Archive: By Master and Apprentice, all others please ask.
Category: Angst, Hurt-Comfort, Romance
Rating: PG-13 to a mild R
Warnings: None to speak of, unless you REALLY hate sad, soppy
stories
Spoilers: Uh yeah, major league, but we've all seen it, right?
Summary: It's said that one's life flashes before one's eyes
just before death. Who's life, and how, and what about a life
that hasn't had a chance to be lived?
Feedback: at thamill@mgfairfax.rr.com
Disclaimers: Praise George from whom all lawsuits come!
Notes: HiperBunny told me to stop goofing off and start
behaving like a writer. This is all her fault. Oh, and since I
don't read the "Jedi Apprentice" books, this is probably not
canon.
So sue me.
Sunlight dancing on a wave;
Reflections on a page
of life never known...
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..." Obi-Wan screamed as he watched the Sith
thing run his Master through the chest with that evil red
lightsaber. Then the laser wall cycled and his mind blanked and
he just fought, became a killing machine until the
creature lay in two pieces at the bottom of the melting pit.
Skidding to a stop on his knees beside his Master, he tenderly
lifted the head of gray streaked brown hair and cradled it on
his lap. "...too late," Qui-Gon gasped, "it's too late..."
"No!"
"Obi-Wan, promise...promise me you'll train the boy..."
"Yes Master..." Obi-Wan whispered as he wept.
"He is... he is the chosen one... he will bring balance..."
Qui-Gon's voice faded as his remaining lung strained to provide
his shredded body with air. "Train him..."
"Yes, yes, I promise," Obi-Wan whimpered, tears streaming down
his face, his whole body shaking with reaction and pain.
Tenderly, Qui-Gon lifted one hand to wipe at the tears
streaming down his Padawan's cheek. Their eyes locked as
Qui-Gon drew his final breath...
AGE 12
"I take Obi-Wan Kenobi as my Padawan Learner," Qui-Gon Jinn
declared, resting his hands comfortingly on the boy's
shoulders. "That is," and he looked down into amazed gray-green
eyes, "if he wants me to..."
"If I WANT you too..." the boy breathed, suddenly remembering
to ask his heart to beat again. "Oh, Master Jinn, yes, yes,
YES..." Turning he impulsively wrapped his arms around the big
man and squeezed, trying desperately to keep tears from coming.
After all, it wouldn't be seemly for a newly made Padawan to
disgrace his Master by crying like a cr'che baby.
After an initial "Oomph!" of surprise, comforting warm arms
hugged him back almost as tightly. Obi-Wan felt the gentle
chuckle right through all the tunics and pulled back just
enough to see his Master's - HIS MASTER! - face.
A sharp sound made him look down to where Master Yoda stood,
obviously just having whacked his former Padawan with his
gimmer stick. "About time this is. Waited almost too long you
did," the little green Master said a satisfied smirk plastered
on his face.
"Sorry, Master," Qui-Gon said without much contrition, rubbing
his knee. Deep blue eyes then smiled gently down into
Obi-Wan's, and one large hand came up to caress his cheek with
a proprietary gesture. "Can you forgive me for waiting so long,
my Obi-Wan?" he asked quietly.
Blinking back the tears that just insisted on coming, Obi-Wan
nodded mutely. He could forgive his Master anything. Anything
at all.
AGE 15
"I'm sorry, Master," Obi-Wan said quietly, kneeling before the
seated Qui-Gon.
The young man before him was the absolute picture of abject
misery; face downcast, hands clasped behind his back, shoulders
slumped. The black eye and bruised chin only added to the image
of despair. Qui-Gon placed his worry over his Padawan's
injuries and his faint amusement at his predicament behind
adamantine shields, only allowing his dismay and disappointment
to be felt through the training bond.
He sighed. "Obi-Wan, what are we going to do with you? Your
anger continues to get you into trouble. I must say I'm
becoming tired of healing you. Not to mention the reaction of
the Masters of the other Padawans."
Obi-Wan swallowed tightly. He was really in for it now, despite
the fact that it wasn't his fault. One gentle finger descended
to his chin and tipped up his head. "Not your fault, Padawan?"
Oh shit oh shit he thought to himself, and struggled to
repair his ragged shields. "Well, not exactly Master, I mean,
Bruck was teasing some of the younger initiates, and it really
got out of hand. I was trying to stop him but..."
"I see. Bruck started it then."
Obi-Wan squirmed. "Well, no, not exactly, but when I asked him
to stop teasing the kids, he..."
"Where was the cr'che Master, Obi-Wan?"
"Umm, not far, but I..."
"So you took it upon yourself to stop Bruck's teasing."
"Umm, yes, but..."
"And when he challenged you, you fought."
Obi-Wan sighed. He knew when he was beaten. "Yes, Master."
"Tell me how this could have been avoided, Obi-Wan."
"I should have called the cr'che Master."
"Yes, you should have. Your urge to protect the defenseless is
commendable. But Obi-Wan you must remember to pick your fights
wisely. When there is a better course of action open to you, do
not hesitate to take it."
It was a familiar litany, and the Padawan swallowed the lump in
his throat. What a screw-up he was! He didn't know how his
Master put up with him.
The gentle hand was back, this time easing the pain of the
bruises and the shiner. "I put up with you because I love you,
Obi-Wan," the larger man murmured, caressing the cheek he had
just partially healed. "I foresee you could be a great Knight
some day, that is, if we can get this temper in check. There."
He sat back, looking at his Padawan critically. "I think that's
enough. I would like you to keep some of the pain as a reminder
for a while. And I think the anger exercises would not be amiss
for the next two weeks."
His pleasure at hearing his Master's first words were rapidly
overshadowed by the latter pronouncement. "Oh, no, not... I
mean. Yes, Master." Resigned to his fate. Qui-Gon's mouth
quirked into a smile, quickly suppressed.
"Up now, Padawan. It's dinner hour and I find I'm famished.
We'll begin your new lessons in the morning."
AGE 19
"My Master is NOT serene," Obi-Wan argued vociferously with his
friends at their table.
"Oh, come on, Kenobi," one of the other Padawans scorned, "if
he got any more serene he'd be dead! I've never seen anyone so
calm."
"Seriously, Chou, he's not. You just see his outer shell,"
Obi-Wan continued earnestly. "I've seen him on missions... I
know what he goes through when something isn't going well, or
when he sees injustice." The Padawan's eyes got a faraway look.
"Sometimes I think it's all he can do to keep from lashing out.
That mission to Praetel..."
The group at the table groaned. That was NOT a good topic. The
mission in question, having taken place the year before, had
already become a major topic for philosophy and planetary
government study courses.
Obi-Wan laughed. "Okay, okay, I know, but you only know the
official accounts. When that pre-school was firebombed..." he
sobered and shuddered convulsively. "I've never seen anything
like it. He just shut down. I couldn't read anything besides
the stuff that leaked, and there was precious little leakage,
let me tell you."
His friend Bant leaned forward, forearms on the table. "Like
what, Obi?"
The Padawan considered her seriously for a moment before
speaking. His gray-green eyes were dark with remembered
anguish. "If it had been anyone else but Qui-Gon Jinn, I think
he would have turned. I think I would have, if he hadn't been
there to anchor me."
"That's ridiculous." Chou again. "You are the most well
grounded Padawan in the Temple, Kenobi."
He shook his head. "It was bad, Chou. Really bad. I tried to
massage his shoulders for him a couple of times, you know, to
relax him? His muscles were like granite. I know he hated every
minute of that mission. I did too." He sighed gustily. "And
that's just the half of it. Everyone knows how that mission
ended up." In failure, he thought miserably. He'd spent weeks
in meditation, expurgating the guilt and wretchedness that
failed mission had cost him. And at every step he took, his
Master was there, seeing to his comfort and aid before ever
seeking his own way out of the nightmare.
//Padawan?// came the thought across his training bond. Qui-Gon
must have been picking up on his distress over the memories of
that disastrous mission.
//Sorry, Master // he sent back.
//No sorry necessary, Obi-Wan. Are you all right?//
Obi-Wan smiled to himself, realizing how lucky he was to have
such a caring, compassionate, passionate Master. //I'm fine
Master. I'll be home soon.//
Obi-Wan looked around at his friends at the table. "No, my
master is most definitely not serene. And thank the Force for
that."
AGE 24
"I'm - I'm sorry about my behavior, Master. It's not my place
to disagree with you about the boy." Obi-Wan looked down,
avoiding his Master's look as the taller man turned to him.
"And I am grateful you think I'm ready to take the trials."
"You've been a good apprentice, Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon smiled,
relieving the younger man. "And you're a much wiser man than I
am." Qui-Gon clapped a hand on his apprentice's shoulder. "I
foresee you will become a great Jedi Knight."
Obi-Wan smiled. "That's not the first time you've said THAT,
Master."
"And it's true. Before you turn 25, perhaps by the end of this
month, you'll be a Knight, Obi-Wan. You are ready for the
trials, no matter what the Council says."
The slight frown on his Padawan's face gave Qui-Gon some pause.
"What is it, Obi-Wan?"
In reply, Obi-Wan closed his eyes. Qui-Gon could feel him
accessing the Force, querying it about something, centering
himself and pulling the fabric of reality close about him. Not
for the first time he marveled at his apprentice's command of
the invisible; no matter what he had said earlier, Obi-Wan did
have a good command of the living Force.
Seeming to come to a decision, Obi-Wan opened his eyes and
stared at his Master, who shivered slightly at the intensity
displayed in the gray-green eyes.
"Master, I would speak with you for a moment, alone." The voice
was low, forceful and very serious, and Qui-Gon instantly
agreed, stepping aside and drawing his Padawan more deeply into
the shade of the forest, away from the Naboo.
"What is it, Obi-Wan?" he repeated softly.
"What you have said, Master, about my becoming a Knight..."
suddenly his assurance seemed to abandon him and he looked
away. "I-I see that you may be right. In the Council chamber, I
was hurt over what you said - no, wait, please let me finish."
He held up a hand and Qui-Gon subsided, but resolved again to
apologize for his harsh words before the Council.
"I was hurt, at first. But, as in so many things, you are
probably right. And it isn't my place to question you." The
young man looked back at his mentor. "Master, would - could you
consider working with me after my Knighting? I find I have no
wish to leave your side."
Qui-Gon was speechless. Never in all his wildest fantasies had
he dreamed that Obi-Wan would come to him with such a request.
Especially after their recent scene...
Almost against his volition, his hand came up to stroke his
Padawan's cheek softly. It took him a moment to find his voice
- especially after Obi-Wan leaned into the caress and
half-closed his eyes in pleasure - and when he did find it, it
was raw. "Padawan, why would you want to stay with someone who
has hurt you the way I have? An old man who has only been a
thorn in your side."
One side of Obi-Wan's mouth quirked in a half smile. "You only
did what you felt you had to do, Qui-Gon." It was rare that
Obi-Wan used his Master's given name and it's use now humbled
the tall Master. "I've come to understand that over our years
together. And you are not old, nor have you ever been a thorn
in my side. The Council's, maybe, but never mine. And..." he
trailed off, apparently unwilling to continue.
His heart suddenly hammering in his chest, Qui-Gon pressed
gently, searching the younger man's face for something he hoped
would be there. "And what, Obi-Wan?" he whispered.
Swallowing visibly, Obi-Wan gathered up his courage and said,
so softly Qui-Gon had to lean in to hear him, "...and I love
you, Qui-Gon."
They stood frozen in tableau for uncounted minutes, in each
other's eyes seeking and finding the answers to unasked
questions. Obi-Wan found it difficult to breathe, as though
there were a tight band across his chest; there was a roaring
in his ears and his mouth was suddenly dry. Qui-Gon's hand
moved from his face to cup his head, brushing his Padawan's
braid behind his ear as he did so, a movement so careful and
delicate that it almost brought Obi-Wan to tears. "What a gift
you have given me, Padawan," he finally gasped out. "I can only
hope I am worthy of it."
"You are, Master, you are," was his whispered reply. The two
men almost imperceptibly swayed closer to each other, until
their lips nearly touched.
"When you have been Knighted," Qui-Gon murmured, broadcasting
nearly delirious joy and desire, "ask me this question again.
If you are sure, I will reply in kind." Their lips met
hesitantly, brushing fire across sensitized nerve endings; then
parted millimetrically before crashing together again in a hot,
frantic kiss that defied logic, serenity and decorum. Tongues
met and urgently fought, mouths devoured in their passion,
hands pulled bodies as close together as possible.
They broke away from one another almost violently, each
realizing the inappropriate place for their actions. Qui-Gon
pressed his forehead to Obi-Wan's, panting and gasping as much
as the younger man. The level of arousal in each of them fair
bid to stun them; it was all they could do to avoid falling to
the ground in ecstasy that moment.
Both large hands were cradling his head by now, and Obi-Wan's
arms had wrapped themselves around the larger man's waist,
pulling them tightly together. "I love you Qui-Gon," he moaned.
"Now and forever, I love you."
"My Obi, my Obi..." was all Qui-Gon could say.
AGE 28
Standing before the mirror, Obi-Wan tugged on the well oiled
fingerless gloves, then checked the fastening on his boots.
"What the Hell do you think you're doing?" came a harsh voice
from the doorway.
Without turning around, he answered, "you know exactly what I'm
doing. It has our Padawan and I'm going after him."
In two quick strides, Qui-Gon reached his life-mate's side and
with a bruising hand on his shoulder turned him. "No. I forbid
it."
Narrowed gray-green eyes flashed. "You... FORBID?" The shoulder
was wrenched away. "I am no longer your Padawan, Qui-Gon Jinn.
I am a Jedi Knight and perfectly capable of taking care of
myself."
"Against a SITH? A master? The Council has spoken on this,
Obi-Wan..."
"And since WHEN have you ever listened or done what the Council
wanted, Master Jinn?"
"In this, they are right."
"May I remind you," the voice was tight with controlled fury,
"that four years ago I sliced a Sith in half - by myself? I
believe I know what I am doing."
All color drained from Qui-Gon's face and he stumbled to their
bed to collapse on it, then buried his face in his hands. "Yes,
I remember," came his muffled voice. "And I wasn't there to
help you."
Regretting words spoken in anger, Obi-Wan slumped himself and
came to kneel at his life-mate's side. "I'm sorry, Qui. It
wasn't your fault. As I recall, you were somewhat occupied at
the time, trying not to die on me."
The hands came down finally to cup the younger man's face. "The
fact remains that I wasn't there to help you. I am now. If you
do this, you do this with me."
"No."
"Obi-Wan! It killed Mace Windu! There is no way I am going to
let you go alone. You go with me or you are not going."
His mate's face twisted up in agony. "I almost lost you last
time, Qui," he whispered. "I couldn't bear to lose you now.
Please..."
Qui-Gon chuckled, mirthlessly. "And so I should let you go and
risk your life? Where you go, I go, dear one, my only one." He
pulled Obi-Wan to him roughly, kissing him as passionately as
he could. "Together, Obi. Now and forever, together."
Obi-Wan buried his face in his mate's neck and sighed,
trembling. "Together."
AGE 35
Arms locked around each other, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan strolled
through the moonlit garden of the Theed Palace in Naboo. It was
late, but there were still revelers about, drunkenly
celebrating the marriage of their beloved monarch. The two
lovers talked of many things, but mostly of their pride at how
their Padawan had grown and developed.
"I'm just glad we got them married before they did something
rash," Qui-Gon said, pulling his mate to sit with him on a
convenient bench. Obi-Wan chuckled in reply.
"'Dala's too uptight and proper for that. Though I did have to
wonder sometimes..." Obi-Wan turned on the bench until his back
was pressed against his lover's side and his legs propped up
across the length of the bench.
"Comfy?" Qui-Gon asked, amused but not letting it stop him from
wrapping his arms around his mate.
"Um-hum, but it would be better if you were wearing less."
"In the formal garden? Obi-Wan. I raised you better than that."
The younger man shrugged, licking his lips slowly and not at
all contritely as he gazed up at the bigger man. "In bed then.
On those wonderful thick, soft sheets Amidala has provided us
in our guest quarters."
Smiling down at his lover, Qui-Gon said, "or maybe in that
swimming pool she calls a bathtub, with loads and loads of
bubbles and some of that wine..."
Obi-Wan was looking at him with ill-disguised lust by now. "How
about just up against the wall by the door because at this
point I'm not sure we'll make it to the bed or the bathtub..."
Qui-Gon bent his head and kissed him, hard and demanding.
Obi-Wan gave just as good as he got until both men were
breathless. "Gods I love you," Qui-Gon murmured as they broke
for air. "What would you like, my lovely, walking wet dream of
a life mate?"
The younger man laughed delightedly at the allusion. "I would
like you," he answered seductively, pulling his former Master
down to his lips again. "I want to be in you, then I want you
in me; pause for breakfast then repeat into infinity."
Over his hot mouth, Obi-Wan felt Qui-Gon smile. "Your wish is
my command. Now and forever."
Rising, Obi-Wan held out his hand to help his life-mate to his
feet. "Now and forever, Qui."
AGE 37
The fair haired, sunny boy on Qui-Gon's shoulder burped noisily
and promptly fell asleep. The Jedi chuckled and gently laid him
down next to his darker sister in their shared bassinet, noting
as he did that Leia was awake and staring at him with her
customary penetrating gaze. He gently tapped her nose and she
squirmed, smiling. "You, my beauty, will be a difficult one, I
foresee," he said to her, only half seriously.
From across the room, his life-mate looked up from his reading
and chuckled. "How can twins have such different dispositions?"
he asked. "Luke is all sunbeams and rainbows, Leia is a little
hurricane. I don't get it."
"They take after their parents. Leia has her gentler side, just
as 'Dala does," Qui-Gon answered, watching Luke snuggle up to
his sister who immediately fell asleep. That looked like a good
idea to him so he stood and walked over to the couch where his
lover sat and arranged himself comfortably with his head
pillowed in the younger man's lap.
Obi-Wan chuckled down at his life mate, brushing the steel gray
hair from his forehead. "I wonder how the speech is going."
Qui-Gon reached his hand up to stroke Obi-Wan's lightly bearded
cheek. "I'm sure it will be fine."
"I wish I understood Amidala's motivations in this."
The older man shrugged. "She wants to spend more time with her
children and her husband. Being on Coruscant will allow her to
do so. Especially once the twins enter the temple."
"There's more there, you know that love. What with Palpatine
still on the loose..."
"That was NOT your fault, Obi, and I don't want you dwelling on
it."
Glaring at his mate, Obi-Wan growled "I wish you'd stop saying
that."
Raising one eyebrow in his best, patented 'I'm the Jedi Master
and don't you forget it' look, Qui-Gon responded mildly, "I
will continue to say it as long as necessary, Obi-Wan. Until
you actually believe it." Qui-Gon raised his hand again and
traced the line of his lover's frown. "We will find him,
beloved. There's a reason Anakin is with us, and I believe this
is it. The Force will guide us, love, never doubt that."
Obi-Wan sighed, closed his eyes and released his confusion and
fears into the Force. When he opened his eyes again and looked
down, he saw Qui-Gon staring up at him with enough love in his
face to stop a star from spinning. "I love you," he said.
Mouth quirking into a smile, the Jedi Master answered, "I know.
Now if I could only get you to LISTEN to me once in a while..."
AGE 45
There were still parts of the city-planet that burned, and they
might continue to do so for weeks yet, Obi-Wan reflected. He
stood on the balcony of what had been a luxury hotel
overlooking the Temple district...a Temple that was reduced to
not much more than rubble. The newly formed Alliance and the
remains of the Jedi order had commandeered the hotel as a base
of operations, temporary homeless shelter and field hospital.
Several floors below him, the one true love of his life was
floating in bacta and he couldn't find it in his heart to go
see him.
/Once again, I almost lost you / he thought to himself,
replaying the climactic battle in his head over and over again
as he stared unseeing at the pillars of smoke rising on the
horizon. Anakin, Qui-Gon and he had met Palpatine and his
forces in a battle that was as ferocious as it was devastating;
as filled with joy and heartache as the barely remembered
battle for Naboo. And again, Qui-Gon was almost fatally hurt,
again due to his obstinate pride and sense of responsibility
for his two former Padawans, two grown men who were well able
to care for themselves AND a 68 year old Jedi too damn stubborn
for...
A bright point of Force was moving rapidly towards him, then
finally skidded to a stop hard against him. "Master Obi-Wan!"
Luke gasped. The boy obviously had been running as hard as his
legs could carry him, and Obi-Wan steadied him with his hand.
"Luke! Calm down, Padawan. What is it?"
"Its-it's Father, and Master Yoda, they want you to come
quickly. Master Qui-Gon is coming out of the bacta!" Alarmed,
Obi-Wan felt with the Force for any problems, encountering only
the boy's excitement at the news.
"Well, then, I guess we should be there immediately, right,
Padawan?" Taking Luke's hand in his, they moved away from the
balcony and descended to the lower level, where the hospital
was set up.
By the time Obi-Wan entered the room, Qui-Gon had been removed
and was resting on a hospital bed. Yoda, himself hurt in the
battle and looking even more shrunken than usual, was perched
beside him. Also hovering were Anakin and Amidala; Leia was
pressed into her mother's waist, hiding her face. Obi-Wan was
only peripherally aware of this since he had eyes for no one
but his life-mate.
/His face looks awful/ Obi-Wan thought to himself with a chill.
Qui-Gon's eyes were sunken and surrounded by dark circles and
his skin was ashy. More alarming to him was the fact that he
could not feel his lover anywhere in the Force, but that might
be as much him as anything. Since Palpatine and his horrific
attempts at mind-rape, he hadn't been much inclined to draw on
the living Force.
As he stood there, indecisive, Qui-Gon's eyes opened and
focused on him to the exclusion of all else in the room. His
focus narrowed and suddenly all the pain, the anguish, the
anger at Qui-Gon's attempts to shield him; Anakin's bravado at
attempting to face Palpatine alone; his own breakdown at the
slimy presence in his mind... all of it came rushing back.
Overwhelmed, his knees gave out and he tremblingly grabbed the
foot of the bed for support.
Yoda looked slowly between the two of them as they stared at
each other, then smiled and held his hands out to Luke. "Come,
Padawan," he said, "and rest of you too. Leave them alone now
we will. More than one healing is necessary here."
Luke helped his little green Master off the bed, then followed
him out the door. Anakin looked as though he wanted desperately
to say something to Obi-Wan, but at Amidala's subtle
head-shake, contented himself with a squeeze to his former
Master's shoulder. Before they left, Leia pulled herself away
from her mother and ran back to Qui-Gon, giving him a quick hug
and kiss before running out the door again.
Then they were alone. Although it made no difference; they had
been virtually alone since Qui-Gon had opened his eyes. Obi-Wan
was still shaking and wasn't sure he could trust his legs to
move, so he sat gingerly at the foot of the hospital bed.
There was no need of speech, either vocal or mind. Their eyes
told each other exactly what they were feeling. All the love,
anguish, heartache, pain, anger, worry and joy was expressed,
matched, acknowledged and accepted between eyes of deep blue
and light gray-green. Finally, Qui-Gon lifted one trembling
hand up from the bed to beckon to his mate. Obi-Wan carefully
scooted around the edge of the bed and took that hand without
reservation or hesitation; in its warmth and comfort finally
feeling the horror of the war receding.
Several hours later, when Anakin checked up on them, they were
asleep in each other's arms.
AGE 50
The party was incredibly noisy and raucous, and apparently only
one person had noted that the guest of honor was no longer
present. Slipping unobserved out of the common room, Obi-Wan
sought his life-mate's presence in the force and found it just
a little ways away, in a sheltered garden.
The hotel management had long since given up on ever getting
it's establishment back, and since the Alliance had moved to
other, more permanent quarters, the Jedi had pretty much taken
over. Indeed, some of the younger Padawans had nearly forgotten
there was ever another facility. The garden in which Qui-Gon
sat had been an atrium, but the plants had run riot (some at
the activity instigation of the Jedi) and now it was a little
haven for the living Force to hide in.
Obi-Wan sat with a sigh in a chair very near where Qui-Gon sat
meditating, enjoying the relative peace after the excessive
noise. There had been a time, he thought to himself with a jolt
of humor, when he would have been one of the main noisemakers
at any party. Now he found he had little tolerance. /Must be
getting old/ he thought to himself, chuckling.
Without opening his eyes, Qui-Gon said, "if you've come to drag
me back, you'll have to do so over my dead body."
Snorting with amusement, his life-mate answered, "well, then, I
guess that's out. How about I promise not to take you back if
you promise not to make me go back?"
That got him a humorous look from deep blue eyes. "What a pair
we are, beloved."
A dimpled grin met that. "Two old men doddering off into the
sunset. I don't see why you should have to go back to your own
retirement party. You've put in the requisite appearance.
Besides, I'd much rather sit here with you and enjoy the peace
and quiet."
A young shout and gales of giggles, receding into the distance,
almost interrupted his last words, and he winced. "Well,
RELATIVE peace and quiet. How long until the new Temple is
built?"
It was clearly a rhetorical question, since Obi-Wan was on the
building committee and knew, down to the probable hour, how
long it was to take. Qui-Gon just smiled, dropping back into
light meditation.
After a time, natural light faded and artificial light took
over. The party was apparently breaking up into smaller groups
heading out towards dinner, and Obi-Wan was beginning to
consider that himself when Qui-Gon spoke.
"Anakin told me he was heading out tomorrow for Mimseh Prime
with a battalion," he said quietly. Obi-Wan shrugged and made a
non-committal noise. "Apparently there's a last hold out there
from old Palpy's forces that needs seeing to. He also told me,"
and here deep blue eyes focused hard on light gray-green ones,
"that the Senate asked you to go and you declined."
Obi-Wan met his life-mate's gaze clearly, without any shade of
guilt or guile. "Yes, that's true. They asked General Kenobi to
go and General Kenobi told them to shove it."
Ignoring the joke, Qui-Gon continued. "Why, Obi-Wan?"
Sighing, Obi-Wan shook his head and smiled. "Qui, do you
remember when I was just a Padawan, and you would tell me how
old you were, and how much you hated certain things because you
were so old?"
Qui-Gon didn't answer, but his eyes narrowed and he finally
nodded, reluctantly. "Well, I'm about the same age as you were
then. And I find that age and rank does have its privileges,
and I further found that I didn't want to go."
He leaned forward and took Qui-Gon's hands, forestalling a
protest from the older man. "The galaxy has moved on, Qui. We
need to let it go and let the younger ones take over."
Shrewd eyes were still focused on him. "Are you sure that's the
reason, beloved? Because if the real reason is that you want to
remain here with me..."
"Of course that was part of it, Qui. You are my love, and you
need me. More than that, I find I need you more as I get older.
But the other reason is just as valid...we need to let them
walk on their own. Fall on their own, if need be."
Under that gaze, Qui-Gon found he could not hold his incipient
anger. Shaking his head in wonder, he said, "how is it I
trained such a wise man?"
Kissing the hands he still held in his, Obi-Wan replied softly.
"Everything I am is because I had such a wise Master. And don't
you forget it." He leaned forward and kissed Qui-Gon tenderly,
their beards gently rubbing against each other.
"And by the way," Obi-Wan finally continued, "you may have
forgotten what else this day represents, but I haven't." He
pulled a small, wrapped box out of his pocket and handed it to
his mystified life-mate. "This is the twenty-fifth anniversary
of my Knighting, and our bonding. Happy anniversary, my one
true love."
Blinking back sudden tears, Qui-Gon accepted the box in a hand
that shook with emotion. "That long already? How is that
possible love? And I did forget, unbelievably."
Obi-Wan laughed lightly. "Don't worry about it. I would have
forgotten myself if it hadn't been for a few things nudging my
memory, little things like Anakin."
They chuckled then, for their former apprentice was anything
but 'little'. Qui-Gon gently unwrapped the box and opened it.
His laughter rang long and loud in that sheltered space as he
gazed at the present inside, and Obi-Wan's heart lifted to hear
it. Later, over dinner and the story, Amidala asked what had
been in the box and it brought chuckles back to the mates as
they told her.
Obi-Wan had given his life-mate a rock.
AGE 60
"It's a beautiful house, Master, but are you sure..."
Obi-Wan looked up at the tall, stout, distinguished looking man
with him and smiled. "No, Anakin, I'm not. Not entirely,
anyway. But he needs to get away from Coruscant, and he won't
go unless I do."
Anakin grinned wryly. "And of course, YOU have no wish to leave
Coruscant."
Obi-Wan laughed at that, clapping his former Padawan on the
back. "I never could fool you, could I? No, to say truth, it
holds mostly bad memories for me too. And since Yoda's passage
into the Force, well..." he sighed.
"I know, Obi-Wan. Oddly enough I think it affected Luke more
than it did Master Qui-Gon." "Yes. They were very close. But
Qui was as deeply affected; he just hides it much better."
The two men fell silent as they paced side-by-side through the
broad corridors of the rebuilt Jedi Temple. While waiting for
the lift that would take them to the Master's quarters, Anakin
asked, "so how are you going to trick him into agreeing?"
"Anakin!" Obi-Wan couldn't decide on whether to be shocked or
amused, and settled for something in-between. "I NEVER trick my
life-mate. I may finagle, I may tease, I may pout, I may even
resort to out and out bribery. I never trick."
"Yeah, right." Clearly the other man didn't believe a word of
it. "So how are you going to do it?"
Sighing, Obi-Wan gave up. "I was actually just thinking about
telling him the truth. I really don't want to be here any more,
Anakin. I'm tired. Almost as much as Qui is. Saving the
universe is up to you youngsters now."
Nonplused, Anakin blinked. "I'm hardly a young man, Master, and
you are hardly old. And I'm not entirely sure we can muddle on
without the two of you. You're basically all that's left of the
old days, now that Yoda is gone."
The lift stopped and the two men exited, but Obi-Wan stopped,
forcing Anakin to do so as well. The younger man turned and
waited patiently for his Master to speak.
"Anakin," he finally said, slowly, "sometimes I think you are
still that insecure boy Qui-Gon brought back from Tatooine. The
future belongs to you, and Luke and Leia, and Han, Chewbacca,
young Antilles... We've taught you everything we can, we've
handed you the galaxy on a platter, all dressed up for a feast.
It's time to let us go. It's time to live your life on your
own."
The younger man hung his head and stared at his shoes. "I-I
don't like to face things knowing you are not here to back me
up, Master. I must confess to those fears."
"And you must release them to the Force, Anakin. Qui-Gon
foresees nothing but peace for the next fifty years or more.
And it's because of you, you and your wife, Padawan."
Anakin smiled. "You haven't called me that for years."
His former Master smiled back. "Perhaps because you haven't
been acting like one. Anakin, we will always be around. There
is no death, you know."
The two of them began walking towards their destination again;
Anakin shot Obi-Wan a look of pure panic at those words. "Don't
even think it, Master! We need the two of you still, if for
nothing else than to inspire the new ranks."
//Inspire or terrorize?// Qui-Gon's mental voice was as strong
as ever, as the two men entered the quarters. The aged Jedi sat
in a large padded chair in the sunlight streaming through the
window, a crocheted blanket covering his nearly useless legs.
Most of his once flowing locks were gone, but his eyes were as
sharp and deeply blue as the first time Obi-Wan had seen them.
The younger man went immediately to the older one's side and
knelt, hugging him tightly. "Both, perhaps. Hullo, Master," he
said. "Have Luke and Leia been taking good care of you while
we've been away?"
//Of course. When I could pry Leia away from Han, that is.//
Obi-Wan perched on the arm of his mate's chair and kissed him
deeply. "Sounds like we have a match there, then."
//Well, I think Anakin is in for some trouble unless he forces
the issue. We don't want them running off and eloping, now, do
we?//
Anakin looked distinctly pale, even a tad green around the
gills. "MY Leia? My little girl? Married? Oh... my."
The two older men exchanged smiles. //Wait until the first
grandbaby is born// Obi-Wan thought quietly to his lover, who
just grinned impishly back.
AGE 72
"Do you ever have regrets, beloved?"
The voice was soft and gentle, and Obi-Wan might not have heard
it had he not been snuggled up against Qui-Gon's chest. He sat
up carefully, a slight smile on his face. "I thought you were
asleep. I nearly was."
A low chuckle answered him. "No, not asleep. Although I
fear..."
"Don't say it, love. I know." The white-haired man sighed. "I
feel it too. And no, I have no regrets at all. Why would I?"
Obi-Wan tucked the blankets in more securely around the
shrunken form of his life mate. They were in the terrace garden
of their home on Alderaan, where they had retired when they
left the Jedi, reclining on the beautiful chaise Anakin and
Luke had built for them some years before. Qui-Gon reached a
palsied hand out to tug on Obi-Wan's snowy beard gently.
"Why would you indeed. Foolish Padawan. And quit hovering so."
The younger man's eyes twinkled. "I haven't been a Padawan for
almost 50 years, Qui. You can't tell me what to do any more."
"Not that I ever could..." The hand that had tugged on his
beard caressed his cheek. Obi-Wan leaned into it, then bent to
kiss the older man tenderly.
"After all this time, I still love you, you know," he murmured,
rubbing his nose against Qui-Gon's.
"And I you, my Obi. Now and forever," the last words were
whispered as they locked gazes.
Obi-Wan pressed his forehead into the older man's. "What about
you? Any regrets? I mean, while we're on the subject..."
Tiredly, the older man smiled. "Well, I would have liked to
make love more while I still could," he muttered, shifting
carefully and painfully.
Laughing softly, Obi-Wan slid an arm behind Qui-Gon and lifted
him away from the back of the chaise to resettle him against
the younger man's chest. Qui-Gon sighed and nestled closer.
"That's better. Thank you, my own."
"You're welcome. Although I suppose I should get up and get
started on dinner. Anakin and 'Dala will be here soon with the
children."
"No hurry," Qui-Gon whispered. "We have all the time in the
universe. Do you remember the first time we made love, Obi?"
"Like it was yesterday, Qui."
"It WAS yesterday, imp."
Obi-Wan laughed. "Not the first time! Do you remember that ball
for the..."
The two old lovers fell to quiet reminiscing for a time, then
became silent again, listening to the birds and breathing in
the warmly scented breeze. Obi-Wan held his love tightly and
rested his cheek on the sparse iron-gray hair as the day moved
on through the afternoon, and the evening light deepened. A
hush fell.
"It's time, I think," Qui-Gon murmured, his fingers tightening
on the arms Obi-Wan had wrapped securely around him.
The sharp hiss of indrawn breath. "No, Qui, no, not...not
yet..." but the Force whispered and he closed his eyes,
acquiescing silently, his shoulders slumping and his arms
tightening.
After a moment, his mate spoke again, softly, hesitantly. "Will
you come with me? I don't mean to be a selfish old man but..."
Obi-Wan swallowed, looking around the beautiful garden he had
called home for so long. Then he realized that it was only home
because Qui-Gon was there. Just as everything had been since he
was first accepted as a Padawan, Qui-Gon was his home. Now and
forever.
"Just try to stop me," he answered at last, equally softly.
"And no, I have no regrets, beloved." The younger man shifted
the older carefully in his arms, then bent his head. Gently,
reverently, they kissed; sharing breath, sharing love, sharing
memories, passion and life, and finally, sharing death, passing
peacefully into the Force. Together.
When Anakin and Amidala arrived at the house, only a puddle of
robes and blankets remained on the chaise.
Their eyes locked as Qui-Gon drew his final breath...
...then slumped into his Padawan's arms. Obi-Wan pressed his
forehead to his Master's and held him tightly, weeping and
remembering now, and forever.
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