Summary: Obi-Wan deals with his own emotions and with breaking
the news of Qui-Gon's death to Anakin
Feedback: Sure.
Legal stuff: All characters herein are copyright to George
Lucas. No profit is to be made from this now or in the future.
This story is purely fiction made up for the author's own
amusement. (Can you tell I'm a paranoid legal student?)
I'm very bashfull about posting fanfic. I have tons of it
written but rarely post it. Please be nice to me.
Numb was the only word for it. There were no feelings or tears
as he expected. Obi-Wan stood against the pillar at the center
of one of the many sprawling assembly rooms of the Naboo
palace. All around him the men and women of the palace scurried
in excitement. Victory was theirs and they were all too caught
up in the thrill of the moment to notice the losses. Obi-Wan
focused all his energy into an outward appearance of calm. It
wasn't too difficult to do this, he was worn from the battle
with the Sith and the death of his master was an overwhelming
shock to his senses. He could still hear the ring of his own
screams when the Sith's lightsaber was driven into his Master.
He'd almost felt the heat of the laser in his own abdomen, felt
the unexpected shock of it. Even now he could feel himself
flushed and hot, feverish. But he stood straight, pressing his
back against the coolness of the stone pillar, watching the
happy inhabitants of Naboo in their victory. A Jedi must remain
calm in all situations. How many times had that been drilled
into his head?
The Queen was approaching him, her usual entourage closely
behind her. Obi-Wan managed a bow to her, quickly pressing back
against the strength of the pillar, for fear of losing his
control if he stepped away. "Jedi Kenobi, we owe you our
gratitude." She said in her usual monotone. Obi-Wan bowed his
head to her once more, scarcely hearing the words she spoke.
She seemed to understand how fragile his outward calm was just
now and gave him a sad smile. How could she understand? Obi-Wan
thought, looking down at her, she's just fourteen. She hasn't a
clue what he meant to me. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to be
angry about it. It was as if all his feelings had gone with
Qui-Gon's death.
Suddenly the fighter pilots had returned and were milling into
the room around them, infecting more excitement among the
people. The Queen shared one last look with Obi-Wan, tears in
her eyes, before she turned to welcome the pilots. He was dimly
aware that he'd said not a word to her, he'd stood there with a
blank look and not even offered a "Your welcome." Or, "It was
my duty, peace be with you." That was very un-Jedi of you, he
reproached himself.
Anakin came dashing into the room, the R2 unit was right behind
him, chirping excitedly with the boy. Every fighter pilot in
the room smiled at him and ruffled his hair or lifted the small
boy off his feet. He saw Obi-Wan and eventually made his way
through the throng of adults and across the room to the Jedi.
He beamed up at Obi-Wan. "I did it! I flew a real starfighter
and I blew up the Federation ship!" Obi-Wan stared down at the
boy, silent. Anakin blinked in confusion. "I didn't leave the
cockpit. Qui-Gon said not to leave and I didn't." He sounded
defensive, as though he might be in some trouble for saving a
planet. Obi-Wan couldn't think of what to respond. Qui-Gon
would have been thrilled beyond words. It was probably the
proof he needed to show the council Anakin should be trained.
All Obi-Wan could do is look down into Anakin's face and smile.
It was a very unfeeling smile, he knew that, but his senses
were all starting to come back to him now. The feverish heat of
his own body was becoming more than he could handle. He let
himself slowly slide down the pillar and knelt before Anakin,
the smile fading from his face.
"Where is Master Qui-Gon?" Anakin looked anxiously around the
room. The Queen was watching from a distance, speaking to a
group of pilots yet keeping an eye on the two of them. Obi-Wan
could feel her eyes. Anakin stopped his search of the room and
looked back to the silent Obi-Wan. He took in Obi-Wan's sweat
soaked and exhausted appearance. He also took in Qui-Gon's
lightsaber on Obi-Wan's hip. He began to shake his head in
denial, eyes wide and staring at the Jedi, begging him to say
Qui-Gon was just in another room, that he was fine. Obi-Wan
still couldn't find his voice. He returned Anakin's stare with
haunted eyes and nodded slowly. Anakin stopped shaking his head
but he still wasn't accepting it.
"I'm sorry." Obi-Wan whispered. It was a statement of his own
feelings. He was sorry for himself more than Anakin. Anakin had
barely known Qui-Gon for a few days. Obi-Wan had shared half
his life with the Jedi Master. Qui-Gon was his life.
Anakin was losing his battle with denial and Obi-Wan was
painfully aware that the boy was about to scream out in shock
the way he had when the Sith made that final lunge into his
Master. Quick reflexes allowed him to clamp a hand down on
Anakin's mouth before he could scream and disrupt the
celebrating Naboo citizens. He made muffled sounds of protest
and Obi-Wan held him against his chest, trying to calm the
child. The boy was very cool against his own overheated body.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He repeated over and over, at a loss
for any other words. His own emotions were threatening to flood
him and he would lose all semblance of control if he allowed
that. With a small shove he pushed Anakin away from himself.
Obi-Wan stood, running shaking hands over his spiked hair,
still wet with sweat from the fight and the feverish feeling
that wasn't leaving him. The Queen was approaching again, her
eyes on the crying Anakin.
With a quick bow in her direction he walked as calmly as he
could manage from the room, aware of all the eyes that turned
to watch. He should have taken Anakin with him, he was the
boy's master now, no matter what the council said.
Outside the palace he found a secluded corner in the gardens
overlooking the waterfalls. Once more Obi-Wan sat on the
ground, back pressed against a giant rock formation, head bowed
against his arms which were wrapped around his legs. He
concentrated on a meditative state, gathering the force into
himself for strength. Slowly a sense of serenity fell over him,
he could almost feel his Master in the air around him. Focusing
on that he placed himself into a light trance.
When he lifted his head darkness was falling over the palace
and night fires were lit in celebration. There wasn't a cloud
in the sky and the stars seemed uncommonly bright tonight. The
energy of the planet was at a great high making it difficult
for any one even the slightest bit force sensitive to ignore.
Obi-Wan took several deep breaths, listening to the falling
waters. "Obi-Wan?"
A small voice chimed next to him. Anakin was kneeling beside
him. Obi-Wan had not even sensed the boy and it was mildly
alarming to him. He turned his head and saw Anakin dressed in
fresh clothes and cleaned up from the battle. His arms were
wrapped around himself, a vague look of worry in his eyes. "You
weren't answering me. Are you mad at me?"
Obi-Wan almost smiled at that but didn't. "No. I was
meditating."
Anakin nodded, shivered slightly and looked out at the
waterfalls.
"How are you?" Obi-Wan managed.
"Cold."
Obi-Wan did smile now. That had become Anakin's standard
response to most questions. He settled up on his knees and
removed his cloak, placing it around Anakin and wrapping the
boy into a cocoon. They sat quietly together, Anakin tucked
into the cloak and pressed against his side, taking in the
night.
"Master Yoda and the others are coming here." Anakin said
conversationally. Obi-Wan nodded. Some one must have informed
them of what happened. It should have been him but he'd been
unable to speak the words. He wondered if Yoda or any of the
others had sensed Qui-Gon's death the way he had felt it.
Minutes passed in silence. "What is meditating?"
Obi-Wan smiled again and looked down at Anakin who had his head
turned up to him, eyes wide. How did you explain meditation to
one who had not been raised with it? "It's like dreaming I
suppose. Only awake."
Anakin scrunched up his face in confusion. "I don't
understand."
"You will. I'm certain you will." He placed an arm around the
boy and held him close, understanding now why Qui-Gon had
insisted he train Anakin. It was a reason for Obi-Wan to go on.
A way for him to look to the future and not dwell on his past.
Here was some one who needed him as much as he had needed
Qui-Gon. It wasn't a healing realization by any means. It was a
start though. Already he felt a certain connection to Anakin, a
very dim shadow of what he'd felt with Qui-Gon, but it was
there.
"It's warmer in the palace." Anakin observed in a casual voice.
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