Homepage: Kalynn's Fan Fiction - XFiles, Profiler, Star Wars:
TPM, Hercules, Young Hercules:
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/5579
Rating: G
Archive: m_a. Others interested? Just ask.
Classification: angst
Warnings: post-TPM through ANH, thus SPOILERS for the big 'oh,
damn'.
Summary: Moments in time that span a lifetime.
Feedback: please? I'm at a loss as to whether I can manage this
emotion stuff anymore lol
Notes: I can only hope this little splurge of writing in the
middle of the night makes sense l
Disclaimer: These boys aren't mine, if they were - well, this
story would be an AU... So, George, I'm making no money from
this - unlike you - so please don't sue - I'm not even worth
the legal bills...
~The Pyre~
There's not enough time between one moment and the next, to
realize that everything you've ever known is suddenly lost to
you. I know this now more clearly than most. The hiss of a
sabre, a flash of light, a breath of pain - instantaneous and
final.
There wasn't enough time to hold that dying ember of life
dearest to me close. Your fleeting touch upon tear-soaked skin
radiated a bond unbroken. Yet still, meaningful words were left
unvoiced. There wasn't the time to take hold of that touch, and
refuse you permission to let go.
How is it there is always the time to lose, the time to doubt
and second guess? Time's relativity never seemed so cruel as it
did while holding a body grown cold - lacking the life that
made it whole - while my chest shook with breaking emotion.
The moments stretched out like eons, between then and now -
beset with a flaming pyre. Tears burn my eyes, as acrid smoke
burns my throat. My attention, however, is on neither of these
things. It is your face which rivets me. Should this be the
last chance I am granted to look upon you, I must cling to each
scant moment remaining to me, as I sought to cling to your
touch as you lay in my arms.
How is it right that there wasn't enough time to avoid this
unwanted, solitary fate?
~The Fall~
Something akin to cold washes over me as I watch him fall - my
one-time apprentice and friend. The brilliance of the melting
pit burns itself into my memory, mockingly similar to the light
of the fire that consumed the other most important to me.
Forcing myself to blink, I draw in a heaving breath and clutch
the glowing emerald lightsaber convulsively. In that moment, I
once again find myself wishing you might be there to guide me.
Yet I push the thought away, caught up in the emotions of a
second failure.
There was all the time in creation to shape that distorted
version of him. How was it there wasn't the time to fix it?
I press myself to move, to go to the one who must be told. The
only soul remaining I might hold dear, she who will be most
deeply cut by this destruction. I can only wonder if she will
find my fault in this as I do.
~The Flight~
Wisps of memory, of times long past, mingle among the
shimmering sands. My recent flight across the stars, ending
here on this desolate world, leaves me empty.
Yet were I to tilt my head just so, I might hear the sounds of
a babe's cries on the cutting winds. The very cries of
redemption for us all. Another life entrusted to my care, and I
can only hope to succeed in this stead where I failed before.
Looking to the sky, dirty blue against the harsh twin suns, I
feel the black corruption that is spreading just beyond my
sight. This I am grateful you did not live to see. Your Chosen
One turned dark and brutal - raging against the very galaxy you
defended.
Harsh winds cut across the barren land, and I hold my robe
closer to my body. Were I to let it, the air might offer a
crude mockery of your last touch. In response, I pull my hood
down. It is not a ghost of a touch that I long to feel.
There was but one I looked upon as Master and friend, and you
aren't here. I turn, and walk toward the hovel that I now
inhabit. It is not home.
I haven't known home for a very long time.
~The Loss~
A rare thunderclap sounds in the distance, almost a myth in
such a desert. At the sound my gaze rises, and it is as if the
echo has settled across my heart. Realization sets in almost as
quickly.
Amidala. The last connection I held to the past. The last who
knew of what life once meant to live, has herself slipped into
the Force. It was a weary battle she fought, losing everything
to darkness. Her planet, her husband and eventually even her
son.
I trust you will be there to welcome her. You were ever bound
to duty and even more so to those you sought to protect and
guide. And as I question why there is never enough time to
reach out to those we lose, I do not let myself question why
you never sought to appear to me.
Adequate farewells, if such things are possible, are so very
rare in this world. Meeting again, it seems, even rarer.
~The Spark~
The years pass slowly in the Outer Rim, where life goes on with
even less expedience. It would appear that I would finally have
enough time for anything I desire.
Looking out across a violet-streaked sunset, I feel the
familiar thrum of the Force around me and hold it close. The
only balm to my wearying soul.
My eyes snap open. Feeling changes suddenly, in the moment that
I sense a well-known, and much beloved spark resonating there.
Although I am left standing alone, you are still with me. I had
only to still my thoughts and feel you there.
A rare smile turns at the corners of my lips as the stars begin
to appear overhead. The ember of your life I can feel fills
part of the empty place inside me - a place I never dared think
might be whole again.
Maybe it is true that some do get second chances.
~The End~
It wasn't the sight of the boy that surprised me, for I had
been warned. It was, however, the familiar touch of his
untrained mind. So much potential like his father, even from so
far away it is clear.
It is not long after startling the Tusken's that I find him.
Eyes slowly open, and for a moment he is another youth, from
another time. Oh the galaxy does love its cycles, doesn't it?
A quick glace at the R2 unit confirms my suspicions. A long
time it has been since I last saw this droid. It is becoming
clear that the journey I am meant to complete is almost
finished.
The elasticity of time's relativity is again brought to bear,
as moments speed up - and a destiny is set on course.
Seeing Amidala's daughter was almost as great a shock as losing
my alienated brother. Yes, the Force was being brought to bear
with great strength in this path. As we venture into Mos
Eisley, a familiar, yet not, youth at my side, I seek out the
spark I know of you in the Force. I can only wonder if any of
it is your doing.
~The Beginning~
Facing him again is more of a dull surprise than anything. I
know how this encounter will end. Not from his prideful
boasting, but rather it is in the song of the Force humming
around me. Before he strikes, I reach out - not to Vader, the
machine - but rather to the youth that I once thought might
still be buried within.
I feel only a flicker of recognition to my touch. I have just
enough time to glance to my side - there I see the faces of
both yesterday and tomorrow racing toward escape. With that, I
raise my sabre, not yours for I couldn't bring it to this end,
but a new one I built years before.
The blow, when it comes, is similar to one I dealt so very long
ago, at the very watershed of this life. Yet, I feel no pain as
the cold metal room fades away - to be replaced by a warmth
that radiates from everywhere at once.
In an instant, questions formed over a lifetime are answered. I
call out to the boy, urging his flight, before I allow myself
to succumb to near-electric flow of the Force. It is then that
I find myself gazing upon the one face I've remembered most
often with time-worn eyes, yet in a Padawan's form.
It is when I see your smile, that I realize there truly are
second chances - and on occasion all the time in the world.
End
So? What did ya think? Find me at: razrbkr@juno.com
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