Questions
by KatBear
Title: Questions
Author: KatBear (katbear@cox.net)
Archive: MA
Category: AR
Rating: NC17 for explicit sexual activity
Pairing: Q/O (Quilan Finn/Ben Kennan)
Feedback: Appreciated.
Thanks: To the beta readers who made this a better story (Merry Amelie, Bonny Magret). All mistakes are my own.
Summary: Ben has to sort out some questions.
Warnings: If male-male sex bothers you, you shouldn’t be here.
Spoilers: None, alternate reality set in 21st century Earth in fictional part of the western U.S. (Wyoming)
Notes: 1. The primary setting is not based on any actual specific real location or persons but is a composite of possible geography, town features, transplanted state university, etc. 2. The federal agencies mentioned are real but liberties have been taken with some policies, practices and job duties. 3. This is the tenth story in the Master's Voice series.
Master's Voice
MV 2 - Honeymoon
MV 3 - First Session
MV 4 - Morning Blues
MV 5 – Relocation
MV 6 – Snow Falls
MV 7 – Attentions
MV 8 - Giving Thanks
MV 9 - First Review
MV 10 - Questions
Disclaimer: The boys belong to George Lucas, I'm just playing with them.
19 December
"Mmmmm, something sure smells good."
Ben looked up at the sound of the familiar voice. "Hey! Mattie! Welcome back!" He stood up and hugged Mattie Trimball, one of the interns who had worked for Midway during the summer; Frank Gonzalez had asked her to work part-time on her winter break after they'd had to let Gordy Taylor go. Mattie's arrival brought back sudden memories of the role Ben had played in reporting Gordy's thefts and poor work performance, but he firmly pushed those unpleasant thoughts into the back of his mind, confident that he had done the right thing.
"Happy to be of assistance." Mattie grinned. "And the extra money will help with Christmas presents."
Ben grinned back, then pointed at the dented black lunch pail on the table in front of him in the employee lounge. "My landlady picked up some of these the other day and has been using them for me and other boarders." He waved toward a wide-mouth thermos as he sat down. "She's a fantastic cook. Today it's beef stew; there's plenty if you'd like some."
"Tell you what – I'll trade you my extra brownie for some stew. My mom's okay on the main meals, but she's a whiz on desserts. She's always the first one they call for bake sales."
"Deal." Ben poured a generous amount into the plastic cup that he had unscrewed from the top of the thermos and gave it to Mattie, using a long-handled spoon for his own portion.
"Thanks." Mattie tried the stew. "Wow, this is great."
Ben nodded. "So how's school been going now that you're a sophomore?"
"A lot rougher than I thought it was going to be." Mattie grimaced. "Freshman year was bad enough, but the engineering program is pretty intense and gets worse every year, according to some of the juniors and seniors I've talked to. Tons of homework in every class, including the lit and chemistry classes I had to take as part of the general requirements." She rolled her eyes. "And don't even get me started on math. I know it's partly my own fault for trying to cram in extra classes, but I've had a hell of a time keeping up."
"That does sound tough," Ben said sympathetically as he remembered how much work Rafa seemed to have so often in her calculus course and all the evening and weekend work she had put in on the rest of her load. It occurred to him that he had been so fixated on the money he would need to pay for classes that he hadn't been considering how much time this was also going to cost him. "How many subjects will you be taking next semester?"
"Don't know yet. I'm thinking about five, but I've got an appointment next week to see my advisor to discuss it. Grades should be out anytime now so I'm sure he'll want to talk about how I did first." Mattie shrugged. "The thing is that I'm going for a double major. That requires some extra courses that I've got to fit in somewhere during the regular year, since I have to work during summer to get money for the stuff the scholarship doesn't cover." She scrunched her nose. "I know I teased you about being tight with a dollar, but it does suck not having enough money for everything, doesn't it?"
"You got that right!" said Ben. He shook his head, all too familiar with that problem.
They chatted about general topics and Christmas plans as they ate. Mattie gestured toward the shop floor as she finished her brownie. "Isn't that your bike in the far corner? Uncle Hank told me about the accident during that first big snow we had; said your motorcycle got the front end busted up, but you didn't look too bad."
"Yeah, I just had some bumps and bruises, but we had to haul Myrna back here in your uncle's truck. There was just too much ice; a car came up fast behind me and I skidded off the road when I was trying to get over to hang a right." Ben sighed. "I pretty much wrapped the front end around a steel post, so the wheel, headlight and brakes took the biggest damage. Frank's been great about letting me keep her here and helping me figure out what needs to be fixed. We got everything stripped down and some of the little problems taken care of, but I'll have to order some parts before the rest can be finished."
"Damn, that's too bad," Mattie commiserated. "At least you've got several months before the snow goes away and you can ride again, so it's not like you have to get everything done right now."
"True, I can spread the costs out, so that will help," Ben said. He frowned as he continued, "But all that freaking snow here is a pain itself. I hate not being able to get around when I want. I love living where I'm at, but it's so far out there's only a couple of buses a day, and I've had to turn down some calls for the forest service and UPA where I volunteer."
"It can be a problem." Mattie nodded, then poked Ben in the arm as she grinned. "Worst comes to worst, you can always ski, city boy."
Ben wrinkled his nose and snorted. "Yeah, right." He thought of her comment while they cleaned up their lunch remains and decided that maybe he did need to take Qui's lessons in cross country a bit more seriously.
Ben hung his jacket on one of the pegs inside the front door before heading for the inviting warmth of the kitchen.
"You're home early tonight," said Jane with a smile from her spot near the stove. "Afraid dinner won't be ready for a bit. A good chicken casserole does takes its own sweet time getting done."
"Yeah, I was able to take the first bus today. Mattie, one of the college students who worked as an intern this summer, came back to work part-time. She's got shop cleanup tonight." Ben wandered over to the table where Qui and Rafa were and gave his lover a quick kiss before sitting down. "Whenever dinner's ready is fine with me."
Qui smiled at Ben before turning back to Rafa and her laptop. "Looks like you have most of the current stuff downloaded." He pointed to something on the screen. "That's Ty Medrick. If you want to learn more about wildlife management, I can get you in to talk to him and his people. I can also see about setting up appointments with some of the other groups in forestry, biology, land conservation, fire management or maybe even some of the technical and support codes."
"I appreciate the offer, but I think I'll need to get back to you on who I'd like to visit," Rafa replied. "I've been working at the university computer lab sorting out information about all the different career possibilities, but there are so many choices I still can't make up my mind what I want to major in. The wireless on campus is sometimes a bit iffy in places, but they've got great connectivity in the lab so it doesn't take long to search for things."
"Hey, I said I was sorry for hogging the line," Ben interjected. "I didn't realize I kept leaving the computer dialed in last week."
"That's okay, Ben; it is going to be something we'll need to work out, especially when you start your first class, but I like the fast connection at school, so it's not a problem for now. I've been visiting the library, too, which makes it a useful trip." Rafa paused, staring down at her machine. "Um, anyway, what I was about to say is that Misha Kuznetsov works at the computer lab, and he's been helping me with some upgrades and patches on my laptop. I was sort of wondering if it would be okay if I brought Misha home for dinner tomorrow?"
"Of course he's welcome." Jane wiped her hands on a towel, then hung it on the oven handle. "Didn't he go home for Christmas after classes ended?"
"Misha is still working right now, but he's going to take a bus on Monday the 23rd to his guardian's home and then return right after the New Year's holiday," Rafa said. "I can bring him here with me when the lab closes and take him back to his dorm afterward."
"Does our Rafa have a boyfriend?" Ben started to add a snarky comment about the gangly freshman, but Qui kicked him under the table. Ben pursed his lips but kept quiet.
Rafa appeared to know what Ben was going to say, however. "No, I don't have a 'boyfriend', but if I did Misha wouldn't be a bad choice," she said quietly. "I would offer to do the same for anybody else who has been helping me. Misha doesn't talk about himself much, but I think most of his family lives somewhere else pretty far away and he's lonely."
"Sorry, he seemed to be a nice guy and I didn't mean anything," Ben said.
"I think he's nice, too, and we'll be happy to have him tomorrow night," Jane said firmly. "Weather's supposed to kick up a bit tomorrow, so it might be safer to have him stay the night in one of the spare rooms upstairs. Then we could get him a good breakfast and you could take him back during daylight."
"I don’t want to put you to extra trouble," Rafa replied.
"It's no trouble at all, and the Lord knows the poor thing looks like he could always use an extra meal. So unless you boys have any objection, that's settled." Jane waited a moment for Qui and Ben to shake their heads, then smiled. She turned to look toward the front door as the chime sounded. "Now I wonder who that can be?"
"I'll get it," offered Ben and got up.
When Ben opened the door, Liz, Linda and Reverend Charlie were standing outside. He invited them in and took their coats to hang up while Liz and Charlie headed for the kitchen carrying a plastic container and a large crockpot.
"We'll just set this here for the moment, I think." Linda carefully placed a cardboard box on the hall table, then hugged Ben. "Mum's the word for now, okay?" She gave Ben a conspiratorial wink.
"Um, alright." Ben glanced at the box, shrugged and followed Linda to join the others.
"We have invited ourselves to join you," announced the reverend. "And we brought offerings, of course, if you have room for us."
"You're always welcome, and there's plenty of room." Jane's voice was firm but a bit wary.
Qui looked at Ben and raised an eyebrow. Clearly he had caught Jane's unease, but Ben could offer no enlightenment and shook his head.
"Excellent!" Charlie parked the crockpot at one end of the table. He pulled off the lid and pointed to Linda with a flourish. "Courtesy of an old family recipe from Louisiana, Linda has graced us with her unique chicken and sausage jambalaya."
"It's one of the few things grandmam said I did right," chuckled Linda. "She didn't hold with all that 'pit'cher drawin', as she called it, as a proper sort of job for the lady she wanted me to be." Her grin grew wide. "Of course, I don't think any of her granddaughters ever did get the hang of that ladylike folderol, so I expect poor grandmam went to her grave sorely disappointed."
"It smells awfully good," Ben offered tentatively, not entirely certain of the dynamics of the situation as he caught Jane eyeing the rectangular plastic container Liz had put on the table with a positively unenthusiastic expression.
"Definitely on the spicy side, but yes, it's generally quite fine," Liz said as she removed the lid of the plastic box to reveal a pan of gleaming yellow cornbread. "It's a good thing she can draw 'pit'chers', though, since this is one of the few things she can cook decently."
"And I love you, too, honey," Linda said before planting a kiss on Liz's lips.
"It'll make a nice contrast to the chicken casserole so folks can choose between spicy or mild," Jane said, visibly more relaxed. "The casserole needs a few more minutes, but we can go ahead and get everything else ready."
There was a brief discussion of seating; Qui retrieved some of the extra chairs they kept in the dining room while Jane started making a salad and the others began putting out table settings. Ben went toward the refrigerator, but paused when he noticed there was an envelope in the mail niche. He reached up and retrieved it.
"Hey, Rafa, you've got a letter from the university," Ben said.
"From the university?" Rafa repeated.
"Yeah. Probably just your grades."
Rafa took a few deep breaths, but made no move to accept the offering. "Oh, God," she whispered and suddenly sat down. "All that work... I don't... Ben, would you open it, please?"
"Sure." Ben shrugged, opened the envelope. "Let's see... To Miss Rafaela Romero from the registrar..." Ben sucked on a tooth as he read, then shook his head glumly.
"How bad is it?" Rafa's hand shook a little as she held it to her mouth.
Qui began walking toward Ben, the expression on his face warning Ben not to prolong things too much, but Ben held the letter away from him. "I'm sorry, Rafa, I guess you'll just have to put up with being perfect a while longer." Ben grinned and gave her the straight 'A' report.
Rafa stared at it fixedly for a long moment, then finally gave a huge sigh of relief. Everyone gathered around to congratulate her as she smiled and shook her head as if still having trouble believing she could have done so well.
As dinner progressed, everyone complimented both cooks on their tasty dishes. Conversation turned to the rapidly approaching holiday, reminiscing about past Christmases and preparations for the day coming up. Charlie and Liz enthused about how much food the community had contributed, despite the poor state of the economy. After Jane, Rafa and Linda started talking about the volunteers who would be packing baskets after the service on Sunday, Ben and Qui looked at each other, nodded, and offered to join the work crew.
"You don't have to do that," protested the reverend.
"'Twould be our pleasure, sir," Qui said with a smile. "After all, 'tis better to give than receive," a knowing look at Ben, "and we'd like to do a little to help."
Ben looked down at his plate and studiously concentrated on his food as he thought back to that first conversation when he had asked Qui to poke at him, not realizing just how thorough a job the ranger was going to do. He lost track of the rest of the conversation as he wondered how far he had really come in his quest to become a better person.
"Ahhh, that was wonderful," said Charlie. He scraped up the last chunk of chicken from his plate. "I always say there's nothing like a good home-cooked meal. I don't know how you do it, Jane, but to call that a mere casserole is surely the under-statement of the year."
"Thanks, glad you enjoyed it," Jane replied. "Who's up for dessert? I can put on a pot of coffee or tea also if anybody's in the mood."
Ben was about to reply when he realized that Linda had slipped away. He looked around to see her coming in the door with the box she had left by the front door earlier.
"I think we've got that covered." Linda put the box on the table in the space Liz had cleared.
"Now look here, if that's what I think it is, you know I'm not one for paying much attention to that sort of thing." Jane pursed her lips, her jaw pushed out. "I don't like being fussed over."
"We know you're always the strong one and prefer taking care of others, so we didn't tell anybody, Jane Brandon," Liz said firmly, "but we're your friends, so let us fuss just a little."
"Can I ask what we're talking about?" Qui asked mildly.
Linda grinned as she took a chocolate layer cake from the box. She had decorated it with a cartoon cat, a sleek gray tabby that looked remarkably like Jane, a mysterious smile on its whiskered face as it sat up sedately, front paws neatly together. There was just one big candle.
"Happy Birthday," chanted Jane's three friends.
"Ohhh... that's just..." Jane put her hands out, apparently decided to give in to the inevitable, and smiled. "Thank you."
"Now you sit there and let us fix things," Linda insisted. Qui put on water for tea and started a pot of coffee, while Linda and Ben quickly set out plates. When everything was ready, Liz lit the candle, they sang a round of 'Happy Birthday', then Jane blew out the candle. Linda cut the cake and handed out slices to everyone.
"I know what you want to ask, young man," Jane said, pausing with fork in hand.
"I didn't want to say anything," Ben mumbled around a mouthful of cake, unsuccessfully hiding his curiosity.
"Calendar age don't mean much after a while, so it's no never mind to me saying it's been 63 years since I first opened my eyes to see this world." Jane smiled, a touch of melancholy in her voice. "Been a lot happened in all those years, some good and some not so much so." She shook her head as she looked around the table. "But the Lord provides for them as needs it, and right now the best birthday present is having such good friends."
"We are blessed to be counted among your friends, Jane Brandon," said Charlie. "And tonight we are going to spoil you with a night of bridge because we know it's one of your little secret pleasures."
"Why, Reverend Charlie, I didn't know you were such a masochist," Jane teased, her eyes brightening. "Always seems like you've not got much time for card playing."
"For you, dear lady, I will gladly sacrifice an evening for such a special event," Charlie replied, "that is, if you can put up with my amateurish efforts."
Liz snorted and rolled her eyes. "Amateur, my foot," she muttered. "The two of you could draw blood the way you play."
Jane 'tsk tsk'ed. "If you're going to play, you might's well play it right."
"We'll clear up and take care of the dishes so you can get started," Qui offered. Ben and Rafa nodded and began picking up plates while Jane went to fetch cards and paper. A few minutes later Qui and Ben had started washing and drying dishes. Ben smiled at the affable banter at the table as the four friends drew for partners and got ready to begin. Rafa had asked if she could watch to see how bridge was played, and Jane was giving her a quick overview of the rules.
A muffled buzzing sounded from Charlie's shirt pocket. He pulled out a cell phone as he excused himself and went out to the hallway. When he returned, his face was somber. "I'm terribly sorry, Jane, but I have to go over to the hospital. I hate to disappoint you, but I'm afraid it's quite urgent."
"Don't worry yourself about a silly card game," Jane replied as she stood up. "You got to go when you're needed."
"Thanks." Charlie gave her a hug. "Perhaps another time. I'll see myself out." He headed for the hall.
"Is there anything else you'd like to do? Maybe gin rummy or poker or something?" Liz asked as Jane was sitting back down at the table. "We still want to have this be a nice birthday for you."
Before Jane could answer, Linda broke in. "I'd bet my next set of royalties that our boy from Boston plays bridge. How'd you like to be a fill-in, sugar?"
Ben had turned to reach for a plate but stopped short. His hand tightened on the dishcloth, his stomach knotted and his shoulders twitched at unexpectedly hearing a request that had developed such a negative connotation for him as a teenager.
"You alright?" whispered Qui as he leaned in close.
"Yeah, it's okay." Ben looked at Qui a moment before turning around. Although Qui had clearly recognized his reaction, Ben knew that Linda's question had been entirely innocent, so he decided to treat it that way. This was for Jane; for her sake, surely he could dismiss the memories of all the times growing up when he had in fact been used as nothing more than a convenient substitute.
"Actually, I do play, although it's been a while," Ben said. "What sort of rules do you use?"
"Rubber bridge, standard rules, none of that funny stuff like Russian scoring," Jane replied. "We'll keep it friendly if you're sure you'd really like to play."
"I'll help Qui finish the dishes," Rafa offered.
"In that case, I'll be happy to play if you don't mind that I'm sort of rusty," Ben replied.
"Just ask if you don't remember," said Liz. "We appreciate your making up a fourth."
"Sure, no problem." Ben grinned. "I suspect you're probably all a lot better than me, but I'll try to keep up."
"Oho, now that sounds like a ringer talking," drawled Linda. "Good thing we're not playing for money."
"Hey, naive city boy is my specialty, ma'am." Ben quipped in his best Boston accent as he flashed a disarming smile of innocence. He ignored Qui's snort behind him.
Jane laughed while she spread the cards so they could draw again for partners. "Better not let him in your next poker game, Linda, or he'll probably own your next two sets of royalties."
Linda wrinkled her nose as she pulled a card out. The others showed their cards in turn; Ben ended up pairing with Jane while Liz and Linda were partners. They discussed bidding while Liz set up her scoresheet.
After only a few hands, Ben quickly found his rhythm and his misgivings melted away. He also found that all three of the women were evidently very experienced, although he was beginning to suspect that Linda played more because Liz and Jane so clearly enjoyed themselves than from any great love of bridge on her part. The pairs quickly split the first two games of the rubber and were starting the third when it was Ben's turn at dummy, so he got up to get everyone a round of coffee and sodas.
All of the cleanup had been completed by then. Rafa had returned to watching the game while Qui lingered a moment to talk to Ben by the refrigerator.
"That was a nice thing to do, Ben," Qui said in a low voice.
"I owe Jane a lot, so giving up a couple of hours to play cards is a small enough return," Ben replied. He didn't mention his initial reaction and was confident that Qui wouldn't bring it up with others present.
Qui looked at Ben for a moment, nodded. "Had traffic patrol today so I've been sitting on my arse most of the day in a truck. I'm going downstairs for a workout, maybe read a little."
"Okay, I'll be down later." Ben lifted his face for a quick kiss before returning to the game.
The next few hours passed swiftly as points, games and rubbers accumulated on Liz's scoresheet, filling the pages. After the first hour and a half, they drew again for new partners and Ben was paired with Liz for the remainder of the evening. By that time Rafa had left to go upstairs, so it was just the four of them in the kitchen. Ben was intrigued by the different styles of play: Jane was quietly aggressive, attacking with an understated fervor and an uncanny sense of her opponents' weaknesses; Liz was a master of numbers and odds, also aggressive but with a highly controlled eloquence; while Linda's slapdash joking manner hid an ability to get the most from a poor hand. Ben enjoyed himself as the friendly rivalry grew fiercer and was glad his tutelage in some of the more cut-throat settings of his youth allowed him to keep pace and support his partner without slowing things down.
"Lordy, would you look at the time!" Jane exclaimed as she sat back in her chair after an intensely contested rubber and rolled her shoulders.
Ben yawned, looked up at the wall clock and realized it was well after eleven. "I'm afraid I need to head down to bed so I can get up for work in the morning. Sorry I can't stay later."
"Nothing to apologize for, Ben," Jane replied. "I've had a wonderful time and we really appreciate you jumping in at the last minute to play with a bunch of old women."
"I enjoyed myself a lot, so I can't claim it was any hardship." Ben smiled, realizing that he truly had enjoyed both the game and the companionship. "I had forgotten what it was like to play with people who are both good players and good friends. I should be thanking you for reminding me of that and I wouldn't mind some more rounds in the future."
"That's right nice of you to say that, Ben," Jane said as she stood up. "We'll clean things here and probably sit up talking a bit more, so you can go on downstairs."
"Thanks." Ben also rose and went to hug Jane. "Happy Birthday."
"It's been a very happy birthday. Thank you, Ben." Jane returned his hug.
Ben took his leave of Liz and Linda, the latter grabbing him for a hug and an apology for putting him on the spot without thinking first. That drew a comment from Liz about 'typical to open mouth before engaging brain' and set the lovers off on what was clearly a friendly long-standing dispute. Ben and Jane smiled at each other as Jane made a shooing motion to send Ben away.
Downstairs, Irish folk music was playing on Qui's stereo. Ben heard the shower in their bathroom as he locked their door, so he went to the bedroom first to undress. Qui was just coming out as Ben headed for the bathroom, one towel around his waist and another drying his wet hair. Ben couldn't help pausing to admire the view and give a little wolf whistle.
"Right back at you," leered Qui. He flipped a towel around Ben's neck and reeled him in for a long kiss. When he pulled back, he said, "That was for being a good boy tonight and playing bridge with the ladies." He paused a moment before asking, "How are you doing?"
Ben drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, his hands resting on Qui's shoulders as he relished the tingle from the body contact. "Not bad. Those first few moments were kind of a shock 'cause I wasn't expecting anybody to ask me to play, especially not using that word." He reflected for a moment. "Fill-in, yeah, it didn't sound the same coming from Linda... not like when my father used it." Ben sighed. "I need to think about all this some more, but it ended up being a good night." He smiled a little. "The ladies do take their bridge seriously."
"I imagine they do." Qui kissed the tip of Ben's nose. "Time for bed. Morning's going to be coming mighty early."
"Right." By now Ben recognized Qui's brisk tone of voice that meant 'bed' was for sleeping, not for fooling around, so he nodded and went to use the bathroom; he was too tired to be more than mildly disappointed. Within a few minutes he had crawled into bed and was snuggled against his lover in the dark.
Ben found he was having trouble falling asleep, but couldn't quite pin down the reason as random thoughts about the day's events pinged around inside his head. Ben realized he was restlessly stirring when his elbow hit Qui, so he moved away next to the wall, but a moment later it was clear he was too late.
"Jaysus, neither of us is going to be getting any sleep at this rate," came a low grumble. "Are you sure you're alright about tonight?"
"Sorry." Ben turned on his side and leaned up on his left elbow; in the dim light from the bedroom window he could see that Qui had put his hands behind his head. "I don't think the 'fill-in' business is the problem, but I can't tell why I'm feeling twitchy."
"Alright." Qui sighed. "Let's see if we can get you sorted out. Did something happen at work? Something somebody said or did that's bothering you? Something you said or did? Something I said or did? Something –"
"Stop... that last bit." Ben wasn't certain if it was the real problem, but there was at least one thing bothering him a little. "Um..." He paused, trying to figure out what he wanted to say.
"Okay. 'Twas something I said or did?"
"Sort of, maybe... I'm not sure." Ben drew patterns on the sheet with two fingers. "I guess I have been wondering why you've seemed, I don't know, more protective of Rafa lately? You didn't used to mind when I teased her, but today, for example, you cut me off twice. Is there something going on I don't know about?"
"Ah... that." Qui sat up and wrapped his arms around his knees. "I don't generally mind when you tease her, Ben; it's usually a sign that the two of you have been getting more comfortable with each other. Right now is not really a good time, though, and sometimes you don't always realize when you need to back off and not let things get too snarky or aggressive."
"Oh." Ben felt a pang but was also confused. "I like Rafa and wouldn't intentionally do anything to hurt her. I try to remember not to treat her like I do my thick-skinned sister Maureen."
"I understand that, Ben." There was a long silence before Qui continued. "Look, do you know Rafa talks to her horse more than she does to most people?"
"I've heard her a couple of times. I don't know how often she does it."
"I asked Jane about it and apparently 'tis pretty often. A few days ago I was home early and was up in my wood shop on the upper level of the barn working on a project. Rafa came in, but I don't think she realized I was there. She went to Cel's stall and brought her out into the middle of the floor; she was brushing her and talking to her. I could hear everything and decided I'd better clatter about a bit, then opted to just head down the stairs when it sounded like she was crying."
"Jesus," Ben said softly, "what was wrong?"
"She didn't want to talk about it at first, being all kind of flustered and apologetic, but she calmed down when I took a brush and helped her start grooming Cel. Eventually she finally let on as to how Christmas was the biggest event of the year for her family. I'm thinking that they were real close and she's feeling a lot more lonely than usual because things will be so different for her this time. I also think Jane knows and that's at least partly why she's been working on not making a huge fuss about Christmas Day."
"I keep forgetting how much more she lost than I did." Ben paused as he pondered this reminder that he still needed to learn how to think outside his own personal issues more often. "She is a really nice person, very bright, and works so fricking hard. It's pretty obvious that she doesn't always seem to have a lot of self-confidence about some things, though, so I'll try to be better at watching what I say to her."
"Aye, I think we all need to be a little more aware of what's going on," Qui replied. "For example, I was a little concerned that she didn't think she had done well in school after all that work she put in. Perhaps getting all those 'A's under her belt this first semester will help with that."
Mention of school triggered a coalescence of thoughts in Ben's mind as several recent conversations converged. "Ummm... speaking of college..."
"Were we?" Qui leaned back on one arm. "I thought you were well along in getting your admissions request together."
"That's almost done – the actual admissions package isn't all that hard. It's the money paperwork that is getting tough." Ben paused. "I've been starting to think about this whole college thing, though. If I hadn't had to leave when I did, I'd be halfway through my senior year right now and almost finished with my bachelor's degree. But now, having to work full-time, only being able to do a class or two at a time... it'll be ages before I finish, it's expensive, and the classes in engineering are tough so it's going to take a hell of a lot of time away from us being together. I was sort of thinking that maybe I should wait a while, save up some more..." Ben stopped, scooted a little closer to Qui before blurting out, "I’m not even so sure right now that I really need to go back to college."
There was a long silence before Qui spoke. "I have to tell you I find that very surprising, Ben. Can I be asking you what brought this on?"
"The money is a little bit of it... I hate the idea of maybe having to get a loan and be in debt. But I've been thinking more about how much time out of my life college would eat up, both for the individual classes and the whole program." His tone turned more defensive. "After all, it's not like I don't have a good job that I enjoy. I could see staying at Midway for a long while; there's still a lot there I need to learn."
"'Tis your decision to make, of course. And I'll not be denying that it would be a hard road for a few years, and that I'd miss that time we could be having together if you didn't go back to school. But I'm going to ask why you wanted to finish college in the first place and if that reason has changed."
There was an even longer silence. Ben was still, his breathing loud in his ears as he forced himself to contemplate the prickly question.
"I think that originally it was just that I didn't want to quit something I'd started," Ben said slowly. "And the idea that I'd be proving something to my father."
"Getting the degree just for the sake of getting the degree so you could wave it under his nose?"
"Sort of." Ben shifted uncomfortably.
"I'm sure you thought those were valid reasons when you first considered going back to school. But are those still the only reasons, Ben?" Qui asked. "Did you like what you were learning in college before? Do you think what you could get out of finishing college would be important for having a career, a passion, instead of just a job for the rest of your life? What would finishing what you started mean to you personally instead of being an 'I told you so'?"
Qui paused, sat up, then turned to sit cross-legged facing Ben. "Obviously I think this is important for you, but don't bloody even think about telling me you'd finish the damned degree just because I want you to. What is it that *you* really, truly want from your life?"
"To be with you. More than anything else, I want to be with you." That was the easy part and came out without even thinking.
"I'll not be settling for that answer, Ben Kennan, and neither should you," Qui growled. "We both know there's a lot more to you than that, so what do you want from your whole life? What were you passionate about before you met me? What are you passionate about still? What the bloody hell kind of person are you wanting to be?"
Ben flinched away from Quilan Finn's intensity, but knew he had to answer the questions honestly. "Passions..." He licked his lips. "My passions are motorcycles and you. I want to learn how to make those parts of my life coexist, how to get better at both." Ben took a deep breath. "And I want to keep figuring out how to be a better person, less selfish and more giving, less tied to some of the crap I grew up with. I'll admit I know I would regret it if I didn't finish college, and it's slowly getting a lot less important about caring what my father would think. And you're right, I can learn a lot from college and make a genuine career with Midway or wherever I might end up." Ben sat up, mirroring his lover's pose. "About the school business, I think maybe I was starting to get cold feet because it will mean seeing even less of you for a long time than I already get to do." Ben swallowed, hoping he wouldn't regret his next words but needing to say them. "And dammit, I'm sorry because I know you don't like to hear it, but it does matter to me what you think about me. I just haven't figured out how to balance wanting your love and your respect also."
His heart hammered as Ben waited for Qui's response. This was not a conversation he had anticipated having and it had taken a sharp turn into sensitive ground. He heard Qui take three deep breaths and let them out slowly.
"Ben, you have my love and respect." Qui's voice was low and deep. "I love you with all my heart, and I respect you for what you have already accomplished and the things you are trying to do. If I've done or said anything that has you thinking otherwise, then I'm the one that should be apologizing. You are a good person, honest, hard-working, wanting to help others, but we all have flaws that we need to keep working on or areas where we can improve. I've got many: I'm stubborn, opinionated, and you know I'm sensitive about you changing yourself just because you suppose it's what I want you to be or do. I've got one fault I'm not ashamed of, though – I believe in you and your potential to do some grand things with your life, so until there comes a time you definitely tell me to stop, I'm going to keep pushing and challenging you to work at becoming something better. Not because it's something I'm after wanting you to be, but because it's what you want to be." Qui paused. "Sorry, I've probably bollixed up trying to explain all that, Ben."
"No, I get it... I think." Ben had to stop to clear his throat. "Jesus, I don't know what to say."
"How about we sleep on it for now?" Qui lay down and held out his arm. "We've both got work to be taking care of tomorrow."
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." Ben snuggled down into his lover's warmth, but sleep was still a long time coming.
20 December
It was a quiet bus ride into work the next morning as Ben thought about the previous night's conversation with Quilan Finn, if that was the right word for what had ended up happening. He vaguely remembered a phone ringing in the night and a quick kiss; he had woken up to an empty bed, so there had been no opportunity to talk again. In hindsight, Ben realized that he definitely didn't want to give up finishing college, although perhaps not for all his original reasons, and even considering the idea had been an instance of his heart overriding his head. He also knew that he was the one who had first asked the ranger to help him get that head straight, but he hadn't truly counted on Qui seemingly taking that on as such a serious lifetime commitment, or at least that was what he thought he had heard Qui saying. Ben decided that, at least for now, he didn't want Qui to stop even if he was damned certain that it was going to sometimes be more than a little uncomfortable for both of them.
Ben shook off his personal issues and focused on work once he got to Midway. He was the only one in the shop today besides Frank and expected a light day, although both he and Mattie had been asked to prepare for potentially long hours the final two days before Christmas in case some hoped-for last-minute shoppers materialized. There were no routine jobs waiting, so Frank spent an hour quizzing him on welding techniques and let him practice on some old scrap metal. When he finished that he moved on to grunt work for one of Frank's rebuild projects, scraping and cleaning years of gunk and grime from various parts and pieces.
It was indeed a very quiet day until two o'clock. All of the permanent employees were called into the biggest conference room upstairs where they were greeted by Dennis, Margaret and Frank. Dennis spent a good fifteen minutes talking about how the year had gone for Midway, their successes despite a tight economy, and thanking everybody for all their hard work. Margaret pulled some small rectangular boxes from a bag and handed them to Dennis.
"I know this is probably what all of you really want to hear about," Dennis said. "Although this hasn't been one of our best years, it's still been good enough to be able to provide a little extra for our core people. I'm going to have our key team leaders pass these out to their folks." Dennis handed out a box each to Margaret, Frank, Tony and Karen. "I'd just like to add my personal thanks, because without the Midway family there wouldn't be a Midway Motorcycles. Everyone have a happy and safe holiday."
Ben followed Frank down to his office, a grin on his face.
"Don't get your hopes up too high, Mr. Kennan," Frank said as he sat down behind his desk. "It was a pretty tough year even with the boost we got from bringing in that new line of dirt bikes. You can thank Dennis and Margaret for some of what's there, though. They didn't keep anything additional for themselves." He opened the box and handed over an envelope.
"Thank you, sir. Every little bit extra is good." Ben grinned and started to open the envelope when he noticed that the box was empty. He stopped. "Can I ask if you got anything, or is that none of my business?"
"Actually, it isn't, but I'm a part owner of Midway, too, even if it's only ten percent, so I'll let you draw your own conclusions." Frank smiled as if to indicate he didn't mind the question and pointed. "Are you going to open that or not?"
"Yes, sir." Ben tore open the envelope and pulled out a check for one hundred dollars. Ben's smile grew wider. "Wow, that's really pisser! This really will help a lot."
"Here's something else for you, Ben." Frank handed over a sheet of paper. "You might want to talk to these folks about the rest of the parts you need to finish fixing your bike. Monty's usually got good prices on some of those individual bits I wrote down, but not necessarily on other pieces. His specialty is really more of the older, hard-to-find stuff. Tongaro does higher volume, and he'll work with you to give you a fair price if you explain that it's the entire package you need and he won't charge you shipping if you get everything from him. Either way, just make sure you mention that I referred you and you'll be able to get some better prices on guaranteed parts than even with your employee discount trying to get the parts from the manufacturer."
Ben recognized the names from boxes and invoices he had handled the past few months and realized these must be some of the suppliers Frank used for his own projects. "Thank you, sir, I really appreciate this." He paused to clear his throat before looking up. "I don't know how to repay you for everything you've been doing for me."
"Tell you what, Ben, you just keep working hard and justify the faith I have in you," Frank said softly. "And someday, when you have opportunities of your own, pay it forward and help others."
"Yes, sir." Ben carefully folded the paper and put it in the envelope with his bonus check, then nodded. "I will."
"Good. Let's get back to work."
A little after three the grey skies opened and snow started falling; by four there was a soft white blanket covering everything. Rafa called to say she would be leaving the university shortly and offered to pick Ben up on her way home. The wind was increasing and snow was still coming down when Rafa made it to Midway at four-thirty; there were no urgent jobs on hand, so Frank said he would handle the shop close-up and told Ben to go on home before the roads got any worse.
"Thanks, Rafa," Ben said as he slid into the front seat of her Subaru and put his pack on the floor in front of him. He glanced at the back seat. "Hey, Misha, how's it going?"
"Well, thank you." The gangly freshman made an awkward attempt at a bow before settling back into his seat. "And thank you for allowing me to join you for dinner tonight."
"It was nice having you over for Thanksgiving and you're welcome back." Ben smiled, remembering his resolve to try to be a better person, even if having the freshman over meant watching what he said or did. "Besides, Jane's doing the work, so thank her and Rafa, not me."
"I will," Misha said earnestly.
The rest of the ride home was quiet as Rafa concentrated on driving in the increasingly treacherous weather. Eventually they arrived home safely and quickly headed for the warmth of the house. As they piled into the kitchen, two broad heads poked out of the laundry room and whoofed excitedly.
"Seems like the girls certainly remember you, Misha," Jane said with a smile. She slowly stirred something in a pot. "Best be giving them a good head rub or they'll stare at us mournfully all through dinner."
"Yes, ma'am," Misha replied with a little bow, his backpack dangling from one hand. "Thank you for having me over. If there is anything you need help with, please let me know."
"I'll do that, son. Tell you what, dinner won't be ready for at least half an hour; why don't you get settled in your room while we're waiting. Rafa can show you up and Dexy and Delilah can go with you to keep them happy."
"That would be nice. Thank you," Misha said.
"Come on, let's go upstairs and you can drop your stuff off," offered Rafa. She waited a moment, then headed for the stairway, the Rottweilers bouncing along behind them.
Ben poured himself a glass of water and drank it down. On his way to put the glass in the sink, he asked Jane, "Have you heard from Qui?"
"Not a word, I'm afraid. Don't worry, Ben, he'll be fine." Jane took a small taste, nodded thoughtfully. They both looked around when they heard the front door open and close. "Well, well, speak of the devil."
"Let's hope that's not after being a prophesy," Qui drawled as he rubbed his hands. "Jaysus, that was a load of snow got dumped on the mountains this afternoon. Looks like it's tapering off down here, though."
"Would you like a cup of tea while the stew finishes?" Jane asked.
"That would surely be a kindness, dear lady."
Jane put water on to boil while Qui slipped downstairs to put away his equipment belt and exchange his uniform for jeans and a sweatshirt. It was only a few minutes before all three of them were sitting at the table sipping tea.
"You got called out pretty early this morning," Ben said. "Was it anything serious?"
"Turned out it wasn't all that bad," Qui replied with a shrug. "Last night the station got a report of a couple of skiers missing and the patrol commander wanted a search party ready to go at first light. Based on their planned route, we figured out the places they were most likely to have gone astray and found them pretty easily. One of them had taken a bad fall and broken a ski; they found shelter and built a fire instead of trying to walk out in the dark. It was actually the smoke from their fire that led us to them and we got everybody back before the weather turned nasty."
"I'm glad everything came out okay," said Ben. "Sounds like that could have been pretty serious."
"Aye." Qui nodded. "'Twas lucky they had some common sense." Qui started to reach for Ben's hand but stopped when he heard footsteps coming toward the kitchen.
"Good evening, sir," Misha said as he followed Rafa in. Dexy and Delilah headed for the utility room.
"'Tis good to see you again." Qui stood up and shook hands. "How was your first semester?"
The conversation continued as Jane directed her crew in finishing preparations for the evening meal of salad, Brunswick stew, hot rolls and apple pie. Ben told everybody about his bonus and the things Frank Mendoza had been helping him with at Midway.
"That was excellent, ma'am," Misha said as he finished a second helping of pie. "What can I do to help?"
"Let's see... tonight Rafa and Ben have cleanup. After that, Rafa will head out to the barn; we've started to get some Christmas boarders in."
"We'll need to clear the walkway to the barn and out front," added Qui. "I can start on that."
"Let me do the shoveling, please," Misha said. "And I'd like to help Rafa with the animals, if that is okay."
"That's an awful lot of work. Are you sure you really want to do that?" Jane asked.
"Yes, please," Misha replied eagerly.
"Wouldn't hurt to let him get started," suggested Qui. "I can give him a hand later if need be."
"He can help with Cel, too, if he wants," Rafa interjected. "She likes to play in fresh snow, so I thought I'd turn on the floodlights and let her out in the corral while I clean her stall. Afterward, though, she'll need to be brushed off and I want to clean her hooves."
"I'd love to give you a hand." Misha was practically beaming.
"Alrighty, then, that's all settled," Jane said. "Qui, if you can take Misha out on the back porch and get him set up with some of the extra overboots, gloves and a shovel, then Ben and Rafa can get started on cleaning up in here."
Everybody nodded and set to work.
Ben hesitated a moment at the foot of the stairs, wondering if he needed or wanted to bring up the previous night's conversation. He shrugged and decided to just see how things went. He entered the basement, then closed and locked the door behind him.
Qui was at the table, a soft cloth in one hand, intently running it up and down a length of wood. He looked up as Ben came in.
"How was Misha doing?" Qui asked. "Do I need to help finish up anything?"
"He was already almost done when Rafa was getting her coat and boots on to head for the barn," replied Ben. "We can take care of any new snow in the morning. Other than that, I don't think there's anything else to worry about upstairs. Rafa said they were probably going to watch TV after they completed the rest of the chores and offered to drop me off at work in the morning, since she has to take Misha back anyway."
"Sounds like things are pretty well taken care of." Qui returned to his task.
Ben walked over to see what his ranger was doing. "Wow, that looks pisser. Is that your present for Rafa?"
"Aye, 'tis. Just putting on the final polish." Qui let Ben look at the three-foot-by-eight-inch plaque, a light-colored wood with 'Celesta' burned in elegant italic letters.
"I'll bet that's going to be really fricking pisser hanging above Cel's stall." Ben ran a finger along the satiny smooth surface.
"I think Rafa will like it." Qui nodded. "How's your Christmas shopping going?" Qui grinned. "Or shouldn't I be asking?"
"That's okay. It was actually pretty easy since Jane insisted on keeping things low-key and using a draw so we only had to get a gift for one other person." They had drawn names among their four household members, and Ben had gotten Jane. "I'm giving Jane her choice of 'gift certificates'; she can ask for an oil change for her truck or forty hours in the garden. As for Maureen, I decided to make something for her."
"Ah, that was the clock you were working on?"
"Right. Most of it was used parts from the shop, so I only really needed to find a clock mechanism and then put it all together. The smiley face is the sort of odd thing I think Maureen will like. Her present and card to me are already upstairs." Ben glanced at the small potted tree where he and Qui had decided to put their 'private' gifts to each other and grinned. "And you'll just have to wait to see what I got for you."
"Fair enough." Qui grinned. "I talked to Sandy today. They want to record the children's Christmas story set instead of doing it live. I'm supposed to ask you if want to come along Sunday around six to help work the board for a couple of hours while we do the final run-through and then the actual recording. We should have time for an early dinner after we get done helping pack Christmas baskets at Jane's church."
"Definitely count me in. I love working the board, especially when you're in the booth."
"I'll let her know, then." Qui leaned back in his chair and stretched. "I'm thinking that's enough work for today. Would my boyo be wanting a little cuddle on the couch?"
"Always." Ben's grin was wide and bright. "Let me chuck the boots and take a piss and I'm right there."
"Sounds like a deal."
Coming out of the bathroom, Ben saw Qui sitting on the sofa and went over to join him. He stepped around Qui's outstretched legs and sat next to him. The lights were low and a small fire crackled in the fireplace.
"Hey," Ben said softly as he kissed Qui's cheek. He settled under the arm that reached to gather him and snuggled close.
The two lovers sat quietly for several minutes, simply enjoying the comfort of being together.
"Ben?"
"Hmmm?"
"Can we talk?"
"Sure." Ben paused, a pang of unease roiling his stomach. "Look, if it's about last night, I thought about it a lot today and I definitely want to go back to college. I think it's the right thing for me to do. I've got enough money saved to at least get started; if I don't pick up any scholarships or grants, I'll figure out some other way to make it happen." Ben twisted around to look at Qui. "And I'm sorry if I said anything out of line. I want our relationship to work for both of us. And I want you to keep poking, too."
"Ben..." Slowly Qui reached up to rub his thumb along Ben's cheek. "No, you didn't say anything wrong. Love is one thing, and a grand thing it is, but like you said, the relationship has to work, too. We're both needing to recognize when actions or words hurt or bother us enough to be worth speaking up, when to keep making adjustments, and figuring out how to get to something that we can both live with that will let us stay true to who we are as individuals and also as that wondrous thing that is 'us'. And I don’t want you thinking you can’t poke, too, if you think I’m being pigheaded or a right bloody bastard. Sometimes we might have to compromise, or maybe just agree to disagree, but I'm willing to keep working on ‘us’ if you are, even if it means banging up against misunderstandings, hard heads or hurt feelings sometimes."
"If that's what it takes, then that's what we'll do," said Ben softly. "I love you."
"And I love you, too." Qui trailed his thumb along his lover's jaw before letting his hand drop. "Actually, though, there were other things I had in mind that I wanted us to talk about."
"Oh." Ben settled back into Qui's side. "What was that?"
"I’ve been thinking about you, and me, how things have changed so far… and, well, how things might change in the future." Qui rubbed a hand along Ben’s arm. "We both had very different lives before we met each other, and in a lot of ways we’re still very different. I’ve listened to the things you’ve talked about… watched you since that first day at UPA… and I’ve been glad to see that you seem to be happier now and you’ve got new friends, a good job… and I know you’re working on changing yourself for the better."
"I’ve certainly had some help and have made some progress, even if I feel like I still have a hell of a long way to go. And a lot of the good things are because I met you, Qui," Ben said, picking up the hand that was stroking his arm and giving the palm a kiss.
"And you’ve become very special to me as well." Qui replied. "To be honest, though, I’m still having trouble getting used to some of this. I’ve thought about myself one way all my life, and dealt with other people in certain ways. I have to tell you that it’s still a hard time I’m having trying to wrap my head around the idea of being gay."
"Technically, you aren’t gay, at least not like I am. If it helps, I would say you are bisexual if you want to think of it that way. Or you don’t have to put a label on it all."
"If I do the things I want to be doing, things I miss doing, then there’ll be plenty of people putting labels on the both of us whether I want it or not."
"What do you mean, things you miss doing?" Ben's brow was furrowed in confusion.
"If you were a woman, I’d be holding your hand when we walk into UPA or along a street. I’d be taking you out to places and not be worrying about hugging you or kissing you in public. I’d be proud for people to be knowing that I love a wonderful person named Ben Kennan."
"Oh." Ben looked down, swallowed hard as a pang of guilt socked his gut. "I’m sorry. I’d like to be able to do those things, too, but I can’t." He felt like somebody had reached in and squeezed his heart. "Not yet, anyway. I just can't." He shook his head.
"Ben, love, I’m not looking for you to apologize or come out before we’re both ready, just to understand that I’m still trying to sort things out in my head about who I am, what we are and what might be happening on our path together."
"I do understand; I just don’t like to think about it much." Ben took a ragged breath. "I know I can’t really understand everything you’re going through; you're in a very different place in life than I was when I had to first figure out what was happening to me. I was definitely a clueless teenager, about life, sex and a lot of other things." Ben relaxed a little as Qui held him close. "But I do know how hard it is to deal with being or doing something that a lot of people think is different or wrong or even perverted."
"Aye, we certainly came at this from opposite ends of things." Qui snorted. "By all the saints, though, there is surely going to be a passel of people who will be shocked or surprised as all hell when we do go public."
"I’m sure there will." Ben hesitated. "Do you think you're going to have problems where you work or with some of your friends?"
"Been thinking about that a bit, but I'm pretty sure there won't be anything I can’t handle. As far as I’m concerned, I’m not the one having a problem. And if they’re true friends, it won’t make a difference."
"I guess that’s something we’ll both have to sort out eventually."
"Aye, we'll sort it out when the time’s right." Qui pulled Ben around to straddle his lap, then reached out and took Ben’s hands in his. "Right now, there’s more practical sorts of affairs I want to be talking about."
"What’s that?" Ben squirmed a bit to get more comfortable, his knees along Qui's hips.
"First off, I want to make it clear that I’m not after asking you for any decisions or commitments. I just want to put a few thoughts out in the open that I’ve had rumbling around in my head recently."
"Is this something you think I’m going to get upset about?" Ben tensed and started to pull his hands back.
"No, I just want you to hear me out." Qui tightened his hold on his lover's hands. "There's some things I'm thinking we need to start looking at."
"Okay, I can do that." Ben relaxed again, the start of a burn up the back of his neck making him realize that he hadn't fully gotten over what Qui had said earlier and had over-reacted to this new request. "Sorry. There's no reason we shouldn't be able to hold a rational discussion."
"That’s my boy." Qui squeezed Ben’s hand briefly. A short silence ensued while Qui seemed to be gathering his thoughts. "You remember when Jeremy Telgar asked me what I thought about some of the gay rights bills in Congress?"
"Sure. You said you never paid any attention to what was going on in Congress because most of it never went anywhere."
"Right. Well, I started doing a little research, just online stuff to keep it quiet. Turns out the federal government has been inching its way toward equal rights, nothing really major yet that would help us, but changing policies in some places where they can. And those bills in Congress, some of it could make a big difference if they actually ever do get it passed and it stands up in court."
"Do you mean like being able to have civil unions or something like that at the federal level?"
"Maybe not that far for a while, but possibly things like being able to put you on my health insurance policy or make you entitled to survivor benefits if anything ever happened to me."
"Sounds like this could be pretty big eventually."
"Aye, perhaps. But all that got me to thinking about what we should be doing now to help each other."
"Such as?"
"Getting some words down in writing all legal and proper, Ben, so we can take care of each other. Things like powers of attorney and wills."
A log in the fire whooshed into sparks as it fell.
"Official things, huh?" said Ben slowly. "Wouldn’t that mean telling somebody about our relationship if we did that?"
"No, not necessarily. Lawyers are only supposed to care that whatever you ask them to do is legal and the paperwork’s done right. I’d bet a pretty penny, though, that Jane or Liz knows some damned discreet lawyers or notaries or whatever it would take."
"I suppose so," said Ben absently. He took in a deep breath, let it out slowly, remembering his promise not to get overly excited. "You’re probably right that we need to start thinking about that kind of stuff." He shuddered as a thought hit him. "I would feel terrible if you got hurt and were in the hospital, but they wouldn’t let me see you because I’m not your legal next of kin."
"That’s a good example." Qui hesitated. "I know we’re just getting started in trying to sort this out, so I was wondering if you’d be minding if we asked Liz and Linda what sorts of legal arrangements they’ve made for each other? Or I can just talk to them myself if that would bother you."
Ben pondered as time passed unheeded. His head said that Qui was right, and it was time to at least start planning for real life issues; his heart quivered at the thought that those actions could bring closer the time they needed to make bigger decisions about the nature of their relationship and whether to make it public or not. Ben sighed. The right thing to do was to step up to his responsibilities to his partner and help resolve the immediate issues that seemed to be bothering him. It would be good for both of them, and besides, what could it hurt to at least talk?
"I think it would be a great idea to discuss this with them," Ben continued firmly, "together."
"Thank you, Ben." Qui drew his lover in for a big hug.
Ben and Qui talked a bit longer about the sorts of questions they might want to ask Liz and Linda, then Qui decided he needed more practice reading the various stories Sandy had asked him to submit sample tapes for so she could make a final selection for the UPA Christmas recording session. They resettled themselves with Qui at one end of the sofa, a floor lamp turned on, and Ben lying with his head in his ranger's lap. Ben didn’t care whether Qui really wanted the practice or thought he was giving his lover a treat; he closed his eyes and let himself drift with the lilting words.
An hour later, whatever angst Ben had left from contemplating Qui's questions had been soothed away. He was feeling remarkably mellow, in fact, after an extended dose of his ranger's magical voice. Ben shifted his head to nuzzle blindly under the edge of Qui's t-shirt to plant a kiss on the flesh beneath. A low chuckle emanated from somewhere above Ben.
"I think that's enough practice for now," Qui said as he set his book aside. He switched off the lamp and ran his fingers through Ben's hair. "It's still a tad early, but a nice soft bed and a bit of fun is sounding mighty inviting right about now, don't you think, boyo?"
"Mmmhhhmmm," murmured Ben. He reluctantly sat up and stretched, the remnants of the fire merely a set of red embers in the dim light. "You want the bathroom first?"
"Aye, thanks." Qui gave Ben a quick kiss before standing up.
Ben sat and waited on the couch. The rest of the house seemed quiet, only an occasional creak or groan breaking the silence. He thought he heard a faint set of footsteps above; a single whoof from one of the dogs was quickly absorbed into the stillness. After Qui came out of the bathroom, Ben heaved himself up and went to complete his nightly ablutions.
Qui was already in bed when Ben came in. Ben took a moment to remove his clothes; he tossed his t-shirt and underwear in the hamper and draped his jeans over his desk chair. Instead of his usual crawl from the end of the bed, Ben went in on Qui's side and positioned himself on hands and knees over his recumbent lover, the tip of his cock almost brushing Qui's stomach. He didn't say anything, just stared down.
A bemused half-smile grew on Qui's lips as the silence lengthened. "Is this some new style of sex I don't know about?" he finally asked. "Much as I admire the view of your lovely eyes, I'm not sure I'm into telepathic foreplay or whatever this is supposed to be."
"I was thinking about you, and about us, and how lucky I am," Ben said softly. He lowered his head until their noses touched. "I am so incredibly frigging lucky to have you."
"Aye, we're both remarkably lucky," Qui murmured. He put one hand behind Ben's head and urged him down for a long, slow kiss.
Ben let his body settle atop Qui's. The full skin-to-skin contact drew a heartfelt sigh of satisfaction as sparks zinged from his cock to his belly.
"Jaysus, that feels so good."
"Oh, yeah... so fricking pisser." Ben felt his organ responding to the phallus expanding next to his and to the hands moving in sweeping strokes along his back, caressing his ass and sliding back up. He sought Qui's mouth with his own and let himself submerge in the physical sensations.
Neither man was in any hurry; there was no urgency to their love-making, simply pure pleasure. Leisurely kisses were interspersed with lips exploring faces and necks. Hands roamed almost of their own volition to fondle and stroke. Eventually sweat slicked their flesh from the close embrace and two cocks hardened as they moved against each other.
A pointed tongue swirling in his ear made Ben shudder and stiffen. "Ahhh... Jesus Christ...oh, God," he moaned.
"Thought you'd like that, boyo," said Qui, an obvious leer in his voice. He nibbled on Ben's earlobe and then used his tongue to elicit another quivering moan.
"You bastard..." groaned Ben half-heartedly. He pumped his hips as his erection reacted to the fire Qui's ministrations was igniting inside him.
Qui reached down and grabbed Ben's ass, holding him close. His legs spread out, knees up, hips moving in response to Ben's rhythm.
"Yeah... oh, yeah." Ben held Qui's head and fastened his mouth on Qui's. He rutted into his lover, bellies and cocks sliding together.
Faster and faster they moved. Passion built into one flame, moving the lovers toward climax. Hands clutched, last frantic jerks of hips... magic of orgasm as bodies stiffened, then relaxed into completion.
"Mmmmm... so good," murmured Ben. He slid off his quiescent partner and stretched out on his back. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the afterglow.
A towel making a quick pass along his stomach roused Ben. He looked at Qui, blinking when the light was switched off. He reached down to pull up the covers as he snuggled close into Qui's side.
"Ben?"
"Hmmm?" Sleep was tugging at Ben and he had to focus to stay awake a few moments longer.
"Are you sure you're okay with me wanting to move things along with the legal papers and such?" Qui whispered.
"Yeah. Those were good questions. We need to work on that stuff," Ben whispered back. "Are you okay with not being able to kiss me in the middle of the town square for a while longer?"
"Don't worry, I can live with it." Qui petted Ben's ass. "Especially when I'm able to have my wicked way with my beautiful boyo when we're alone."
Ben almost giggled, settling for a subdued chortle. "I hope you've been taking your vitamin E, 'cause I want you to be very wicked very often."
Qui kissed Ben softly. "Love you."
"Love you, too.
Peaceful breathing was soon the only sound in the room.
finis
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