RATING: PG-13
CATEGORIES: Pre-slash, Romance
SPOILERS: None
WARNINGS: None
ARCHIVE: Master & Apprentice and my web site; anyone else,
please ask first.
FEEDBACK: Any and all feedback is gratefully accepted offlist
at ghostiemail@yahoo.com
SUMMARY: A simple shift in perspective can sometimes change
everything.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: Many, many thanks go out to my beta readers,
Carol, Catnip, and Rushlight for their insightful comments and
suggestions. Their help is very much appreciated! As always,
any mistakes still present in the story are entirely my own.
DISCLAIMER: George Lucas owns all things Star Wars; I'm just
borrowing. No copyright infringement is intended.
At first, Qui-Gon Jinn ignored the sensation of his apprentice
staring intently at him. The scrutiny wasn't entirely
uncomfortable, but neither was it the type of behavior the
elder Jedi had come to expect from his padawan learner after
eight years of living and working side by side. After nearly
ten minutes, Qui-Gon finally looked up from his datapad, his
blue eyes meeting the intense gaze of his pupil.
Obi-Wan Kenobi's eyes widened slightly, almost as if he hadn't
even been aware of his actions. His face held a hint of
unsatisfied curiosity as he sheepishly acknowledged his master
with a small smile before averting his gaze.
"Is everything all right, Obi-Wan?"
"Yes, Master," the young man answered passively, turning his
attention back to his own reading material as if nothing out of
the ordinary had happened.
It was Qui-Gon's turn to observe his apprentice carefully.
They'd just returned from a particularly disturbing mission
several days before, one that had ended with a complete
breakdown of all diplomatic channels. The circumstances had
weighed heavily on both of them, but after spending much time
talking about it, both privately and with the Council, the Jedi
master had been confident that his padawan wasn't overly
troubled by the events. Perhaps he'd been mistaken?
"Did you have an enjoyable afternoon today?" the older man
asked, eager to open communication between them once more in
the event that Obi-Wan was reluctant to voice any further
concerns about the mission. A neutral topic seemed appropriate
to start with.
"Yes," Obi-Wan responded with another smile, looking up from
his datapad. There was no hint of worry in his blue-green eyes.
"Master Yoda invited me for tea; he would have extended the
invitation to you as well had your presence not been required
at the Senate hearing."
Qui-Gon nodded thoughtfully. Now they were getting somewhere.
"Let me guess - he entertained you with embarrassing stories
from my apprenticeship."
The younger man laughed softly, a welcome sound to his
master's ears after so many weeks of extreme tension. "No, I've
heard all those already, years ago."
The elder Jedi feigned astonishment, prompting another wave of
laughter from his padawan. Of course he knew the venerable
master had already imparted those amusing tales to the young
apprentice; it was standard procedure for such to be passed
down from one generation to the next. Qui-Gon couldn't wait to
carry on that particular tradition with whomever Obi-Wan chose
as his own padawan learner someday.
The younger man's smile faded slowly as he shifted the
discussion to the more serious level Qui-Gon had been
anticipating. "I think he's worried about us," Obi-Wan began,
his eyes unfocusing as he stared out the window at the busy
nighttime sky. "We have been sent on a lot of extremely
difficult missions lately, and the last few haven't turned out
very well. He wanted to know how we were faring."
"The unofficial version."
Obi-Wan nodded, looking back toward his master. "I couldn't
speak for you of course, but I told him my impression, that you
were handling the latest disappointment with all the dignity
and confidence befitting a Jedi master."
"And how did you speak for yourself?" Qui-Gon continued
gently.
The apprentice paused before answering, considering his words.
"I explained that I was still disturbed by the events on
Alastare Prime, and that I was having some trouble centering
myself since then, though it wasn't interfering with my
training. Yet."
The older man leaned forward, setting his datapad down and
resting his elbows on his knees. "I'm proud of your honesty,
Padawan, and I'm certain Master Yoda was as well. If you are
still troubled by our last mission, perhaps we should discuss
it further?"
"He thought I should approach you about this again, that it
shouldn't be left as is, but I told him I wanted to be able to
deal with these feelings on my own," Obi-Wan explained. "I need
to learn how to let these kinds of things go if I'm to be an
effective Knight someday. I just wasn't sure how to do that,
especially with a situation as devastating as this last one."
Qui-Gon nodded, noting that his apprentice's tone was even and
relaxed despite the confession. "You've tried meditation?"
"Yes. I spent many hours releasing all my doubts and
frustration into the Force, but the uncertainty always seemed
to return."
Seemed? Past tense...the elder Jedi quirked an eyebrow
curiously, waiting for his pupil to continue.
Obi-Wan paused again, his expression turning thoughtful.
"Master Yoda gave me an exercise to work on, one he thought
might help. He told me to set aside my own thoughts and look at
the situation from entirely different perspectives. So I did.
"I meditated further, purposely placing myself in the
Alastaran monarch's shoes, looking at the proposed treaty
through his eyes. Then I switched, examining the situation
through the eyes of the religious leaders whose very beliefs
were being challenged, not by any God, but by a mortal who
claimed to be above the word of their God."
"What was your conclusion?" the master asked softly.
The apprentice met his gaze earnestly, a sparkle of
recognition clearly visible in the ever-changing color of his
eyes. "Though our presence as mediators at that assembly was
crucial, we stood no chance of diffusing the tension between
the factions, not after nearly a century of hostility and
resentment. The Senate sent us to help minimize the damage of
the fallout, not prevent it from happening."
A smile tugged at Qui-Gon's lips. "And when viewed from that
standpoint, how do you see the outcome of our mission now?"
"If it weren't for us, the skirmish that took place outside
the royal palace could have easily escalated into a massacre,
with many more innocent people losing their lives. The mission
was a success, not a failure," the younger Jedi finished
quietly, grinning.
The elder Jedi's smile widened. "Some things cannot be helped,
Obi-Wan. This is one of the most important lessons a Jedi must
learn. The Senate was very aware of the circumstances on
Alastare Prime, but there was simply no hope of a peaceful
resolution at this time. As diplomats, it was our duty to do
all we could to forestall the situation, but no one expected us
to perform a miracle. Where animosity runs that deep, peace
will not settle quickly. Destiny must never be rushed."
Obi-Wan lowered his gaze to the datapad in his lap. "You tried
to tell me all this before, didn't you? I heard the words, but
I didn't understand them until now."
"Insight is often much more valuable when it comes from
within, Padawan. I'm glad you were able to resolve this issue
on your own, and I'm sorry that I didn't pursue the matter
further," Qui-Gon apologized. "I didn't realize how much it was
bothering you."
"That's all right, Master; this was a good lesson for me."
Qui-Gon watched as his apprentice went back to reading, a
small smile still playing at his lips. Tilting his head
slightly, the master continued to scrutinize the younger man in
front of him. Many minutes passed before Obi-Wan finally
glanced back up. "Was there something else, Master?" he
inquired.
"I was hoping you could tell me," the older man commented
wryly.
"I don't understand."
"You were staring at me before, rather intently I might add."
The younger Jedi's face flushed. "Oh, that. It was nothing. I
apologize if I disturbed you."
Qui-Gon's other eyebrow rose as he sensed a touch of
embarrassment trickling through their training bond. "Nothing?
I've known you for a long time, my Padawan, and staring at
people, especially those you know well, isn't one of your usual
habits."
"I was just exercising Master Yoda's suggestion about looking
at things from different perspectives," the younger man
explained, fidgeting with his datapad. The movement didn't go
unnoticed.
"You were examining me from a different perspective?"
"Yes," Obi-Wan nodded. "I was trying to see you as someone
other than a Jedi master, trying to imagine a side of you that
I hadn't considered before."
It was definitely an interesting thought. "And what did you
see?" Qui-Gon asked with a touch of amusement.
The younger Jedi looked away, his face darkening to a deeper
shade of crimson. He didn't respond.
"Obi-Wan," the master chuckled, "you've piqued my curiosity
now. You can't just leave me hanging."
The silence between them deepened, long moments passing before
the apprentice finally spoke. "I was trying to imagine what
kind of lover you are..." he admitted quietly. "I've seen you
in almost every conceivable situation over the years; that's
really the only part of you that I've not been privy to."
Qui-Gon felt himself flushing from head to toe. This was about
the last thing he'd expected to hear from his padawan. The
expression on his face was probably rather interesting at that
particular moment, but, thankfully, the younger man was still
unable to look in his direction.
He considered Obi-Wan's confession thoughtfully. His pupil had
gone through his share of anxiety and confusion during puberty
- as any young person naturally does - but Qui-Gon had guided
his padawan through adolescence with patience and sincerity.
Interestingly, the typical padawan crush that usually
accompanied the overwhelming surge of hormones hadn't appeared
in their relationship as master and apprentice, leading Qui-Gon
to assume that Obi-Wan favored the opposite sex exclusively.
Perhaps he hadn't interpreted that correctly either?
A Force probe would have invaded Obi-Wan's privacy
unnecessarily, so the elder Jedi decided to search for answers
the conventional way. Leaning back, Qui-Gon resettled himself
comfortably on the sofa, still watching his apprentice
carefully. "What did you see when you looked at me, Padawan?"
he repeated softly, allowing the younger man to hear that he
wasn't upset by such forward speculation. Extremely curious,
yes, but definitely not upset.
Obi-Wan finally turned to meet his master's gaze. While
embarrassment still colored his features, his eyes were filled
with unguarded admiration. He opened his mouth to speak, but
then paused again, choosing his words carefully. The elder Jedi
waited patiently.
"At first," the younger man began, "I only saw a Jedi master,
the man who can intimidate people just by standing up...the man
who I watched incapacitate two mynoch with his bare hands
without even calling upon the Force for assistance. You rarely
smile in public, especially while we're here at the Temple, and
you save much of your polite conversation for the diplomatic
arena where your skills as a negotiator are nearly unequaled. I
imagine those who don't know you well find you to be a rather
stoic individual.
"But I've seen a much different person while growing up. The
imposing master has a soft spot for children and animals,
always ready to shelter and protect. You chased away all the
nightmares and monsters from my childhood, not with
intimidation, but simply by allowing me to sleep curled up
beside you. You never turned me away when I needed that
comfort."
Qui-Gon smiled at the memory; he could often still hear the
echo of small feet crossing his bedroom floor if he listened
carefully enough with his eyes closed at night.
"As I watched you just now, the powerful Jedi master everyone
sees on the outside began to change," Obi-Wan continued. "I saw
a man filled with compassion and Light, always ready to offer
assistance. You possess formidable strength, but I've really
only seen that exercised during battle. The rest of the time
your touch is extremely gentle and considerate. You have a
kind, affectionate heart, and I believe that is the side of you
your partners would have the honor of knowing...a gentle,
attentive lover."
A powerful wash of emotion surged through their training bond,
tinged with the unmistakable hint of desire. Qui-Gon's eyes
widened as he felt the younger man slam his shields back into
place, his face flushing deeply once more. He looked absolutely
mortified by his momentary lapse of control, but it was
apparent he wasn't ashamed of the feelings he'd accidentally
allowed to slip out.
Taking a slow, deep breath, the elder Jedi finally found his
voice. "I wasn't aware that your...preferences...also leaned in
this direction, Padawan."
Obi-Wan grinned sheepishly. "I didn't either, actually," he
admitted quietly. "I guess looking at the world through
different perspectives teaches you a lot about yourself as
well."
Qui-Gon continued to watch his apprentice carefully - really
looking at him this time. The insecure, awkward boy he'd
known was definitely gone. In his place sat a strong and
confident man, one prepared to face whatever destiny brought
before him. Obi-Wan was every bit as compassionate and gentle
as his master, the Light shining brightly within him, but there
was also a bit of mischief sparkling in the depths of his eyes,
revealing the playful nature hidden beneath his own reserved
exterior. He probably thrived on teasing his own lovers
relentlessly, drawing their pleasure out slowly...
The Jedi master blinked abruptly, shocked by the direction of
his own thoughts. Obi-Wan was eyeing him curiously, one eyebrow
quirked slightly. A quick check showed Qui-Gon that his own
shields were fully in place, much to his relief, but before he
could even think about how to respond to his apprentice's
confession, a silent whisper floated through their training
bond. It was a question, simple and honest...and very bold.
Their eyes locked. Slowly, very slowly, Qui-Gon allowed one
corner of his mouth to tug into a crooked grin. A smile crept
slowly across the younger man's face as well, his eyes
gradually changing from a calm blue-green to a bright sea-green
color.
"Do you wish me to answer that now...or after you've been
Knighted?" Qui-Gon asked softly, his question a subtle reminder
of the acceptable relationship between a master and apprentice
as seen through the Jedi Code.
Obi-Wan's smile never wavered as he considered his response.
"Perhaps it would be wise to wait," he finally said. "I think
we'll both need time to prepare for that answer...whatever it
may be."
The elder Jedi nodded, impressed by his apprentice's awareness
and his honesty in acknowledging that Qui-Gon may not share the
same sentiments. He was certainly prepared to offer the younger
man his immediate answer, but realistically, only time would
tell whether their individual feelings on the matter would
change in the years to come.
As the silence stretched between them, Obi-Wan finally averted
his gaze, setting his datapad on the table beside him. "If
you'll excuse me, Master, I would like to meditate further on
all that's happened today before retiring."
"Of course," the older man offered with a smile, watching as
his apprentice got up and crossed the common area toward his
bedroom. "Obi-Wan?"
The young Jedi stopped and glanced back at his master.
"Thank you, Padawan. You've opened more than one pair of eyes
today."
Obi-Wan grinned. "You're welcome, but you should really thank
Master Yoda."
"He is very wise," Qui-Gon expressed thoughtfully, wondering
whether the ancient Jedi master had had any idea what he was
starting when he'd suggested that particular exercise to
Obi-Wan. Where Yoda was concerned, anything was
possible...
The younger man held his master's gaze a moment longer before
paying his respects with a slight bow. "Good evening, Master."
"Sleep well, Obi-Wan," the Jedi master smiled warmly.
As his apprentice disappeared into his own bedroom Qui-Gon
took a deep breath, releasing it forcefully as he leaned his
head back against the top of the sofa and closed his eyes.
"Force help me," he whispered softly to the empty room. "I
think I'm falling in love with my Padawan..."
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