Song for Sleeping

by Nixale (erfoo@gundamwing.net)

Archive: Anywhere, just ask.

Category: Angst, death. Hints at slash.

Rating: G

Warnings: Angst. Death. Hints at slash.

Spoilers: None

Summary: Qui-Gon's view of 'Call on Me'

Feedback: holds up 'Will write sex scenes for feedback' sign

It’s not often that I get to watch you sleep. Only when we’re sharing quarters or you're ill.

This time, you're sick. Fever.

Finally I've met you
The day has come
You're more than beautiful
And you're my son

I hope you weren't just being silly. If you were, I'll leave.

Oh, who am I fooling? I'm nervous around a sleeping Padawan. Oh, I'm becoming so silly in my old age.

Or maybe I'm becoming happier. Happy. I haven't been that since before...before Xanatos.

I hurt you on Melida/Daan, didn't I? But you hurt me, too. By leaving the Order. I was going to open up, tell you everything. Then you betrayed me.

Did you? Or were you just following your instincts, the living Force? You were.

I'm a cruel man for punishing what I teach.

I don't deserve this
I never thought it could be
Quite like the moment
When you first smiled at me

I remember when you first woke up from the coma. You smiled at me, and it was all I could do not to hug you to death.

You. Death.

The thought of living without you is...hideous. Darkness. I do not wish to go down that path. The Darkside isn't the opposite of what you are; it's an impossibility.

A toothless, wonderful feeling
Like I'd never seen
It's you; it's you...
And when you lie down to sleep
I'll protect you from the demons of the night
While I'm watching you grow

You're having a nightmare. I send waves of caring and love. You settle down, and I can barely hear you breathe. I don't eventually. You're so at peace that I don't even see your chest move. But I feel it.

("Master Qui-Gon, you need to move. I need to get him prepared for the pyre.")

Somewhere, far off, I hear someone telling me they need to get you ready for the pyre. Why? You're as alive as ever, just sleeping quietly.

Very quietly.

I'll pray
There's so much I could teach you
If you only had the time
Pray
There's so much God can teach you
If you only have the time

I hope you wake up soon. We really need to get back to your training.

("Qui, it's time to stop. He's gone. Forever. There is nothing you can do about it. I'm sorry, friend.")

Mace just tried to tell me you were dead. Honestly, where are they getting these stupid ideas?

Even though the coldness on your skin worries me.

So will you tell me the little things?
What does god look like?
And angel's wings?

Oh, Force. You are dead, aren't you? I can't feel you, you're dead.

Deaddeaddeaddeaddeaddead!

DEAD!

I let them take you off life support.

I don't remember these things
So would you teach these things to me?
So for the moment
I'll watch you breathe...

No you aren't. It's impossible. You're too full of life

I love you too much.

And when you wake up in the morning
And I pour the coffee
You're always smiling...
Sweetly.

They're just about to light the pyre. I still deny it, but I let them burn the body they claim is you. I let them, because it can't be you. It can't be. I feel sorry for the family of this poor man.

Something snaps inside of me. Grief.

I push it all away, denying it. It's not true, it can't be.

I lean over and plant a kiss on your cold lips. I kiss them into a smile.