Summary: Obi-Wan is very upset. Qui-Gon is very upset. The
Counsil will be very upset soon too. A lesson in the dangers of
assumption.
Warning: This starts out sad, but rest assured there is a happy
ending on the way. Also there is some implied sex.
Note: Bear with me...this is to tide me over until I finish
this other story I am working on. It was 4 in the morning and
it was begging to be wrote.
Feedback: Will Be Assimilated.
Take a bow, you bastard. I acutally thought you didn't know.
But you knew, didn't you? Obi-Wan stood out in the pouring
rains of the gardens. His master was in bed, tucked away from
the night air and Obi-Wan was outside, freezing. Good thing the
rain was covering his tears. He looked up to the window in
which behind was his masters bedroom. He could feel the man
there, quiet and contemplative. Not thinking of me, are
you? He felt like such a fool. It had started a few years
ago when he and Qui-Gon had begun a casual sexual relationship.
He had told his master that he had been having passionate
urges, ones that were strictly against the code. Well, instead
of having Obi-Wan draw some other padawan into these urges that
would ultimately get them into trouble, after much meditation,
Qui-Gon had decided to take the responsibility of satisfying
his student's needs until he could find a way to control them.
So once in a while they would have sex. It had gone great for a
while. Until he fell in love. He had fallen for his master, and
hard. He constantly found himself thinking of those blue eyes,
the tall frame and silken hair. He even had some small hope
that one day Qui-Gon would return those feelings. Damn my
stupidity for ever thinking that, he thought bitterly. It
was a while after he realised that he loved his master, that he
also realised his master was growing colder and more distant
with him. I can't blame you though, can I? It's against the
code. How could I expect you to risk everything for me? Even
though I would risk everything for you. But you didn't have to
laugh at me. You didn't have to be so uncaring about it. Those
were my feelings, my deepest feelings and you crushed them as
if they were nothing. It was a few weeks ago. Obi-Wan was
on his way to confess to his master everything just for the
sake of it not weighing him down anymore. His master was with
Master Yoda that day, having lunch in the masters' private
cafeteria. He knew he shouldn't trespass there, but he couldn't
handle it anymore. He had waited all morning and it was driving
him crazy, not to mention that ache in his chest. He had it all
planned. He would walk quietly up and beg Master Yoda's pardon,
and tell Qui-Gon that he needed to talk with him. When they
went aside, he would tell his master everything. He had hoped
his master might return the feelings. There had been times when
he thought he'd caught something in those smoldering blue
eyes...but he had been wrong.
Obi-Wan nearly ran down the hall, desperately wanting to talk
with his master. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to know if
Qui-Gon could ever feel the same for him. He bounded past a few
padawans and stopped right outside the door to the private
dining room. He needed to gather himself and think. "Tell me
anything, you can. My padawan, tell the Counsil, I will not.
Know you this. Continue." They were having a private
discussion. Perhaps this wasn't the time. He was justabout to
turn and leave when he heard his master speak.
"Well, Master, he doesn't think I know." Qui-Gon chuckled and
Obi-Wan felt his face go red. "But I can see it in his eyes."
So he knew about it already.
"How feel you about this?"
His master chuckled again! Laughing at his feelings! How could
he be so cruel? "Well, Master, you know how I feel about it."
What the hell amuses him so damn much? Obi-Wan thought.
I'm not hearing it right. I can't be hearing it correct. He
would never be so cruel.
"Well, support you in however you handle it, I do." So there it
was. If Yoda supported him then he couldn't return the
feelings. Yoda would have said something like, "Passion leads
to jealousy which leads to suffering which leads to the
Darkside."
"Thank you, Master. When he brings it up, I'll have a long talk
with him about it. Thank you for being there for me and not
going to the Counsil with this." I don't want your damn
pity, Obi-Wan wanted to shout. Let him tell the Counsil.
I don't care.
Obi-Wan ran from the private dining room and straight into the
gardens. He fell on his knees in the dirt, face red and hot
tears falling from his eyes to the dirt below. Never had his
heart ached so badly. He gripped the dirt below him in his
hands in anger, pain and frustration and whispered, "How could
you laugh at me?" Even if Qui-Gon didn't love him, he thought
they were at least friends. It had taken time, but eventually
he cooled himself off. Maybe his master wasn't really laughing
at him. Maybe it was just one of those fond chuckles. He didn't
know and didn't care. He wouldn't be bringing it up, that was
for sure. When he got home that night his master was there, a
smile on his face. Obi-Wan clenched his fists.
"Hello, my padawan," his master practically purred. Was he
mocking him?
"Master," he replied with a curt nod, running into his room and
slamming the door. If that weren't bad enough, his master
barged in and said softly, "What's wrong, Obi?"
"Go away," Obi-Wan begged, just laying there on the bed, not
facing his master. Then it happened. His master climbed on the
bed and began to rub his back. Not tonight! You aren't using
me for your sick pleasure tonight, Master! his mind
screamed to itself. He couldn't bring himself to actually say
that yet. Instead he pushed Qui-Gon off him and mumbled, "Not
tonight." Qui-Gon left without a word. "So, you can't talk to
me unless I give you your sex?" he said harshly to the closed
door. Over the next few weeks his master flirted playfully and
purred and pawed, trying to get back into his padawan's good
graces, but there was no way now. What burned was that no
matter what, he still held tightly to that place in Obi-Wan's
heart. So much so that he almost considered forgiving him and
telling him everything. But every time his master laughed, he
heard the mocking. Every time his master looked at him, he
could feel the lust and he felt like a used doll. It broke his
heart.
So that's why he was outside this cold, rainy night. There was
no other choice. His master had been his highest high, made the
days warmer and the nights blazing hot. His master was
everything, even through the betrayal. Even through the ache he
felt, there was still that now irritating love. Obi-Wan fell to
his knees in the mud and bowed his head. The rain slicked his
hair back and weighed his Jedi robe down. "This is why it's
forbidden," he said aloud, as if trying to convey the terrible
lesson he's learned to some unseen audience. The cement path
behind him was black with water as he looked back once more to
the temple. No. He couldn't go back. It was over. He opened his
link to his master and said softly, I love you. Then he
turned on the blue lightsabre.
Qui-Gon jumped up. He had felt the intent behind that
confession. He bolted out the door and through the halls, using
the Force to aid his speed, until he reached where his padawan
lay. "No," he whispered, unable to believe it. He kneeled and
took his padawan in his arms. "Why?" he said frantically. "Why,
Obi?" His padawan, hearing his master's cry, opened his eyes
and being unable to talk due to the wound in his stomach, sent
images of what he'd heard that day and of all the mocking
flirtations he had suffered. Qui-Gon was crying by the time his
padawan was finished. "No...no. You misunderstood." He then
sent images back to his student, to complete the picture.
"Thank you, Master. When he brings it up, I'll have a long talk
with him about it. Thank you for being there for me and not
going to the Counsil with this."
Yoda nodded to the smiling master. "Understanding, I am. More
than Windu and some others of the Counsil. Understand affairs
of the heart, I do. Be discreet, you must, with this. Lead to
jealousy easily, love could."
Qui-Gon nodded, still smiling. "No. I know he loves me. I can
see it in his eyes when he looks at me. I'm shocked he doesn't
know that I love him."
"Maybe he does."
Qui-Gon bit his lip. "I don't think so, otherwise he wouldn't
be so afraid to tell me."
Qui-Gon couldn't keep the tears in as he held his dying
padawan. "Obi-Wan, I flirted all week to get you to talk to me.
I knew you wanted to tell me that you loved me." His padawan's
eyes were wide and hurt. "I should have told you that I loved
you, but I was so afraid. Oh can you ever forgive me, padawan?"
Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he opened his mouth to
talk. Qui-Gon lovingly touched those lips. "No, don't talk.
Save your strength." He didn't know why he even bothered.
Obi-Wan was dying. Nothing could change that. He felt panic
well up inside him. He was going to have to live without the
man he loved now. All due to a sad misunderstanding. Every
master in the temple could probably feel his anguish, but he
didn't care. Obi-Wan was dying. He was dying too.
"Ma...Master," Obi-Wan stammered, strength draining from him.
"I..." He couldn't finish it that way though, so he sought
through their link. I love you, Master, but I can never
forgive you. This is your fault. If you had just told me, we
would be together and I wouldn't be dying. The words cut
into Qui-Gon and he cried out, feeling the link die. Feeling
his love die. Nothing mattered anymore. He turned the
lightsabre back on and turned it on himself.
Qui-Gon nearly fell out of the bed, gasping and sitting as he
awoke. Sweat covered him and his pulse raced. A dream,
he thought. Thank the Force. Just a dream. He threw the
sheets from him and almost ran from his room into Obi-Wan's.
And there he lay, asleep like an angel. Qui-Gon could only
stare for a before rushing over to where his padawan lay. He
climbed into the bed and rubing Obi-Wan's back, he whispered,
"Obi?"
Obi-Wan groaned loudly and turned over. "Not now, Master," he
grumbled. "I'm exhausted."
Qui-Gon smiled, Obi-Wan's eyes still closed, face scrunched up
as if it were bright. "Ok. I'll go back to bed. Just wanted to
say I love you." He stood and walked to the door.
"What?" came from the bed, almost fully awake sounding. "What
did you say?"
Qui-Gon smiled. "I said I love you."
"You do?" Obi-Wan was now sitting and staring, eyes twinkling.
"Yes," Qui-Gon said, slightly unsure, but not about to let what
happened in his dream have any chance of happening.
"What, in the name of the Force, made you decide to wait until
the middle of the night to tell me?" Obi-Wan rubbed his eyes
tiredly and waited.
Qui-Gon spread his hands helplessly. "I had a nightmare and
needed to know if I could cuddle with you?"
Obi-Wan started laughing. "You what? That's too funny."
Qui-Gon frowned. "I'm serious. It was terrible. You killed
yourself. I'm sorry if I wanted to make sure you knew I loved
you before anything happened to one of us."
Obi-Wan's laughter faded into a goofy grin. "My master had a
nightmare and needed to cuddle," he said, grinning with a glint
of sentimentality in his eyes. "Get over here."
Qui-Gon turned. "I don't think I want to, now. If you didn't
love me, you could have said so without laughing." Now he knew
what his "dream Obi" must have felt. He was about to turn and
go when he heard Obi-Wan crawl across the bed and felt his
fingers softly touch his bare back.
"Master," Obi-Wan purred sensually. "Come in this bed and
cuddle with me. Now please."
Qui-Gon turned and eyed his padawan. "I don't know."
Obi-Wan smiled brightly, eyes sparkling like stars as he
whispered, "I love you." He pulled his master down and kissed
him. "I've always loved you, even in the beginning when I told
you I felt passion. It was for you."
"I loved you too, when I said that I would help you with your
passion. I never really hoped you would get control. I wanted
you to loose it with me."
"Master, lay down." Qui-Gon did lay down, drawing the younger
man into his embrace, as they prepared for sleep. "I love you,
Qui-Gon."
"I love you, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said, his voice shaky.
"Hey, I'm alive. Tomorrow morning I'll prove it a few times if
we can get to sleep now."
Qui-Gon lay there, peace and serenity lacing through his mind.
Just because of a dream his life had been changed. It had given
him the courage to just say what he'd been trying to say for a
long time. His peace and serenity was shaken though, quite
literally by Obi-Wan's body, quivering as he giggled. Qui-Gon
pinched his padawan's behind hard, causing him to cry out, and
said in the most menacing and sexual voice he could manage,
"You better get over your amusement very soon. It's not that
funny."
Obi-Wan laughed at this. "I wasn't giggling at that. I was
giggling because that beard of yours was tickling my ear." His
bright blue eyes shone with mischief as he turned his head to
face Qui-Gon.
Qui-Gon pinched again and laughed. "Liar."
Obi-Wan reached back behind him and smacked his master's
behind. "Sorry, Master. I truly am. I'm just so tired that I'm
half crazy." He giggled a little at that and settled.
"So you were half crazy when you said you loved me?"
Obi-Wan turned around, burying his face into Qui-Gon's neck and
kissing. When he reached his master's whispered, "Only because
I love you."
"If you keep that up you might have to prove you're alive
tonight." Qui-Gon sighed, getting tired, but also aroused.
Obi-Wan giggled. "Maybe I want to," he said sensually, tracing
his finger down Qui-Gon's chin.
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