Archive: master_apprentice and Kanoesama's site when uploaded
(others just ask!)
Rating: PG (subject to change)
Category: Angst
Spoilers: TPM spoiler. Will eventually have spoilers for Jedi
Apprentice books and perhaps beyond
Warnings: [Box of Tissue Alert] [Blowing Canon All to Hell
Alert] [This Fic Has Aquired a Life of It's Own Alert]
Summary: Truths one clings to are based on one's point of view
-- that is unless you find that your point of view was given to
you.
Feedback: Yes, please. And thank you!
"When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone"
-- "Dante's Prayer" Loreena McKennitt
Wrapping his robes around him, Master Qui-Gon Jinn entered into
the Jedi Council chamber.
"Master Qui-Gon? Speak with you, I wish."
Qui-Gon stopped and faced his Master, feeling a small smile tug
at his lips. "Of course, my Master." He moved back to the
center of the council room and knelt so he could meet Yoda's
eyes.
Padding over to him, his gimmer stick a quiet click on the
intricately patterned floor, Yoda gazed at him a moment and
then nodded to himself. "Ready are you for this mission?"
There seemed to be several questions in that one simple query.
Qui-Gon contemplated the words and the meaning and said moments
later, "You have seen what I have, then, Master?"
"Seen many things, I have. Unclear the future always is. Is
your Padawan prepared?"
Qui-Gon watched his old master again and noted the concern for
them both. "He is ready for the trials. There is no question
there, my Master." He lowered his eyes. "He will be a great
Jedi."
"So certain are you?" There was a tone of chiding and a touch
of good humor as these two had shared similar conversations
over the years on many different subjects.
Now Qui-Gon could not help but smile, before dropping back to
his reserved quiet. "I am certain, Master Yoda."
Yoda watched him again and then nodded, satisfied with his
answer. "Ready he may be for the trials. Ready he is not for
the separation should the Force choose this path. Burdens
placed on him will be necessary but many. Seen the paths of the
future has he?"
The silence he received was answer enough, as Yoda watched his
once-apprentice tense imperceptibly. "Saw, he did? Force-bound
the dream did you and he knows not. Always in motion is the
future, but no secrets should there be between Master and
Apprentice, know that, you do."
Qui-Gon raised both eyebrows, a tiny flash of indignance
showing in his lionesque features. "With all due respect,
Master Yoda, it was not I who decided that things should be
kept from my Padawan...."
Yoda stopped him with a glance, ignoring the defiant comment
and continued "Nonetheless, protecting him Qui-Gon, will not
ease his suffering -- it does him a grave disservice."
Sensing the discussion was at an end, Qui-Gon rose and bowed to
Yoda "I shall consider your wise word, my Master." He turned to
Yoda "May the Force Be with You."
"May the Force Be with You, my once Padawan." Yoda waited until
Qui-Gon left the chamber.
Before Yoda could turn back to his chair, he sensed Master Mace
Windu enter into the chamber. "Hear, did you?"
"Yes."
Yoda looked to the windows, watching the transports move past
in the twilight, Coruscant's sky a rich hue of purple. He
sighed. "Difficult this will be. Defiant he has always been.
Put his Padawan at a disadvantage. Matters of the heart are
never easy. Anguish has pushed more than one capable Jedi to
the Dark Side." He glanced at Windu, who returned the gaze
thoughtfully. "Survive, can Obi-Wan, the severing of that
bond?"
Mace Windu, drew on all his knowledge and experience and even
let himself relax into the Force "I cannot say, nor could
anyone, Master Yoda. Qui-Gon was right -- you and I both know
what has been done in the past. I still question our judgment
on that particular decision. It was a temporary solution --
which may very well backfire in our faces. But what is past is
past. How this will affect Obi-Wan remains to be seen."
[These mist covered mountains
Are a home now for me
But my home is the lowlands
And always will be
Some day you'll return to
Your valleys and your farms
And you'll no longer burn
To be brothers in arms]
Standing against one of the many balcony railings at the Naboo
palace, Obi-Wan searched the night sky. He sensed the storm
coming, the unmistakable scent of rain on the wind, the
flickering of the Force as the clouds gathered energy. The
weary blue eyes slid closed, as he tried once again to center
himself and calm the storm brewing in his soul.
When was it he last slept? Obi-Wan sighed and opened himself to
the Force, taking what little comfort it offered and he could
accept. He felt the thunder now, rolling through the valley
then hitting the walls of the palace. The rain began to spatter
against the ground, cleansing the air of the acrid smell of
smoke, heated metal and death.
A vision appeared to him, the one that plagued him forever it
seemed, although only a day had passed -- the fight he and
Qui-Gon had almost lost to a Sith lord. ~Killing is never a
victory, but I feel no relief. Only emptiness.~ Rubbing his
face with shaky hands, Obi-Wan once again felt the long,
agonizing moments trapped between the forcefield generated
walls, watching his master fall....
Obi-Wan's eyes snapped open, stopping that last image. Bowing
his head, he finally gave in to the compulsion he'd been
fighting for hours. Leaving the room he was given, Obi-Wan took
the long walk to the palace's generator room.
[Through the fields of destruction
Baptisms of fire]
As he passed the damaged ships in the hangar, the ripples in
the Force remained palpable still. Obi-Wan fought back the wave
of pain and tears threatening to surface and walked on slowly,
step by step. The battle he and Qui-Gon fought with the Sith
lord came back, with surprising clarity. Every move, every
flash of a light sabre as it made contact. Again the dread
filled the newly named Jedi Knight, as it had the day before,
when Obi-Wan stepped past where he fell, kicked over the side
by their opponent when he misjudged a move. His body remembered
the feel of the Force-push he gave himself, propelling himself
back up to one of the walkways, below where Qui-Gon fought. He
had sensed an urgency he had never felt before -- the need to
be with Qui-Gon -- as his foresight had told him there was
something more to this fight.
Obi-Wan slowed his pace even further, analyzing in retrospect
each stance of their attacker and of his master, knowing with
certainty that Qui-Gon was tiring, yet knowing that the outcome
would be the same regardless of how fast he made it to the
generator corridor.
[I've watched all your suffering
As the battle raged higher]
Moving between the first set of fields, Obi-Wan waited for it
to cycle and the walls to disengage. The ripples in the Force
were strong now, as he reached inside himself to reexamine the
final moments. In his mind's eye, he watched Qui-Gon sink to
his knees in a brief respite, meditating between cycles. When
the walls disengaged yet again, Obi-Wan saw himself move as
fast as he was able through the gap in the cycle, still
disoriented from the long fall, almost sliding right into a
field as it closed. He stared past the transparent barrier when
the realization hit him. He knew these were Qui-Gon's last
moments. He felt something snap as the adrenaline flared in
him, breaking a force bind on a memory. He'd dreamt of this
before. The tears stung as the finally spilled over, moving
down his face ~Oh, my Master. Why? Why did you take that
nightmare away from me? The future might have been
different....~
Throat tight, he swallowed and moved through another set of
fields to watch the end of the duel play out before him. He
remembered meeting Qui-Gon's eyes, and his heart sank when he
saw that Qui-Gon also knew what his fate would be.
[And though they did hurt me so bad
In fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms]
He watched helplessly now as the light sabre thrusts grew more
intense, as the nightmare bloomed into full reality, as Qui-Gon
made the critical misjudgment, and the blade entered his body.
Obi-Wan clearly heard his scream still echoing in the corridor
as he felt the blade enter him -- the bond between a Master and
his Padawan was that tangible, strong, and intimate. Trembling
with suppressed sobs, Obi-Wan waited for the last turn of the
field cycle. When it fell, he traveled the last few feet, to
where he cradled Qui-Gon in his arms. In his mind, he heard the
last words they shared, and his skin felt the last burning
touch of the one who was the anchor of his world. Obi-Wan's
body shivered as the sudden and irrevocable imprint of the
tragedy rolled through him again, Qui-Gon's lifespark passing
beyond.
As the last of the vision ended faded, Obi-Wan fell to his
knees, no longer able to hold back the emotion that built up,
pushing at the walls of calm he erected around his soul. ~Why
did you leave me? I am not ready. I miss you so much...~ The
sobs wracked his slender body now, the walls beginning to
crumble.
[There's so many different worlds
So many different suns
And we have just one world
But we live in different ones]
More memories flooded his mind, the images drowning him.
The first time he remembered seeing Qui-Gon while at the
academy and knowing somehow that he would be Obi-Wan's
Master...
When Qui-Gon first called him Padawan...
The sacrifice he was willing to make on Bandomeer ...
Every time he was praised for a lesson mastered ... every
quietly worded reprimand that made him think and encouraged him
to try again...
All the places they traveled together ... the successful
missions ... the trouble they managed to get into and out of...
Laughter shared... the tears... injuries cared for... all the
times Qui-Gon protected him....
Each new image tore another gaping hole in his self-imposed
shield. Obi-Wan sank from his kneeling position, unable to hold
himself up any longer. The images started to slow down to
recent events when the last one finally hit him with the full
force of a laser blast -- the meaning of it always gave him a
feeling of uneasiness but now it became blindingly clear.
[Now the sun's gone to hell
And the moon's riding high]
It had been a quiet moment during very tense negotiations that
had dragged on for days. Qui-Gon had taken Obi-Wan to a
blessedly quiet clearing where they could refresh themselves
until the meetings began again in the morning. Obi-Wan was
worried about his Master. He seemed more reserved, almost too
quiet.
"Master? What's troubling you?"
Qui-Gon smiled, a touch of sadness on his face "I never could
keep anything from you, my Padawan." He moved to sit across
from his apprentice and watched him for a moment and taking a
breath he said, "I have sensed a... foreboding. And there are
things I need to say, in case...."
[Let me bid you farewell
Every man has to die]
Obi-Wan felt the sinking in his heart and soul "No. Master,
please..." He was stopped by Qui-Gon's fingers touching his
lips.
"Hush, Obi-Wan. Let me finish. It is one of the simple truths
-- everyone has to die." He removed his fingers from Obi-Wan's
lips and looked up at the night sky. "We can try to prevent it
only for so long, [but it's written in the starlight...]"
He looked back at Obi-Wan and took Obi-Wan's hand in both of
his own. Flipping his Padawan's hand palm up, he ran a finger
down one of the longest lines. "[And every line on your palm].
I need you to know things, hear things before the inevitable
happens..." he stopped speaking and opened his mind to his
apprentice to show him....
Obi-Wan's body shuddered with that final memory as any small
amount of composure he had left was crushed. He cried out "NO!"
~Why did you leave me? How can I train Anakin when I cannot
even heal myself. I am not worthy. I am not you, could never be
what you were....~
He felt another binding shatter and more memories came to him,
fuzzy but nothing imagined. He remembered seeing his parents
murdered in front of his eyes. He remembered the first time he
really saw Qui-Gon and felt the voice in his mind telling to be
calm. He saw himself as a tiny boy being chased by Qui-Gon
around a room when he didn't want to take a bath, laughing so
hard he could barely see. He saw a jedi healer in a green
cloak, with black hair and intense green eyes telling him
gently it would only take a moment.
Searching his mind, Obi-Wan found his next memory. It was of
the Creche at the Academy....
With another wrenching shock, he understood. ~By the Force --
they took my memories away from me, why? For what purpose?
WHY!?~ Obi-Wan felt heartsick. Everything he had believed in,
the truths he clung to, were they all lies?
~I would expect this of my opponent, surely. But from my own?~
He felt his faith slipping as he dissolved into gutwrenching
sobs, the tears scalding his face. He laid down on the icy
floor and finally knew no more.
[We're fools to make war
On our brothers in arms.]
Archive 