Feedback: I crave it like a drug, please help support my habit.
Summary: A little prank that Obi-Wan pulls on his master has
unexpected consequences.
Disclaimer: A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far Far Away, George
Lucas created Star Wars. And he looked at it and saw that it
was good. And all was right in the world. But then, we saw that
Obi-Wan doth look upon Qui-Gon with lust, and that Mr. Lucas
was not likely to include that in the next movie, so we said
screw it and wrote it ourselves, even though we do not make any
money off of this. And all was right with the world
Note: As some of you know, I've been having problems with my
wrists, so this story is going to be posted as I manage to
write it. Many thanks go to Padawan D'Angel and Padawan Ana for
an excellent beta! Enjoy!
Exhausted frustration was practically radiating from us, as we
listened to the King of Hroka drone on about the gratitude that
he and his people extended to us, the great Jedi of the
Republic, whose insight and wisdom had prevented civil war
amongst his people. And we, the Jedi in question, standing in a
posture of utmost respect, were muddy, bloody, and wanted
nothing more than a hot meal, a few hours of uninterrupted
sleep and a fast ship back to Coruscant.
No one else in the room seemed to notice the subtle emissions
from the Force that wavered around us and, were I not
Jedi-trained, I wouldn't have noticed it either. It was a
testament to how exhausting and stressful this mission had
been, that I could feel such emotion from my master. Even a
Jedi Master can get frayed nerves and at this moment ours were
laid clean to the bone.
Outwardly my master looked as cool and composed as always, to
the common eye at any rate. I, on the other hand, could almost
hear his mental teeth grinding as the King began to reiterate
yet again the many thanks of his people.
The Hrokian Court looked down at us, bowed respectfully to
their king, with vapid smiles. They all seemed to be listening
to him raptly, enthralled by the man. Why didn't that surprise
me?
The Hrokian aristocracy seemed to me to often be self-indulgent
buffoons, though I would never say such things aloud. And here
we were, before the king of fools as he dared to thank us for
preventing civil war on their planet.
Thanking us here, in their palace that they had lined with
plush rugs and velvet, while their people starved. A short time
ago the Hrokian people had finally had enough and had revolted
against the extravagance of their leaders. In desperation the
King had begged the Republic Senate for assistance and we had
arrived just in time to prevent the peasants from executing all
the Royalty on the planet.
For the past month Qui-Gon and I had been negotiating between
the aristocracy and the common people, on a few occasions
narrowly avoiding being executed ourselves, until a sort of
peace had been arranged. And now we were in the palace, the
King again sitting on his rightful throne as he relayed his
thanks to us. All in all, I would have to say I would have
preferred staying with the peasants. Every cell in my body
rebelled at having to assist these self-indulgent prigs.
I kept that thought very tightly shielded. I had said something
vaguely similar to Qui-Gon upon our arrival here and he had
immediately lectured me on what he called narrow-mindedness. He
pointed out that the fact that the Hrokian's had sought help
meant that they were at least trying to adjust their
perceptions.
I'm still skeptical. Perhaps it's unseemly for one who follows
the ways of the Jedi, but in this case I'm sticking to the
adage of believing it when I see it.
Forcibly I returned my attention to the King, who was
apparently, finally, finishing his impromptu speech. Another
bow as we both struggled to keep our relief hidden and we were,
at last, off for a well deserved rest.
Qui-Gon used the facilities first, his right by rank and
privilege. I stripped to my underclothes while I waited and
sank to my knees in a near mockery of meditation. I was far too
exhausted to focus on anything, rather I just let my mind
drift, allowed my thoughts to settle on nothingness. The
bone-deep exhaustion I'd been carrying for too long seeped out
of me and I fell inward so deeply, so quickly that I almost
didn't hear my Master calling me.
I opened my eyes and he was crouched in front of me, damp hair
hanging in a fringe around his face. He smiled at my surprise
and ruffled my hair lightly.
"Take a shower, Padawan, and then get some sleep. I do believe
we both deserve it," he said, turning away to comb his hair
into some semblance of order before contacting the Council.
I didn't need to be told twice. The hot water melted away the
stiffness and tension that the meditation hadn't, and I stayed
there far longer than was truly necessary. But as Qui-Gon had
said, perhaps we both deserved a bit of pampering.
I finally forced myself out of the shower and into fresh
clothes, taking just a moment to enjoy the feel of cloth that
wasn't sweat- sticky and stained, before I finally wandered,
barefoot, back into the main room.
One look at Qui-Gon's face told me that all was not well. I
said nothing, settled myself on the floor to comb the long
strands of hair behind my ear. Years of experience had taught
me that if I simply waited, Qui-Gon would eventually tell me
what was on his mind. Asking would just get me The Look, and
perhaps even a short lecture on the rudeness of questioning a
master, depending on his mood. And I myself was in no mood for
a lecture, so I waited, neatly braiding the lock of hair as I
had done perhaps hundreds of times before. I'd just fastened
the last tie when he spoke.
"The Council wants us to stay a few more days, to make sure
that this situation is settled." The tone was even and calm as
ever, but I knew him far too well not to notice the resigned
tone underneath the placid exterior.
I nearly wilted at his words. Another few days in the company
of these overbearing, pampered... "Yes, Master," I said,
belatedly, and I could have sworn there was a faint touch of
amusement in those eyes. I decided not to pursue it and with a
short bow I took my leave, settled with hedonistic delight into
the softness of my borrowed bed and sank willingly towards the
embrace of sleep.
I shouldn't worry so about our staying, not even to myself. It
was only a few more days, after all. What could possibly go
wrong?
"I am asking you to be my consort."
I nearly choked on the water I had been in the process of
sipping. My Master and I had gone to the common hall for the
morning meal and had hardly seated ourselves before the
Viamcountess had joined us. The meal was a subdued affair.
These people might want to pretend that all was well and had
returned to what they felt was normal, but their posture stated
otherwise. They would not soon forget what had so nearly caused
all of their deaths. I hoped.
The Viamcountess, however, cheerfully acted as if my Master and
I had been here for nothing more important than a party. The
niece of the King, she had a certain amount of status on this
planet and she flaunted it, had been flirting with me, trying
to distract me since we'd landed on this planet. I had been
able to ignore her, escaping into my duties until this moment,
when manners forced me to be a captive audience. Qui-Gon, for
his part, played the consummate guest, polite to the extreme,
and I mimicked him to the best of my abilities. Until now.
Until she'd asked that.
I looked directly at her and I nearly choked again at her
expression. She was nearly preening, arrogance coloring the
Force around her with a fine mist of yellow. Certainly she was
a lovely woman, but did she really think that being asked to be
her consort was such an honor? That I should collapse at her
feet and smother her toes with kisses of gratitude? That I
would give up all my training, everything I'd worked for, to be
the disreputable lover of a woman I hardly knew?
I hesitated, looking for words to decline her offer in the
politest way possible. Such a situation would require a
delicate use of the tact and diplomacy that had been ingrained
in me since I was a child.
Just as I was about to speak, my eyes caught my Master's and in
those depths I saw barely disguised humor. A spark of annoyance
lit within me. So he found this amusing? A plan formed in my
head and I pulled up my shields around me, to disguise my
intent.
"I am truly honored by your request, Your Grace. However, I
already have a betrothed." So saying, I settle my hand over
Qui-Gon's, which had been resting on the table, and squeezed
lightly. Just as Qui-Gon had been drinking his own water and he
-did- choke, ever so slightly. I patted him on the back, a
little harder than necessary and he brushed me off with a faint
frown. My lips didn't even twitch but I knew he could feel my
amusement. Oh, I was going to pay for this little prank but
good and I knew it. But I just couldn't resist, the temptation
to wipe that smirk off his mind far to great.
When I returned my attention to the Viamcountess, the change
within her was so staggering that I blinked. Gone was the
pouty-lipped seductress who had been dogging my heels since our
arrival. In her place was a seething she-bitch, the glare in
her eyes reminiscent of the look that you'd expect to see in
the eyes of a razor hound, not royalty. She graced us with a
tight smile.
"Well, then. I wish you both much happiness." The venom in her
tone belied her words and she turned and stalked away from us.
A glance at Qui-Gon revealed an all-too familiar expression and
I winced inwardly. Ah well, it was well worth the price of any
punishment to have seen the expression on his face when I
called him my betrothed. I layered my humor underneath tight
shields so that he could no longer feel it and continued my
meal. The longer I ate, the longer he would have to wait to
punish me.
The next day I wasn't as sure to the worth of pulling one over
on my master, as the many aches and pains of the brutal
training routines he had put me through would testify. Still,
even that was a source of amusement to me today. I had known
that he wouldn't say anything to me, and he hadn't. He wouldn't
lower himself to chastising me for my cheekiness.
It wouldn't have worked anyway, that much he knew. Even as a
child I had always dutifully acknowledged my wrongdoings while
my eyes sparkled mischief up at him. No, it was far better, he
had discovered, to make me regret my impudence in different
ways, as well as exhausting me too much to think up any more
schemes.
And so when we were again summoned to the throne room I could
barely smother a groan as I forced myself to dress as quickly
as possible. And I had to stifle a sour glare at Qui-Gon as he
moved about with his usual grace, showing no trace of stiffness
from yesterday's exertion.
We were led before the King, and again we bowed in unison
before him. Privately I wondered what this was about. Our
negotiations here, as much as the results had disgusted Qui-Gon
and myself, were really quite finished. I felt a twinge of
apprehension. The king looked far too pleased with himself. I
definitely had a bad feeling about this.
"I am most pleased to see you both again! It has come to my
attention that perhaps there is a way for me to repay you for
your kindness to our people." He held up a hand when Qui-Gon
would have protested. "Have no concern, Master Jedi, it is not
a monetary reward. My gracious niece," he indicated the
Viamcountess and I felt my stomach plummet. Oh, this could
-not- be good. I pulled my attention back to what the king was
saying. "She has told me that you are betrothed, and I thought
that no reward I could give you would be better than for me to
acknowledge your Bond myself."
For the briefest of moments, I actually thought I might faint.
Dark spots wavered before my eyes and I swayed briefly before a
strong hand caught my arm in a painfully tight grip, holding me
upward. Qui-Gon. Yes, he would find a way out of this disaster.
Surely there was a polite way to decline the offer. Qui-Gon
bowed deeply, the hand on my arm taking me with him.
"Your Majesty, we would be honored to have you witness our
bond."
Neither of them seemed to notice my rising panic. Qui-Gon's
iron grip on my arm kept me silent even as I was mentally
screaming my dismay. The Viamcountess flashed me what I would
swear was a positively evil smile, I could sense satisfaction
oozing from her in trickling waves.
The King beamed at us, "Excellent! I will make arrangements
then. The ceremony will be tomorrow then, yes? You may go,
please have no more concern for the state of our people, spend
the day preparing for this most wondrous of occasions!"
With another bow, Qui-Gon turned and left, dragging me along
behind him. He didn't say a word as we entered our rooms, and I
couldn't even begin to think of what to say. I wet my suddenly
dry lips, struggling for something, anything. This was entirely
my fault, all my doing because of a stupid prank and then
Qui-Gon released my arm, turning away from me and I could feel
nothing of his emotions from our link, nothing at all.
Without conscious thought I dropped to my knees, bowing so that
my forehead was pressed to the floor. "Master, I am so sorry.
Please forgive me." Finally, an emotion leaked past Qui-Gon's
iron control, the last emotion that I would have expected.
Shock. He sank to his knees next to me, forcing me to sit up.
"Obi-Wan, I'm not angry, it's all right." He sighed then, "This
isn't your fault, my Padawan," he smiled wryly, "At least not
entirely." He rubbed his temples tiredly and my guilt level
raised yet another notch. This mission had been difficult as it
was without my adding on to it with my foolishness.
Another sigh and he shifted to lean against wall, pulling his
knees up and tilted his head upward. I moved to sit next to him
and we both studied the ceiling for a time, as if all the
answers of the universe were written on the tiles. I was the
one who finally broke the silence.
"Master," I hesitated briefly, then blurted out, "Why did you
agree to the bonding?"
He shifted slightly, actually looking somewhat embarrassed. "It
seemed to be the only thing to do at the time," a shrug, "If we
refused the bond then the king would be offended. If we told
them that it was a lie, that we are not betrothed, they would
lose trust in us. If we go through with the bond..." He shook
his head. I could see his point; all roads led down the same
path.
Well, then we should take the path of lesser damage "We should
go through with the bond then." It would be a lie, but while
Jedi follow the light, its path and the path of truthfulness
are not always the same, we are often forced to shade the
truth, to manipulate others, to see things from a certain point
of view. And we could always annul the bond later, with no harm
done on either side.
His lips did not curve in the slightest but I could hear the
repressed amusement in his voice. "I'm glad you approve,
Padawan," he said ironically. He slapped his thighs lightly
then and stood. "Well then! Since we have the day to ourselves,
I am going to do some research on this bonding ritual. You," he
said, pointing a long finger as he towered over me, "You are
going to go to the gardens and go through Routines one through
four."
I couldn't hold back a wince at that order. Routines one
through four after all the training we did yesterday? Going
through all of them would take me several hours at least. Not
upset with me, he'd said. Yeah, right. I shot him a suspicious
look to which he responded with the blandest of expressions,
extending a hand to help me to my feet. I took it, suppressing
a sigh that would only get me more work. I gathered up my
lightsaber and left just as he sat down to read through the
Hrokian files on bonding.
Well, let this be a lesson to me in listening to my instincts.
I'd known I was going to be paying for that little prank, and I
was, in muscle aches.
Stretching out the leftover stiffness from yesterday I went
quickly through the warm-up exercises. The sun wasn't high yet
and the gardens were still morning cool, for which I was
grateful. I let my body take over, my mind completely focused
on the task at hand as I moved into the first routine. I warmed
quickly to the exercise, despite my grumbling I did truly enjoy
the physical effort required by the routines, the absolute
concentration and linking with the Force.
I was only a quarter of the way through the first routine when
a blast of unmitigated shock slapped into my brain. It was a
credit to my training that I didn't collapse to my knees, only
faltered slightly, but I stopped a moment later when I realized
that the emotion had filtered to me through the training bond I
had with my Master.
I walked back to our rooms as quickly as propriety allowed,
entering to find him still sitting at the monitor where I had
left him.
"Master?" I asked, hesitantly. He started, blinking, as if he
hadn't even noticed me enter to room. That oddity only
increased my apprehension. I felt my brow crease. "Master, is
there something wrong?"
To my complete and utter bewilderment Qui-Gon abruptly flushed
red, his mouth opened as if he was going to speak but he
stopped, mouth working but no words emerging. Finally, he just
gestured towards the screen.
Curiosity was eating me alive, but I found myself strangely
uneasy to see what had so unnerved my utterly composed master.
I inched forward on suddenly weak legs until I could just read
it.
....after the declaration, the representative blesses the union
and he or she, as well as the others present, are responsible
for witnessing the copulation to complete the ceremony...I
blinked and let my eyes flick back to what I'd just read.
Copulation. Copulation? Copulation during the bonding ceremony?
In front of -witnesses-?!? My knees finally gave up the battle
and I collapsed weakly in a nearby chair, Qui-Gon watching me
gravely.
I swallowed dryly, "We're supposed to...in front of them?"
He nodded.
"Master, I don't think I can..." I gestured helplessly and he
stood, quickly shaking his head.
"No, no, I would never ask you to, it's just..." A heavy sigh
and he stood, again rubbing his temples and I understood
without words. It's just it went back to the original problem.
We didn't have another option. And aside from that, Qui-Gon was
misunderstanding me, I could feel it.
"It's not you, Master." For some reason, I felt compelled to
say it and it was true. Qui-Gon was a very attractive man, but,
while I had experimented with men when I first came into my
sexuality, I'd decided the experience paled in comparison to
women.
Still, I could probably withstand it, but..."I just, I mean, in
front of witnesses? I'm not sure I can..." But I would have to,
I suddenly realized. I had caused this problem and so the
burden should rest with me, any of our other choices would
place shame on the Jedi order. I just couldn't see myself doing
such an intimate thing in front of others, with all the
fumbling awkwardness that comes with taking a new lover. And I
knew my Master could sense my discomfort and the reason behind
it, just as I could feel that he rather felt the same.
"Maybe we should practice?" I blurted out. Belatedly, my mouth
clicked shut to stop the flow of words, so quickly that I
narrowly avoided biting off my tongue. Did I just say what I
thought I'd said?
I'm not sure if it is physically possible for embarrassment to
make a human burst into spontaneous combustion, but I certainly
gave a good go of it. And I almost wished that I would, if I
were only a little cinder of leftover Padawan, it would
certainly take care of the problem at hand.
But I was not to be so fortunate. I risked a glance upward at
my Master's face and combustion threatened again as my
embarrassment increased tenfold. Qui-Gon was looking at me as
if I had ewoks crawling out of my ears.
Then his shocked expression turned to a thoughtful one,
considering. I could almost hear him mentally ticking off the
options in his head, as I had done earlier.
"Perhaps we should." His expression was one of a person who was
striving for practicality, simply dealing with the situation as
best he could. His voice, however, cracked like a first year
Padawan's.
"Yes," I hastily agreed. "We're both adults, it's really not
such big deal." Brave words of the condemned. "If we...then
maybe we...in front of them..."
"Yes, yes, then we could..." he gestured weakly and I nodded.
"So we should..." Neither of us moved. At least, not towards
each other. I fidgeted nervously in the chair until I noticed
what I was doing and made myself stop and Qui-Gon seemed to
suddenly take great interest in the floor of our quarters.
This definitely would not do. If we couldn't do this in the
privacy of our quarters, how could we do anything in front of
others? But even as I thought it, Qui-Gon straightened, drawing
that ever-present dignity around him like a shield. He took a
step towards me, reaching for me, and it took every ounce of
discipline I had not to flinch away. This -had- been my idea.
But all he did was take my hand and pull me gently to my feet.
"Come with me, Padawan. I have an idea." Still holding my hand,
he led me to the bedroom. His bedroom. I trailed behind him,
the butterflies in my stomach threatening to rise up and choke
me.
Dropping my hand, he moved to rummage through his belongings.
"Take off your tunic."
He turned back around, stopping when he noticed I hadn't
complied. I just stood there, completely frozen as if all
muscle control had deserted me. Qui-Gon's lips suddenly quirked
upward and I got a vague impression in his mind of how young I
looked, eyes wide and apprehensive, like a child. That shook me
out of my paralysis, him thinking of me as a child was not
going to help our situation. Determinedly, I stripped, folding
my clothes neatly until I was bare to the waist. I stood there
silently, waiting for the next command.
I didn't have to wait long. "Lie down," he said, gesturing at
the mattress. Paralysis threatened again, but I doggedly pushed
it aside and settled back on the mattress.
Qui-Gon shook his head. "Lie on your stomach."
Now this was too much. Every request had been more difficult
than the last and I had done it without question, but this! I
opened my mouth to protest but before I could say a word he
held up what he had gotten from his bag. A small bottle of
massage oil.
"I thought it might help us relax," he explained.
I felt a blush heat my cheeks as I remembered what I had been
thinking he was going to do. Qui-Gon raised a questioning
eyebrow, his expression knowing and I quickly rolled over,
burying my face in the sheets and hiding my embarrassment. I
flinched when I felt warm, slippery hands touch my bare back
and forcibly I tamped down the reaction. This was Qui-Gon, I
told myself sternly, and we had both given and received
backrubs from the other many times in the past.
But not like this, a tiny voice whispered in the back of my
head. I told it to shove off.
And then strong hands were kneading my oiled skin and I nearly
melted into the blankets, all the soreness and stress from the
past few weeks rubbed away. I sighed softly, settling deeper
into the blankets as Qui- Gon's hands moved lower, squeezing
softening muscles until his hands rested on the waistband of my
pants. He hesitated there, fingers rubbing small circles on my
skin.
"Obi-Wan?" he asked, softly. Without a word, I reached
underneath to unfasten my pants, raising up slightly and
allowing him to slide them off. I was suddenly very glad that I
couldn't see his face, my own was hot with embarrassment and I
buried it again in the cool pillows.
Hands slick with oil returned to my back, massaging away the
returning tension before drifting down to my backside. Qui-Gon
did nothing more than firmly rub the taut muscles there,
keeping the touch impersonal and soothing. By the time he moved
on to my legs, I was again boneless against the linens. When he
touched my feet I almost jerked them away reflexively, stifling
a giggle and I felt Qui-Gon's own suppressed laughter even as
he rubbed harder to avoid tickling.
Finally, he was done, moving up to kneel next to me. I knew
what was coming even before he said it, but I still shivered
slightly when he spoke.
"Roll over."
And I did, exposing myself to him. He didn't stare, didn't even
pause to study me. Instead, his hands went to my chest, calmly
continuing the massage. I watched him for a moment before I
again closed my eyes. It felt...strange, to be naked in front
of him while he was fully clothed. Not exactly bad, but
strange. Still, it was very relaxing and my nervousness drifted
away as he continued. In a few moments I was on the verge of
sleep. Until one of his fingers brushed my nipple.
My eyes flew open at that electric touch and all my nerves
jumped to life as he repeated it, lightly stroking the dark
circle with the tip of one finger, until it peaked, hardened
under the touch. My eyes were locked on his face, watching him
watch me, an intent expression on his face.
A light pinch and those teasing fingers trailed away, across my
chest to toy with the other nipple until it too was hard.
Another pinch and then both his hands were rubbing my stomach,
testing the muscles there as one finger dipped into my navel. I
squirmed slightly, the touch felt strangely intimate and grew
more intimate still as his hands smoothed down my legs then
back up, his thumbs delicately stroking the softer skin of my
inner thighs.
I closed my eyes then, unable to watch as one finger touched
the very tip of my erection. I was hard, how could I not be,
the sensuous feel of those hands, the warmth of them burned
away any embarrassment. Qui- Gon's finger traced a path down
the length of my shaft as delicately as if he were caressing a
butterfly, not trying for eroticism only a gentle exploration
of unfamiliar territory.
Then a finger and thumb circled my cock and slid back up, still
very lightly, hardly any pressure at all. They paused at the
tip, and then slid back down, still slowly, just the tiniest
bit more pressure. The loose skin at the tip slid downward with
those fingers and the feel of it gliding across the head
dragged a gasp from me. My fingers knotted into the sheets of
their own will.
He released me then and my eyes flew open. They drifted closed
again as he moved his hand lower, sifting through the tight
curls there before cupping my balls in one large hand, hefting
them gently as if testing their weight. My hips arched upward
slightly before I caught myself and relaxed back down.
Then that touch retreated and I felt Qui-Gon shift, leaning
away from me. I half-sat up, looking at him. He shivered
faintly, once, the epitome of calm compared to my wild
tremblings.
He wet his lips and my eyes caught on the tip of that pink
tongue. I very nearly leaned forward and kissed him and would
have if he hadn't chosen just that moment to speak.
"I believe," he said, clearing his throat, "That it is your
turn."
My turn? I felt a smile creep up my face until it became a
rather wicked grin. Oh, yes, it was definitely my turn.
Qui-Gon stripped off his tunic, folding it and setting it near
mine before he stretched out on the bed. I shifted over to give
him room and he settled on his stomach, resting his head on his
folded arms. I studied the broad expanse of his back, the firm
muscles, a few small scars and a larger scar down his shoulder.
Pouring a small amount of oil into my hand, I let it warm for a
moment and then, with a deep breath, I began.
Tense, he was very tense, nervous perhaps? As I was? I rubbed
his shoulders, massaging away the tightness. His skin was very
soft, even to my oiled fingers. Strange how I'd never noticed
it before. Of course, there had been no reason for me to notice
or to notice how very enticing it was.
I swallowed, abruptly more aware of my nakedness than I had
been a moment before and very glad the Qui-Gon was face down on
the bed. My hands had moved on without me and were resting
lightly on the waistband of Qui-Gon's pants. He unfastened them
without me having to say a word, a mirror to my previous
actions and I completed it, sliding his pants down and off
before pausing to look at him.
I massaged my way down his body, barely aware that I was doing
it. My awareness was focused on him. On the inordinately large
amount of silky, warm skin that was before me. On the way the
oil made his skin gleam as if he gave off some iridescent light
all his own.
I had finished with his feet before I realized it and I cursed
myself mentally for rushing it, because now all that was left
was for him to roll over and for me to.... Ah, well, there was
no escaping it now. And by now I didn't want to.
I had to swallow several times before I could speak and even
then, my voice sounded husky to my ears. "Master, turn over."
He did, not speaking, just exposing himself as I had. Only I
didn't seem to possess my master's self-discipline. I couldn't
stop my eyes from roaming over him. They settled on his groin
and I knew they went wide. Qui-Gon was not a small man,
altogether nor in any of his parts and this part was certainly
no exception, that much was certain.
My curiosity got the best of me and I skipped over a good
section of the massage to settle my hand on Qui-Gon's erection.
He gave a choked gasp, almost flinching away before he caught
himself and stilled. I petted that hardness, gently exploring.
I let my other hand drift down to the heavy sac underneath,
cupping it as he had done, testing the weight, the softness of
the skin, the heat.
I was suddenly far more interested than embarrassed. My
youthful explorations were years behind me and none of those
sticky fumblings could hold anything to being here with this
man. It aroused me in a way that I had never expected,
especially not with my master, none of my previous encounters
had prepared me for this.
I glanced up at him, abruptly aware that I hadn't really had
permission for this touch and my gaze caught his. His eyes were
impossibly blue, watching me, waiting. Watching. I returned my
attention to his cock, aware of it hardening further, now
throbbing gently under my fingertips.
Again exploring I gently pushed his foreskin back, as he had
done to me, exposing the crimson head that was leaking a thin
line of clear fluid. It pooled at the tip like a thick, liquid
jewel and I felt an overwhelming urge to lick that jewel away,
to taste it.
So I did. The taste was both strange and arousing. I'd tasted
myself before on the lips of others, knew the bitter-salt
flavor but this was different, so very different.
Qui-Gon's reaction was most inspiring. He made a choked keening
sound, arched his hips completely off the bed, his fingers
digging into the mattress as if he was struggling to keep from
grabbing me. Perhaps he was. The thought made me shiver, not
unpleasantly.
The taste was fading from my mouth. Unwilling to let it go I
leaned down and licked the moist head again, this time swirling
my tongue over it, teasing the slit with the tip of my tongue.
I took the shaft into my mouth, wanting more of that exotic
liquor but Qui-Gon's hands on my shoulders stopped me, pulling
me back.
"Wait, wait, Padawan, a moment, please." I opened my mouth to
protest until I saw he was only shifting, moving so that we
were lying on our sides, head to foot. Well, not foot exactly,
and all my protests died unspoken as I realized why he was
doing this. So that he could pleasure me too.
The moist, heated breath on my cock was going to slowly drive
me insane as I forced myself not to move, to wait for him to
touch me, but it was so hard. Very hard in fact. I didn't have
to wait long, the wet heat of his mouth engulfed my cock and I
forgot how to breathe, nearly forgot that I was supposed to be
returning the favor.
It was more difficult than it looked, difficult not to take it
too deep and choke, difficult to run my tongue over the
thickness that was filling my mouth. Difficult to concentrate
when someone else's mouth was on my cock, seeming determined to
suck the very life from me.
I was still coherent enough to notice that Qui-Gon did not seem
to be having any such trouble. Odd that in all our time
together I had never given much thought to his sexual
preferences. I wasn't going to now either, though it was
obvious to me that he had at least done this before.
Difficult it was, but I managed, circling the base with my
hand. I needed very much to share the sweet pleasure that was
making my thighs tremble and my stomach twist and I took that
thick cock as deeply as I could.
Teeth very lightly grazed the shaft of my cock; I gave a
muffled groan at the mingling of pleasure and pain. I repeating
the gesture on him and felt his pleasure translated as a
vibrating groan against my erection.
Qui-Gon pulled back sucked hard on the tip of my cock. I could
feel his tongue run along the soft ridge around the head and
the pulse of pleasure that invaded my nerves at the touch made
me shudder, helplessly. I mimicked him, determined to push him
to the same knife- edge that I was straddling.
Harder, faster now, sucking hard, deeper, I copied his every
move, he -was- my teacher and this lesson was far more
pleasurable than some I had learned. He pulled my cock in very
deeply then, surrounding me with wet, heated pressure as his
fingers dug into my hips, forcing me to thrust inside and I
came. Exquisite pleasure sparked through me and I dimly felt my
cock straining, spurting into his waiting mouth even as I
repeated it on him, felt his body go rigid and my mouth was
flooded with the exotic, bitter flavor that I had tasted
earlier.
I held the warm liquid in my mouth a moment, savoring it with
unexpected relish before I swallowed, felt Qui-Gon doing the
same around my softening member.
Pulling back I flopped backwards onto the mattress, struggling
to settle my breathing. I draped one arm over my eyes, blocking
out the light. And Qui-Gon. Forgotten embarrassment was
resurfacing and now I wondered if I could ever look at the man
again.
"Obi-Wan?"
Damn. Not even a moment's reprieve. I took shelter in
cowardice, not moving my arm. "Yes, master?"
"You do realize that we will have to do something even
more...intimate... tomorrow?"
That moved my arm quickly and the rest of my body as well.
Every cell within my body considered and unanimously rejected
going through with what he was implying. Making love with a man
was a new enough experience for me, I was not about to have my
first experience with penetration be in front of an audience.
Even as I thought it though I remembered the other options, or
more truthfully the fact that there weren't any other options.
For the first time since this began my lingering discomfort
turned into a trace of fear. Instantly I was pulled into an
embrace, embarrassment forgotten as Qui-Gon held me, soothed
me.
"Obi-Wan, don't be afraid, please. We will not do -anything-
that you do not want. I would never hurt you, not for the
greatest cause in the galaxy. Do you understand me?" He pulled
back, his eyes searching my face.
I swallowed, pushing aside the touch of fear and replacing it
with calm. "I understand, Master." I understood that this had
to be done, regardless of my own doubts.
His eyes narrowed, apparently he could still feel my
uncertainty, and he shook me slightly. "Obi-Wan, you don't have
anything to be afraid of. I promise that this will not hurt
you." He smiled then, very faintly, "After all, you'll be
inside me."
The next day found me standing on a stool, my arms held
straight out while one of the Royal servants knelt in front of
me, adjusting the length of my robe.
Traditional Hrokian bonding clothes seemed to consist of a long
robe of deep blue made of some kind of shiny, satiny material.
And nothing else. Feet bare, everything under the robe, bare.
It was a rather blatant reminder of what was going to happen
very shortly.
Idly, I found my mind drifting back to the day before. After
our little 'practice session', Qui-Gon and I had both returned
to our duties. Now that I knew we could, in fact, do this, I
found that I needed to step back a bit, gain a little distance.
My master seemed to understand and allowed it.
I went back to the gardens and finished my routines, which I
flubbed up spectacularly and Qui-Gon, I assume, finished
reading up on the ceremony. He told me about it at our evening
meal and that eased a few misgivings that I had had.
The ceremony would traditionally have about twelve witnesses,
who would be there only to observe and would do nothing to
distract or interfere. That relieved me more than I'd ever
admit. I'd had horrifying mental images of the King running
around us, eagerly snapping holo-images of the entire ordeal.
And let's not get into what I thought of the Viamcountess.
All in all, the evening felt fairly normal, as if we hadn't
spent the afternoon naked and sucking each other off in
Qui-Gon's bedroom. I seized that feeling of normalcy
gratefully. Until that night, when Qui- Gon insisted that we
sleep together in the same bed.
I understood the reasoning behind it. For starters, we were
supposed to be a betrothed couple, sleeping apart might seem
odd to our hosts. And, more to the point, we didn't want to
lose what little intimacy we'd managed to gain today.
I'd slept in the same bed as my master before more times than I
could count and this was the first time I'd felt any
apprehension. I hid it as best as I could, settled into the
covers and let Qui-Gon spoon up behind me. I forced my
tenseness to ease away and even snuggled closer to him, to
prove that this did not make me uncomfortable in the least.
I don't think he was fooled.
But he didn't mention it, simply held me close and quickly fell
asleep. And I slept that night in his arms. What little sleep
I'd gotten anyway. I wonder how he would have reacted if he had
known that my discomfort wasn't from embarrassment or shyness.
I was nervous because I was afraid he would feel my arousal.
The moment the bed had come into my line of vision everything
that had happened that afternoon came flooding back to me.
Spending that night in Qui- Gon's arms was pure torture, my
mind insisted on going back over the afternoon, picking at
little details, replaying in over and over until I had an
erection that a Hutt would have been proud of. Nothing could
distract me from it, not meditation routines, not thinking of
old, ugly women, not thinking of the King of Hroka, naked and
dancing. Nothing.
My mind would always sneak back to the afternoon, especially to
what Qui-Gon had said at the end, that I would be inside him.
Something that only the day before I would have considered
inconceivable was now something I was looking forward to,
eagerly.
I drifted off a few hours from dawn, only to be awakened just
after sunrise by the King's entourage, who had come to prepare
us for the ceremony.
I had been dragged off by two young men, fed, bathed, and had
sweet- smelling oils massaged into my bare skin. I was
beginning to think that I didn't have much of a capacity for
embarrassment left. They'd also tried to paint my face with
some sort of make-up and that I had adamantly refused, much to
their disappointment. I was already sacrificing what was left
of my virtue for the wellbeing of these people. I wasn't going
to surrender my dignity as well.
And now I was here, only a short time from the ceremony and I
found myself strangely nervous. This wasn't real, what was I so
worried about? Probably the fact that I was going to have to
perform sexually in front of an audience, I decided.
My robes were finished, I was ready and shortly thereafter, it
began.
I was led into a darkened room, fairly small, and the scent of
some sort of incense was heavy in the air, something rich and
musky. The room was lit by dozens of candles that threw
flickering shadow images over the wall. And over the people
already seated within. Not many, I counted ten people, all from
the King's court, all seated on thick pillows surrounding a
raised pallet of blankets and pillows in the center of the
room.
I was led to stand before it, even as Qui-Gon came in from
another entrance, dressed in his own robe, exactly like mine
down to the line of ties that ran down the front, holding it
closed. It swirled around his bare feet, his hair was loose and
hanging softly around his face, which I was relieved to note
was also unadorned by paint.
The king came up to us then, resplendent in his own finery,
declaring himself the representative of The One Who Is, and
that he was here to acknowledge and witness our Bonding.
I hardly heard a word he said. My attention was divided between
the soft nest of blankets next to us, a small bottle of oil
tucked discreetly into one corner, and on the man standing in
front of me. Qui-Gon Jinn, my master, my friend, and all I
could think of was that very soon I was going to be fucking
him.
Gentler words didn't seem to fit. This was not an act of love
but one of necessity, just one more thing that we would do for
the sake of a mission and the code that we live by. It was just
sex, nothing more.
So why did the idea excite me so much? So much so that I was
nearly squirming where I stood, my skin seeming strangely
sensitized by the silky material against it. Why did I want
this so badly? Was it perhaps a sense of power that I would
have over one who had always had power over me? I sincerely
hoped not. I had to wonder though, how it was that I hadn't
noticed just how beautiful Qui-Gon was until this time when I
was forced to see it. How could I have missed the sensuous
curve of his lips, how very blue his eyes were, eyes that were
locked on mine, holding me prisoner before his quiet stare. Why
hadn't I noticed?
I pushed those thoughts aside. I could meditate on them later.
At this moment I had to concentrate on the now, and on the fact
that the King had stopped speaking and had stepped back,
seating himself on his own pillow and leaving myself and
Qui-Gon to stand in front of the dais, alone.
We looked at each other, not moving for a moment before I took
a deep breath and stepped forward. Qui-Gon did as well, meeting
me halfway and as his head tilted down towards mine, it
occurred to me that we had forgotten some very important
details in our little 'practice session', we hadn't even
kissed. And then I had no more time to fret over the lack as
Qui-Gon's lips closed over mine.
It was a gentle, seeking kiss, strangely different than kissing
a woman, not as soft, but no less arousing. His beard scraped
lightly, but not unpleasantly and he held me almost chastely,
hardly touching.
I was the one who deepened it, letting my tongue lightly trace
his lips, probing, and he opened his mouth. The tip of his
tongue touched mine and I shivered, the contact was electric. I
slid my tongue past his teeth, into the darker recesses of his
mouth, exploring the velvety lining. His tongue twined with
mine, darting teasingly into my mouth before drawing back so
that he could suck my lower lip gently.
Only the need for oxygen pulled me away, panting heavily from
just that one kiss. I wasn't sure that I was going to survive
this. Just as I would have leaned forward and captured his lips
again, my eyes caught on one of the witnesses, who was watching
avidly. Arousal seeped out of me and I felt my erection wilt.
How was I supposed to do this with these people -staring- at
me?
Qui-Gon must have felt how suddenly unnerved I was. He captured
my chin in his hand, forcing me to look at him. He said
nothing, only looked into my eyes, the grip on my chin turned
into a caress as his hand shifted, slid up my cheek. I closed
my eyes, leaned into the touch and I felt him move forward
again. Expecting a kiss, I was startled by the feel of his lips
on my ear.
"Don't look at them, Obi-Wan. Just look at me. Concentrate on
me, love, just on me." A part of my brain caught that soft
endearment and whisked it away to a secret place in the back of
my head for safekeeping. And then my thoughts deserted me again
when I felt the tip of his tongue against my ear, lightly
tracing its way down the outer curve before dipping moistly
inside, nibbling the soft lobe in a way that had me shivering.
A stifled cough from the other side of the room, and my eyes
flew towards it. The soft nipping turned into a hard bite and I
winced, returning my attention to the man before me.
He was scattering kisses all over my face, petal soft touches
against my eyes, down my cheeks, my nose. I could feel the heat
of his hands on my shoulders. The barrier of my robe cushioned
the pressure of his fingertips, his hands moved easily over the
slick material.
Again, his lips against mine, harder now, almost bruising
pressure. He forced my mouth open with his tongue, thrusting
deeply inside, insistently. Before I could do more than
helplessly respond he was gone again, his mouth biting a trail
down the line of my jaw to my neck where he was stopped by the
collar of my robe.
Without asking permission or even hesitating, he unfastened the
first tie, the one at my throat, pulling the end of the ribbon
with his teeth. The satiny material gaped slightly and he
pressed his face against the newly exposed flesh. I felt him
inhale deeply against my skin, as if he was absorbing my scent,
before he moved on to the next tie.
Eyes closed, I stood there, swaying on my feet as he flicked
his tongue wetly against my skin, pushing the material aside so
that he could reach my nipple. He bit it, hard enough to sting
but I had barely flinched before he was soothing the abused
flesh, sucking it gently, laving it with his tongue until it
was a stiff wet peak. Soft, damp kisses trailed across my chest
as he made his way to the other side, biting harder this time.
I whimpered softly before I could help myself and instantly I
was soothed, gentle sweeping licks teased away the brief flash
of pain.
Another tie loosened, this time at my stomach and I dimly
realized that Qui-Gon was on his knees before me. He licking
the taut flesh of my abdomen, traced the lines of the muscles
with his tongue. The last tie fell free, exposing the entire
front of my body to him and to our witnesses, although that
seemed to matter a great deal less as Qui-Gon rubbed his cheek
against my erection. The coarse hair lightly abrading my
sensitive flesh had every nerve in my body prickling. I
discovered I had buried my fingers in the length of his hair
only when he captured my wrists to stop my pulling.
Opening my eyes, I looked down at him on his knees before me,
my wrists held loosely in his hands, he looked for all the
world like a pleasure- slave instead of the Jedi master I knew
him to be. He was still rubbing against the stiff length of my
cock, like a cat, the roughness of his beard interspersed with
the soft, yielding touch of his lips. And the caress of his
eyes. Even as he touched me, his eyes were on my face, watching
me.
Watching me watch him as he let his tongue run up my hard
shaft, the soft underside of it slid against the head before he
deliberately lapped at the tip, his lips shiny with the fluid
that was steadily weeping from my cock.
I really did sway then, unsteadily, and he caught me, lowered
me backwards until I was sprawled on softness of our prepared
bed. He followed, kneeling between my legs, looking at me
silently. Waiting and after a moment I realized why. I shifted
upwards on my elbows, reaching for the ties of his robe.
My trembling fingers quickly made knots of the slender ribbons
and I was close to breaking the damn things when his hand
caught mine, helping me. His robe was an obstacle not to be
borne and it was discarded far more hastily than mine was.
Naked, finally, before me and now I could touch, taste and I
wasted no time doing so.
I pushed him back until he was lying down, spread out in all
his glory and my greedy eyes decided he had plenty of glory to
see. His skin gleamed in the faint candlelight; his chest was
lightly dusted with hair that narrowed into a line at his
belly, trailing downward before it widened into a nest of dark
curls. His cock was rising up from that soft hair, crimson and
heavy, engorged with blood. And I wanted it all.
I shifted so that I was above him, lowering myself slowly and a
groan escaped me as I felt the heat of his flesh against mine.
I heard his breath hiss out from between his teeth as I
shifted, moving so that my cock was pressed against his.
Dipping my head, I tongued at the pliant flesh of his neck,
tasting salt and sweat and perhaps the oils that had been
rubbed into our skin. I sucked hard, leaving a mark on the pale
flesh, wanting to brand him as mine without pausing to consider
why. I couldn't consider anything, not with him arching beneath
me, pressing his cock urgently against my stomach.
"Obi-Wan," he hissed, pushing at me and I went, sensing his
agitation. I stared at him, uncomprehending, his eyes were
widely dilated, only a thin rim of blue around a pool of inky
blackness, his breaths coming in harsh gasps and I couldn't
understand why he was pushing me away when he so obviously
wanted more.
I leaned back in, but he persisted, pushing me back even as he
raised his knees. I resurfaced a bit, the fog of desire lifting
enough for comprehension to dawn. Oh yes. Copulation.
I darted a glance upward, at our nearly forgotten audience, my
eyes meeting those of the witness closest to us. The
Viamcountess.
I don't know what I expected to see in her eyes, amusement
certainly, boredom perhaps. Nothing could have prepared me for
what I saw. Disbelieving, I opened myself up to the Force, just
a bit, and the emotions that assailed me from these people made
me reel.
Not amusement, certainly not boredom, just the certainty that
they were watching something very sacred and very beautiful.
And very arousing, the amount of sheer lust in the room was
like a blast of heat against my skin.
And now, oddly, knowing how they were seeing me, I wanted them
to watch, wanted them to see me with this beautiful man, to see
me claim him. I came back to myself, returning my focus to
Qui-Gon and, looking into his eyes, I knew that he felt the
same.
My lifted my hands to rest tentatively on Qui-Gon's knees. Much
as I wanted this, I was still a bit nervous. This was not
something I had done, with a man or a woman. Oh, I knew what to
do, in theory, but I hadn't tested that theory before now.
Evading for just a moment longer, I leaning downward, giving in
to an earlier temptation and following the line of hair down
his belly with my lips, to his erection. I touched my lips to
the wet tip, took the throbbing length into my mouth and felt
more than heard the deep shuddering groan from my master.
"Obi-Wan, please'...I can't'...oh, please," whispered hoarsely
and I pulled back. No more stalling, I knew. We were both
pushed to our limits, our need heightened until it was almost
painful. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm myself just a
bit, reaching over to pick up the small bottle of oil. My
trembling fingers struggled briefly with the cap and when it
popped open I spilled a small amount onto Qui-Gon's stomach.
He smiled, his lips just barely curving and he slid a hand down
his chest to the small pool of liquid, spreading it over his
chest and stomach, and lower, rubbing his slick hand up his
cock. I watched, the bottle of oil forgotten, mesmerized at the
sight of him stroking himself. The candlelight made his oiled
skin gleam with a diffused glow. He shifted upward, his hand
leaving his erection to instead capture mine, coating it with
the slick oil.
I made a noise that was far closer to a squeak than I like to
admit as he touched me, one finger lightly teasing my balls
before he pulled back and lay back down, again waiting, always
waiting. For me. It was a heady thought, as dizzying as a
draught of strong liquor
I shook my head, trying to clear it somewhat. Pouring some of
the oil into the palm of my hand, I used it to coat my fingers,
and, pushing aside any lingering misgivings, I brought them
down to the entrance of his body. The small opening there was
tight, resisted my efforts to penetrate, but I persisted,
finally pushing one finger past the tight, muscled ring.
Qui-Gon made a soft sound, arching upwards and pushing my
finger a bit deeper. His wanton display made blood rush
straight to my cock and I throbbed painfully, wanting to be
inside him with a need that bordered on desperation.
But not if it hurt my master. Carefully, I pushed my finger
deeper, willing the muscles there to loosen. Almost as if he'd
heard me, Qui- Gon relaxed, letting my finger slide deeper
still. I twisted my finger slightly, working it in and out
until the movement was easy and smooth.
Withdrawing, I oiled my fingers again, this time pressing two
fingers in and this was a bit harder, I saw Qui-Gon's hands
shift to the loose blankets beneath us, and knot into them. But
he didn't protest, didn't ask me to stop, even tilted his hips
up, silently asking for more. I pushed harder and again, his
body opened for me, resistance easing as I worked at the
muscle, waiting for him to relax, to accept and a handful of
heartbeats later he did.
Again I withdrew, more oil and this time I spread it over my
cock until it fairly dripped, slick and wet. I was ready,
beyond ready. All hesitation burned away by need and I tugged
on Qui-Gon's hips, urging him to wrap his legs around my waist.
He did it instantly, and I leaned forward, steadying my cock
with my hand, until the tip was pressed against Qui-Gon's anus.
I almost came right then from the soft pressure and it took
every ounce of control I had left within me not to simple
thrust inside. Instead, I pressed gently, leaning forward.
Resistance, and I slid my hands down to Qui-Gon's hips, holding
him as I pressed a little harder. The muscled ring finally
gave, enclosed over just the head of my cock and I heard
Qui-Gon suck in a sharp breath, his face tight.
Now I knew I was hurting him and I would have pulled back, but
he refused to let me, holding me against him with his legs
around my waist. And so I waited for the tension to leave him
and surely not even the trials could be as difficult as this,
to kneel here with just the very tip of my cock wrapped in
tight heat.
Finally, an eternity or a heartbeat later, he relaxed, and I
eased in a bit further, stopping at any hint of pain. I entered
him in careful degrees until finally I was buried inside as
deeply as I could go.
One deep breath, another, oh, I'd never dreamed this, couldn't
have imagined it. It was nothing like being with a woman, this
channel seemed to pull me in, almost painfully tight around me,
Force, such heat, so exquisitely hot and tight.
I pulled back ever so slightly, pushed back in and Qui-Gon
moaned, loudly, obviously not from pain and that uninhibited
sound coming from my controlled master was the most erotic
thing I had ever heard.
Again, in, out, and he clutched at the blankets, tightening his
legs around me and I complied, thrusting in with a bit of force
now, a bit faster. Sweat was sliding down my face, I could feel
it dripping off me as I pulled out, savored the long, languid
slide back in. Any thought that I might be hurting was banished
as Qui-Gon clung to me desperately, arching up into each
thrust. Moans had given way to almost unintelligible words and
I closed my eyes, just listening to the passion-roughened voice
below me.
"Yes..yes, oh gods, yes, Force yes, please, Obi-Wan, please,
please, PLEASE!" the last was nearly a shout as I thrust in
hard, my hand capturing his neglected erection, stroking it in
time with my thrusts.
I could feel the swirl of emotions just past my mental shields
and I let them ease down, opening myself up to the Force and
felt all the emotion in the room rush in to fill me, heat,
passion. I could feel the witnesses around us, I could feel
Qui-Gon and my pleasure doubled, tripled. I was lost now,
almost ramming into my master as all my control swirled away
from me and into the red tendrils of Force that I could see in
my mind's eye, filling the room like a mist, centering on me.
No, on -us-.
Harder, deeper and if I could have crawled inside him at that
moment I would have. I reveled in the feel of eyes upon me,
their eyes, his eyes.
A sheer force of will opened my eyes and I looked down at my
master, seeing him in this instant as I had never seen him
before. His hair was in a wild disarray, clinging damply to his
face and shoulders, his skin flushed, his hands clenched into
fists as his body rocked slightly backward with every thrust of
my hips. And nothing had ever seemed as beautiful to me as he
seemed in that frozen moment of time.
My climax slammed into me as I slammed into him. A broken
scream tore free from my lips as I poured into him, felt
Qui-Gon's hands grab my arms, digging bruise-deep as his cock
strained in my grasp and he came in a rush of liquid fire over
my hand. I pushed as deeply inside as could, struggling to get
deeper still and I screamed again, helpless in a rush of pure
sensation that I couldn't have controlled even if I had wanted
to. It seemed that it would never end that I would spill all
that I was deep inside the haven around my cock.
And then it was over.
Dazed, I collapsed down into his arms, trembling with the
aftershocks of a completely unexpected storm. I shifted
slightly and my softening cock slid from Qui-Gon's body, we
both made a soft sound at the feeling of it. Qui-Gon held me,
gently petting my hair and when I felt as if I breathe without
sobbing, I pulled back, to see him. And looking in his eyes, I
thought I saw something then, something that I had never
thought to see in him, certainly not directed at me.
I thought I saw fear.
But then he blinked and it was gone, leaving me to wonder if I
had imagined it. I hadn't time to wonder long, Qui-Gon was
already shifting, moving me to kneel before him and gathering
our robes. We did, after all, have a Bonding ceremony to
complete.
After the 'copulation' the rest of the ceremony was quite
simple. We both managed to get our robes on with at least a
couple of the ties fastened. When we were somewhat presentable,
the king approached us and announced on behalf of all the
witnesses that we were now a bonded couple.
Then he took a small jar that he had been holding, of some kind
of darkly colored ointment, dipped his finger in it and drew a
symbol on my forehead. I watched, suppressing a shaft of
amusement, as Qui-Gon had to lean down to allow the king to
repeat the gesture on him.
And that was it. The king clapped his hands and all the
witnesses rose, the group of them leading us back to our rooms
and ushered us inside. The door shut softly behind us and we
were alone together.
For about ten seconds.
The door had barely clicked shut before Qui-Gon turned away and
walked into the fresher, shutting the door behind him. I heard
the shower start a moment later.
A brief flare of pique went through me that he was so eager to
clean away every trace of me from his skin. It was followed
immediately by horrified shame, what in the hells was I
thinking? Of course he would want to shower, we were both
sweaty and sticky. And could I blame him for wanting to wash
away an encounter that neither of us had exactly wanted?
The enormity of what we had done was slowly sinking in and if I
had thought I had used up my capacity for embarrassment I was
sorely mistaken.
A meal had been laid out for us and I fixed a plate for myself,
sitting down to pick at it. I managed to mangle the food
sufficiently without eating a bite, keeping my mind carefully
blank. I looked up as Qui-Gon walked out of the fresher,
toweling his hair dry.
"You can take a shower now, Obi-Wan." He didn't look at me.
I felt a faint sense of deja vu, had it only been a few days
earlier that he had said something very similar to me? And yet
not similar at all. How was it that after what had just
happened his voice could sound so distant?
I murmured some kind of appropriate response and walked toward
the fresher just as he lowered the towel from his head and left
us abruptly face to face.
He looked just as he had before. There was no outward change,
no additional lines or marks of stress. Nothing but a dark
smudge still on his forehead, left by the ointment and without
thinking I reached up to wipe it away.
He recoiled as if he thought I was going to strike him.
Something twisted in my stomach, a pinprick of hurt, as I
watched him catch himself, forced himself to endure my touch. I
quickly wiped away the stain and turned away, going into the
fresher before I caused him any more pain. I had already caused
quite enough damage already, that much was obvious.
I stood under the spray of hot water, let it pummel away sweat
and tension. It was going to be all right, I chanted silently,
everything was going to be fine. We just needed some time that
was all. The memory was too fresh, too new. Just time and then
everything would go back to normal.
But when I was clean and dry and I walked out into the common
room to find that Qui-Gon had already gone to his bedroom, his
door shut, that pinprick of pain sharpened to a knife blade.
Feeling strangely rejected, I went into my room, sinking onto
the silky sheets and burying my face gratefully into the cool
pillows.
Time, I told myself, and then things would return to the way
that they were, the way they were supposed to be.
I spent the rest of the night trying to convince myself that it
was true.
The next morning when I awoke, Qui-Gon was already up and
dressed. I pulled on my own clothes silently, going over to the
door. I hung back in the shadows, watching him as he moved
around the room, gathering up what few things we had brought
with us and packing them away. I remembered belatedly that we
were to return to Coruscant today.
It was just too damn bad that today was one day too late. I
blinked, appalled at the bitterness of that thought. I made
myself take a deep breath, releasing the emotion. Time, I
reminded myself.
"Obi-Wan, don't hover in the doorway."
I jumped slightly at the sound of his voice and then grimaced
inwardly. Stupid of me to think he wouldn't notice. With great
reluctance I moved into the room.
"I'm almost finished packing, Obi-Wan," he continued, "And our
ship doesn't leave for several hours yet. You may have the day
to yourself."
It didn't take a force-sensitive to hear the dismissal in his
tone and I snatched up the opportunity gratefully. I all but
fled from the room, pausing at the door to give him a quick bow
before I left.
The memories of what had happened yesterday were still too
close to the surface for him as well it would seem. And I
desperately needed a little distance, some time to learn how to
deal with this. It had gone much farther than either of us had
meant, I believe, both of us had gotten carried away by the
rush of sex, done things we hadn't intended.
I was halfway down the hall before a stray thought assaulted
me. I couldn't remember the last time he had called me Padawan.
The word was almost more of an affectionate nickname than a
title, truly I hadn't heard him use my given name as much as he
had lately since before I'd been apprenticed to him.
The twisting pain flared to life again and I ruthlessly pushed
it aside. Time, I repeated doggedly. Everything was going to be
fine.
I hoped.
I wandered aimlessly through the palace and found myself in the
gardens. I walked slowly through them, half-heartedly looking
for a place to meditate, although it wasn't meditation that I
really wanted.
I wanted to stop hurting.
And I couldn't forget that this was entirely my fault, that I
had started this. I sighed, rubbing my temples to ward off the
headache that was forming. Could things get any worse?
"Jedi Kenobi?"
I nearly jumped out of my skin at the soft voice behind me.
Damn and damn again, I was going to die of heart failure before
my next birthday if people didn't stop startling me! I turned
to see that the owner of the voice was the Viamcountess.
Had I actually thought things couldn't get worse? I should know
better by now.
"Jedi Kenobi, may I speak with you for a moment?"
I was in no mood to deal with her shenanigans today and I had
to bite back harsh words. Jedi diplomacy and her strange
quietness were all that held me back. I gave her a short nod of
assent.
She came directly to the point, "I owe you an apology, Jedi,
sir, to you and your lover both. It was very rude of me to
suggest to my uncle that a bonding ceremony would be a good way
to repay you. I knew that you would both be uncomfortable with
it and that you would have no choice but to allow the ceremony.
I apologize for my actions, then and before." She bowed low to
me.
I gaped at her lower head for several seconds, only realizing I
was doing it when she spoke again, her voice sad. "I understand
if you cannot forgive me, I only wanted the opportunity to tell
you of my regrets. Thank you for that." She bowed a fraction
lower before standing straight again and turning to walk away.
I found my voice quickly, "Wait! Wait, your Grace, a moment."
She paused, looking at me warily. I searched desperately for
words, "I don't understand," I said, finally, "Why are you
telling me this? Why did you even ask me to be your consort,
you had to know that I would say no...even if I wasn't
betrothed," I added hastily.
She looked down again, seemed to struggle for words. "When the
revolt happened, I..I couldn't believe that such a thing could
occur! We were always so safe here in the castle. And then we
were all going to die and I had never been so afraid in my
life." She looked up at me again and for the first time since
our arrival, when she had started to pester me, I really saw
her.
Despite her clothes and attitude, I abruptly realized that she
was actually much younger than I was and surely had less life
experience to fall back on. To tumble suddenly from grace and
into your own impending death would inspire terror in anyone,
especially one so young, less in years than in maturity. I
dragged my attention back to what she was saying.
"And then you came and saved us and I thought...I thought that
if you stayed that you could keep us safe." Her earnestly
spoken words and bright eyes sent a new sensation to churn in
my stomach: guilt.
Her eyes lowered again and she twisted her fingers together as
she continued. "And when you refused me I just felt so...so
helpless! And I just wanted to hurt someone. But then, when I
watched your Bonding ceremony and it was so obvious to me how
much you loved each other. I saw then how wrong I was, to take
my anger out on you." She surreptitiously wiped her eyes on her
sleeve. "I have witnessed before but I can truly say that I
have never seen such depth of emotion between a couple. It was
most beautiful and I will treasure the memory of it."
That I could go from feeling ill-used by this woman to feeling
like a jackass in such a short span of time had to be some kind
of record. Hadn't my master warned me not to judge people so
harshly? I had done this woman a great disservice in not
looking past the artifice of her flirting and seeing how truly
frightened she really was.
And aside from that I felt like the worst kind of liar. When my
master and I left this planet, we would be leaving behind the
bond that she admired so. We'd be leaving it all behind. I felt
a strange hollowness in my chest at the thought and I rubbed it
absently, trying to ease the ache. I should have eaten before I
took off wandering.
Bowing low to the young woman, I accepted her apology as best I
could. "I thank you for your honesty, your Grace, let me assure
you that I hold no anger towards you."
She nodded again and smiled, looking twice as beautiful in her
sincerity than she had in the deception of her seduction.
"Thank you for you time, Jedi Kenobi," she responded.
"Obi-Wan. My name is Obi-Wan," I said impulsively and was
rewarded with a brighter smile.
"Obi-Wan," she repeated, "I wish you and your love much
happiness." Another quick bow and she left, disappearing into
the gardens.
Whatever else I had lost on this planet, at least I was coming
away with a friend. And at the reminder of losses, I thought
again of leaving this planet and of all that Qui-Gon and I
would leave here with it. Leaving our false bond. Somehow, the
thought felt empty.
The three days that it took for us to get to Coruscant were
easily the longest of my life. Instead of things getting better
once we left Hroka, they seemed worse than ever.
Not the Qui-Gon was cruel to me or ignored me. He was, as ever,
the consummate teacher, assigning me lessons, working on the
training exorcises that had been neglected during our mission.
He wasn't rude or snide. He just...was. It was as if all the
warmth had been bled out of him. And I was at a loss as to how
I could change that. I was quickly losing something that I'd
never even known I had until it was taken from me.
When I looked at him and saw no kindness, no gentle humor, none
of those things that were such a part of my master, guilt rose
up in me until I thought I would choke. My doing, all of this
and I didn't know how to change it.
And so I did nothing, concentrating on fulfilling my duties as
best as I possible could. It was only at night, as I lay awake
on my pallet listening to him breath from across the room, that
I let myself think about it, wondering about the stranger who
was wearing my master's face.
Our ship had landed and we were getting ready to disembark when
Qui-Gon finally spoke to me about something other than my
lessons. We were in our shared quarters, gathering the last of
our possessions.
"You can take your things back to your quarters, Obi-Wan. I
need to report to the Council," he said, the same bland, even
tone he had used for the past days.
I'm your Padawan, my mind screamed, why won't you call me that!
All that past my lips was a soft, "Yes, Master."
"Obi-Wan." He hesitated, setting down his satchel and turning
to look at me fully. I saw him struggle briefly with something,
the wall that had formed between us wavered, but his next words
slammed it back in place instantly.
"Obi-Wan, I think it would be best if we were separated for a
time. It would help us to deal better with..." he faltered
slightly, "things."
No. No, no, oh please, no, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't
mean for this to happen, no, no, nononono...
"Whatever you think is best, Master." I was faintly surprised
that he heard me, my voice had all but died away and I couldn't
hear it over the rush of blood in my ears.
His eyes rested on me for a moment longer before they flicked
away. He looked down as he cleared his throat.
"Yes, well, you needn't worry about your training," he added
hurriedly, "it will do you some good to train with some of the
other masters for a time."
My training, of course, I thought dully, mustn't forget my
training. For the first time in my life, I could have cared
less if I ever trained again. The galaxy was crumbling down
around me and all I could do was stand here and stare at the
man who was causing it, trying to memorize ever line of his
face before it was gone.
He hesitated again, raising his eyes to mine and I saw a
glimpse of my master behind the stranger he had become.
"It will be all right, Obi-Wan," he said softly, one hand
reaching up as if to touch me. It dropped back suddenly, as if
he had caught himself and he straightened visibly, picking up
his satchel.
"Well then, I need to speak with the Council." He bowed
slightly and I returned it out of reflex more than anything.
And then without another word he walked out the door and he was
gone.
Everything that I was holding fell from my hands as darkness
wavered before my eyes. I stumbled backwards until I hit the
wall, sliding down it to the floor. I pulled my knees up,
curled into myself as tightly as I could.
I couldn't breath, I was suffocating and I struggled to pull
air into my lungs. I couldn't hold all this in, hadn't believed
that this kind of pain could even exist.
And it was my fault, all of it, all because of a miserable,
foolish little joke. Gods, how could I have been so stupid, why
hadn't I thought of consequences? With one thoughtless action
I'd lost the most important person in my life.
And I had nothing to blame but my own idiocy. I press my fist
against my mouth, bit it until I tasted the bitterness of
blood. I had to or I else I was going to start screaming and I
wasn't sure I would be able to stop. That faint sense of
emptiness was turning into a gaping void that threatened to
consume me.
No.
I lifted my head, pulling my hand away. No, I was not going to
let this happen, I was not going to simply cower here on the
cold floor and let my life be ripped apart. I would find away
to make amends for this. I would.
By strength of will alone I got to my feet, grimacing at the
ribbon of blood trailing down my hand. There had to be a way
for me to fix this and I was going to find it.
No matter what the cost.
A week later I wasn't as sure to my ability to make amends. How
was I to make things right if I couldn't even find Qui-Gon to
talk to him? Apparently, all the masters without a padawan had
decided it was their duty to see to my training and I had gone
through so many exercises that I was still doing them in my
dreams.
Today, I'd managed to sneak out of my quarters before another
master with good intentions could capture me for the day.
I had to speak to Qui-Gon. He was still on Coruscant, I could
tell that much through our bond but he was so shielded against
me, I could feel little else. And investigating where he might
have gone on my own had been useless.
I wasn't giving up yet. There was at least one person that I
knew could tell me where my master was. I only hoped that he
would speak to me, especially if he was aware of what had
happened.
His face was startled when he opened the door to find me
standing at the threshold, but not upset, thank the Force,
considering the hour of morning. He ushered me inside and sat
me down with a cup of tea before I'd had a chance to do more
than bow in greeting.
"Well, then, Padawan Kenobi, what is it that I can do for you?"
he asked, settling in the chair opposite of me with his own
cup. I considered my words carefully. I knew that Master Windu
was an old friend of Qui-Gon's and would surely know where he
was hiding away. But he was also a Council member and I wasn't
sure exactly what my master had told them. Much as I wanted to
find Qui-Gon, I didn't to get him into any trouble.
Almost as if he was reading my thoughts, and there was a decent
chance that he was, he sat his cup down and laid a gentle hand
on my shoulder.
"It's all right, Obi-Wan, you can talk with me about anything,"
he said kindly, "If it eases you, nothing that we speak of will
leave this room."
That certainly answered the question of what he knew. I sat
there a moment longer, tea forgotten as I looked for the best
way the phrase my words.
"I need to speak with my Master," I finally blurted out. Well,
those words would do. "I was hoping that perhaps you could tell
me where he is, I've been looking for him..." My voice trailed
off at the look on his face. He looked startled, no, more than
that he looked shocked.
"Do you mean that no one has told you?" I felt a ripple of
uneasiness go through me at his tone.
"Told me what?" I asked warily. I really had a bad feeling
about this.
His expression changed to one of utter sympathy, immeasurable
sadness; the compassion on his face turned my unease into
nausea. No, this could not be good.
"Obi-Wan," he reached over and took one of my suddenly cold
hands into his before very gently saying, "I'm sorry to have to
be the one to tell you. He went into the Tower Gardens
yesterday."
Unthinkingly, I shook my head, hardly realizing I was doing it.
My composure was a thin veneer over panic that was welling up
from deep inside, gibbering and screaming just below the
surface.
"No," I whispered. It was almost as if I was in a trance.
Master Windu's face blurred before my eyes and I felt strangely
detached, like I was only a watcher in this.
I watched with distant bemusement as Master Windu touched my
face lightly. I felt it as if through a layer of cushioning.
"...I thought he would talk to you...would have told you
myself...this isn't..." I could hear fragments of words making
their way through the distance around me. I could not accept
this. It was impossible.
The Tower Gardens. A place set aside for those who were full
Knights or Masters. A place of calm and serenity. And also a
place for those Jedi who had touched Darkness. Not a place for
my master, not for Qui-Gon.
I'd heard nothing more about them than rumors, stories that
children whispered about. The gardens provided complete
solitude for those who were troubled to meditate and think. And
to decide. Many of those who entered the gardens did not
return, preferring to return their life energy to the Force
rather than turn to darkness. It was a place of last resort.
I was on my feet and walking out of the room before I'd thought
about it, ignoring Master Windu's concerned questions as I
left. All of my manners were burned away in a rush of
determination. This, I was not going to allow, this was -not-
going to happen and there was only one person who could help me
now.
"I just need to speak with him," I said patiently, for the
hundredth time. Master Yoda was pacing in front of me, his
walking stick making a fairly annoying clicking sound and I
fought the urge to fidget.
I had told him everything, sparing only the most intimate
details. Master Yoda was silent throughout my entire
confession, unreadable. I'm not sure what exactly my master had
told him, if anything. I desperately hoped that I wasn't making
matters worse with this, but there was no lying to Master Yoda.
He would feel it instantly, and if I wanted his help then I had
to offer him the complete truth. As the Senior Council member,
he could allow me to go into the gardens and speak to Qui-Gon.
He was also my last chance.
He stopped pacing, turned to face me and my heart leapt into my
throat, my nerves twanging as I waited for his answer. He
studied me, searching for he only knew what, before finally
speaking.
"What is it you think to say, to change his mind?"
"I..." I fell silent, my mind totally blank. I hadn't even
thought about what I was going to say to him. What could I say?
For that matter, did I even have the right?
Yoda tapped his cane on the floor, snapping my attention back
to him. "Insistent you are to see him, Padawan. There is
something you need to tell him, yes?"
I hesitated again, stammering, "I...I just want to talk to
him...I have to...I..." My voice deserted me and all I could do
was look at Master Yoda with a growing sense of despair.
I had no idea what to say to him. All I knew was that I felt an
aching emptiness inside me, a void, where something, someone,
should be. Someone...
Oh.
Oh. Oh, how could I have been so blind! Why had it taken
something like this to open my eyes? How long had I been hiding
from this? I hadn't noticed how beautiful he was, how much I
needed him, how he filled a place inside me. And I certainly
hadn't noticed how I...
I looked back at Master Yoda. He was watching me expectantly,
actually smiling faintly and I abruptly realized how neatly he
had trapped me. It might have been amusing under different
circumstances. Now all I felt was an overwhelming sense of
gratitude.
"I have to tell him that I love him," I said softly, finally
saying aloud words that I hadn't even allowed myself to think.
Master Yoda nodded, once. "Enter the gardens, you may."
I followed Master Yoda through the Temple halls, trying to
quell my rising impatience as I matched my pace to his. If I
could have, I would have run ahead and left him to his own
devices, but not only did I not know where the gardens were, I
didn't even know where we were now.
Already Master Yoda had had to stop at several doors and key in
his entry code so that we could pass. I had known that the
Temple was large but I hadn't realized how large until just
this moment, when we walked for what seemed like hours down
corridors that I didn't recognize.
Finally, after an eternity, we stopped at yet another door. It
was unremarkable, to say the least, as plain as the door of my
quarters. But I knew without a doubt that my master was beyond
it. I could feel it in a part of my soul that I had only just
begun to recognize. Master Yoda said not a word. He simply
keyed open the door and then turned to leave. I waited,
watching him hobble away until he was out of sight, before I,
with great trepidation, pushed open the door.
Every expectation that I had ever had of the Tower gardens was
swept away when I took my first step inside. Just the thought
of these gardens was so ominous to me that I imagined some
great, dark place where the souls of the damned came to wail
their atonement. Perhaps a few bones of sentient life-forms
thrown around for good measure.
Nothing could have been further from the truth. It was large,
that was certain, but there was no darkness here. Sunlight
streamed in from the ceiling, which was one clear sheet of,
perhaps glass? I could hear running water from somewhere but it
was the garden itself that caught most of my attention.
Never, in all the planets we had visited, had I seen such sheer
beauty as I did in this garden. Not just from the plants,
although their variety certainly added to it. It was a sense of
purity that arose here, so rich in life and light that it was
difficult to believe that darkness could even exist. Never had
I felt so close to the living Force as I did just then,
standing just inside the door of a place I had thought to be
made up of ugliness.
Stupid of me and really this stupidity was getting to be
something of a habit. What better place for those touched by
darkness than a place that could make you forget that it
existed?
I shook off the giddiness that clung to me from standing here
in this much lifeforce, remembering why I was here. It didn't
take so much as a tendril of Force to find him. He was the only
thing in this garden that was not completely embraced in light.
I walked toward him, carefully, one step at a time, making my
way through the plants, following that beacon of misery. I
didn't bother to disguise my presence. He would have known the
moment I stepped inside the door.
"Why are you here?"
Felt my presence indeed. I followed his voice as much as I
followed my sense of him. "I need to speak with you."
"Obi-Wan, we are supposed to be separated for a time."
This is your idea of being separated for a time?! "I
don't want to be separated from you," I said. Another step.
"Master, I..."
"Don't call me that!"
My heart rose into my throat at his words. I knew that there
was a very real possibility that my love for him would not be
returned. That this had all just been a lead up to him finally
rejecting me as his Padawan. But even as much as the thought
hurt, ripped new wounds into my already aching spirit, I knew I
had to tell him how I felt. I had not come this far to just
simply slink away in defeat. I'd been trained far too well for
that. A deep breath and another step closer then, "Why not?"
"I'm not worthy of the title." That stopped me right quickly.
Of all the things he could have said, this was not something I
had anticipated. My voice was almost indignant as I answered
him. "Master, that isn't true."
A laugh then, and I cringed to hear the bitterness in it, a
sound I would never have believed could come from my master.
"Truth! What do you know of truth?" Again, that laugh. The
sound of it made my skin crawl. "Do you really want to hear
truth? Let me tell you truth."
His voice changed, sounding as if it were wrapped in silk. "Did
you really think that I could not have found another way to
stop that bonding ceremony? Do you? I didn't even try! The very
second the king suggested it, I nearly leapt at the
opportunity! I..."
His bitter laughter seemed to melt away, turning instead to
something like a sob and my whole being ached to hear it. "I
told myself it was for the good of the mission, that we had to
go through with this bonding and then when I read what the
ceremony entailed...I should have stopped it! I should
have...but I just...I wanted..."
Silence, broken by a soft choking sound. Then, so faintly that
I had to strain to hear it, "By the Force, how could I have
done that to you? How could I have used you like that?"
Another step and I saw him then, sitting on the ground in a
small clearing, his knees drawn up and his forehead resting on
them. He looked so small; nothing of the strong disciplined
Jedi showed in him at this moment. He looked like a man, only a
man, who had been broken down by the weight of the universe on
his shoulders. And looking at him, so hurt and lost, I felt
such love within. If I had had any doubts about my feelings
they were erased in the wash of emotion inside me, that it was
this -man- that I loved, with every particle of my being.
"Qui-Gon," I murmured, saw his entire body tense, although he
didn't look at me. "Qui-Gon, I said, louder, sharply and I went
to him, touched his shoulder. He flinched away from me. I
dropped to a crouch next to him, speaking urgently, "Qui-Gon,
did -you- really think that if I hadn't been at least
subconsciously agreeable to the bonding that I would have gone
through with it? Without looking for loopholes of my own?" Even
as I said the words, I knew that they were true.
That got his attention and he raised his head to look at me
then and I ached to see the weariness in his eyes, the shadows
beneath them. I smiled gently, warmly, cupped his cheeks in my
palms and relished the coarse feel of his beard against my
palms. And before he could pull back I leaned forward and
brushed my lips against his in a quick caress.
"My love, I follow you, but not blindly. Have you ever known me
to obey you in something I don't believe in without questioning
you? Have you?"
He shuddered again, closing his eyes. "Don't call me that.
Please," he begged.
"Why not? You have been everything to me, my teacher, my
friend, my lover. And I love you." I pressed soft kisses over
his face, tasted the salt of tears.
He flung himself away from me then, skittering backwards,
crushing plants beneath him until he was pressed against the
base of a large tree. He stared at me with wild eyes, breathing
heavily, his hands out in front of him as if to ward me off.
"Don't -say- that!"
I stood and walked towards him, pushing aside his hands to
kneel before him. I took his face in my hands again, lightly
stroked his temples with my thumbs. "Why not? Is my love for
you so wrong then?" I asked softly.
"No," he whispered hoarsely, "No, not wrong. But I can't..." I
silenced him with my lips, could feel his control slipping,
feel the battle within as he struggled not to respond.
Gently, gently, so as not to startle him away again, I let just
the tip of my tongue tease his lips. I felt him shudder, his
hands moving to my shoulders to push me away. He shook his
head, holding me away from him.
"Obi-Wan, this is wrong. I can't..."
I felt tears of my own burning in my eyes and I blinked hard,
trying to hold them back, but they came anyway, leaving hot
trails down my face. "I'm your Padawan, why won't you call me
that anymore?"
His eyes darkened to that impossible shade of blue that I
remembered far too well and that memory sent fresh agony to
throb through my heart. I closed my eyes to block it out, but I
saw them anyway, looking at me through my memories. I felt
gentle fingers touch my cheeks, trying to brush the tears away
but more simply fell down from beneath my closed lids.
Fresh tears pricked my eyes at the sound of that long-cherished
word leaving his lips. I struggled for air, trying to speak.
"You promised me that you would never hurt me. So why do I feel
as if you are killing me now?"
I heard him draw in a sharp breath and I managed to open my
eyes, to look at him through the crystal shadowing of tears.
His hand trembled against my cheek before curling into a fist,
still pressed against my temple until with an anguished sound
he suddenly pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me as he
clung to me, pressing desperate kisses to my cheeks, kissing
away the tears and the pain.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant to..." he pressed his
lips to mine, cutting off his own words. Kissed me frantically,
his tongue invading my mouth and I let him in, eagerly. My
entire body went hot with a wave of desire so strong that I
shook as I jerked open Qui-Gon's tunic, exposing his chest to
my anxious fingers. He gasped against my mouth, pulling back a
bit without releasing me.
"Obi-Wan, not here," whispered against my lips, even as his
mouth trailed down my neck.
"Yes, here!" I insisted. I needed this, needed it to be here,
to let the lightness of this garden to wash away the loss, the
aching emptiness that had plagued me since he'd left. I paused
at that thought, pulled back to look at him uncertainly. "If
you don't want..."
His lips silenced me, his hands as frantic as mine as he
stripped me of my belt and sash before practically ripping off
my tunic. I heard the seams of his tunic strain as I tugged it
off, ignored the sound. He pushed me back on the haphazard pile
of our clothing, his mouth devouring mine. I wrapped my legs
around the backs of his, holding him as close as possible as I
arched upward, rubbing my erection against the hardness that I
could feel through the thin barrier of his trousers.
He was gasping, making soft sounds of pleasure against my lips
and suddenly it wasn't enough, I needed more than this, I
needed everything.
I pushed him back and off of me, ignored his cry of protest. I
was already turning, kneeling in front of him as I fumbled with
the fastenings of my trousers, yanking them down. I heard him
go completely still behind me as he realized the implications
of what I was doing.
Warm hands lightly touched my naked hips. "Obi-Wan, we can't do
this, not here."
Oh yes we could. "Master, I want this, please!" I felt hesitant
kisses along my spine and I groaned, arching backwards, Force
knew I wanted this, I needed it. I wanted him to possess me. I
wanted him to touch me as deeply as I had touched him.
I flashed a look at him from over my shoulder. He was kneeling
behind me, his hands still resting on my hips. "I want you to
do this." He shook his head, but I could feel his hands
shaking, his control slipping. "I need to feel you inside me,
Qui-Gon, please!"
A muttered curse and I felt his mouth on my back again, sliding
lower, to the cleft of my ass. What the...oh! Oh, oh, gods, oh
Force, he was kissing me -there- and gods the feeling of it!
His tongue slid wetly against my anus, circling it before
sliding lower, lapping gently at my balls before moving back
up. I'd never imagined this, this feeling, the scrape of his
beard against my ass as he wet the entrance of my body
generously.
One of his hands slid down from my hip to my cock, I arched
against it but all he did was stroke his fingers against the
tip, slicking them with the fluid that was leaking there before
pulling back. I felt the pressure against my anus as he pushed
one finger inside me, stretching me, opening me and I pressed
against it, willing my body to relax, to accept. That single
digit worked its way in and out of my body and it wasn't
enough! I whimpered my frustration as one finger became two. I
wanted more than his fingers, couldn't understand why he wasn't
inside me already.
Finally, finally, I felt the press of something much larger
stretching me open, the wet tip of his cock pushing against me.
Hard, harder until I felt my muscles give and allow a tiny bit
of access. My breath hissed out of me from the pain of his
entry. It burned, the stretching of a virgin passage, but I
also understood, then, why Qui-Gon hadn't let me stop during
our bonding. It hurt, but I wanted it anyway, wanted that
strange mixture of pain and ecstasy as he pressed deeper. His
hands gripped my hips hard, holding me still even as I had been
unaware that I was moving, my hips arching against him, trying
to force him deeper.
Stilted thrusts inside me, as he edged his way deeper, deeper
still, until I could feel the heat of his stomach on my
backside. I heard him groan, a deep sound of utter pleasure,
and he leaned forward to press his forehead against my back.
Motionless, we knelt there, surrounded by the light of the
garden and as he pulled away and gently thrust back inside me I
felt something else as well, the light of -him- of Qui-Gon, of
my master, as he loved me. Loved. Words that he hadn't spoken
seemed to be totally unnecessary now as he moved inside me and
opened himself to me, his mental shields falling away like
rustling leaves, inviting me inside.
And I went, engulfed myself in the his presence, which I had
been denied this past week. It was like the bonding ceremony
and nothing like it. I didn't just sense his pleasure, I felt
it. Felt how excruciatingly tight my body was, bordering on
painful as he thrust inside, felt our hands dig into my hips.
Knew he was feeling the vague burn of pain inside me as he
pushed harder and deeper still and he knew that the pleasure I
felt made the pain seem a galaxy away.
Harder now, almost slamming inside me, his grip on my hips
pulling me back against him as our control was dragged away in
the sweet roil of pleasure that was boiling up inside us. I
managed to drag one of my hands down to my erection, rubbing in
time to the thrust inside me. He stopped suddenly, hesitating,
pulled back and thrust in -hard- and I felt his entire body
shaking as he came, his moans of pleasure almost yells and the
flood of his orgasm swept over my senses, forcing my own climax
and I dimly heard someone screaming. I only just had the time
to realize it was me before it surged again and we were both
screaming, ripples of pleasure echoing back and forth between
us.
My knees gave out and we both sprawled in the soft grass that
made up the floor of the garden. Qui-Gon made as if to move and
I made a soft sound of protest, wanting his weight against me
for just a bit longer. He complied, sagging back downward and
we both lay there, panting harshly until my body demanded that
we move. He shifted off of me and I turned over, wincing at the
discomfort of muscles unaccustomed to such exercise.
My master had flopped on his back, an arm slung over his eyes
as his breathing evened out. A bubble of laughter escaped me at
the sight of us, both of us with our boots still on and our
trousers bunched around our knees. Qui-Gon peeked at me from
under his arm, one eyebrow arched as if he was vaguely curious
about the state of my sanity and I lost it completely.
I collapsed on my back, howling with laughter as the stress of
the last week finally melted away. I watched, still giggling
helplessly as Qui-Gon shifted to his knees, tugged up his pants
before crawling over to me and silencing my laughter with warm
kisses and silent promises of love.
The meditation gardens were not as beautiful as the Tower
gardens, although they certainly exuded their own brand of
lightness. And it seemed more so today, especially to me, with
a few dozen Jedi, from padawans to masters, watching us with
indulgent smiles.
Nervous didn't even begin to describe how I felt. I was
practically shaking by the time it began. But the moment he
took my hands in his the uneasiness melted away and I smiled up
at him.
I hardly heard what Master Mace said to us. All my attention
was focused on the man before me, dressed neatly in the
traditional white tunic and trousers, as was I. His hair was
loose and hanging around his face. Just how I'd asked him to
wear it, a touch of reminiscence. And his eyes, those eyes of
the most impossible shade of blue were looking at nothing but
me.
"You are now a Bonded couple. You may embrace." It took a
moment for Master Windu's words to register to me, long enough
for my master to press a fairly chaste kiss against my lips.
That light pressure helped me to recover my senses, enough that
I managed to grab him and give him a real kiss. His lips parted
as he surrendered to me and I vaguely felt the amusement of
those around us. The rest of my senses were totally taken up
with him. Qui-Gon.
He pulled back slightly, rested his cheek against mine. I felt
his breath, warm and moist, against my ear.
"I do love you, Obi-Wan Kenobi." Whispered, very softly and
then he kissed me again, ignoring the swelling amusement of our
guests.
And I love you. I let my tongue lightly touch his before
he pulled back and we turned, a newly Bonded couple, to face
our friends, our family. Qui-Gon was half a pace behind me, his
hand resting lightly on my back.
"And just so you know, I actually thought it was a pretty good
joke." Murmured very softly and I whirled, gave him a
suspicious look. His expression was utterly innocent as he
smiled out at our guests, not looking at me.
I sighed inwardly. My sense of humor had gotten us into enough
trouble without adding in his, even though I certainly couldn't
complain about the outcome. Still, I thought, as I kissed my
newly bonded mate again, just because I could. We did have the
rest of our lives to deal with it. I was quite sure that we
could find some more trouble to get into, somewhere. But not
too soon.
-finis-
That's it. As they say, for good or for bad, it's over. And I
must say I had a lot of fun with this one, I hope everyone else
enjoyed it too! Comments, naked Jedi wrapped in cellophane to
keelywolfe@aol.com
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