Category: JA universe. Has a brief au aspect, since I gave Bant
a promotion.
Spoilers: Big one for JA #7, The Captive Temple. Smaller ones
for JA #5 & 6 (The Defenders of the Dead and The Uncertain
Path.)
Summary: Qui-Gon learns that his apprentice may sometimes be
torn between his duty to his master and his devotion to the
Jedi Code.
Archive: M&A certainly. Padawan Journals, Early Years, and
Wolfie's Den if wanted.
Disclaimer: Anyone with access to movies, TV, the Internet, a
radio, or printed reading material should likely know that
these characters and their universe don't belong to me.
Feedback: I'd love it!!
Acknowledgements: Thanks always to the wonderful Pumpkin for
her much appreciated beta help! And a special thanks to Diane
Coffin for her ideas and comments. The boys would still be
meditating if it wasn't for her!
Authors Comments: These "postcards" seem to be getting longer
every time I write one, so maybe the series title is becoming a
bit inappropriate. According to my master, they're
approximately air mail size now. <g> They also seem to be
straying from my original plan of making them be "downtime"
scenes. This one kind of fits, but not really. <shrug>
"Hey, Oafy!"
Obi-Wan Kenobi cringed inwardly as he heard his dreaded
nickname called out. Glancing across the room beyond where Bant
was sparring with a senior padawan, he could see Aalto Ai'dain
and his comrades coming towards him. Aalto was a year older
than Obi-Wan and had been a close friend of Bruck Chun's. He
had never really stopped blaming Obi-Wan for Bruck's death, and
as a rule, Aalto and his companions only spoke to him if they
wanted to torment him about something. And after this morning's
affairs, Obi-Wan had a sinking feeling about what that
something might be.
"So, Kenobi," Aalto said as he approached, acting for all the
galaxy as if he were just going to make a casual comment about
the weather, "I hear your master got reprimanded by the Council
this morning. Again."
Aalto's friends snickered as they gathered around, obviously
anticipating a confrontation.
Obi-Wan felt anger battle with embarrassment for a moment
before he managed to release some of the negative emotions into
the Force. It was rather obvious that Aalto had planned to
provoke him. The other padawan's conduct seemed more like a
reaction to a dare than anything. He could just imagine Aalto's
friends prompting him to come into the training room to try to
incense old 'Oafy-Wan'.
Attempting to remain composed, Obi-Wan powered down his
lightsaber and then reached up to switch off the remote he had
been training with. "If Master Yoda wishes you to know the
details of this morning's Council session, Padawan
Ai'dain, I'm certain he will provide you with a transcript.
Until then, why don't you take your speculations elsewhere?"
With that, Obi-Wan turned to leave.
"And just where do you think you're going, Kenobi?" Aalto
grabbed his shoulder and forcefully spun him around. "How dare
you turn your back on me!"
Obi-Wan peeled the other boy's hand off his shoulder and took a
step back, his eyes narrowing. Across the room, he saw Bant and
the other padawan stop their sparring and begin walking in his
direction. "I have nothing to say to you, Aalto," Obi-Wan
stated flatly. "Why don't you just go away?"
Aalto laughed. A few of his friends laughed along while the
others whispered to each other conspiratorially. "You think
you're so special, Kenobi," Aalto taunted. "But you're just an
Agri-Corps reject. The only master you could get was one that
can't even follow the Council's orders. Qui-Gon Jinn is the
laughing stock of the Temple. If you only knew what people say
about him, maybe you wouldn't think you're so high-and-mighty."
Obi-Wan felt his face coloring, and clenched his fists
involuntarily. "You don't know anything, Aalto. Qui-Gon is the
best master in the Temple. You're just too stupid to realize
it."
The angry flash of Aalto's dark eyes was the only warning
Obi-Wan received before the boy lashed out, his fist connecting
with Obi-Wan's cheekbone before he could move out of the way.
Obi-Wan followed his training and went with the blow, falling
quickly and swiping the feet out from under the other padawan
as he did so. Aalto fell also, and the resulting scuffle was a
heap of flailing limbs and the occasional grunt of pain as the
two boys grappled on the training room mats. Aalto's friends
were shouting encouragement while Bant and the other padawan
tried to pull the two boys away from each other.
"HOLD!"
The commanding voice rang through the room, immediately
stilling the combatants and silencing the onlookers.
Qui-Gon Jinn strode into the training room, his piercing blue
gaze freezing Obi-Wan in place. Aalto's master was right behind
him, both adults having been summoned by the distress felt
through the training bonds with their apprentices.
Aalto's master wasted no time in walking over to painfully haul
her padawan up by his braid.
"Ow!" Aalto complained, but shut his mouth at the look on his
master's face.
"If you'll excuse us, Qui-Gon, I'd like to deal with my
apprentice elsewhere," Aalto's master said curtly before
dragging the boy away, her hand still wrapped in his plait.
Qui-Gon nodded without taking his eyes off his own padawan.
Obi-Wan still felt as though he could not move, pinned in place
like a t'ill moth in a collection. He remained on his knees,
awaiting his master's reprimand.
The other boys dissipated quickly once Aalto was gone and Bant
shot Obi-Wan a sympathetic glance before following her sparring
partner from the room.
Qui-Gon continued to gaze at his apprentice for a moment, then
crossed his arms and broke the silence. "I suppose you have a
good explanation for this behavior, Padawan?"
Obi-Wan dropped his eyes and shook his head. "No, Master."
Qui-Gon made a surprised noise in his throat. "You mean to tell
me that you're not even going to *try* to rationalize the
transgression I just witnessed?"
Obi-Wan shook his head again, still looking down. "No, Master."
"Do you realize, Padawan, that the punishment for fighting with
another apprentice will be severe?"
Obi-Wan closed his eyes and nodded, swallowing convulsively.
"Yes, Master."
Qui-Gon stared at him a moment longer. "Go back to our quarters
and clean yourself up. I will expect you to be meditating on
the dangers of anger when I return. We will discuss your
punishment then."
"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan kept his eyes closed, listening as
Qui-Gon's footsteps faded away.
Qui-Gon knelt in the meditation gardens, trying and failing to
center himself in the Force. This had been a Sith-spawned day
from the very start, beginning with his meeting in the Council
chambers. Now, to have Obi-Wan involved in such a severe
infraction of the Code was devastating. Serious fighting among
padawans was forbidden; the worst incidences sometimes
punishable by dismissal from the Order.
The most distressing point of all was that he had thought
Obi-Wan was beyond this by now. He'd believed that with
training, the boy had finally been able to purge all of the old
anger and had learned to release negative emotions into the
Force. Today Obi-Wan had proven that such was not the case.
Qui-Gon was aware that Padawan Ai'Dain was volatile. It was
common knowledge in the Temple that the young man had been a
troublemaker before Master Sedjik took him under her wing. In
that time, the boy had supposedly made progress.
"Excuse me, Master," she apologized, halting her approach and
bowing slightly. "I didn't mean to disturb you."
Qui-Gon stood. "This isn't the best time, but I assume you have
something you wish to speak to me about, Padawan Eerin?"
The young Mon Calamarian nodded, looking a bit uncertain. "Yes,
Master Jinn. Perhaps it is none of my concern, and I offer my
sincere apologies if it is not... but I just thought it might
help you to know that what happened this afternoon wasn't
Obi-Wan's fault."
"Oh?" Qui-Gon asked, managing to sound detached. "And I suppose
your point-of-view is completely unbiased?"
Bant nodded, not wavering. "Yes. Obi-Wan could not have avoided
the situation," she stated. "He tried to deflect Padawan
Ai'dain. He even tried to walk away. Ai'dain was intent upon
provoking a confrontation. I saw it coming, but before I could
interfere, Ai'dain struck and all Obi-Wan could do from there
was try to defend himself."
Qui-Gon studied the apprentice for several heartbeats. "I see,"
he said slowly. "And what might I ask, started all of this?"
Bant had seemed confident before, but now she appeared almost
embarrassed. She dropped her gaze, suddenly appearing more like
a young initiate than a padawan. "I... I'd rather not say,
sir," she replied finally, gathering enough courage to meet
Qui-Gon's piercing gaze.
Qui-Gon regarded her a moment, then tried to relax and
dissipate his imposing Jedi Master presence to reassure the
apprentice. "You may speak freely, Padawan," he prompted
gently.
"In that case, Master Jinn," Bant said after visibly gathering
resolve, "I will tell you that it had to do with your Council
meeting this morning."
Qui-Gon looked confused. "My meeting with the Council was
private," he stated.
"I know that, Master, but you must know that news travels fast
in the Temple. Although the specifics of what happened are
confidential, it is generally known that you were reprimanded
for your actions on Nam Chorios."
Qui-Gon's expression turned to one of surprise, which was
quickly replaced by carefully controlled anger. Bant was
watching him intently.
"If I have overstepped my bounds, Master Jinn, I am sorry. But
you did tell me to speak freely."
Qui-Gon shook his head, the anger suddenly dissipating. "No,
Padawan. You are correct. I'm just afraid that I do not
understand how this morning's Council meeting could lead to
this afternoon's hostility."
Bant bowed her head slightly. "If I may continue to speak
openly, sir?"
At Qui-Gon's nod, she continued. "Ai'dain used your Council
reprimand as a personal attack on Obi-Wan. He belittled you and
questioned your abilities as a master. Obi-Wan defended you, of
course. One thing led to another, and... well you witnessed the
outcome."
Qui-Gon's expression became sorrowful as he listened to and
considered her words. There was regret as well as understanding
in his eyes when he finally spoke again. "Thank you, Padawan
Eerin," he said quietly. "Your words explain much."
The apprentice nodded and bowed slightly. "If you'll excuse me,
my master is expecting me."
"Of course," Qui-Gon replied, lost in thought as he watched her
walk away.
Obi-Wan knelt on his meditation mat in the semi-darkness of the
quarters he shared with his master. There were no sounds to
distract him, yet Obi-Wan found it difficult to focus. The
meditation candles he'd lit cast flickering shadows off the
silent walls. Sometimes focusing on the candlelight helped when
he couldn't find his center, but tonight they offered no
assistance. His thoughts were chaotic.
He knew what he'd done was wrong. He should not have allowed
the other apprentice to goad him into a fight. His training
emphasized avoiding violence at all costs. There should have
been a diplomatic way to resolve the conflict.
The problem was that Aalto's words had struck a sensitive chord
in Obi-Wan. Although Obi-Wan loved and respected his master,
Qui-Gon's tendency to defy the Council often troubled him.
Obi-Wan had been inside the Council chambers more times than
many knights he knew. He would not trade his place at Qui-Gon's
side for all the credits on Coruscant, but it was always
uncomfortable to stand there and listen to his master being
reprimanded. Qui-Gon was usually able to defend his actions,
and Obi-Wan most often agreed with him.
But sometimes, he did not.
This morning, Obi-Wan knew, he had agreed with the Council. As
a result, he felt torn between his loyalty to his master and
his loyalty to the Council and the Jedi Code. There was also
the issue of how he felt personally about the mission on Nam
Chorios.
Obi-Wan had gone against Qui-Gon's decisions before.
Melida/Daan was an event that was forever woven into the fabric
of his and his master's relationship. In that particular
instance, Obi-Wan had also gone against the wishes of the Jedi.
Later, he had regretted it, and since then he'd tried to
strictly adhere to the Code.
Being the padawan of Qui-Gon Jinn, it was often difficult for
Obi-Wan to be completely devoted to his master but yet remain
true to the rules of the Jedi.
How did Qui-Gon decide when to defy the Council? Despite years
at his master's side, it was still a mystery to Obi-Wan.
Qui-Gon was a Jedi Master, and as such, had the right to
challenge the Council when he felt their decisions were wrong.
Was that what made the difference? Most of the Council members
were masters, as well. Yet Qui-Gon did not always trust their
judgement.
An hour into his attempts at meditation, Obi-Wan found that he
still had more questions than answers. And he was also aware
that what he'd been contemplating was not what Qui-Gon had
instructed.
With a heavy sigh, the troubled padawan rose and began snuffing
out candles.
Returning from a private meeting he'd managed to arrange with
Yoda regarding Obi-Wan and Ai'Dain, Qui-Gon walked down the
long corridor that led to his favorite room in the Temple.
Perhaps some time in the star map room would settle his
troubled spirit, as meditation and his discussion with his
mentor had not. Activating the door, he quietly slipped inside
the darkened room. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to
the dim blue hue that emanated from the domed ceiling. Even
before his vision sharpened, he could sense that he was not
alone.
Farther forward in the room, Obi-Wan was sitting silently,
staring absently at a hologram of Nam Chorios. For some reason,
Qui-Gon realized that he'd almost expected his padawan to be
here, even though he'd given him orders to return to their
room. He also found, to his surprise, that he wasn't angry that
he'd been disobeyed. The Force was whispering to him that this
was where they both needed to be.
"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon prompted softly, even though he knew the boy
must be aware of his presence.
"Master." Obi-Wan turned slowly. Despite the darkness of the
room, Qui-Gon could see the large purple bruise under the boy's
eye where he'd been struck by the other padawan. "I'm sorry,"
Obi-Wan apologized as Qui-Gon took a seat next to him, "but I
couldn't meditate. I even tried the candles like you showed me,
but it didn't help this time."
Qui-Gon nodded. "I was having a hard time finding my focus as
well," he admitted. "What occurred today was deeply troubling.
It may take us both some time to find our centers."
Obi-Wan sighed. "I don't need my center to know that I'm sorry
for what happened today. I shouldn't have let Aalto bother me.
I should have walked away sooner. I shamed you as well as my
training."
Qui-Gon nodded again. "It is good that you recognize that what
happened was serious. Anger is a dangerous emotion in any Jedi.
That it occurred between two padawans in the prime of their
training, as well as the fact that it happened here at home in
the Temple is particularly disturbing."
Qui-Gon paused for a moment before continuing. "I was
disappointed in you, Obi-Wan," he said finally, knowing that
those words and the quiet tone in which they were spoken would
be far worse than any punishment the Council could ever
administer to his apprentice. He hastened to speak again as he
saw the devastation that began to steal over Obi-Wan's
expression. "But from what I've been told," he continued,
"there was little you could do to avoid Padawan Ai'Dain's
attack."
"What you were told?" Obi-Wan repeated, surprised.
"Yes," Qui-Gon replied. "There were other padawans present, if
you recall. And there was also a training droid in the room as
witness. Both I and the Council have already heard accounts of
what happened."
"Oh," Obi-Wan said, dropping his eyes and almost sounding
disappointed. He turned his gaze back to the hologram in front
of him.
Qui-Gon studied his apprentice for several moments. He could
feel the boy's distress and unease through their bond. Obi-Wan
was obviously concerned about how his master would feel
regarding the true reason for the fight. "Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon
asked finally as he followed his padawan's line of sight, "Why
do you have Nam Chorios activated?"
Obi-Wan looked acutely uncomfortable, but was able to compose
himself fairly quickly. Instead of answering the question, he
asked one of his own.
"Master, how do you decide when to obey the Council's wishes
and when to go against them?"
Qui-Gon sighed mentally. So here it was, at last. He should
have known long before that his apprentice would be having
difficulty with this particular subject. After Melida/Daan, the
boy's dedication to the Jedi Code was adamant. Because of that
dedication, it would likely be hard for him to reconcile his
master's decisions at times. Yoda had chided Qui-Gon earlier
for not recognizing this.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon replied carefully, "you know I follow the
will of the Force above all things. Sometimes what the Council
dictates follows that path. Sometimes it does not. I cannot go
against what the Force itself dictates."
"But how do you know that what you feel is really what the
Force is telling you?" Obi-Wan asked. "How do you know you
aren't following your own emotions or your own wishes? I mean,
isn't that what the Council is for? Twelve members to decide
what is needed instead of one?"
Qui-Gon could hear the confusion and almost desperation in
Obi-Wan's tone. He knew that many of the boy's questions came
from his own past. Obi-Wan had followed what he thought was the
right path, only to find out later that he was wrong.
"Padawan," Qui-Gon said hesitantly, "I know it is sometimes
difficult for you to understand why I feel that my choices are
the right ones, but yet your decisions on Melida/Daan were
wrong."
He saw Obi-Wan jump visibly at the mention of Melida/Daan. It
was almost never spoken of between them anymore, as if it were
taboo, Qui-Gon realized.
"At that time you followed your heart, your emotions, and
wrongly felt that it was the will of the Force that you were
following. You must understand, my Padawan, that with time and
maturity you will grow in your perception of the Force. Things
that seemed uncertain before will suddenly become clear, and
you will wonder at how you could ever have comprehended them in
any other way.
"You must also understand that sometimes the Council becomes
mired in politics and economics. Sometimes the choices they
make are not based on what the Force is telling them at all.
Yes, there are twelve competent Jedi on the Council, and you
would think that twelve beings working together would come up
with better solutions than one person working on his or her
own. And most of the time, they do. But sometimes..." Qui-Gon
shook his head, "sometimes that is not so."
Obi-Wan sighed. "It's all so confusing, Master," he admitted.
"I know," Qui-Gon assured him. "And I'm sorry that you
sometimes suffer because of other Jedi's reactions to my
decisions."
Obi-Wan looked up sharply. "Don't apologize, Master," he
insisted. "Please don't ever apologize for me being at your
side. It's where I belong. It's my duty and my honor."
Qui-Gon smiled warmly at him. "I am glad you feel that way, but
the honor is mutual, my padawan."
Obi-Wan blushed faintly and shyly looked away from that
cerulean regard.
Qui-Gon watched him a moment longer, his expression becoming
thoughtful. "I know you did not agree with me on this last
mission, Obi-Wan," he said, lifting a hand to silence his
apprentice when he would have spoken. "But as I explained to
you before, there are bound to be times when this will happen,
given our different temperaments. It is nothing to be ashamed
of, nor is it something to be hidden from each other. I can
only guide your journey into knighthood, Obi-Wan. You must be
your own person, and listen to what the Force tells you. In
time, you will better understand its council."
"Now come, padawan," Qui-Gon told him as he rose. "Let's get
some rest. We have a long session with the Council tomorrow, or
so I've been told by Master Yoda."
"Council session?" Obi-Wan asked, alarmed.
"Yes, but don't worry," Qui-Gon reassured him, laying a hand on
his shoulder gently. "Bant and the padawan she was with will be
there to recount what they saw, and the Council has already
heard the training droid's report. You aren't likely to be
blamed for what happened. The punishment will not be as bad as
I feared."
"Punishment?" Obi-Wan repeated, squeaking a little despite his
resolve.
Qui-Gon chuckled. "Am I training a Jedi padawan or an
Alderaanian parrot?"
Obi-Wan blushed again. "I'm sorry, Master."
"It's all right, Obi-Wan. And yes, I think there will be a mild
punishment for you, and a severe one for Aalto Ai'Dain. He and
Master Sedjik will be having their own Council session
tomorrow, I assure you. But that doesn't mean you and I won't
be working harder than ever on defusing your anger."
Qui-Gon looked at him, expression stern, to emphasize how
serious he was, but then softened, smiling a little. "Now,
deactivate that hologram and let's go," he instructed his
padawan. "If I never see another likeness of Nam Chorios, it
will be too soon."
Obi-Wan smiled back and reached out to turn off the offending
planet. "Yes, Master."
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