Category: Same as the other postcards. Non-slash, JA style.
Summary: Some down-time set in the JA universe. In this one,
Qui-Gon realizes he may have been wrong about something.
Archive: M&A Please. Padawan Journals, Early Years, and
Wolfie's Den if wanted.
Warnings: None.
Spoilers: Vaguely for all JA books, I suppose. Maybe a Tahl
spoiler for JA#6, The Uncertain Path.
Disclaimer: I don't own them-- they are the property of the
all-powerful Lucas and Co. No copyright infringement is
intended.
Acknowledgements: Beta thanks again go out to Pumpkin, whose
wonderful talent and encouragement is invaluable.
Feedback: Always welcome with open arms!
"Master Jinn, may I speak with you a moment?"
Qui-Gon glanced up at the approaching figure and recognized
Master Hayata. The small Sullustan was Obi-Wan's academic
councilor and advisor.
"Certainly," Qui-Gon agreed. "Please, sit down." He indicated
the seat across from him in the dining hall.
"I hate to interrupt your meal," Master Hayata apologized as he
sat, "but I'd like to speak to you about your padawan."
Qui-Gon nodded. "Go on."
"As you know, Obi-Wan has been excelling in his basic piloting
class. He is far beyond the other students in astrophysics and
dynamics, as well as in the practical aspects of piloting. His
instructor contacted me a short while ago. She has recommended
that Obi-Wan be graduated into the advanced class."
Qui-Gon nodded again. "That would be acceptable," he said after
a moment's consideration.
Master Hayata stared at him, as if waiting for more. When no
additional comments were forthcoming from Qui-Gon, he cleared
his throat. "Forgive me, Master Jinn, but do you realize just
how few students Master K'frey allows into her advanced class?
Especially at Obi-Wan's age?" He regarded Qui-Gon's cool, even
expression before continuing. "It is considered a great honor
by the padawans and their masters, alike."
Qui-Gon's expression still had not changed. "I recognize that
fact, Master Hayata. Obi-Wan has my permission to enroll in the
advanced class. I will ask the Council to take us off the
active duty roster temporarily so that he may devote himself to
his studies."
Hayata waited a moment more, as if his pause might inspire more
from the other master. Finally, sighing a little to himself, he
rose and bowed his head slightly. "If you will excuse me, then?
I will need to re-arrange Obi-Wan's schedule to accommodate
Master K'frey."
Qui-Gon rose and bent his own head slightly in response. "Thank
you, Master Hayata," he replied evenly. He watched as the
Sullustan walked away, then resumed his seat. He considered
finishing his morning meal, but found that his appetite had
strangely disappeared.
Just then, he became aware of a familiar Force signature behind
him.
"Hello, Tahl," he greeted as he rose to assist the sightless
knight to the table.
She shooed him away as he touched her and sat down with no
difficulty. Qui-Gon allowed himself a wry smile. If Tahl was
anything, she was self-sufficient.
"I'm sorry, Qui-Gon," she apologized, "I couldn't help but
overhear the last part of your conversation with Master
Hayata."
Qui-Gon grimaced and reached for his cooling tea. If there was
anything he didn't want to discuss it was his reaction to the
advisor's news.
"I'd prefer not to have this conversation right now, if you
don't mind," Qui-Gon told her without malice.
Tahl sighed and waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, Qui-Gon,
don't be a bore. I'll make you some fresh tea and even let you
pour some for me if you'll be so kind as to accompany me to my
quarters. You can tell me all about why you deflated poor
Master Hayata's bubble like that."
Qui-Gon made a small noise in his throat. "Really, Tahl, I
don't want..."
"Stars and galaxies, Qui-Gon! What's a girl have to do to get
you to come back to her room?"
Qui-Gon smiled despite himself and felt some of his anxiety
drain away. Tahl was a good friend, and always seemed to know
when his heart was heavy. Particularly when it came to issues
about his Padawan. "All right," he reluctantly agreed as he
stood and brushed his arm against hers, allowing her to take
hold of his cloak.
They exited the dining hall together and took the turbolift to
Tahl's quarters. Once there, Qui-Gon sat down and waited as the
knight prepared the tea. Once again, Qui-Gon was amazed by how
well his friend had adapted to her blindness. There seemed to
be very little Tahl could not do.
She brought the tea to him, and true to her word, actually
allowed him to serve.
"So what was that all about back there?" she asked finally as
she sat down, cradling her warm cup. "That poor man was waiting
for you to at least act pleased about his news."
Qui-Gon sighed. He was still uncomfortable discussing this, but
it was difficult to deny Tahl information when she wanted it.
"I am pleased that Obi-Wan has been accepted into Master
K'frey's class. I am perfectly aware of how few students are
actually accepted to study with her."
"So what's the problem?" Tahl asked bluntly.
Qui-Gon hesitated, then began speaking slowly, as if sorting
through his feelings as he spoke. "I'm glad Obi-Wan is doing
well. However, I cannot allow myself to feel pride in his
accomplishments. He has worked hard in his studies and has a
natural affinity for the Unifying Force. It is a great asset to
him. But I must remind myself that although he is strong in the
Unifying Force, he is often weak or insensitive to the Living
Force. Just a few months ago, Master Hayata approached me
regarding how Obi-Wan was struggling with his basic healing
techniques class. I must recognize my Padawan's weaknesses as
well as his strengths. To do any less would be a mistake."
He paused and took a sip of tea before continuing. "I made that
mistake with Xanatos. I took pride in his every accomplishment.
I felt that he excelled not only because of his own strengths,
but also because of how well I was training him."
Tahl made a small noise of disapproval. "You know that Obi-Wan
is not Xanatos. If anything, you are creating the exact
opposite situation. You do not acknowledge Obi-Wan's
achievements very frequently. He often feels insecure or
unworthy of you. I can tell just by the ripples in the Force,
as well as by the things he says when you are together. If
you'd just listen with your heart, you'd hear it, too."
Qui-Gon shook his head before he remembered she could not see
him. "No. I will not allow myself to be proud of him. It is an
unworthy emotion and can cloud judgement. Believe me, I know.
It is better if I remain detached. He knows when he does well.
He should have his own sense of accomplishment without needing
me to call attention to his strengths beyond basic praise."
Tahl nodded. "I understand what you are saying, Qui-Gon. But I
cannot say that I agree with it. Obi-Wan wants to please you.
You are his mentor. At his age, most padawans practically live
for their masters. Can't you see that your feelings toward him
are important? If he believes you aren't proud of him, how can
you expect him to feel self-worth? How can you expect him to
ever achieve confidence in himself? You can be proud of him and
still be mindful of his weaknesses. Feeling a sense of
accomplishment in your padawan's achievements is not the same
as being blind to his faults."
She sighed and set her tea cup down. "I think you are being too
harsh on him and on yourself. The two of you have been through
so much together. I would hate to see your relationship suffer
when this is something you can change."
Qui-Gon shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Sometimes the
things Tahl said had this nasty habit of making sense. He still
wasn't convinced that Tahl was entirely right, but he did
recognize that perhaps he had been too stern with his padawan
recently. Would it actually hurt to tell Obi-Wan that he was
satisfied with his achievement? That wasn't the same thing as
blind pride. Was it?
"All right, Tahl. You've made your point," he conceded. "I need
to meditate upon it some more, though, before I can decide the
appropriate path to take. I've meditated on it more times than
I care to admit, and have always come to the same conclusion.
But perhaps what you've said will alter the outcome somewhat."
Tahl nodded, looking smug. "I'd love it if you'd just admit I
was right, Qui-Gon Jinn," she grinned.
He smiled back. "Never."
Obi-Wan looked up from his spot on the couch as Qui-Gon entered
their shared quarters.
"Hello, Master," Obi-Wan greeted as he set down the data pad he
had been reading. "Can I make you some tea?" he asked, already
rising expectantly.
"No, Padawan," Qui-Gon interrupted. "Get your cloak. We're
going out."
Obi-Wan's expression was one of surprise. "Do we have a
mission, Master?"
Qui-Gon's face twitched into a sad smile. "Is that really the
only time we go anywhere together, Obi-Wan?"
Obi-Wan was really confused now. "Umm...I...well, yes, Master.
I guess so." He couldn't recall Qui-Gon ever suggesting they go
anywhere unless it directly related to a mission, Temple
business, or places like the training rooms or dining hall.
Recognizing that the boy seemed frozen in place, Qui-Gon
fetched his cloak for him and held it up so that Obi-Wan could
shrug into it. The fourteen-year-old was just standing there,
staring at his master as if someone else inhabited Qui-Gon's
body. Slowly, he reached his arms back into his cloak and
squirmed a little until it settled on his shoulders.
Qui-Gon chuckled. "Come, Padawan. We have a little celebrating
to do. I received word this afternoon that Master K'Frey has
accepted you into her advanced piloting class."
Qui-Gon watched as those changeling eyes widened in surprise.
"It is considered a great honor," he continued, "and one that I
do not wish for you to take lightly." He said the last rather
sternly, lest Obi-Wan forget that he was being granted a
privilege.
Obi-Wan nodded fervently. "I...I won't disappoint you, Master,"
he stammered and bowed his head a little.
Qui-Gon shook his head, angry with himself. He had to remember
that he was supposed to be praising the boy. Not intimidating
him. He heard Tahl's words in his head. Was he really being so
harsh that Obi-Wan's first words would be to pledge not to
fail?
"I'm not making myself clear, Obi-Wan," he said gently as he
laid a hand on the boy's shoulder. "This is good news. I know
that you will do well. Master K'Frey would not have accepted
you into her class otherwise. I'm..." Qui-Gon's throat caught
on the words, but he stubbornly pushed them past the
constriction. "I'm proud of you, Padawan. You've worked
hard and done very well. I'd like us to go out to dinner to
celebrate."
Obi-Wan stared up at him, eyes wide and mouth open just a
little. Slowly he regained his composure. "I...I'd like that
very much, Master," he replied, his expression gradually
widening into a small smile.
Qui-Gon smiled back. "Good," He replied as he steered the boy
out the door.
He did not allow that smile to fade, even as he realized with
an inner groan that he was going to have to admit to Tahl that
she had been right afterall.
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