Reproductive Instinct

by Lady Alyssa (ladyalyssarandomflatmate@hotmail.com)

Archive: Master_Apprentice if you'll have it and my own website (http://bagenders.stormpages.com)

Category: Qui/Obi, Humor

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: None

Spoilers: None

Summary: Obi-Wan decides thinks that he and Qui-Gon should start a family and Qui-Gon has to try and persuade him otherwise. This is not, I repeat not, a male pregnancy story. Inspired by and dedicated to all the children I've met in the brief interludes when I've worked in childcare with no hard feelings, not that any of them are old enough to read this kind of thing anyway.

Feedback: Yes please, but preferably off-list because I don't know when I'll be able to check the list over the next few weeks.

"Master..."

"Mmnnm?"

"I was wondering, have you ever thought much about our future together?"

Qui-Gon reluctantly removed his face from Obi-Wan's neck. "We've talked about this before, when you get knighted we can be bonded, but not before and there's no rush if you aren't sure about it. You haven't changed your mind have you?"

"No, of course I haven't." Qui-Gon took this as a signal to continue from where he had left off. "No, Master, we just need to talk."

"About what? If you hadn't noticed I'm rather busy here Padawan."

"We need to talk about children."

"You want kids?"

"Well...yes."

Qui-Gon had always thought that preferring men to women would mean that he's never have to have this discussion. There were very good reasons why Jedi didn't take responsibility for a Padawan until they were practically in their teens and even then it was difficult enough, he really didn't like the idea of having to look after a child who hadn't had years of training in meditation and control of its emotions, or for that matter, its body.

"You have noticed that we're both male, haven't you?"

"There are other ways ? we could adopt."

"But it's such a commitment. What about when we're out on a mission, can you really see yourself fighting a lightsaber battle with a baby carrier strapped to your back? Or do we just leave it here in the temple for other people to look after all the time and only see it a few times a year?"

"We don't have to spend the rest of our lives on missions. You're not exactly getting any younger and you might not be able to in another ten years or so -"

"Thanks a lot."

"But missions aren't what being a Jedi is all about, or at least they don't have to be. We could stay here in the temple, I could teach and if you mellowed a bit in your old age," Qui-Gon made a face, "you could even have a seat on the Council in a few years time."

Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows at his Master as if willing him to argue with his perfectly thought out logic. Qui-Gon just stared back, thinking. It wasn't that he didn't want children ? no, wait, it was that he didn't want children, but when Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows like that it mean that he had made up his mind and it was going to take nothing short of some strong Force suggestion to change it. Qui-Gon lifted his hand to wave it in front of Obi-Wan's face, but Obi-Wan grabbed his wrist before he could open his mouth to say anything and gave him a warning look. This was going to take more than Force suggestion. Damn.

"Obi-Wan, did you ever spend much time in the Initiates' Creche?"

"No, Master, we're hardly ever on Coruscant and when we are here I'm too busy catching up with my studies."

"Then maybe that is something we're going to have to change. I'll speak to the Creche Masters tomorrow and you can spend a few days helping them. Then we can talk seriously about having children."

"You're going to arrange for me to spend some time looking after the most difficult children there to put me off the idea, aren't you?"

"Of course not, I'm just? filling in a gap in your training. I can't believe that I overlooked it before."

Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows again, but Qui-Gon ignored it.

"Alright then, but this isn't going to put me off, it's just going to give me some experience for when we've got children of our own."

"Of course it will. Now, will let you let me finish seducing you or do you want to talk about anything else? The state of Galactic politics, the moral questions arising from using the Force to manipulate others, perhaps?"

"No Master, I think I'm ready to be seduced again."

"Good, now where were we?"

"Good morning, Master."

"Good morning, Padawan. You do remember that you're going to the crèche today, don't you?"

"Yes, Master. Why do you ask?"

"Because you're wearing your beige robes. Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"But I always wear my beige robes."

"Are you sure that they are the most suitable attire for someone who is going to spend most of the day with a group of small children?"

"Why wouldn't they be?"

"Oh, never mind. I'm sure this will be a most instructive week for you."

"I think so too, Master."

Qui-Gon took a moment or two just to commit the smug expression on Obi-Wan's face to memory for future reference before telling his apprentice that such emotions were unbecoming for a Jedi.

"I'm sure you and the children will get along fine, Obi-Wan, they love it when new people come to visit." The crèche Master smiled reassuringly as they entered a classroom of three-year-olds, only slightly raising her voice to be heard over the dull roar of background noise. She clapped her hands together for silence and almost immediately 20 small faces of varying species looked up at her. "Children, we have a visitor. This is Obi-Wan and he's going to be helping us here this week."

The children stared at Obi-Wan mutely as he tried to smile at them in what he thought was a non-threatening way. The children didn?t seem to be too worried by his presence, so he thought he must be getting off to a good start.

"Shoes!" Screamed one of the children pointing to Obi-Wan's feet. Obi-Wan looked down at his feet in confusion. It had been a long time since he had been an Initiate, but he was fairly sure that he had worn shoes back then, and he couldn't remember there being anything new written into the Jedi Code recently about shoes being forbidden. Qui-Gon would have told him, wouldn't he?"

"Yes dear, he shouldn't be wearing his shoes in here, should he?" The children all shook their heads.

"He's naughty, isn't he?"

"No, I forgot to tell him so it isn't his fault because he didn't know." The Creche Master turned to Obi-Wan. "I'm sorry, I'm sure you understand that you can't break the rules in front of the children, but there's a box of spare slippers in the corner ? most of the Padawans who come in to help us forget to bring their indoor shoes at one time or another."

Not wanting to set a bad example to the children on his first day, Obi-Wan apologised and started rummaging through the box to find a suitable pair of slippers to borrow. In the end he had to settle for a pair approximately two sizes too big because they were the only ones which weren't either far too small or designed for someone with either claws or about twice as many toes. They flapped when he walked, but since this seemed to amuse the children, Obi-Wan decided that this would probably make up for his earlier faux pas, but made a mental note to bring his own tomorrow.

"Now, everyone's got something to do this morning, haven't they?"

The children all nodded or made some kind of noise to indicate the affirmative.

"Good, then why don't we all go back to what they're doing and me and Obi-Wan will come round and help you if you need it."

The children turned back to what they'd been doing for about 20 seconds before they started putting their hands up.

"Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan?" He looked down to see a small (probably) female Initiate attempting to pull on the hem of his tunic while keeping one hand up in the approved fashion.

"What do you need help with?"

"Can you write my name on my picture for me?"

"Of course I can." Obi-Wan knelt down to the level of the miniature tables he had been dragged towards. "What's your name?"

"X'zinjodaof'nyjre."

"Do you know how to spell it?"

The girl giggled. "If I knew how to spell it I wouldn't need someone else to write it for me, silly."

Obi-Wan decided just to try his best, the Creche Masters might be able to figure it out, or the child would recognise her own drawing later. He picked up a crayon and was attempting to recreate the sounds he'd heard on paper when his head was pulled violently to one side.

"What's this?" Asked the child on the other side of the table who had grabbed his braid and was trying to pull one of the strands loose. He could understand why most of the Creche Masters were short haired and clean-shaven.

"It's my braid."

"What's it do?"

Obi-Wan looked at the child blankly, not sure how to respond to the question. "Um, it doesn't really do anything."

"Then why d'you have it."

"It shows people that I'm a Padawan."

The child looked at Obi-Wan with a much more condescending expression than he thought could possibly be normal for a three-year-old. "Then it does do something."

"I suppose it does."

"Then why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because? I don't know."

"Because he's silly." The children all giggled.

"I'm not."

"Yes you are!"

"Am not."

"Are so." The children all started giggling again.

"It looks like you're having fun over there, Obi-Wan, the children really seem to like you."

When Obi-Wan got home that evening Qui-Gon was waiting for him.

"Did you have a good day, Padawan?"

Obi-Wan grinned. "Yes Master, it was great. I can't wait for tomorrow, we're going on a trip to the Temple gardens to see how to look after plants in the morning and planting some seeds in the afternoon."

If Qui-Gon hadn't been a fully trained Jedi Master with years of experience of keeping his facial expression unreadable, to say that he looked shocked at that particular moment would have been something of an understatement. He had expected to see Obi-Wan back in their quarters hours ago, promising never to mention the idea of adopting a child ever again as long as he wasn't sent back to the crèche.

"Yes, it does sound like fun, doesn't it?" He paused. "Padawan, are those handprints on the back of your trousers?"

Obi-Wan tried to twist his head round enough to see the backs of his legs. "Oh, that. Yes, well, we were painting in the afternoon and one of the children decided they wanted a hug."

"And what's that other stain on the hem of your tunic?"

"Oh, I think someone must have blown their nose on it, or chewed it or something."

"I see. And you are not annoyed about this?"

"Not really, these are an old pair and it'll probably wash out anyway. Master, I think we should maybe have another talk about having children?"

"Really?" asked Qui-Gon hopefully?

"Really. Um, Master, I know I said before that maybe we should wait for a few years after I'm knighted, but you've said before that I should be ready for my trials in about a year or so and I don't want to wait much longer than that ? what do you think about being bonded as soon as I'm knighted and sending application forms to the adoption agency then?"

"Good morning Masters, children."

"Good morning Obi-Wan," chorused the children.

As a few of the children tried to wrap themselves around Obi-Wan's legs his eyes met those of one of the Creche Masters.

"They must really like you, Obi-Wan. They're usually pretty friendly, but I haven't seen them take to someone like this in quite a while, maybe they can sense something about you." Obi-Wan smiled at her and reached down to ruffle the hair on one of the small heads and gently guide it away from the more sensitive areas of his body before he was accidentally headbutted. "Could you maybe start getting some of them into their cloaks and outdoor shoes?"