Summary: At a party Qui-Gon watches his padawan and they make a
choice that could get he and Obi-Wan in trouble. Based on a
song.
Disclaimer: No infringement intended. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are
George Lucas's and the song lyrics belong to Massivivid. It's
just my pleasure to mix them. : )
Feedback - Welcome but anything rude will be ignored.
Note: This is my first Q/O so please bear with me!! I hope you
enjoy!!!
/I do not wanna do, what I'm about to, but I'm afraid that I
can't stop./
Another successful mission, another party to attend. I stop and
talk with everyone here, every official and even those less
official, and do everything as I usually do at these functions.
It's becoming second nature, almost something I'm programmed to
do. A pretty young girl walks by and eyes me, another
proposition soon will follow. And inevitably my quietly and
discreetly thanking her and telling her no. Then again, maybe I
will take give up and say yes. I rarely do say yes to the many
propositionings, I'm a Jedi Master. There is no passion, only
serenity. But sometimes that code is as far away from me as
dark is from light. Or is dark really that far from light? I'm
beginning to think not. There he stands, across the room, the
object of my desire and passion. Does he know how beautiful he
looks in the moonlight as he stands there close to the terrace?
It's wrong for a Jedi to lust or desire any one person, let
alone corrupting their own padawan, but Obi-Wan is beautiful.
More beautiful than anything I've ever seen. It's wrong, I
know, but I can't stop myself from loving him, everything there
is to love about him. And wanting him. As my eyes linger across
those lips I wonder where this weakness came from. A few years
ago if someone had told me I would be mooning over my own
padawan I would have taken offence. No one could have accused
me of the feelings that burn through me now. Lust...yes I lust
after him. Not to say that's all I feel. I do love him. Dearly.
Everything about him makes me weak. And maybe I could get by
with loving him, if it weren't for that lust. But who, when
loving someone, would not want to touch their mate? He's
laughing, another thing that makes me weak. Oh yes, I'll say
yes to someone tonight. I'll make love to some pretty woman or
man and in my mind I'll be screaming my padawan's name. Just
like always. When did this start, I can't say. All I remember
is one day it hitting me, how beautiful he was and how I
couldn't live without him. Couldn't, but have to. I am damned
to live without my hearts one desire because a group of old
Jedi decided it was the proper way for the Jedi to live. But
they were right. The dangers of lust are great. I tread a thing
line between dark and light. I should talk to someone, Yoda or
Mace, but how could I face the Counsil like this? The shame is
already hard enough to bear without making it worse. I must
stop staring or he will tell them himself.
"Master Jinn?"
I turn to see a man before me, not much older than my Obi-Wan.
He's got that glint in his eyes. I know what he wants. "Yes?" I
say innocently, though I can barely hide my amusement.
He smiles at me and draws me down so he can whisper in my ear.
He says pretty words about how I look and what he can do and I
still stare at Obi-Wan. I wish I could be like him. I wish I
could be strong. I stand back up and politely shake my head,
declining. I'm not at that point yet. But I fear the longing in
my heart will make it that way. Obi-Wan, I love you so much.
Master, are you all right? he projects to me through our
link. He knows something is wrong. What do I tell him? I can't
tell him what's wrong.
I just don't feel well, Padawan. How much did he sense?
How could I have let my guard down? Oh, watching Obi-Wan, it's
easy. Every movement he makes sends shivers through me. He's
got a concerned look on his face. And a knowing look. What does
he know?
I know, Master. It's hard to say no to something you want.
He was beautiful. I can hear the sympathy bleeding through
his voice and see it written on his face as he gives me a
reassuring look. At least he doesn't suspect the real object of
my desire. Damnit though, he knows I'm weak. Good role model
for a growing padawan.
I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, that you saw me slip. I'm all right. It
just get's lonely being a Jedi sometimes. I force a grin
and give him an innocent shrug. Hopefully that will make up for
my little slip.
I understand, Master, he says to me, but the look on his
face betrays more worry. I sigh. It's starting to fall apart.
Even now I find it hard to not go to him and kiss his perfect
lips. Oh, Padawan, I wish I were as strong as you.
/I'll gladly trade my nothing for your everything, I just get
so scared that I will drop. Hope casts me headlong into you./
I can feel him reasurring me through the link we share. He's
slightly worried about me, but he's trying to convince himself
that I'll be all right. I'm his master after all. I should be
able to stop myself from this longing. I should resist, but I
can't. His lips are so beautiful. Before I know it, my feet are
carrying me closer to him. Slow at first, stopping to talk to
the guests, but closer and closer. I reach around and take my
hair from it's tie and let it hang down. What's this? Am I
trying to seduce my padawan? Force, what is wrong with me? But
he's everything to me. I must touch him just once. He would be
shamed by me, his master, losing control over him. Our host
stops me, a smile on his lips.
"Master Jinn! Are you enjoying yourself?" he asks me.
I nod, trying not to look at Obi-Wan, who is across from me.
"Oh yes. I'm having a wonderful time, Prime Minister. And
yourself?"
Could his smile get any bigger? "I am having a great time, my
Jedi friend! Wonderful! Oh! Please pardon me, I see someone I
must go and speak with!" The jovial prime minister scurries off
before I can say anything and leaves me alone to continue my
weak train of thought. I risk another glance at my padawan and
stop. His blue eyes are staring into mine with a mixture of
surprise and something else. Is that desire? I feel along our
link for what I've been feeling and ignoring for the past ten
minutes. I was so wrapped up in my own weakness that I
neglected to feel his. "M-Master," he stammers as I step close
to him. He looks up into my eyes and then to the floor,
ashamed. "I'm sorry, Master. I...I didn't mean to shame you
with my feelings. I only..." but I don't let him finished what
he's saying. His words are forcing me to confront my weakness.
I can't fight anymore. My lips meet his, sparking a passion and
heat I'll never forget. He closes his eyes and kisses back and
it's then I realise that what we are doing is wrong.
/I never saw my shadow til I saw the light, but now I need more
light to drown it out./
Padawan, this is wrong. I'm so sorry for this, he tells
me as he kisses me. This was his fault? I think not. I
should've been stronger for him. He was already dealing with
weakness and now I made myself the focus of that weakness. But
he is my weakness. Watching him fight himself tonight made
things worse for me. I have desired him for so long. So very
very long. I reach up and run my fingers through his long hair,
silky and smooth, making myself weaker. I should have been
stronger for him.
The fault is mine, Master. You were weak and my weakness
made things worse. My hand tugs at the fabric of his tunic
almost unconsciously as my tongue caresses against his. I can't
help myself now. I can't stop this. Force, he draws me to the
back of the room and pushes me against the wall and I'm sick
with desire. Oh my Master, how I have loved you. I've wanted
you forever and now you are giving yourself to me. And I feel
guilty. I'm drawing you to the Darkside and seemingly without a
care. How can I do this?
No, Padawan. It's my fault. I've wanted this. I should have
stopped myself. We should stop this. And neither of us
does. I can't get enough of his lips and his tongue against
mine. The cold of the night air from outside brushes against my
skin and I feel myself shiver and his arms pin me to the wall.
Master, you are beautiful.
I know we should. We need to stop before this gets out of
hand, I agree. But still neither of us can get stop it.
Darkness can't be far. How can I let him fall with me?
/I cannot bear that this should continue, nor can I bear that
it should stop. Hope casts me headlong into you./
He nods, still kissing me and then pulls away and I can't help
but feel empty. It was so close to being perfect, but it had to
be stopped. He stares at me with a passion in his eyes that I
have never seen. That's enough to drive me back into his arms.
And Force, I want to be back into those arms. Just him standing
there is driving me crazy. And all he can do is stand there,
staring and panting. I close my eyes. I can't bear the sight of
him standing there, desiring me. There is no passion, only
serenity. There is no emotion, only peace. There is no release,
only madness. There is no satisfaction, only hunger. I wonder
if I talked to Master Windu, if he would add those to the code.
They surely belong there. "I'm so sorry, Master," I whisper.
I can hear him breathing. Is there no end to this torture? "As
I said, Padawan, the fault is entirely mine. If you want to
request a new master, I'll understand."
My eyes fly open at this and I stare for a moment. "Never,
Master! I could never ask for another master! I lo...I mean you
are the best master I could have asked for." His eyes say he
caught that little slip, while his words ignore it. Perhaps he
doesn't want to make things worse by commenting. I understand
that.
"Well, I think perhaps I should call it a night. You may stay
if you wish."
Oh Force. We share a room this night due to lack of rooms for
the occasion. Damn coincidence and irony both. At least there
are two beds. That might help. I nod, deciding that I need
rest, knowing that's not the reason I retreat with him. I
retreat because the weakness is back. I retreat because I want
to be alone with him. I want to test myself for some unknown
reason it seems. Or maybe I want to give in to this. He nods
and we bid goodnight to our host and are on our way to our
room. He's silent, as am I, afraid to disturb the frail
discipline we have managed. Just when did we start down this
path of weakness? I know for me it was about four years ago. He
had just come from practicing with a few of the other Masters
and he was beautiful. I stopped breathing as I stared at him
and he smiled that quiet smile of his and it feels like I
haven't breathed since. I don't know what's going to happen
tonight. I don't know if I can stop myself again if we lose
control. I must have stopped paying attention to my walking
because as soon as he stopped to open the door I slammed into
him. He turns and smiles at me and I can only weakly smile back
at him. I love his eyes when he smiles at me. He opens the door
and I rush in, flopping on the couch and closing my eyes.
Whatever he's doing, I don't need to see. But as sure as I
could see, I can feel his desiring eyes on me.
/Before the angels a man might sink, but before this one he'd
surely die. And if he lived at all, he'd have to laugh
unquenable laughter Beneath my burning bones, here am I./
I let myself get carried away and almost corrupted my padawan
along with myself. What a damned fool I must be to let things
end up like this. He deserves much better than this. By the
Force I can feel the turmoil in him as surely as my own. And
it's my fault. All of it. Oh, but he makes my blood run so hot.
I lean against the wall in weakness and recall the lips,
wanting another taste and suddenly I feel it. His tongue slides
into my mouth and touches mine and I know that it's not over. I
see a vision in my mind of a thousand nights together, touching
desperately in various rooms on various planets and falling
deeper into the darkness. But who says we have to fall to the
Darkside? Maybe... just maybe we can live like this without
falling over to the Dark. I know over the next few nights I
will convince myself of that. And maybe it will be reality. Oh,
my Obi-Wan, please don't fall to the Darkside. If one of us
must fall, let it be me. I could not bear it if my Obi-Wan
fell. It would destroy me. As I revel in his kiss he pulls my
clothing off a piece at a time, touching me everywhere. Force,
his hands are enough to make me fall to the floor, moaning for
more. "My Padawan," I breathe and he answers with another hot
kiss on my lips. I open my eyes and gaze into his intent blue
eyes as he kisses and touches me and I cannot stop myself from
tearing at his clothes, wanting to feel his hot skin against my
own. I hear him moan and gasp as I pull his pants down and push
him to the floor, showering his body with kisses. I take a
moment to just stare into his eyes, seeing the desire there and
the love. I can see beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves
me. "I..." I stammer, wanting to tell him, but afraid.
He puts his fingers on my lips and closes his eyes. "I love
you, too," he says, making my heart race even faster. I kiss
down his chin, then neck, on to his chest, and to his belly
button where I make circles around it. He writhes under my
tongue and I smile as I caress his skin. I stop for a moment
and just watch him smile at me as he touches my hair and I
revel in the night, not wanting this to end. After placing
several kisses onto his strong thighs I take things further and
take him into my mouth, wanting to please him. Pleasing him
will be pleasing me. He groans as I begin my loving suck, my
tongue touching him where I have dreamed of for so long. His
grip tightens on my hair and I smile, kissing him deeper. I've
wanted to hear him scream for me for so long and now I plan on
making it reality. I move my head, thrusting him back into my
mouth and up again, making him groan. Scream for me, my
love, I say to him through our link and get a moan in
response. I slow down, torturing him a little bit and feel him
start moving, wanting more. I love him. I love my padawan. And
now I tread the line of darkness.
/Vina calls and I'm taken for a ride. Translunary circles
spinning closer, falling. In this world I've created, I cannot
hide...don't kiss me as I fly/
As my master gives me his kiss and I lay here in pleasure and
can't help but wonder where this will lead us now. I don't want
this to end here...tonight. I can't bear that now. I have felt
my master's kiss and cannot survive without it. His mouth is
perfect as I thrust into it, seeking release. But he won't be
satisfied until I scream for it. I know him...he won't let up.
Not that he has anything to worry about...I'll be screaming in
a few seconds if he...oh...if he keeps going the way he is. By
the Force, his mouth feels sweeter than anything I've ever
experianced. Maybe it's his talent, maybe it's just because
it's him. Whatever the case I can't stop it any longer and I
give him what he wants. I yell out for him, "Master!" I let go
of his silken hair and let myself succumb to the pleasure and I
call for him again and come. He savors my release and lingers,
kissing my thighs and belly. I know he hungers for the same
release, but he only lays beside me, wrapping me into his arms
and laying his kissing on my face. I look at him and smile
weakly, feeling the heat of his body against mine. "I love you,
Qui-Gon," I say softly.
He nuzzles me and says, "I love you, Obi-Wan. For so long I
have wanted to touch you and tell you I love you." I move to
return his pleasure when he stops me. "I can wait. Rest."
I look into those hungry eyes and say, "I want to."
He shakes his head and smiles, pulling me down on his chest. "I
just want to feel you against me," he says simply, stroking my
hair. "Padawan, do we continue this, or stop?"
I look into those blue-gray eyes and can only say, "I need
you."
He smiles and touches my braid. "If the Counsil finds out what
we've done...what we're doing..." He doesn't finish his
statement. We both know what could happen.
Then I say something that undoubtedly shocks him as much as it
shocks me. "Master, with or without the Jedi Counsil, in the
Light or Dark, I want to be with you. I love you."
"Obi-Wan, we cannot let ourselves fall to the Darkside."
I laugh, not caring. There is nothing, Dark or Light that could
keep me from him now. I kiss him and nod softly. "I know,
Master. But I want to be with you forever no matter what side
we are on."
He looks into my eyes gravely but sighs. He must feel the same.
I couldn't survive without my master. He kisses my forehead and
says, "Let's go to bed." He draws me up with him and we lay in
his bed, holding each other and loving each other, through
Darkness and Light.
/I do not wanna do, what I'm about to, but I'm afraid that I
can't stop I'll gladly trade my nothing for your everything, I
just get so scared that I will drop. Hope casts me headlong
into you./
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