Author's note: First of Four Parts, each with their own title
Spoilers: Yes, for TPM.
Archive: Master/Apprentice only
Disclaimer: Characters portrayed within belong to George Lucas
and LucasFilm. No copyright infringement is intended. No money
going anywhere!
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Claddaugh for the prod and the
Force vibes!
Categories: Q/O, First-Time (the whole group of stories), AU
Time: Apparently after TPM...
Note: This is AU, one of those "the way I'd have written it"
things. I can't abide killing off a Jedi as magnificent as
Qui-Gon Jinn. Just can't go there, no way. But let's just say
I'm not throwing out canon, just... you'll see. <g>
Rating: Oh, just an R, probably, if even that, for parts 1, 2,
& 3 but part 4 will be NC-17.
Part 1: Vision
Obi-Wan Kenobi woke abruptly, his heart pounding, his body
covered in cold sweat. Automatically, his Jedi-trained mind
tracked to identify his surroundings - strange, he was on a
spacecraft... returning to Coruscant? But the room looked so
familiar. And the other thing his mind did was track for his
master.
Immediately the anguish gripped him, the grief he knew he would
be long in healing. He would never feel the touch of that
august mind again. Qui-Gon Jinn was dead.
"Obi-Wan?" came a soft, familiar voice, then, shockingly, a
touch to his mind which should not be.
The new Jedi Knight tore his eyes around to see behind him. A
flood of adrenaline hit him as he saw who stood there with
concern and worry in his eyes.
"Master?" Obi-Wan gasped in astonishment to see his beloved
Qui-Gon regarding him quizzically. The venerable Jedi Master
stood just inside the door of Obi-Wan's sleeping chamber, his
arms folded before him in the wide sleeves of his robe.
"I sensed distress from you, my Padawan," Qui-Gon murmured in
his deep, quiet voice. "You were having..."
The padawan leapt up to come to him, his hands reaching for his
master's upper arms, the shock still stamped on his face.
"... a nightmare," Qui-Gon finished, looking down at his
apprentice, wondering at the physical touch. "Obi-Wan, calm
your mind. You are awake now, it was only a dream..."
"No," Obi-Wan denied it. He clutched at the very real arms of
his dead master. "You were killed by the Sith in battle... I
could not get to you... then you died in my arms..." His voice
came out harsh, his throat tightened still with strong emotion.
"A dream, no more..." Qui-Gon repeated, but he still looked
worried. "Padawan, I assure you I am very alive and fully
intend to remain that way, Sith or no. You must calm yourself
if we come to face him on Naboo. Come, meditate with me..." He
turned slightly as if to move aside, but hands held him
tighter.
Obi-Wan was still processing the situation. "We... we haven't
faced him together yet..."
Qui-Gon unfolded his arms from within the dark brown sleeves
and laid his hands along his student's arms, cupping his
elbows. "Of course not. We are enroute to Naboo to attempt to
win the planet back from the Trade Federation."
Of course... they were on the Nubian cruiser again, having left
Coruscant to return to Naboo with Queen Amidala. Then the
rest... Obi-Wan blinked. When he'd awoken, the events lay
crystal clear in his mind, all of them, but now, only those
having to do with the battle remained... and the funeral. And
that was all too vivid. "When I awoke," he murmured, still
gazing with disbelief at the serene visage of his teacher, "it
was as if this was all ended - we'd won and I was returning to
Coruscant with the boy to begin his training. You..." He gazed
deep into Qui-Gon's calm blue eyes. "You made me promise to
train him."
He felt suddenly for the padawan braid which had been cut when
he'd been made Knight. To his amazement, there it was in his
hand. "It... it didn't happen, any of it," he gasped.
Qui-Gon studied his padawan's face, still worried. Obi-Wan had
truly believed that the events in his dream had been real. "No,
Obi-wan. None of it occurred. But you are unusually disturbed
nevertheless." He reached out tentatively with his mind,
intending to soothe his student, much as he had when he was a
teenager and needed help quieting his mind.
Obi-Wan emitted an involuntary moan at the touch. He thought
he'd lost that forever. [Master, I saw your death. I lost
you...]
[I am here, Padawan,] returned the mental voice so fluid with
the Force.
[Then we are to face him... the Sith.] Obi-Wan reached up
suddenly to lay finger tips along his master's cheek and the
edge of the soft brown-silver beard. [We must be together when
that happens.]
Qui-Gon did not react at the touch, knowing his padawan had to
restore his internal balance. [Of course, you will fight beside
me. We are a team, my Padawan.] The Jedi Master smiled gently,
reassuringly.
Obi-Wan could not stop touching him, stroking his face, his
eyes moist. [No, I mean you must not separate from me. When we
face the Sith.] He took a deep breath, letting the Force flow
through his mind and through the mental bond he had with his
master. [Do not press ahead without me... I beg you,
Qui-Gon...]
The Jedi Master nodded slowly, then reached up and took the
young man's hand from his cheek, though he kept it in his.
"Obi-Wan, you believe this to be a vision of the future, do you
not?"
The padawan swallowed with difficulty. "It must be. Until now I
believed it had happened. Swear to me you will not leave my
side, Master."
Qui-Gon Jinn looked long at his student, reading the Force
within himself and what he could see in his padawan's mind.
Rarely had he seen such vehemence and certainty in his young
protege. The Force was strong in him, indeed... and could it be
that Qui-Gon's obsession with getting permission to train the
Skywalker boy had dimmed his own perception of the danger of
the Sith? On Tatooine he had escaped the Sith, not defeated
him. Obi-Wan had dreamed his death... at the hand of the Sith,
separated from him.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon tried to reassure him again, shaking his
head gently, "I must fight as I can, as the situation warrants,
not act to preserve my own life. If I die, I become one with
the Force. There is no death in the Force..."
He stopped, stunned as his apprentice abruptly sank to his
knees before him in one graceful movement. "Nevertheless,"
Obi-Wan countered, his master's hand still entwined in his, "I
ask you to promise me that one thing. If you bear me any love
at all, give me this, I beg you." He pressed his cheek into the
hand he held. "Please, Master."
The elder Jedi was taken aback and very moved that his
padawan's feelings for him ran so deep. He'd known Obi-Wan
Kenobi was devoted to him... the young man was certainly
obedient and loyal as his padawan... but this seemed so much
more than just respect for a teacher. Without forethought,
acting only through the pulse of the Force through himself,
Qui-Gon sank to his knees as well, withdrawing his hand as he
collected his padawan against him, his long arms folding around
his shoulders. "Beloved Padawan," he murmured, noting as he did
that he seemed to have deep feelings as well, "although it is
against my better judgment and contrary to my usual mode of
operating... it seems the Force would agree with you that I
should keep close to you in this particular danger. I promise
you, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan had slid his arms around the waist of his tall master,
sighing into his solid strength, his head fitting into the
broad shoulder. "I cannot watch you die twice, Master," he
whispered, pressing his lips against Qui-Gon's shoulder, barely
aware of doing so. "If I must do that, then I will be unable to
bear it, and would have to follow you in oneness with the
Force."
Qui-Gon tensed, then relaxed so that he did not communicate the
wrong thing to his padawan. This pronouncement - again, the
Force singing in Obi-Wan's voice - shook him deeply. That his
padawan would choose to follow him in death! It not only was
very un-Jedi, but exceedingly selfish... [Who would train
Anakin?] he thought to himself, then as he did so, realized the
significance of thinking that particular thought in this
moment. He had blocked out the voice of the Force,
blinded by Anakin's potential. "You must not say such things,
Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon murmured, his hand slipping up into the short
hair of his apprentice. "I am not worthy of such a...
sacrifice."
The padawan raised his head, looking up into his master's face,
which wore a slight frown. "You are worth a hundred such
sacrifices... to me," Obi-Wan murmured, releasing him
altogether. Gracefully, he stood and bowed to him. "I thank you
for your promise, Master. Together we will assure that the Sith
will meet defeat."
Qui-Gon stood, unsure of what exactly had just taken place
between them. But Obi-Wan's careful formality allowed him to
restore his composure. He folded his arms again in his sleeves
and returned the bow. "Your devotion honors me, Padawan. And I
would have no other at my side in the darkest hour."
Obi-Wan felt a flush of pride and love in his Master's praise.
"We will succeed, Master. Together."
The Force rippled between Master and Padawan, their bond sure
and strong.
Part 2: Reality
Darth Maul dropped away, sliced in half, into the depths of the
melting pit. Obi-Wan, breathing hard, watched him go, then
turned to his master, shutting off his lightsaber.
Qui-Gon, breathing equally hard, his muscles screaming with
pain, deactivated his lightsaber and let it fall to the
walkway. As his padawan turned to him, he staggered.
Obi-Wan was instantly beside him, helping to support his
exhausted Master's weight. He himself was sore in a dozen
places, but there was not a single thought for his own ailing.
His mind could fix on only one thing.
His master was alive. Obeying his promise to him, Qui-Gon had
held back when Darth Maul had entered the hallway of shifting
energy fields, and hence did not get separated from Obi-Wan.
When they had made their way through at last, Jedi Master and
Jedi Apprentice faced and defeated the Sith Apprentice
together, though the Dark Lord's malice and skill had taken
everything they had to fight with.
"Must... see... how the rest are doing," Qui-Gon gasped, trying
to get his breath back.
"In a moment, Master," Obi-Wan easily kept the exhausted Master
from plunging back down the hallway. "We need to give ourselves
a moment to rest, center ourselves in the Force again..."
"Yes, Padawan," the elder Jedi said with a smile, his long arm
around the other's shoulder. Indeed, he could barely stand now
that the battle's adrenaline rush was no longer needed to keep
him fighting. Defeating the Sith had taken every shred of their
combined resources.
Obi-Wan, his arms around the older man, steadied him as his own
breathing eased. "He would have slain you... without me," he
murmured, laying his head on Qui-Gon's shoulder.
Qui-Gon nodded. It had been Obi-Wan's vision, his death at the
hand of the Sith. "Yes, you are right," he replied quietly.
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, letting the Force flow through him,
through their lightly bonded minds. "This has shown me my way,
beloved Master. I now know what the Force wishes of me."
At the odd yet utterly surely spoken words, Qui-Gon felt a rush
of emotion pulse through him. He kissed the top of his
apprentice's head, folding his other arm around him, completing
the embrace. "What is that, Padawan?" It felt so right, so good
to hold and touch his beloved Obi-Wan, and Qui-Gon had rarely
felt the communion with the Force any deeper than in this
moment.
Obi-Wan smiled as he felt the gentle kiss, his heart full of
relief and love. "That I must remain with you, even as a
Knight. I am your greatest asset, as you have been and are
mine."
The twinge in Qui-Gon's heart did not come from strain, but
from an ache he had felt before, but only now understood. But
nothing was this simple... "Obi-Wan, but I must take another
padawan. I must train Anakin. One way or another, I'll convince
the Council to let me."
The apprentice pulled away enough to look up at his master. A
look of sudden mischief crossed his face, but his eyes so
clearly showed love. "You said Anakin's cells show the highest
midichlorian count ever recorded - and you actually think you
can train him alone?" He winked. "I think the boy is going to
be a handful, Qui-Gon. You need my help."
Qui-Gon nodded, understanding so much now. "That is entirely
possible, Obi-Wan," he replied, easing into a smile at last.
Thinking of Anakin's astounding prowess with the pod-racer, the
Jedi Master likely could need a hell of a lot of help with the
prodigy. "I shall inquire with respect to that as well. In
fact, it could be what tips the Council in my favor." His eyes
danced momentarily with humor. "I think they would agree that
you could be a tempering influence on me."
"I would be honored to serve you in that manner," Obi-Wan
replied impishly... and was there something else in his
expression?
Qui-Gon, feeling fairly restored, straightened, then gestured
with his head toward the palace proper. "They need us, Padawan.
We may not win today after all."
Reluctantly Obi-Wan nodded, releasing him as his Master bent to
retrieve his lightsaber, hanging it on his belt again. His
heart was still full and singing after their victory. "Yes,
Master."
Minutes later they rejoined the Queen's party in the throne
room... where they found that the war was actually over.
Somehow the Trade Federation's control ship had been destroyed,
effectively deactivating every piece of the droid invasion
force. The Viceroy and his lieutenant had been captured.
Qui-Gon, after hearing that an unknown pilot, not at all in the
defense group, had been the one to destroy the control ship,
looked immediately for his padawan, who met his gaze with
widened eyes, matching his shock.
Anakin.
[I do need your help,] Qui-Gon sent silently, abashed. [Is your
offer still open?]
[Absolutely,] Obi-Wan returned, grinning.
[Then I accept.] The Jedi Master sent his padawan a mental wash
of love that made Obi-Wan shiver. Their eyes met and locked...
and they understood.
Part 3: Promise
The new Jedi Knight knelt in meditation in his assigned
quarters in the Jedi Temple, still glowing from his
achievement. The trials were passed, the beautiful ceremony and
ritual of Knighthood were over, and the celebration ended just
an hour ago - and he knew he was long from sleep. For now he
was supremely happy to just rest in having achieved his life's
dream, contemplate his new status.
But his meditation kept centering on the one person outside of
himself without whom none of this could happen. If he hadn't
been able to convince a certain very reluctant Jedi Master to
accept him as padawan twelve years ago... And if said Jedi
Master hadn't slowly become everything to him...
Obi-Wan took out and examined again the terrible image in his
vision a few days ago - the vision of Qui-Gon's death. It still
seemed so real, his master's agony sharp in his mind, the
tendrils of life fading swiftly. When the reality turned out
differently, Obi-Wan knew with astounding clarity that he was
meant to be with Qui-Gon Jinn, to serve at his side, support
and assist him, even to help protect him, and certainly... love
him...
The Knight thought about this last. [I seal my fate with his,
pledge my life to him,] he considered soberly, knowing that the
carefully disciplined formality between Master and apprentice
that Qui-Gon Jinn had enforced between them had effectively
prevented any further closeness from developing. [I am no
longer his padawan,] his thought continued. [I have loved him
long, though since this false vision...] Obi-Wan took a deep
breath, the Force flowing through him in the waves of
controlled desire he allowed himself.
Serenity, as was the way of the Jedi, not passion,. The peace
of knowing oneself in relation to another. [I am his,] Obi-Wan
thought with pride and happiness. [If he will have me. I am
his.]
Just then came the gentle, sure touch of his master's mind.
[Obi-Wan...]
The joy surged up within his chest. [Master...]
[I'm not your Master any longer, dear Obi-wan...]
[Always, Qui-Gon. You will always be so.]
Joy returned to him. [Thank you. Excuse me for interrupting
your meditation. I know you have a lot to think about.]
[I'm thinking about you.]
A short silence fell between them as the Jedi Master absorbed
that fact. Qui-Gon Jinn, also kneeling in his meditative
posture in his own quarters, had been thinking rather a lot
about his former padawan as well. Obi-Wan Kenobi was strong,
gifted, skilled, disciplined, fluid with the Force, every thing
a Jedi Knight should be. [I should be feeling a lot of pride in
my work with him,] the Jedi Master thought privately to
himself, sighing. [But I had the galaxy's best material to work
with. And he saved my life...]
[I have been... thinking... about you as well, Obi-Wan,]
Qui-Gon replied finally. He reached out further into their bond
together, touching his friend's mind in a light caress.
Obi-Wan gasped sharply at the intimacy. [By the Force,] he
swore, daring to return the same intimate mental touch, [you
have?]
The Jedi Master felt peace settle into his heart. [I am
discovering that I may be the last to realize this, but...
evidently I love you well, Obi-Wan.]
The word, spoken like the soothing rain into his mind.
[Qui-Gon, I am yours...]
[Yes...]
[Where... where is Anakin?] As they'd hoped, the Jedi Council
had approved Anakin Skywalker for Jedi training finally, and
agreed to let Master Jinn and Knight Kenobi train him in
concert.
A mental smile. [He has settled in with the other students,
charming his way into their hearts, of course.] Then the Jedi
Master grew more serious. [We must talk about him, soon.]
Obi-Wan understood completely. [I know - the bond. Have
you...?]
[No.] They each understood completely what the other meant. A
padawan and his or her master formed a mental bond to aid
training as soon as possible after selection. Obi-Wan and his
master had been bonded in this way for twelve years. [I suspect
that my bond with you has prevented... that... from forming as
yet with him. We must discuss how this is to work.]
A deep shiver worked its way through the young Knight. [I've
never felt you closer to me, never felt our bond this strong.]
The mental whisper came back, awed. [Nor I. I have never felt
this with anyone.]
The communication paused as each rested in the bright pulse of
the Force that was growing between them, the light, beautiful
fluid energy that the universe was made of. Their entire lives
had been spent studying, manipulating, breathing, carrying the
Force within themselves, and being manipulated by it in turn...
like in the death-vision which helped a particular flow of
Force to die or divert... and the beloved of Obi-Wan Kenobi to
remain alive to love his former padawan well... and to train an
extremely remarkable boy in the ways of the Jedi and the Force.
[Come to me...] the Master spoke.
[I will come,] the Knight replied with a flare of happiness
shared in their bond.
Part 4: Serenity
Obi-Wan entered the chamber on bare feet and closed the door
behind him quietly. He leaned back on the door and lifted his
eyes to meet those of his former master. Those sapphire orbs
held tenderness and warmth... and something new that he'd never
seen before. A hunger and desire... yet controlled, banked,
awaiting the Master's disciplined release.
Qui-Gon had already shed his robe, belt, stole, and boots,
standing at ease as he studied his former apprentice. The
answering want in the young man's eyes, his languid, wanton
expression, fairly shook the Master's controls, but Qui-Gon was
completely Jedi, even in matters of the heart... and libido.
He stepped up to Obi-Wan, his hands reverently going up to his
face, sliding fingertips up against his cheeks. "Your love is a
gift," Qui-Gon murmured quietly, edging nearer as he looked
down into the wide blue eyes fixed on his. "One I dared never
allow myself to hope I could receive." His fingers caressed the
other man's cheek - so different from other similar touches to
his padawan over the years.
"One you deserve richly, Master," Obi-Wan replied softly,
sighing at the delicate touching. "I know the journey your
heart has had to endure to reach this moment. And I know what a
risk this is for you... to let me in like this." He gingerly
set his hands to his former master's waist, tensing subtly to
draw him closer.
"No, Padawan," Qui-Gon smiled, returning the old title back,
"You have been there long... perhaps even since a young lad
tried to sacrifice his life for me in the mines of Bandomeer.
You know our bond started then."
"Yes," Obi-Wan agreed, smiling. "But that was hero worship.
This is not. Though I think I still worship you, Master..." The
Knight sent a wave of love into their bond.
Qui-Gon inhaled sharply. "And I you," he whispered, sending the
same back, then bending down towards his face. He paused, their
lips barely an inch apart. "Now, let me worship you... Jedi to
Jedi."
Something in the way he said that made Obi-Wan shiver, and
again he knew Qui-Gon would always be Master to him as well as
lover now. "Yes..." he managed to whisper before his lips were
touched.
[Serenity,] Qui-Gon continued in his mind as if this were no
more than another teaching lesson. But, oh, of a very different
sort now. His lips brushed Obi-Wan's lightly, a brief foray,
then again like a bird alighting on a branch, settling and
unsettling. [Serenity does not mean peace in that particular
line of the Code.]
[Republic,] Obi-Wan commented, holding as still as he could,
Jedi discipline his strength now, [... is a poor tongue. The
Code should be written in Nabonese, or perhaps something more
eloquent yet... Alderin comes to mind.]
[Yes, in Alderin,] Qui-Gon agreed, still at play upon his
lover's lips. [Serenity or, rather, 'solambrado' - as in the
coiled frond of the galonili fern, released slowly, unfurling
only at the kiss of sunlight - like the measured, careful
release of sexual energies by Jedi Knights, the Force blooming
between them like the Eshrave nova... yet shielded. Are your
shields up to this?] He chuckled even as he suckled upon
Obi-Wan's lower lip.
Upon reaching physical maturity, Jedi apprentices were trained
in sexual control for several weeks away from their Masters,
taken in hand by special Jedi Healers for this purpose, Healers
who wore hoods and remained nameless so that the apprentices
would form no attachments to them. Once training with their
Masters resumed, the padawans were encouraged to seek release
when needed... with each other. Never their Masters, not at
least until reaching adulthood. And often not even then.
Qui-Gon Jinn had made sure that Obi-Wan had periodic stays at
the Temple to spend time with other apprentices.
Obi-Wan, under the barrage of his lover's mouth play, knew he
was facing a challenge as great as his Knight trials. [All of
me is up for this,] he returned, grinning against Qui-Gon's
mouth as he nudged his groin against the other's leg, proud
that he was only half-erect as yet. He would need every ounce
of his hard-won self-discipline, he knew, against the Jedi
Master's superior experience. He checked to be sure that his
personal mental shields, while open to the other, were
otherwise as adamantine as Qui-Gon's.
[Good,] returned a sensuous chuckle that made him shiver again.
Qui-Gon's tongue played with his lips, then as his parted,
invaded immediately. Tongue touched tongue. A wild spike of
lust threatened to undo Obi-Wan's discipline, but his master's
voice was firm. [Easy, stretch out with your feelings, let the
Force guide you,] the Master instructed even as his tongue
slowly plundered the Knight's mouth.
The words of teaching seemed odd in this context, but Obi-Wan
realized his instructor was completely serious. Opening his
mouth wider, his head still cradled in the large hands, Obi-Wan
obeyed, focusing his attention on the vibrantly pulsing Force
that surrounded them both, drawing them toward inevitable
union. Returned were his controls, the years of mental
discipline his refuge.
Then the Master was gathering his lover's body fully into his
embrace, arms slipping down to draw the solidity of the other's
broad shoulders firmly against him even as the Knight's arms
circled his waist tighter. Still kissing deeply, Qui-Gon put
his weight into the embrace so that the back of Obi-Wan's head
thudded against the wood of the door again. Yet, though the
embrace and kiss were utterly claiming, the firm Jedi control
was still in place.
[I want to let loose with you, abandon control,] Obi-Wan gasped
into his lover's mind, his reaction causing tiny eddies of
confusion to ripple through the Force between them.
[I know,] returned the serene Qui-Gon, his tongue still
entwined with his. [I am selfish, Obi-Wan. I want the higher
reward that control will bring. You'll have to let me take you
there...]
Obi-Wan had never been kissed like this - ruthlessly yet with
maddening slowness, his senses filled with Qui-Gon Jinn... his
taste, his scent, the press of his rather larger body pinning
the Knight to the door. And his Jedi senses as well... the
light but firm touch to his mental controls, bolstering his
urge to give in to lust... the steady throb of the Force
surrounding them both. [What... what higher reward?] He could
barely form words.
[Do you trust me, Beloved?] Again the wave of tenderness was
sent.
[My knees...] Obi-Wan heard his own thought, wondering if
Qui-Gon would catch him if his knees gave out. [I trust you,
Beloved Master,] he replied, clinging to Qui-Gon's back.
Shifting, he felt his ma,
light, full, and free. Loving with and in them. His body
remembered to breathe again.
Then the Jedi Master was releasing him fully, removing his
weight against him, only to keep his hand in his. "Come," he
murmured, still smiling. And he drew his former padawan toward
his sleeping room.
Within, Obi-Wan wanted to reach for him, wanted to pull him
against him again and be plundered by his mouth, but Qui-Gon
held a hand up, his expression still marked by that serene
beauty that made the young Knight ache. [Trust me,] Qui-Gon
whispered into his mind again. Then the Master, standing a
couple feet away from him, made a graceful gesture with his
hand to either side of him. Obi-Wan felt the stirring of the
Force and his Jedi robe slipped from his shoulders to the floor
as if soft hands had lifted it from him. Another gesture, and
his belt dropped away as the Knight raised his arms, his sash
following, falling to the puddle of fabric gathered around him
on the floor.
He heard some soft words uttered by the Jedi Master, though he
knew the sense rather than the meaning. An utterance of
delight, followed by the Master's hands lifting his stole over
his head, laying it aside. Then still another gesture... and
the ties of his tunic loosened. Obi-Wan felt the smooth
caresses of the Force again as his tunic and undertunic both
slipped off his shoulders, joining the rest of his clothing.
[Jedi mind tricks,] he thought suddenly, and laughed aloud as
his Master's innovative use of Force. But when Qui-Gon, smiling
at his joke, lifted his arms, Obi-Wan applied Force in like. A
sweep of his hand, and the ties of Qui-Gon's tunic loosened as
well. But the Knight's own hands drew the worn linen of the
tunic, together with the thinner material of the undertunic,
off the broad, powerful shoulders of the Jedi Master, drawing
them down the muscular arms and onto the floor.
Qui-Gon looked down at the young, nubile male torso before him
and emitted a little sigh in appreciation, his Jedi discipline
allowing him to savor the sight without the threat of letting
any one moment tear control away from him. It was a road he'd
been down many times before as a Jedi. But this was his own
beloved Obi-Wan, viewed as he'd never allowed himself to see
him before. The firm muscles, he knew with a private thrill,
were there due to his own training of the young man. Now... a
reward to be reaped.
Obi-Wan was also lost in contemplation of his tall lover's
broad chest and shoulders, the Force keeping him in the moment
as he examined the Master as he'd never been permitted before.
Qui-Gon was a massive figure of a man, all hard leanness on
those long bones from decades of training and fighting. But
even more, what captured Obi-Wan's fascination was the myriad
of scar lines, mostly tiny, but a few deep ones... he found
himself tracing one up along his right shoulder, one he
remembered from Bandomeer, the result of a pirate's vibro-ax.
The scars were not ugly, not when the Knight knew they
represented the Jedi's devotion to peace and defense of the
defenseless. They were beauty incarnate.
A finger to his chin brought his eyes up to meet the other's.
"I see you remember that one," Qui-Gon murmured. He pressed
Obi-Wan's hand over the scar, then reached out and touched a
reddened weal still healing on the Knight's collarbone, a burn
mark from a glancing blow of Darth Maul's lightsaber from the
battle just days ago. "I will remember this one and how you
saved me." Smiling with a hint of humor in his eyes, he added,
"Remind me... later... to spend some time with you healing this
a little better. We haven't had the time."
"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan smiled. "I am proud to bear scars won in
fighting alongside you, Qui-Gon."
Qui-Gon nodded, his hands sliding to lightly clasp Obi-Wan's
wrists. "As am I... now, trust me..." He leaned down to briefly
kiss the Knight as he moved the other man's wrists to cross at
the small of his back. [Back to our ritual...]
[Is that what this is?] Obi-Wan shivered, thrilling. [Ritual...
Jedi... lovemaking...]
[Yes. Steady now...] The Force was fluttering between them as
desire tugged at Obi-Wan's controls, but the mental voice of
his Master calmed him, and the energies shared evened out. [Be
in the moment, each one perfect as a cloudless sky. We love in
a series of perfect moments, strung together like fine
Corellian pearls, but also as the building tide of the ocean,
surging in increments to fullness...] Qui-Gon laid his hands on
Obi-Wan's shoulders and began to use them, Force-enhanced, to
explore his lover's body.
The touches were light, deft, and with the added caressing of
the Force in his mind, utterly erotic. Obi-Wan inhaled deeply
but somehow kept a firm hand on his control, his fists pressed
into his back. [You should have been a poet...]
The hands felt along his throat, his shoulders, down his arms.
[And you hate poetry, or you might have discovered one or two
of my works in the library. But right now I'd rather create a
poem between us...]
[Do not hate poetry,] Obi-Wan tried to counter, but just
about then, large thumbs passed over his nipples. Something
blossomed in his mind and something else automatically kicked
in to keep him standing erect. "Force! What was that?" he
gasped, barely able to keep his wrists where they were.
Qui-Gon was leaning closer, kissing his cheek as his hands
stilled while his lover adjusted. [We are part of the Force in
this moment, sensitized as rarely ever before except in the
height of battle,] came back the serene reply. [And I stand
corrected. You intensely dislike poetry. Or else it's the
irritating voice of the reader -]
[Master!] A brief flair of exasperation pushed through, then
Obi-Wan, sighing, settled back into calmness. [Forgive me,
Qui-Gon, but do you always talk about really unimportant things
during sex?] He turned his head to the side and up, managing to
interrupt the other's lips with his.
The Jedi Master did not answer right away, enjoying the warm
kiss. Then he straightened to resume his exploration, slipping
his hands down to Obi-Wan's ribs. But his eyes still twinkled.
[Apparently so,] he replied after resuming the searching
caresses. [I've heard that accusation before... but only
during, never afterward.]
Obi-Wan so wanted to lose it... but fortunately the flow of the
Force was too deep now, a river carrying them both along, yet
controlled. His lover's words sent a spike of desire - the
knowledge that his former Master was indeed a "master" in yet
another area and not just poetry - but it was no more
than a delicious surge of intensity that ebbed back down
into... there was that damn word again, but Obi-Wan was
beginning to understand it now... serenity.
Then Qui-Gon was stepping back. A smooth gesture of a hand, and
the ties of Obi-Wan's pants and breeches obediently loosened,
the fabric slipping off the slim hips, Force-assisted, until
the Knight stepped out of the pool of cloth and stood fully
revealed before the elder. Now the feel of his beloved's eyes
on him felt sensual and loving, no more threat to a passion
that, once loosed, would burn too quickly and ruin the deeper
imprinting of Jedi upon Jedi that this ritual was evidently
intended to cause.
A wave of pleasure flowed from Qui-Gon's mind to his former
padawan, the pleasure of viewing his male perfection. [By the
Force,] the Master swore softly, reverently, [but you're
beautiful.] Then he knelt on one knee before his young lover,
his hands slipping over his hips. As Obi-Wan sighed deeply
above him, he leaned in to place a kiss on the juncture of leg
and hip in the small hollow there.
[Master...] the Knight sighed through the Force pulsing
steadily and evenly between them. [Make me yours, Jedi to Jedi.
Forever, Master, I am yours...]
Qui-Gon slid his hands around to cup Obi-Wan's firm buttocks as
he leaned his forehead against the place he'd just kissed.
[Beloved, darling Padawan, always mine,] he returned, reveling
in the power of the Force building between them. So slow, the
Force now in charge of their pace and they its most willing
slaves...
Another blossoming like an orgasmic surge, but this time
identical in the minds of each Jedi as their mental bond
deepened. Obi-Wan, deeply attuned to the other, used Force to
undo the clasp holding Qui-Gon's long hair back, then sighed as
he felt the cascade slide against his thighs and groin,
followed by another shiver in their linked minds as Qui-Gon
moved his head to set his lips against the Knight's
semi-hardness.
[Perfect moments, Obi-Wan,] Qui-Gon breathed into his mind as
he kissed the firming member, feeling like they already flying
on the crest of the Force.
[Perfect moments, Qui-Gon,] Obi-Wan returned, slowly uncrossing
his wrists and bringing his hands around to filter into the
long brown-silver hair, not to hold or urge on, but to connect,
understanding without being told that it was permitted.
A low, sensuous moan was allowed to escape the Master's throat
as he opened his mouth to move lips and tongue - ever slowly -
along the hardening length, and the Knight responded in like,
riding the sensations as if swimming with the tide. When the
tip of his penis was lavished by the other's tongue, another
bloom of release was shared between them. A cycle began - so
slow as to be inhuman by most standards, but these were Jedi -
a lick or a suck and the bloom surging within both linked
minds. Obi-Wan, yielding ever more fully to the Force, felt
himself locked safely within his Master's mind, rising and
falling with him as if neither existed separately.
If he'd ever doubted the incredible discipline of the Jedi
Master's mind, those doubts were far fled. At times it almost
seemed as if Qui-Gon and the Force were the lovers, and he was
merely permitted to ride along, at least until another surge
blossomed forth, and he felt the deep-focused adoration of his
lover centered in himself.
Though this particular cycle of sensation took a full fifteen
minutes of real time, it seemed but a single moment, ended too
soon. Qui-Gon gave his lover's weeping member a last cherished
lick, then was rising to stand again. He took the pliant Knight
into his arms, floating with him for a moment more, then kissed
him tenderly. [I believe it is your turn, Padawan,] he murmured
to him, pleased at his student's trust.
Obi-Wan shivered as he came out of the... trance? fugue? He
felt as if he'd been deep in meditation, and he supposed he
had. [It most certainly is,] he replied, then, when Qui-Gon
presented his wrists to him, he found laughter bubbling up
again.
"What is so funny, beloved?" Qui-Gon asked, amused.
"You, me, nothing, everything," Obi-Wan chuckled, clasping the
man's wrists. "You're like this immense tree and I don't feel
like climbing. Lie down." He Force-untied Qui-Gon's pants and
breeches, divested him of them, then gave him a little nudge
toward the bed.
"I'm not that much taller than you," Qui-Gon murmured, but he
acquiesced and laid down in the center of his bed. When the
Knight raised his wrists, he put them against the bed above his
head, settling in and centering to prepare for the exploration
that was coming.
"You've got to be kidding," Obi-Wan smirked, settling in to sit
beside him. "You're a lot taller than me and I love it. You're
this great big thing and I get to have all of you..."
"Slowly," Qui-Gon interrupted. "I told you I was selfish."
"Of course, slowly. If I can." Obi-Wan let his eyes range at
last over his Master's nude body, pausing to admire with
widened eyes the long, heavy organ and pendulous sac below.
"Force..." he swore, gulping.
[Shhhh, settle back in, beloved,] Qui-Gon cautioned him,
mentally touching his lover's controls lightly, guiding him.
[And you can. I told you I was selfish. I will not let
you slip into the fire, not until it is time.]
Steadied, Obi-Wan found his center again, smiling. Shifting to
sit up beside his head, the Knight filled his fingers again
with the long, silky hair, then leaned over to use lips and
tongue to explore the relaxed features of his Master, resting
in the gentle waves of the Force lapping in their joined minds.
He turned Qui-Gon's head to the side and ran his tongue very
slowly along the length of the long, elegant neck, then rubbing
his nose back along the soft beard.
[You are indeed my student,] Qui-Gon sighed, letting himself
slip back with his protege into the Force-well of pure and
glorious sensation.
[You are a magnificent teacher,] came the gentle reply, as
Obi-Wan ran his tongue along the thick scar on the right
shoulder... winning another bloom of energy between them.
[Ahhhh... and you were always apt, so dedicated...]
Obi-Wan, too, felt the Force draw him back into its bosom, his
lover. He ran his hands along the up-stretched arms, loving
their length and hard muscles, then, himself a poet with
motion, lifted to straddle Qui-Gon across his belly. [Dedicated
to you, always now...] He leaned over, chest to chest, to
softly kiss the other man's lips, delicately, easily, like two
flowers brushing against one another.
[Dedicated to the will of the light side of the Force.]
[Semantics. Yes, dedicated to the Force through my dedication
to you.] Obi-Wan opened his mouth to let the other's tongue
enter. Even now, his groin pressed against Qui-Gon's belly,
their conjoined disciplines managed the pace as if they
performed a dance in slow motion. They kissed for long minutes
until Obi-wan, sighing into his mouth, pulled his lips away
gently, descending to the Master's chest.
Then, intent on repeating the spiraling cycle of orgasmic
sensations that his beloved had earlier engendered in them,
Obi-Wan ran his tongue over one of his lover's nipples. The
Force glowed in them powerfully. Qui-Gon closed his eyes,
yielding to the Force and his lover's tongue. The Knight lathed
the other nipple with his tongue... and another pulse surged
forth within both. He repeated the pattern, this time winning
soft moans from the Master.
Though it was Qui-Gon who had to receive the intense
application of sensation, he remained firmly in charge, his
years of hard-won discipline having prepared him for what was
likely to be the most intense release of his life. Already his
mind, carrying his lover's, was far away, lost in the Force.
Obi-Wan, too, was less aware of making conscious decisions at
this point, so immersed in the Force that he felt himself its
vessel, now he was the Force, making love to Qui-Gon
Jinn. His eyes fell closed, too, no longer needing sight, his
mind "seeing" only the bright swarming tides of the Force
surrounding them. A sigh left him that he did not hear as his
body shifted down the length of the other, pressing his
buttocks against the strong, hard length behind him...
....And a single powerful urge for union shoved itself up
through their mingled consciousness, drawing matching groans
from each of them. For a terrible moment they teetered on the
edge of that raw, lustful urge, then there was something like a
thunderclap as the Jedi Master brutally killed it, snapping his
massive control back into place. Obi-Wan collapsed onto
Qui-Gon's chest as his lover's arms enfolded him tightly.
They lay there, breathing hard, for several minutes while the
Force tsunami relaxed itself back out, gentling again between
them. Obi-Wan, his face buried in Qui-Gon's shoulder, did not
have to ask what had happened.
[Vigilance must be constant,] the Jedi Master instructed him
calmly - instructions again, now! [The Dark Side strikes
without warning. Lust consumes, burns too brightly, demands
more than can be satisfied. We who ride the Force would
especially be devoured.]
[I understand,] Obi-Wan replied. It was a lesson he'd heard a
thousand times before, but usually when he was angry or
frightened. But this new application was understood completely.
For a few minutes he centered himself as his Master did, then
worked to deepen it, return to where they had been. Then, when
he felt himself ready, Obi-Wan lifted his torso again and once
more pressed back into the returned hardness behind his
buttocks. Clinging to the Light Side this time, the Jedi
together felt another release, but this one deeper, lingering
as if they'd orgasmed for real.
The Knight lifted himself to settle back on his knees between
his lover's legs, which opened for him readily. [Your greatest
test,] Qui-Gon murmured in his mind, teasing - astounding that
the Master could find humor now.
[You're telling me?] Obi-Wan moaned, almost laughing again if
he wasn't so far into the Force. He was learning - the hard way
- that Qui-Gon Jinn could teach at any moment, find humor at
any time. It wasn't a discovery about his master that he'd ever
expected to find while his nose was nuzzling his endowments...
if ever he'd hoped to be doing just this. [And you think I'm up
to this, don't you...]
[I know my Padawan well,] came back the answer on a sensual
wave of easily controlled Force, rippling through mind and
body.
Somehow Obi-Wan maintained his composure, riding the wave as he
slid his hands around Qui-Gon's thighs and bent his head to use
his mouth on him. With a kind of surreal reverence he took the
head of his master's penis in his mouth. Another pulse, just
one of many now building the coming explosion that, in its
time, would be theirs to ignite together, theirs in the Force,
Jedi-controlled all the way.
Once more sight fled as their mingled consciousness rose
higher, lifting out of the plane of the mundane into the realm
of universe-energy. Obi-Wan began a slow rhythm of sucking,
returning them both once again to the pulse-cycle that he was
learning was a hallmark of Jedi lovemaking, the steady,
controlled ebb and flow of the Force within both lovers.
Then he knew when it was time to stop, knew though language had
faded far from their minds, knew to lay back as his teacher
covered him with his long body... and again Obi-Wan felt
blessedly immersed in Qui-Gon Jinn. Now, as the Master aligned
their groins together and put his weight upon him, there was
only the answering surge, sending them still higher, too Light
to be threatened any more by Dark.
Higher, higher... and within the room the Jedi Knights shone as
with pure white Light, their bodies and minds blended with the
Force as they rode the crest together... and just when one
heavily breathing Jedi Knight thought they couldn't reach any
higher, his legs were lifted and in between one moment and the
next, a Jedi Mind Trick was evidently performed on his body
that a tiny part of his consciousness knew he had to get
serious details on... and they were joined.
The Jedi Master kept a part of his conscious awareness firmly
in the here and now though much of the rest of him was soaring
blissfully through the highest realms of the Force with his
lover. He was the Guardian, the one who must maintain the path,
but for this he was prepared. For a small bit of this time his
mind even separated into two, the Guardian staying behind in
vigilance, holding their combined shields solidly, their
defense against the Dark firm, while the Master fled from
thought, completely joined with his Knight, thrusting into him
as the Force pulsed to a fierce blue-white within them.
Then there was nothing but the Force. As the Guardian held firm
against the nova that exploded in the room, the Force absorbed
Knight and Master completely.
Part 5: Perfect Moments
A shadowy figure dressed in the dark brown robes of a Jedi
Master, his visage grave, rose from where he knelt before the
door of the silent sleeping chamber. His lightsaber was drawn
and ignited, held at ready, but now as there was no more use
for it, the sword was deactivated and returned to his belt.
Turning, he approached the bed.
An expression of utter joy spread over his face. Then, laughing
in sheer exultation, the figure - the Guardian - began to
dissolve into wisps that rushed to reintegrate with the longer
of the two prone bodies on the bed. The laughter lingered on
the air even as that body began to stir... as Jedi Master
Qui-Gon Jinn slowly returned from what could have seemed like
the dead to a potential observer.
The Force, sighing its loss of its lovers, yielded life back to
the two Jedi, though kissing them a promise of future bliss.
The Master awoke first, as usual coming fully awake in a
moment, astounded to find himself still within his sleeping
lover. Slipping out gently, he looked down into the calm,
smiling face beneath him, wonder and radiance in his expression
as he contemplated what they had achieved.
Then the Knight woke, sighing in languid ease as his lover
lifted his weight from him and settled against his side.
Obi-Wan, eyes still closed, snuggled in, arms around him, head
pillowed on his master's shoulder.
[Padawan,] Qui-Gon murmured within their bond, smiling his
delight as he watched him. [Wake up, my beloved.]
Blue eyes opened... and Obi-Wan sat up on his elbow to regard
his master with astonishment as memory flooded back. Qui-Gon...
was unabashedly grinning at him, happy in a way that he'd
never, ever seen before. "Master..." he croaked, but his voice
gave out and he could say no more. [Qui-Gon... the Force...] He
could barely think what he thought had happened to them, much
less put it in words.
[Yes, darling, the Force.] The blue eyes of the Jedi Master
twinkled with delight. [We were indeed one in the Force.] Then
Qui-Gon collected his lover into his arms again, his lips
against his cheek as he held him close. [Serenity, my
Padawan... do you feel it?]
Obi-Wan Kenobi felt... clear... utterly focused... and centered
in the Force as never before, feeling it so strong and fluid in
them both. Serene... yes. [Perfect moments, you said... so many
of them. Even now...] He marveled at the raw joy in his
master's mind even as he felt his own. [This... this is how
Jedis truly love? Jedi to Jedi...]
Qui-Gon nodded, kissing him lightly. [Our highest loving... our
highest art,] he replied with a note of solemnity. [I feel your
question, Padawan... and no, it will not be like this every
time. But I wanted us to begin this way... to marry that
perfection within the Force together until we can achieve this
again... and again. Until we remain absorbed into the Force.]
The Knight pulled himself up on an elbow again, needing to see
his Master's eyes. He cleared his throat, then spoke, needing
the sound to help ground him as this all still felt so surreal.
"Qui-Gon, we were absorbed into the Force."
The Master looked up at him solemnly. "Yes."
"I thought that's what happened when a Jedi dies."
There was no reply for a long pause. Then Qui-Gon nodded. "Yes,
but there is no death, Padawan."
In Alderin, an orgasm was called "mortande", the "small death".
This had been so far beyond that...
Obi-Wan closed his eyes for a moment, returning to center.
Accepting. It was hard; he felt his personal universe shudder
as he remembered what the Sith had so nearly taken from him.
Then acceptance revealed knowledge, the kind that settles
within. It was a startling discovery, but his controls
automatically maintained his serenity. "We will be together
forever. In the Force."
[You see it.] The Jedi Master rejoiced at his student's
insight.
[Yes. But I would have lost that at Naboo.]
A sobering revelation. [Yes.]
In fact, far more would have been lost, as the change due to
Qui-Gon's heeding the vision effectively eliminated a potential
path of the Force that would be devastating to Jedi everywhere.
The Jedi Master was going to have a critical influence on
another Padawan, an influence that Obi-Wan could never have
hoped to emulate alone.
But they knew nothing of this. Nor did they know of the intense
relief felt by a particular short, green member of the Jedi
Council on learning that Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi had
both survived the battle with the Sith Lord on Naboo.
Obi-Wan opened his eyes again to see his beloved watching him
with concern. "The Force is with us, Master," he whispered
softly, smiling again as he twined a fall of brown-silver hair
through his fingers.
"Indeed, it is," Qui-Gon smiled at last, and pulled him in for
another kiss, this one deep yet loving... serene.
[Um, I have another question,] Obi-Wan thought to ask, loathe
to separate his mouth from his lover's.
[Mmmm? Of course, beloved.]
[When you entered me... I... I didn't feel it. I mean... there
was no preparation, so...] Obi-Wan, unaccountably embarrassed,
pulled off his mouth and buried his face in his lover's
shoulder.
[So... you're wondering how I did that,] Qui-Gon returned,
amused.
[Jedi Mind Trick,] the Knight replied with equal humor.
[Show you sometime.]
[You know you will.] Obi-Wan lifted his head again, meeting the
calm blue gaze of the other. For a long minute he just gazed
back, wondering, in awe that he was even here.
"You are definitely here in my bed," Qui-Gon murmured, winking.
"Our shields..."
"Held."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "Because... there were two of you."
"It appeared so." There was doubt in the Jedi Master's voice,
for he himself found it difficult to believe what seemed to
have happened. "But I believe it was a manifestation of the
Force, no more." That seemed the logical explanation.
"Of course," Obi-Wan replied quickly, not wanting to think
about it too much. "Almost a mystical... all right, it
was a mystical experience..."
Qui-Gon kissed his cheek. "There aren't words," he whispered
and called on the Force to surround them with love again. As
his beloved sighed, the Jedi Master reached fingers around the
back of his neck... touching the spot where his padawan braid
had been. The Knight shivered in his arms at the touch.
"Belong to you, Master." Obi-Wan wanted to melt, he felt so
happy.
"Mine..."
Suddenly their heads turned as one as they detected a presence
outside the door to Qui-Gon's chambers. [We're... indisposed,
Anakin, but you may enter,] the Master sent to their
apprentice.
They felt a minute shiver in the Force as the boy reacted to
the mind-thought, then heard the soft click of the door as he
entered. "Master Jinn, sir?"
"Yes, Anakin," Qui-Gon sighed as they sat up, Obi-Wan hastily
wiping away residual stickiness from them with a pair of fallen
breeches. To the Jedi, modesty wasn't a big concern.
The boy appeared in the doorway of the sleeping chamber. He
did not react at first to seeing his grave Master in bed with
his former padawan, then to their wonderment a smile spread
over his face. "I was hoping you two were together," he said.
"Was this your first time?"
Obi-Wan sighed against his lover's shoulder beside him.
"Doesn't miss much, does he?" But he was smiling.
"Yes, it was," Qui-Gon answered the perceptive child with a
smile. "So you saw this coming?"
Anakin made a rude noise. "Well, YEAH! Like it was so hard..."
He winked at the Jedi Master. "I'm happy for you, sir. Both of
you." He ended with his most winning smile.
Qui-Gon reached out to touch Anakin's mind suddenly, sensing
something. "Ani - you are happy..."
A shrug, but he was still smiling. "Of course I am, sir. I'm
going to be a Jedi."
Obi-Wan noticed the change, too, and he felt along his master's
touch. "Anakin, you're not afraid any more, are you?"
The prodigy, for the moment seeming far beyond his nine years
of age, looked deep into the Jedi Knight's eyes. "No, sir. I
was... when I first came here. But I'm not any more. My mom
will be okay and I'll see her again because someday I'm going
to go back to Tatooine to free the slaves. But now I'm going to
study hard and work on becoming a Jedi. I know it will be hard
for me... because I'm starting so late. But I know I can do
it." Anakin broke into an impish smile again. "I have the best
Masters in the universe training me."
Qui-Gon smiled, but when Obi-Wan shifted to exchange a look
with him, much went between them, much that did not need to be
put into words. Something... had changed. The moment passed.
[He's not afraid.]
[He's settling in, already.]
[You will still need me.]
[More than you know...]
A childlike giggle captured their attention again. "Well, gotta
go, I promised to meet Chre and Izdal for nightmeal. Master
Qui-Gon, sir, can I go to classes with the other students here?
Please?"
Qui-Gon nodded to the boy. "Of course you may, in fact, I want
you to. You have a lot of catching up to do."
"Yes, sir!" Anakin declared, excited and happy. "Good night,
sirs!"
When the boy had gone, Qui-Gon folded his long arms around
Obi-Wan. "Nightmeal... it was last night when this started,
then."
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, caressing the familiar mind in his,
pulling the arms around him more snugly as they laid back down
together. "How long were we...?"
"Most of the day, then. I've never... not that long. Minutes,
only." The Jedi Master's voice was filled with the awe he felt.
"I love you well, Obi-Wan. The Force has willed this. My sight
is clear on this now."
The Knight leaned his head back on the scarred shoulder. "I see
as well, and I love you well also, Qui-Gon. Can I make a small
request of my Master, though?"
"Yes, Padawan." A kiss to the top of his head, reverent.
"Can you please announce before we make love if you're planning
any lessons during it?" Obi-Wan chuckled into his lover's mind.
"Certainly," Qui-Gon replied, returning a mental caress that
made his former padawan shiver again. "Are you hungry, by the
way?"
"Not in the least, Beloved." Obi-Wan was extremely content with
their physical and mental closeness, feeling the Force flowing
smooth and strong through them both.
"I am," Qui-Gon responded, bending his head to tug enticingly
with his teeth the hair on that spot, where the padawan
braid had been, getting more than a shiver this time. "And I
will be teaching again, sorry to say."
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