PAIRING: Depends on which side of the door you're on.
CATEGORY: angst(?), no sex, toys
RATING: PG at best
ARCHIVE: M_A only. If anyone else really wants it, please talk
to me.
DISCLAIMER: Lucas owns 'em. I just wish.
SUMMARY: Obi-Wan, his best friend and a toy...
NOTE: Thanks so much to my beta Aubergine.
BLAME: The SciFi channel, who ever it was who posted the
advertisement to the list and started that discussion and Linda
who sent me email telling me to write this. (Okay, so it was
written long before I saw her mail, but she made me think
someone might want to see it :)
FEEDBACK: As I've said before - If I didn't care what you
thought, would I show it to you? Good, bad or indifferent, send
it to waldo@elnet.com
Obi-Wan clutched the package under his cloak as he made his way
through the endless halls of the Temple. He was so intent on
not being seen, that he slammed straight into someone coming
around the corner.
"Kenobi! Geez! Watch where you're going!"
"Sorry, Bant," he mumbled and scrambled to pick up his package.
"Whatchagot?"
Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows artfully. "'Scuse me?"
"In the paper wrapper."
Sliding the foot-long, plainly-wrapped package under his robe
again he looked Bant in the eye and waved one hand and said,
"You didn't see a package."
Bant waved her hand back, ending by thunking him in the
forehead with the heel of it. "Yes, I did. You're lousy at
that, Kenobi. Come on, tell me!"
Obi-Wan sighed. Bant was more tenacious than that damn
Wookie-terrier-dog-thing Qui-Gon brought home a few months ago.
"Why do you want to know?"
"Cause you're distracted as hell. Which means it's personal.
Which means I want to know."
"Doesn't the word 'personal' imply 'none-of-your-business?"
Obi-Wan shot back.
"When it's personal to anyone but you. Come on Kenobi, don't
make me cause a scene." Bant's huge eyes shone with amusement.
Obi-Wan sighed, defeated. "Fine, but not here."
Obi-Wan dragged her down the halls and into the rooms he shared
with his master; who, fortunately was not in them.
"Okay, so what is it?" Bant asked as the door closed.
Obi-Wan dragged her into his room and shut the door.
"Why is this so important to you?" he asked defensively.
"Because the more you refuse to tell me something, the more
interesting it usually is. Like when it was your job to set the
tables in the dining hall and you accidentally put salt
petre in the shaker on the Council's table instead of
plain salt."
Obi-Wan blushed. He'd been eleven when that had happened and he
only had the faintest understanding of what had happened. He
did notice however, that certain instructors were a lot
stricter for the week following. It had taken all his deductive
skills, and a few hours of discreet research in the library to
understand why it was only the instructors who were seeing
councilmemebers who seemed to be in such a foul mood. He hadn't
wanted to tell Bant about his mistake in reading the
containers, or about what he knew about the instructors lousy
moods. But she'd threatened to tell Master Yoda about who put
the whoopee cushion in his chair when they'd been entertaining
the new Hyberican delegates. So he'd told.
And it looked like he'd be telling again. He really didn't
think Bant had anything on him at the moment, but that didn't
mean that she wouldn't wait until she had something and an
opportune moment, even if she had to wait for several months.
It wouldn't be the first time.
He took a deep breath, "You know how sometimes when you really,
really want something you can't have... you get
something close. Something that makes you think of that thing
you can't have and you... pretend..."
Qui-Gon Jinn knew his Padawan was in their quarters when he
returned, but was surprised not to find him in the front room.
Noticing the shut bedroom door, he shrugged and proceeded to
start putting away the things he'd picked up from the Temple
stores. Obi-Wan seemed to be spending an exceedingly large
amount of time behind his closed bedroom door.
Actually, Qui-Gon corrected himself. It wasn't long stretches
of time. It was lots of short stretches of time. He shrugged.
Oh, to be twenty-one years old again and to have the libido of
the same...
He could feel waves of tension coming off his Padawan through
their link. The signature to this tension was a little
different than what he usually felt when Obi-Wan went into his
bedroom mid-day, but to try an discern the difference would be
to invade Obi-Wan's privacy.
He was just about to muffle their bond a little, to give
Obi-Wan the privacy he was after when he heard a very feminine,
"Oh my Gods, Kenobi!"
Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow. He'd always thought Bant was more of
a friend than anything else. Oh well... it was none of his
business anyway.
"Would you shut up! My master is back!"
Qui-Gon decided it was time to check on soundproofing that
door.
Bant dropped her voice to half it's previous level. "You got a
blow up doll, didn't you! You went down to Galactic Get-Offs
and got a blow-up a doll! Let me see it, Kenobi!" She was
bouncing in place.
"Shut Up! It does not blow up." He wanted to kamikaze on
his lightsaber for his stupidity.
"Okay, if it's not a blow-up doll, what kind is it?" Bant
teased.
Qui-Gon tried really hard not to listen but that door was just
way too thin, and both Obi-Wan and Bant's voices carried way
too well.
"You aren't going to let this go, are you?"
"Not now, I'm not! I've worked too hard to get this much from
you!"
Qui-Gon shrugged. He wasn't aware that Mon Callamari and Humans
were even compatible.
Obi-Wan opened the plain wrapper and took out a small soft
bodied doll. That looked exactly like his master.
Bant didn't even pretend not to notice the similarities. "For
the Force's sake Kenobi, I hope you had that custom made
somewhere and they aren't selling them on the streets."
"Actually I got it from mail-order company. They're doing all
the great 'heroes of the galaxy.' And... it was on sale." He
was distinctly pink in the cheeks now.
"Well, that's certainly an inventive way of getting to sleep
with your master," Bant giggled.
Obi-Wan sighed, deflated. "You're not going to tell anyone, are
you? It's bad enough that have to keep barricading myself in
here to keep from... embarrassing myself, shall we say?"
"How long have you known me, that you think I'd seriously
embarrass you in public over this?"
Obi-Wan grinned, chagrined.
"What I'll do in private is entirely dependent upon on how much
fun you make it."
Qui-Gon decided he didn't want to know.
"You'd think that I'd have learned by now. You'll let it go if
I let it go. Like those Gungan finger puzzles. The more I
struggle, the more you latch on.
Qui-Gon definitely didn't want to know. And he needed a
refresher in Mon Callamari anatomy.
A bell rang indicating a shift change.
"Damn, I have to watch the theta group through and after
dinner. Master Cet-alsi is out tonight. Better put the little
guy away."
Qui-Gon just shook his head as he heard rustling and giggling
for the few minutes until the door between the rooms opened.
"See you later, Kenobi," Bant called on her way out.
"Bye," Obi-Wan called back quietly, then dropping heavily onto
the couch. "Talk about not being able to take 'no' for an
answer."
Qui-Gon's head shot up from the reading he'd been pretending to
do.
Obi-Wan looked over. "What?"
Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow and schooled his features to
neutrality. "Nothing. There was a message for you before I
left. The stores received a package you sent for. You can pick
it up whenever you're next down there."
"Thank you, Master. I've... all ready retrieved it."
Qui-Gon nodded and went back to his reading.
Not more than two minutes later, the comm light came on with a
soft chirp. Obi-Wan rose to answer it.
Bant. Obi-Wan wanted to crawl in a hole. "Hi Bant."
"Hey Obi-Wan. I was hoping you wouldn't mind helping me with
the kids tonight. Reeft was scheduled, but I guess his master
needs him for something."
Obi-Wan looked over to Qui-Gon who nodded without looking up.
"I'll be there directly."
The door had barely shut when Qui-Gon's curiosity exploded. He
shouldn't do this. He really shouldn't do this. He was a Jedi
Master. He had far more control than this. He really
shouldn't do this. But the bits and pieces were just leading up
to a conclusion he wasn't quite ready to draw.
He evaluated the components of the puzzle. Obi-Wan had received
a package and then he and Bant had come back here and... He was
making an awfully big logic jump here. He tried to school his
own hormones. It was some sort of desire-transference that made
everything Obi-Wan did and said sexual. That was all.
Maybe if he knew what was in the package.
He stuck his head through Obi-Wan's open door.
He had to laugh. Really hard.
With his head on the pillow, tucked neatly under the
blankets... was a doll that looked just like him.
Qui-Gon picked it up and studied it.
It was cute...
He wondered if that should be insulting. He was a Jedi warrior
for Sith's sake. He wasn't cute!
It did however give him an idea.
Obi-Wan came in looking as drained as he felt. Nineteen
toddlers tended to tax one's energy reserves. Especially when
the twins in the group of said toddlers had received a box from
home with a certain toy in it. And said toddlers became
hell-bent on showing Obi-Wan's master their new friend. Bant
had been snickering at him all evening.
He was surprised to notice that Qui-Gon wasn't in the living
room. He felt his master's presence in their quarters.
Figuring Qui-Gon had turned in early, Obi-Wan stood to do the
same.
When he pushed the door to his room open, he blinked at what he
saw in the dim light.
A quiet voice from his bed asked, "Have you ever heard the
story of Pinocchio, Obi-Wan?"
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