed, red, satiated opening ... as I was saying, Qui-Gon who saw such great potential in you and dragged you all the way here from nowheres-verse would be utterly disappointed."

"All right!" Anakin broke down at last. "What do I have to do to prove to you that I haven't turned?"

Later, with a suck and a thrust, Obi-Wan grunted "Are you back on the Gay Side of the Force yet, Padawan?"

"Yes." Anakin managed with some effort. "Sure am."

"You will never turn to the Het Side again, will you?"

"Never." Anakin moan. "I promise! Anything if you'll just stop bugging me about it!"

Still pumping manfully away, Obi-Wan allowed himself a moment of deserved pride, Qui-Gon would not be doing this better had he been here himself, Anakin sounded like he was really enjoying himself.

Flexing and milking his Master expertly, Anakin thought darkly and evilly to himself. No one said anything about the Bi Side. In the meantime, he'll keep wearing the (N'SYNC) hair and leather to fool the Council until such a time can come and he will rise up against the foolish, draconic Jedi and their millennial old homosexuality. He will get married, he will be straight, he WILL have twins.

The End.