Series: No.
Pairing: QG/OW
Category: Humor, a little Romance
Rating: PG (maybe)
Archive: Yes, please! At MA and Padder's Messy Room.
Summary: Hormones. Creatures. Bonding.
Feedback: Yes, please! Any kind!
Disclaimer: These characters belong to George Lucas, the great
and powerful. I am giving them a little fun and make no monies
ever.
Note: Once upon a time, boots happened to say something in a
message to me and the idea for this was born. However, she
actually meant something else, so I also wrote that. It's
called Indigenous Lifeform - Homegrown and can be found at the
above archives. Let's just say, I'm testing reality...
It had finally come. The event that Qui-Gon had been waiting
for since he'd realized he and his Obi-Wan were meant to be
together. The Bonding Ceremony was to be held in three weeks
time and it was all he could do to tone down the testosterone
surges to a biddable level. Now he watched as his lovely
Padawan poured kaf into his mug and smiled. Oh, those eyes! Oh,
that face! Qui-Gon gulped. Oh, that body... And felt the bobble
of expection under his robe hoist the heavy cloth skyward. He
scooted forward under the table just a little.
Gracefully seating himself at his place, Obi-Wan blew on his
kaf and sipped. "Master, since we're going to be...," He
blushed. "...together, I've put in the request for larger
quarters and selected our clayware." He smiled shyly and
whispered. "Light pink with sigga petals in a lobate pattern."
His pert nose wrinkled. "Also, we take official portraits next
Restday, if that's fine with you?"
A little bead of sweat trickled down the back of Qui-Gon's
neck. Obi- Wan. Naked. At last. "Yes, Padawan, that was quite
perspicacious of you. Well done." He cleared his throat. "Um,
you have...uh, had your last preparatory class, haven't you? I
wouldn't want there to be any, well, surprises when
we...actually, you know..." He dabbed carefully at the moisture
above his left brow.
Obi-Wan laughed, slapping his thigh. "Of course, Master! It
was a breeze, too. I know everything! And don't you fret. It
won't take any time at all!" His sparkling teeth bit cleanly
into the melon he'd just cut up.
Qui-Gon frowned a moment, shifted gears to Obi-Wan sans
clothing, and slid further under the table. "Well, I'll leave
everything in your capable hands. This trip to Nurb Nine should
only take a week or so and when I get back, we'll take care of
all the final details." With an effort, he pushed his butt
firmly onto the chair and chastised the creature in his loins.
"Isn't Nurb one of those places where most of the lifeforms
haven't been classified yet?" Obi-Wan rubbed his nose and
frowned thoughtfully. "You'll be extra careful, won't you? I'd
hate to find it wasn't you I was bonding with, but some weird,
ugly alien." His laugh sounded a bit forced.
"No, no, Padawan. Everything will be fine. Decontamination
procedures are very thorough and I expect no problems. So...,"
Qui- Gon stood quickly and scooted across to the outer door.
"...don't worry! In no time at all, I'll be back. And then..."
He surreptitiously pushed down the front of his robe with one
hand and blew a kiss with the other. And was gone.
It was actually more like ten days, but still, they flew by.
Obi-Wan was ever so busy, for details of a Bonding Ceremony are
various and many and someone must do them.
On the morning Qui-Gon came back, Obi-Wan was sitting at the
study table writing a report on Tax Management For the Newly
Bonded and whistling. He was facing the door and when it
opened, a darling grin split his face, full of love and light
and teeth.
Qui-Gon froze. Or rather, most of him did. Just not the
squiggle up front. Which wanted to wave hello.
From the corner of his eye, Obi-Wan caught the movement, but
so busy was he ogling his future love that it lodged only a
small check in his keen Jedi senses.
"Qui-Gon!" Oh, dear. Padawan Kenobi blushed. "Sorry, Master.
But you've been gone so long and I just..."
"Yes, yes, yes..." Qui-Gon lightly cleared his throat. "I'll
just unpack, shall I, Padawan? You stay exactly right there.
Okay...?" Qui-Gon headed for his bedroom, sidling like crazy,
but nothing could pass the highly trained reflexes of his
future-bonded.
"Is something wrong, Master? Are you okay? Did something bite
you, some new and terrible creature?" Obi-Wan's sturdy face had
gone pale and his eyes could have been a little watery. Maybe.
"No! No, no. I'm just fine, a little tired, perhaps, but fine.
Fine. I'll just go lie down and rest a while, hmmm?"
Oh, but Padawan Kenobi knew his Master. And he'd bet there was
something wrong for sure. And, yes! Oh, yes! Movement. Under
the robe.
By the ghods!
"Master! Freeze!"
Qui-Gon froze.
With slow, precise movement, Obi-Wan stood up and crept
forward, eyes glued to the front of Qui-Gon's robe. "There's
something strange here, Master. Perhaps even dangerous."
My, but Obi-Wan was beautiful, slinking along like that. And
what he would look like in the buff...
"Master! Hold still, there it is again!" With a giant leap,
Obi-Wan reached his Master and pushed him roughly onto the
couch. Then, eyes alert, he sat back, watching for signs of the
bulge, hands hovering ready at his sides.
Meanwhile, Qui-Gon scrabbled for a hold on the slippery
cushions while trying to unscramble his wits. What on Coruscant
was Obi-Wan doing? "Padawan! Have you lost your mind? Let me up
or I'll..."
"Be still!" There, it moved again. "I dare say you've no idea
what's going on, Master. I suspect the decontamination failed
in some way and now a strange lifeform has taken up secret
residence in your body." He spared a quick and reassuring grin.
"Never fear, Master mine, for I am ready for anything!"
"What?! Secret residence...? Obi-Wan Kenobi! Did you add
Spirkl- bits to your mush again?" With a grunt, Qui-Gon
succeeded in raising his upper body from the squishy couch, but
there his chance to excaped unscathed ended.
For, to Obi-Wan's great glee, the teasing lump moved again.
And this time, he attacked. With a lightening-fast pounce, he
grabbed the mysterious creature and held on for dear life.
"I've got it, I've got it!" With a shout of triumph, which
totally drowned out the amazing sounds issuing from the couch,
Obi-Wan wrestled the heavy robe open, one hand anchoring the
lifeform, the other digging under Qui-Gon's tunic. "Please hold
still, Master! This may be our only chance!"
With a strangled yawp, Qui-Gon flailed his arms in search of
elusive purchase as his point of view took a 180 and left him
gasping.
Obi-Wan's quick and nimble fingers finally figured out which
slot was which and wriggled their way into Jedi history. Tongue
clamped between his teeth, eyes bright and determined, the
daring Padawan made his move. Sitting heavily upon his Master's
writhing legs, he pounced with every bit of gusto for which the
Temple menu could be held responsible.
Yes! He had it! With one mighty yank, he hauled the mysterious
creature out into the light of civilization.
"Aaaarrrgghhhh! Master, Master! Look at it! It's a Gurba
snake! No, no! It's, it's... Help! It's getting away!" Obi-Wan
had to use both hands to grip the thing and it was still almost
too much for him. "This is no laughing matter, Master! Help
me!"
Qui-Gon could hardly breathe, he was laughing so hard.
Somewhere on the edge of conscousness, he had the thought that
perhaps it was time to retire Master Pikl from teaching What
Sex Am I - Advanced Level. In the meantime...
"That it, Padawan! Don't let it get away!" Qui-Gon had never
realized how good laughing and sex could be and if he just let
Obi- Wan... But, no, he couldn't.
"Master, what do I do with it?" Obi-Wan was seriously close to
wailing. "It's all attached to you now!" He pulled and almost
let go when Qui-Gon yelped. Holding on with both both hands, he
turned wide, beseeching eyes to his Master's.
"Obi... Oh!" Qui-Gon took a deep, deep breath and steadied his
voice. "Padawan, it's all right, you can let go." He felt his
face grow warm as he finally sat up. "That's not something
alien, although it is, in fact, indigenous. To me! And I
believe Master Pikl will be having a retirement party soon."
Something dawned on Qui-Gon and he looked down. "Obi-Wan. You
can let go now. Okay? Really, you can." He looked up.
"Obi-Wan?"
There were little pink spots in the center of Obi-Wan's cheeks
and he'd started to smile. "So... This is all you, right? And
it's going to be all mine. Right?" He looked Qui-Gon square in
the eye, waiting. Just for good measure, he squeezed. Once.
Qui-Gon gasped. Rather desperately. "Yes! Now, please...?"
With sincere reluctance, Obi-Wan let go, kissing one finger
and touching it to the now quiesant lifeform. "You know, Master
Tikl wasn't too bad. At least he told us we should eat all of
our veggies and learn every variation of the verb 'to pump'. I
expect we can try each one, right?" The little pink spots were
somewhat bigger now.
"All one hundred and twenty-seven, my love." With a practiced
flip, Qui-Gon stowed himself away and sat back, studying
Obi-Wan's face. "But tell me... Do you never find yourself,
well, having to hide how you feel when I'm around? Ever?" If
the young man had any doubts, perhaps now was the time to know.
"Oh yes, Master. But I keep my Temple Harness on every waking
moment." His eyelids fluttered lightly. "Would you like to
see?"
Qui-Gon closed his eyes and sighed. Yes, indeed. "Not now,
Padawan. But, in ten days time, I expect to rip the damn thing
off and catalog every nuance of your indigenous self until you
can't move." With a lunge, he grabbed Obi-Wan and pulled him
into his lap. "Now, tell me all about curtains, tax breaks and
how easily two can live in the Force as one."
And after one squirm to get perfectly comfortable, Obi-Wan did
just that.
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