Pairing: Q/O
Category: Possible AU, First Time, POV (Qui-Gon's),
Romance
Rating: R
Archive: MA and my site
http://home.talkcity.com/SpiritCir/hudson25/Shrine.html anyone
else just ask.
Warnings: None
Spoilers: maybe? for TPM and the JA books.
Summary: Qui-Gon finds what he's been missing all his
life.
Feedback: I crave it! Please! romana2@xtn.net
Authors Note: The story at the end that Obi-Wan quotes is
Gabrielle's story from the Xena: Warrior Princess episode
Prometheus. Ever since I rewatched that episode I knew that
story was perfect for Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan and it was just a
matter of how to write it. Well I finally figured it out and
here's the result! Hope you like it! Thanks to whoever at the
Xena show came up with such a beautiful story.
As I walk to the Gardens from the quarters that Obi-Wan and I
share, I rub at my neck which is still red and sore from our
lovemaking, but I don't mind. I smile remembering the feel of
his teeth biting into my skin. I carry his scent on me. I close
my eyes and breathe in the night air, envisioning the feel of
his soft golden skin beneath me. His eyes bright with wonder
and desire as I touched him. His screams of passion when he
climaxed. What a wonderful evening we have just spent together.
Already I ache for his touch again, but there is something I
must do first. I reach the Gardens grateful for the solitude of
the early hour. I settle comfortably on the grass, and my
thoughts turn to the past.
I never thought I would take another Padawan after Xanatos. My
failure with him completely disrupted my center, and made me
question everything in my life. Not good for a Jedi, I know.
Xani was in love with me, and I loved him. Just not the way he
wanted me to. I have been alone most of my life. Oh, I have had
several lovers, but nothing solid. Nothing that made my heart
skip beats, nothing that made me ache to have that person by my
side. After making love, I didn't feel the completeness that
others talked about. I didn't talk about my lovers constantly.
My eyes didn't glaze over as friends did when reminiscing about
their significant others. It was almost as if something was
missing. In fact, I was left feeling empty and void. Almost as
if I still needed something, still searched for something. What
was it that eluded me and why could I not love ? I could not
give Xani what he wanted me to. Not only was it forbidden but,
how could I? When I had never felt that way about anyone? The
boy was beautiful and I refused to use him just as a bedmate.
Really, that's all it would have been, and in the process of
trying to protect him, I did irreparable damage to him. He
turned to the dark. I failed him. Afterwards, I hid from
everyone and everything.
Then Obi-Wan walked into my life, wanting me to train him
wanting to become my Padawan. He was so full of life, so bright
and eager to learn. I rejected him at first, fearing that I
would fail him as I had Xanatos. But he was stubborn and
persistent, and there was something about him, something I
couldn't quite put my finger on. Even Yoda was on his side. The
little troll kept urging me to take Obi-Wan as my student. So I
took him as my Padawan Learner. The day he moved into my
quarters, he moved into my heart. Everyone in the Temple adored
him. I would register the appreciative glances Obi-Wan drew -
the comments from other Masters on his manners, his
inquisitiveness, his lust for life. Even in youth, I could see
the beauty of the man Obi-Wan was to become. His smoky eyes
danced with constant amusement, and his radiant smile could
outshine even the brightest sun. His enthusiasm for learning
knew no bounds. He was a fountain of questions and in my river
of doubt, Obi-Wan was a breath of fresh air. I became enchanted
with this vibrant boy, and I watched him grow into a handsome
young man. In turn, I began to feel whole.
Far to soon for me, he was a teenager, and suitors came
calling. One night Obi-Wan returned to our quarters late,
flushed and reeking of sex. I sat calmly on the couch as he
realized I was still waiting up for him. He muttered an
embarrassed good night and all but fled to his room. I let him
go without comment, and rose to go to my own bed when I felt a
knot in the pit of my stomach. Was I jealous? Surely not! I had
never felt jealousy with any of my partners, and Obi-Wan
certainly wasn't my lover. Yet, as I turned down my lights and
climbed into my bed, the knot turned into an almost unbearable
ache. That ache returned many times over the next few years. I
remember noticing it to be most strong whenever I was in anyway
separated from Obi-Wan. Only when we were together did it ease.
What did it mean? Surely I couldn't desire a child? It was the
most unethical thing I could think of. Why I was old enough to
be his father! The Council could strip me of my title and force
me to leave the Order if they thought I lusted for my Padawan !
What was it about this young man that enamored me so? Still I
couldn't help but notice the graceful slide of muscle as he
practiced his katas. The way our bodies pressed against each
other when I corrected his stance. I would watch the sweat
trail down his naked chest in droplets falling unheeded to the
mat on the floor. His proud smile when I complemented him on a
job well done. One day during a particularly intense work out,
I wrestled him to the ground and was mortified to find I had
the most intense erection of my life. I immediately released
him, ignoring his confused look and hastened to our quarters to
take a long cold shower. As I let the cold water course over my
hot skin I thought, well that's it. I definitely want my
Padawan. I couldn't deny my feelings any more than I could deny
my lungs the need for air. I started to avoid him then,
terrified he would discover my inappropriate feelings. I would
wait until long after he had gone to sleep to return home. I
encouraged his outings with friends, and doubled his workload.
Not only to keep him from discovering how I felt, but I had
found if it were not for our heavy cloaks my arousal would be
painfully apparent to him anytime we were together. So much for
the famous Jedi Master control right? I know. It seems that in
trying to protect my Padawan that once again, I only ended up
making the situation worse. Obi-Wan began to avoid me as well.
I think he felt like I didn't want anything to do with him
outside our Master/Apprentice relationship. He stopped
confiding in me, and our relationship strained even further.
Then came the mission that took us to Naboo were our lives
changed forever. I made the further mistake of assuming Obi-Wan
was ready for his trials, and embarrassed him before the
Council by asking to take Anakin as my Padawan. We arrived back
on Naboo to protect the Queen. The Sith I had battled on
Tatoonie was there. He challenged us, and we fought him.
Obi-Wan saving me from a fatal blow by the Sith's hand, taking
the blow meant for me. I destroyed the Sith and carried my
broken Obi-Wan back to Coruscant. There he languished for days
recovering from his injury. I stayed by his side the entire
time. I held his hand and wept. I almost lost him. I had
wronged him with Anakin and then he had almost died saving my
life. The ache returned in full force those days in the
infirmary. The day he was allowed to go home was one of the
happiest in my life. He allowed me to take care of him. Of
course, he complained he wasn't an invalid and could take care
of himself, but I just laughed telling him I loved to take care
of him. His head jerked up at that, and I felt a deep blush
stain my cheeks, and tried to cover by rushing to make him
dinner. It took him almost a month to recover from his wound. I
turned Anakin's training over to the Council and they assigned
him another Master. Obi-Wan was quite surprised at that. He
kept giving me long sideways glances the entire time I spoke to
the Council on Anakin's behalf. In the same meeting the Council
decided Obi-Wan's sacrifice to save me was his trial, and that
he was to be Knighted the following week. I smiled at him
proudly as the realization of what the Council had said began
to dawn on him. He practically floated back to our quarters.
The next morning things had changed. Gone was the need I felt
to distance myself from him. Gone as well was the awkwardness
we had developed with each other. In fact, Obi-Wan seemed to be
flirting with me. A shy glance here and there. A brush of his
hand against mine while cleaning up after our meal, and sitting
closer to me on the couch than was necessary. Could this young
man desire me as I did him? I sat down to work on some project
that remained nameless to me. I couldn't tell anyone what it
was about. I turned round to rub at my eyes, and there he stood
clad only in a small towel, dripping from his recent shower. I
tried to turn back to my work. Tried to ignore the growing need
in my body, but I found I couldn't take my eyes off him. He
leaned over me to glance at what I was reading, and the
closeness of that almost naked body was nearly my undoing. I
all but knocked him over, standing up and informing him I was
going to meditate.
Then came the day of his Knighting. It was a wonderful
ceremony, and I was surprised to find some sadness mingled in
with the happiness I felt. He was a Jedi Knight now, and it
disheartened me to know he would most likely be leaving me
soon. We celebrated that night, talking like we hadn't in
years. He admitted it hurt him to think I didn't want to be
around him, and I apologized for it. I must admit; I had too
much to drink. Maybe I wanted to lose control. I became lost in
those gorgeous eyes of his, and before I knew it I was
confessing how difficult it had been for me to almost lose him.
How I couldn't imagine my life without him. I told him the real
reason why I had been avoiding him. After all, it wasn't
forbidden any longer right? The next thing I knew I had a
lap-full of Obi-Wan, and he was kissing me passionately. It
felt so right. I slid my arms around him, pulling him closer to
me. I kissed every inch of his face and neck, running my tongue
delicately over the supple skin.When he leaned over biting into
my neck, all reason fled. I growled picking him up, and carried
him to my bed where I pretty much ravished him. My hands were
everywhere, exploring every inch of that luscious body. He
writhed beneath me as I stroked and caressed him, working my
fingers down to his most intimate place. He moaned when I
inserted my finger to prepare him for my body. I almost cursed
when I fumbled with my uncooperative leggings trying to free my
aching erection. I looked down in surprise, hearing his barely
concealed chuckle. Then his hands were there helping me,
freeing me from my clothing.
I gasped as his hand brushed against my hardness, and groaned
when that hand grasped me gently guiding me. I pressed forward
gently at his opening, slowly working myself inside him. He
raised a leg over my shoulder to help my entry, and threw his
head back when my mouth latched onto his nipple. I moved gently
at first, not wanting to hurt him. But soon his moans, and
cries for more left me pounding into him almost senselessly. I
gathered myself enough to reach between us, and stroke his
neglected erection. He tilted his hips to a greater angle, and
I knew I had hit the right spot when he shuddered and screamed
his pleasure, spilling his passion all over his chest and my
hand. I followed him shortly after, collapsing on top of him.
We lay there hands entwined, gasping for breath. He smiled at
me muttering three words that I was sure was I love you. I
watched him as his eyes fluttered closed, his breathing evened
out, and he eventually fell asleep, spooning close to me. I ran
my fingers through his short hair, thinking of what just
happened between us. This beautiful young man had just given me
a most incredible gift. A gift I had received before, but never
could give in return myself. I couldn't hurt Obi-Wan as I had
others. I had to think. So here I sit contemplating my past,
trying to discover what it is that has eluded me all this time.
I come back to the present when I feel a slender hand clasp my
shoulder, and Obi-Wan quietly sits down beside me. I smile at
him and reach up to caress his cheek with my thumb and
forefinger, revealing in the feel of his skin against mine. He
leans into the touch and returns my smile. By the Gods, he is
beautiful. He looks up at me again through lowered lashes, and
I am lost.
"Master," he breathes. "What are you doing out here so early?
Come back to bed with me," his eyes gleam with wicked intent.
I laugh.
"Obi-Wan, I will return shortly. There are some matters I must
consider first." I see a brief flash of concern color his eyes.
"Master, you don't regret what happened between us do you? "
he asks hesitantly.
"Never Obi-Wan. Last night was wonderful and I wouldn't take
it back for the world, and it's, Qui-Gon," he is after all a
Knight now. No longer my Padawan, but I guess old habits
die-hard. I still want to think of him as my Padawan.
"Qui-Gon, what is it?" he presses me again.
I sigh and fold my arms back inside my sleeves.
"I'm not sure Obi-Wan. Have you ever felt something was
missing and you're not sure what?"
He smiles at me.
"Yes I have felt that way. Many times as a matter of fact," he
shifts his weight to lean closer.
I gaze out at the early morning sky.
"I have felt that way a long time, yet now I feel different
and I'm not quite sure why.
He considers this for a moment.
"Master, let me tell you a story I heard when I was a
childÉOnce a long long time ago all people had four legs
and two heads. Then the Gods threw down thunderbolts and split
everyone into two. Each then had two legs and one head, but the
separation left both sides with a desperate yearning to be
reunited. Cause they each shared the same soul," he glances at
me intently then whispers,
" And ever since then all people spend their lives searching
for the other half of their soulÉ"
His voice trails off and, he suddenly looks away almost as if
embarrassed.
I stare at him speechless. Years of trying to put a finger on
what I felt and, my Padawan has given me the answer in less
than a few minutes. How could I have been so blind? I chuckle
softly as I think how the teacher can still learn from the
student. He glances back at me shyly. I cup his chin in my
hand.
"Obi-Wan Kenobi, I love you," I say softly and brush my lips
against his.
His smile is wide. "I love you, Qui-Gon Jinn."
I wrap my arms around him and he sighs contentedly and settles
back into my arms.
Yes that's what's been missing, what I had been searching for.
That's what I had finally found. The other half of my soul. I
am complete.
Finis.
Disclaimer: Qui-Gon's ability to discern love was not harmed
during this story; however, his ability to convey his thoughts
left something to be desired.
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