by Adelaide Elizabeth Morgan
(adelaide@morganne.freeserve.co.uk)
Category: Q/O, POV, Angst, Post-TPM,
Archive: You mean you actually want this?? Woah, scary..
But yeah, if you want it, you can have it. The fic that is.
Rating: err, only a PG, sorry.
Feedback: Loved it? Loathed it? Couldn't give a damn? Tell me
anyway. Adelaide@morganne.freeserve.co.uk
Spoilers: Lets go for a majorly resounding YES here. BIIIIG
spoilers for DOTF...
Disclaimer: The Star Wars world and all it's inhabitants are
the property of George Lucas.
Series/Sequel: Could be seen as the mirror piece to To Be One,
but isn't necessarily
Thanks to: You for reading this. Rushlight, as ever, for the
beta J
Summary: Obi-Wan considers the ramifications of a promise he
made to his Master
I miss him.
It is as simple as that and it is tearing me apart. I mean, I
know I was going to have to leave him, but I wasn't expecting
it for a few years, and definitely like this, knowing that I
will never see him again.
I know the code tells us 'There is no death, there is the
Force', but I don't think I believe it, which is something I
should never admit to. Then again, I doubt Master Yoda would be
too surprised to hear it, considering how Qui-Gon was
considered a maverick of sorts. Master Yoda even went so far as
to tell me that he sensed Qui-Gon's defiance in me.
It's been six months now. Six months since the Trade
Federation's invasion of Naboo. Six months since I lost my
master to the Sith. Six months in which a day has not passed
that I have not missed him with my very being. I think he would
be proud of me though, I've been training the boy just as he
asked me to. The boy. Anakin Skywalker. The fabled 'Chosen
One'. He's a nice enough boy, I just don't think it's right for
him to be trained. No, that's not right. I don't think I should
be training him. He's just so strong; I can barely handle him.
I see him slipping further and further behind his yearmates in
his classes, and he's struggling with his training. I never had
these problems, but I had Jedi training for all my life. Anakin
hasn't, and I don't think I know how to compensate for that.
When I first met the boy, I felt he was really dangerous. In a
way, I believe I still do. He has so much pent up emotion
roiling around in him, and he doesn't know how to deal with it,
how to channel it into the Force properly. He never seems to
pay attention when I'm telling him the correct way to do so. He
wants these emotions, I'm sure of it. But these negative
emotions; his fear, his anger, his hurt, they are all conduits
for the Dark Side. Between us, we are both perfect candidates
for the Sith, Force forbid that should ever happen.
I feel like a hypocrite when I think like this though, for I
know when I was a teenager I had enough trouble of my own
releasing my feelings, especially anger. It would eat away at
me and I would get snappy. Qui-Gon used to say I was a normal
hormonal teenager, and he'd let me have a tantrum like average
adolescent boys would.
A tantrum wouldn't work for Anakin though, he has to.. no WE
have to find his own way of dealing with things.
There is a distance between Anakin and myself that was never
there with Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon and I were always really close, the
Force brought us together as Master and Apprentice. I'm really
not ready to be training a padawan of my own, but I promised my
Master I would.
I want to be strong for him, let him into my heart to train
him. Something is holding me back, and I hate to admit it, but
it's fear. Fear I will lose him. He is precious to me, and I
dare not let myself get too close to him, because it will hurt.
The last time I let myself get close to anyone, he was killed.
And it's all my fault. I wasn't fast enough, and the Sith
killed him.
Qui-Gon died in my arms.
He died, his last words telling me to train the boy. He
wouldn't let me speak, I needed to tell him. Had to tell him
how sorry I was and. And how much I love him.
His last thought may have been of Anakin, but he died in my
arms. This much I can keep with me.
Archive 