Archiving : yes to M&A and Black Rose (if she wants it)
Categories : Humor, AU
Warnings : everybody eats, nobody dies. <G>
Spoilers : none
Summary : Our boys get adopted by another pathetic life-form.
Disclaimer : I've tried to wax poetic about this, but I somehow
can't. I've flat-out stolen these boys from George Lucas (and
Black Rose) and that's that. I do promise to give them back
when I'm done (g).
Acknowledgment #1 : All praise goes to Black Rose, who gave me
permission to play in her wonderful AU. This story, while not
canon for the JAOA universe (which makes it an AU of an AU
(g)), probably takes place a couple months after "Stage 2" and
"Rituals".
Acknowledgment #2 : for Lilith, Marnee, and Lorelei, from their
quadsib LapisLaz.
Han palmed the door chime, struggling with the squirming armful
he carried. [Yes? Ah, Padawan Solo. Come in, young one.] That
warm friendly voice echoed through his head, leaving him with
the usual itchy, uncomfortable feeling he always got when one
of the masters mindspoke with him. But he didn't mind it when
Master Jinn did it - mindspeech was preferable to watching him
turn pale trying to talk and breathe at the same time.
The door opened, and Han went into the sunny room, looking for
General Kenobi. Good - he wasn't there. If the General had left
Master Jinn alone, he must be doing better today. Han respected
General Kenobi immensely, but the man intimidated him no end.
Kenobi was a powerful Jedi, a war hero, and fiercely protective
of his lifemate. Indeed, if Han had to use one word to describe
the man if would be "fierce". And Han felt uneasy when that
fierceness was directed at him, even in friendship or
instruction. He much preferred his own Master's carefree
cheerfulness, or Master Jinn's patient amusement.
[You do seem to have us all neatly cataloged, don't you young
Solo.] A mental laugh accompanied the thought. [I'm in our
room, Padawan - come in, and bring your friend.]
[Yes, Sir.] Han went through the left hand door and entered the
bedroom Master Jinn and General Kenobi shared. The older man
was in bed, half reclined on a pile of pillows, and laid down a
datapad as Han entered the room.
[What do you have there, Han?]
"I'm not sure what it is, Sir - it looks like a cat, but...".
Han set the squirming animal on the bed next to Qui-Gon and
held it securely. The animal stopped squirming when it's paws
hit the bed, sinking it's claws into the coverlet and freezing,
then letting out a sound that made it plain that the next
person to try and move it from this position would be punished
severely, to the limits of it's abilities to maim and destroy.
[Well, it is a cat - sort of.] Qui-Gon looked at the
blue-furred animal, noting the iridescent wings sprouting from
its shoulder blades. [It's a Toydarian cat.]
"Is everything from Toydaria blue with wings?"
The Jedi master laughed aloud at that, allowing himself the
luxury of making a sound for the sheer fun of it. [No, young
Padawan, not everything. When humans first met the Toydarians,
of course, cats went with them. The Toydarians for some reason
decided that the best thing about humanity was its choice of
pets, and decided to begin adopting cats.] Qui-Gon put out a
hand and began to stroke the animal gently, then scratched the
base of the wings. [Then a Toydarian geneticist decided to
alter his new pets to suit himself, and engineered a litter of
blue-furred, winged kittens. They bred true, and were very
popular. You don't see them very often off of Toydaria,
however.] The cat began to purr gently, deciding that it could
deal with this sort of attention quite well for the moment.
[Where did you find it, Han?]
"It found me, Master Jinn - I literally fell over it this
morning coming out of the locker room after swim practice. And
then it followed me back to my room. I don't think Master
Anakin will let me keep it, though." Han frowned at the animal,
which was having kitty ecstasies, arching her body under the
large hand now gently scratching the base of her spine above
her tail. "We'll be gone a lot and it wouldn't be fair to keep
it cooped up all the time in our rooms with no one around."
[It?]
"Well, I don't know if it's a boy or a girl." Han turned
faintly pink. "Every time I tried to look, it tried to eat my
thumb."
[Well, I imagine if someone was trying to determine what sex
you were by inspection, you might try to bite something, too.]
Laughter rang through his head as the master encouraged the cat
to raise its hindquarters even further, allowing him to make
the necessary examination. [It's a female, Han - and judging
from her size and development, I'd say she's fairly young, not
more than a year old.]
At this point the cat, purring loud enough to be heard in the
next system, delicately climbed into the older man's lap, then
up his chest, placing herself nose to nose with the amused
face. Sniffing around his nose and up along his brow, she
brought her nose down to his and touched noses with him, then
ran the side of her face along his cheek. Mission accomplished,
she backed down into his lap and curled up to sleep.
"Well, that certainly settles that." Han grinned. "I think she
followed me because she knew I would bring her to you. You've
been adopted, Sir - whether you like it or not."
[I am well aware of cat custom and behavior, Padawan Solo. But
I have the same problem you do - I'm not sure Obi-Wan would be
pleased by an addition to our family. I seem to attract stray
and needy creatures the way over-ripe fruit attracts flies -
and this has ever been a source of aggravation to my lifemate.
There is also the possibility that she already has a home and
is just having herself an adventure.] Qui-Gon lifted the
datapad on the bed. [Hmm, she doesn't seem to be listed in
'Lost and Found'.]
"General Kenobi wouldn't let you keep it?" Han looked at
Qui-Gon, a puzzled frown on his face. "But I thought you were
his Master? Why can't you do as you please?"
[I was indeed Obi-Wan's master, young one. But we are long past
Master and Padawan - Obi-Wan has raised up and knighted a
Padawan of his own. We are lifemates, sworn to each other for
better or worse. I would be a fool not to take his likes and
dislikes into account - people who wish to stay together must
learn compromise. Indeed, keeping a successful relationship
alive is not unlike negotiating a successful peace treaty. No
one gets everything they want, but everyone gets some of what
they want.]
"Well, if you don't want the cat, I suppose I should take her
down to Master d'Agostine. She'll take her in, or find her a
home if she can't keep her." Han smiled as he thought of the
Padawan 'House Mother', who had a dozen animals she called 'her
small apprentices'.
[I did not say I did not want the cat, young Solo. I just said
Obi-Wan might not wish to have it.]
"Well, if General Kenobi doesn't want it, then I suppose it has
to go."
[Not necessarily. Remember what I said about relationships and
treaty negotiations?]
"Yes, but..."
[Listen well, young Padawan, to something you will soon learn.
In any bargain, it is always best to start from a position of
strength. And it is sometimes possible to stack the deck in
your favor before the meeting starts.]
"Yeah? So, how do we go about stacking this deck, Master
Qui-Gon?" Han grinned. This was something he understood.
[If you will look in that cupboard above the table in the
common room, Padawan, you will find a sabacc deck and a
randomizer. If you would bring them here?]
Obi-Wan and Anakin walked into the apartments still discussing
the briefing they had just attended. "I tell you Anakin, you'd
best take it easy when you bring up the subject of the marriage
contract - or the Adastrians will skin you and used your hide
for a rug."
"I will, Master." A trickle of the Force blew through, with the
mental signature of Anakin's Padawan. Both men felt it, and
Obi-Wan glanced at his former apprentice, who had a strange
grin on his face. Following the trace into the bedroom, Obi-Wan
found his lifemate where he belonged for a change - in bed.
But he was not alone. Han sat with his back to the door, his
head bowed, a sabacc hand visible over his shoulder. Qui-Gon
held a similar group of cards. [The trick to keeping your hand
from changing, Han, is to feel how the randomizer will affect
the Force and then block it when...] Obi-Wan was about to burst
out in scandalized indignation when he noticed something moving
on the bed between them.
There, curled up around the randomizer, was a cat - at least he
thought it was a cat. It looked like a cat - but when the hell
had cats acquired wings? At that thought, a long furry tail
waved into the air and smacked the trigger button on the
randomizer. Obi-Wan felt another waver in the Force from Han,
and heard the young man groan as his cards shifted.
"Aw, Sith," the he muttered. "Ruined a perfectly good
twenty-two. You need to show me that trick with the ..." Han
saw Qui-Gon's eyes shift and looked behind him, seeing General
Kenobi in the doorway, a look like thunder on his face.
Stifling a squeak, Han threw the cards on the bed and scrambled
to his feet. The cat, looking highly offended at the flying
gamechips, uncurled from the machine with a leisurely
stretch-yawn and half-jumped, half-fluttered down to the floor.
With queenly grace, the elegant creature meandered across the
rug to Obi-Wan and began twining her way around his ankles,
purring loud enough to be heard across the room.
The General stood there with his mouth open to shout, but for
some reason words had deserted him. His Master, his lifemate,
was teaching someone else's young Padawan to cheat at sabacc,
there was an unknown animal sniffing and rubbing at his ankles
(no doubt looking for a tender spot to savage), and his own
former apprentice was standing behind him trying not to fall
down with barely contained amusement.
[Ah, Obi-Wan, you're back I see. Did the briefing go well?] A
slight smile flitted across Qui-Gon's face.
Obi-Wan stared. "The briefing? Never mind the damned briefing -
what in the name of the hundred little gods of Malastaire are
you doing? And where did this animal come from?"
[I was giving Padawan Solo a lesson in applied Force
manipulation.]
"You were teaching him to cheat at sabacc!"
[Actually, we had just gotten around to sabacc - I was also
teaching him the situational ethics of necessity to be applied
when one is short of resources with which to complete one's
mission.]
"What?! Qui-Gon, if he..."
[After all, Obi-Wan - the man standing behind you - or falling
down behind you as the case may be - would not be there if I
had not applied those same ethics of necessity with that junk
dealer on Tatooine.]
[You cheated at dice.]
[Actually, the die was already rigged and weighted in his favor
- I simply applied the Force in sufficient amounts to
insure...]
"Aaahh!" Obi-Wan leaped into the air, landing off-balance and
nearly falling over, saved only by a Force-grab from Anakin,
who lowered him slowly to the ground. "That damned animal bit
me!" The cat, which had crouched and frozen when the Jedi had
jumped, now paraded back over to the bed, jumping up and
picking a spot next to Qui-Gon's right hand to lie down. The
older man began to pet the animal gently, scritching her under
her chin and producing another monstrously loud purring noise.
[I'm sure she didn't do anymore than give you a love-bite,
Obi-Wan - she is a remarkably affectionate creature. I shall be
sorry to see her go.]
"Go? Where is she going?" Suspicion filled Obi-Wan's voice.
[Well, I imagine she'll probably wind up with Master d'Agostine
- though I hope she has enough room for another stray. Poor
thing, she really won't be happy there, though - I have a
feeling she doesn't like having to share her people.] Qui-Gon
sighed. [I have heard that having a pet can do wonders for
people's morale and health - what a pity we never had time for
one.]
"I never knew you wanted one, Master." [I'll make a bargain
with you.]
[A bargain, my love?]
[Yes. You stop teaching the boy to cheat at cards and we can
keep the cat.]
[Well, actually, Han knows much more than I do about cheating
at sabacc - he's a master at it. Of course Anakin is better
than both of us...]
[I know that - Anakin was telling me this morning how he first
found the boy - scandalous, that, but oh well...]
[So why ...]
[Why did I offer you a deal? Qui-Gon - you taught me everything
I know about negotiating. Should I teach my teacher, then?]
[If the Padawan teaches the Master, then the bond is true.]
[I love you.]
[And I you, Obi-Wan.]
"Han, come here." Obi-Wan waited until the young man dragged
himself across the room, reluctance in every step. "Listen to
me, Padawan. If I ever catch you either giving or receiving
lessons in how to cheat at sabacc again, I'm going to make sure
you spend the rest of your apprenticeship peeling baga roots in
the canteen - do you understand me?"
Han looked up. "But General, Sir..." He stopped as he saw his
own Master behind the General nodding his head vigorously, a
large grin on his face. "Yes, General Kenobi. I understand." He
smiled. "But perhaps some evening you and Master Jinn would
care to engage myself and my Master in a friendly game?"
Obi-Wan looked a bit surprised, but a small smile finally
reached his face. "I imagine it might be arranged sometime,
Padawan Solo. Now, I think perhaps you and your Master have
some things to talk about - unless I am mistaken, you are about
to leave on your first mission. I wish you luck - both of you."
As he spoke, Obi-Wan put out his hand and tousled Han's hair.
"But before you leave, come see me - you need another hair-cut,
and I don't think you want to let Master Anakin near you with a
pair of shears ever again." He grinned at the young man.
"Oh! Yes Sir, General Kenobi Sir!" He looked at his own Master,
who was no longer even trying to contain his laughter. "I'm
sorry, Master - but even your own wife said you shouldn't cut
my hair."
"Don't worry about it, Padawan - a wise man knows his limits.
I'm a Jedi Knight - not a barber. C'mon, we need to get a
travel kit put together for you." Anakin hugged his Master,
then went over to the older man and kissed him gently on the
forehead. "You two take care of each other for me, OK?"
[Always, Anakin - be well, travel safely, and bring yourself
and the boy home to us soon.]
[I will, Master Qui-Gon.] At that Anakin turned, and guiding
Han in front of him, they left the suite. Obi-Wan walked over
and sat down on the bed, taking care not to upset the cat, who
was still purring loudly under his Master's large, gentle
hands. Gingerly, he stroked her head, relaxing when she did
nothing more than purr louder.
"What are you going to call her?"
[I've been thinking about that. How does the name Asfala strike
you?]
"Rather pretty, actually. Does it mean something?"
[In Toydarian, it means "tiny flyer".]
"Works for me." Obi-Wan got up from the bed and stretched, then
leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on the older mans lips.
"Well, we have a cat. A cat with iridescent blue wings. What do
you suppose a blue-winged cat eats, Qui-Gon?"
[I imagine she would probably enjoy that can of rula-fish in
the cupboard until we can find more suitable fare. The more
important question is where she will deposit the remains of her
dinner when she has -ah- processed it.] As Qui-Gon watched, a
priceless, horrified look spread over the younger man's face.
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