Series: Once Upon A Time, In A Galaxy Far, Far Away
Summary: A fractured fairy tale, in which a certain stalwart
Jedi Knight kills a little time playing musical chairs.
Feedback: Well, sure. Otherwise, I'd just sit around and read
this to myself.
Disclaimer: I didn't do it. And even if I did, I didn't make a
dime.
Once upon a time, there was a tall, handsome Jedi Knight named
Qui-Gon Jinn. Master Jinn was well-known and respected for his
serenity, his strength in the Force, and his lush fall of
silver-brown hair. So admired and envied was this last feature
that the other knights and padawans called him Silverilocks.
One afternoon, Silverilocks was wandering aimlessly about the
Temple grounds. His lovely young padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi--who,
in the deepest, darkest, most Force-shielded reaches of his
heart, Silverilocks referred to as his little Obi-Bear--had
joined several of his fellow padawans on an outing.
Silverilocks had been left to his own devices, several of which
were, unfortunately, still at the Temple repair shop. After an
unsuccessful attempt at persuading his former master Yoda to go
snipe-hunting with him, Silverilocks returned to his quarters.
The Jedi Knight surveyed his silent, empty rooms and sighed.
What was he going to do with himself today? He decided to catch
up on his reading, since he had a copy of the Coruscant News
and World Report that he hadn't read yet, as well as the new
Sharper Holo-Image catalogue. He gathered his reading materials
together and looked around the living area for a place to sit.
He sat in his first padawan M'Urlene's chair, but it was too
big.
"Hmmm," thought Silverilocks. "I never realized M'Urlene had
such a big butt."
Then he sat in his second padawan Xanatos' chair, but it was
too small.
"Figures. Tight-assed, traitorous little son-of-a--"
/Control, my padawan./ Silverilocks could hear Master Yoda's
voice across the remnant of the bond that they had shared as
master and padawan. /Realize do I that still you carry the
guilt of your second padawan's turning, but release such
negative emotion into the Force you must./
/Yes, Master Yoda,/ Silverilocks dutifully replied. Rising from
Xanatos' chair, he then sat in his darling Obi-Bear's chair.
And it was just right. He remained there for the rest of the
morning and the afternoon, reading and taking little bantha
naps.
Early in the evening, Silverilocks awoke feeling very hungry.
Going into the kitchen, he decided to prepare a bowl of
porridge and fruit, because, as every Jedi knows, lack of fiber
leads to constipation, and constipation leads to the Dark Side.
Perusing the selections in the kitchen cabinet, he tasted
M'Urlene's favorite porridge, but it was too sweet.
"Sheesh," thought Silverilocks. "No wonder her ass was so big."
Then he tasted Xanatos' favorite porridge, but it was too
bitter. "Force, that's vile! The ungrateful little snot's taste
was as bad as his--"
/Qui-Gon!/ Yoda's voice sounded sharply in Silverilock's head.
/Sympathetic am I to the fact that Xanatos' defection haunts
you still, but projecting throughout the Temple you are. Either
into the Force release your pain or a cork put in it!/
/Yes, Master,/ Silverilocks responded, muttering under his
breath, "Overbearing little toad."
/Heard that I did!/ Yoda's voice snapped.
Suitably chastened, Qui-Gon set aside Xanatos' porridge and
tasted his delightful Obi-Bear's favorite porridge. And it was
just right.
After he finished his porridge and a pot of hot tea,
Silverilocks cleaned up the kitchen and decided to go back to
sleep. He didn't want to mess up his own bed, so he laid down
on M'Urlene's old bed, but it was too soft.
"Guess all that extra weight was really hard on the springs,"
mused the Jedi Master. Then he laid down on Xanatos' old bed,
but it was too hard.
"Why am I not surprised? The creepy little bloodsucker probably
liked sleeping on a slab..."
/QUI-GON!/ roared Yoda across their link. /Enough that is!
Disturbing the younger padawans you are. Down there do *not*
make me come./
/Yes, Master,/ responded Silverilocks, thinking to himself, "I
have got to find a way to sever my bond with that officious
little Muppet."
/Heard that too I did,/ Yoda shot back. /Too old for a caning
you are not./
/My apologies, Master,/ Silverilocks responded contritely, and,
with a Force-ful huff, Yoda's presence faded from his mind.
Silverilocks then rose from Xanatos' bed and laid down on his
precious Obi-Bear's bed. And it was just right. He buried his
face in the pillow, which still smelled faintly of his pretty
padawan and fell asleep.
Soon after, Obi-Bear returned from his outing and entered the
quarters that he shared with his Master. Setting down his gear
by the door, he looked around the front room.
Walking over and picking up the Sharper Holo-Image catalogue,
he said, "Someone's been sitting in my chair. Ooooh--cool
shower CD player!" He dropped the catalogue on the floor and
walked into the kitchen.
Noticing the empty apple-cinnamon Quaker Oats box sitting out
on the counter, he said, "Someone's been eating my porridge."
He put the box back in the cabinet and walked into his bedroom.
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed, and that someone is still
there. Hot *damn*!" The ecstatic young padawan launched himself
enthusiastically toward the bed. Silverilocks started awake to
find himself with an armful of wiggling, giggling, smooching
Obi-Bear. Calling on his many years of training and the power
of the Force, he cleverly maneuvered his apprentice beneath him
and returned Obi-Bear's kisses and caresses with equal fervor.
Clothing was cast off, skin was stroked, tongues were tangled,
groins were ground together, and release was reached...and
reached...and reached yet a third time. (Hey, it's a fairy
tale.) As master and padawan settled into the drowsy, snuggly
aftermath, a small, wizened figure stood in the Temple
meditation garden, a staff in his hand and a peculiar look on
his face.
"Suggest a Temple-wide refresher course in Force shielding to
the Council I must," he said, nodding his head sagely and
twirling his staff. "In the meantime, a hot date I must find."
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