Summary: Five years after losing his Padawan, Qui-Gon is
encouraged to take on another.
Archive: M_A, others, feel free to ask.
Disclaimer: George Lucas created Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Yoda and the
Jedi. No copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: This arose from musings that Obi-Wan at 25 is too old to
be a Padawan.
It had been five years since Qui-Gon Jinn lost his apprentice,
and the pain was almost as fresh as it had been on that most
nightmarish of days. The horror still haunted him, and it was
apparent just to look at his face: dull eyes, heavy lines, no
sign of the spark that once lived in the great Jedi Master.
He sighed heavily, looking out over the young temple initiates
in the arena before him, not really seeing any of them. More
than ever, Qui-Gon wanted to leave this place and embark on
another solo mission, something he had become exceedingly good
at in recent years. He had no desire to take on another
padawan. None whatsoever. Qui-Gon knew it would only end in
disaster again.
But Yoda was sitting beside him, threatening to keep him planet
bound for months unless he at least looked at the young
students. There was a sage expression on the green one's face
as he too surveyed the spectacle below them. Pairs of students
fought with their lightsabers, trying their hardest to impress
the masters who were watching.
Almost against his will, Qui-Gon found his eyes drawn to a pair
of young men duelling in the centre of the arena. One was much
taller, yet they seemed equally matched, fighting with an
intensity quite above that of their peers. There was no doubt
that both were strong in the Force - but how could one ever be
sure they would remain in the Light side? How could Qui-Gon
ever be sure that they were safe?
"Trust in the Force," Yoda advised, perhaps picking up on his
sudden interest. Qui-Gon scowled. He refused to look at the
pair again, even as he felt his interest being drawn back to
the floor, to the shorter of the boys, the one with golden hair
and a laughing smile when he abruptly gained the upper hand
against his opponent. The boy whirled and spun, and suddenly
there was no doubt that he was one with the light side of the
Force; he was almost dancing with his lightsaber and a wondrous
spectacle to behold.
No, he would not watch! A pang shot through Qui-Gon's heart;
the boy's motion wasn't familiar yet it was intently so at the
same time, the attitude, the charisma, the things he missed so
much and he could only rage at himself for being so damn
careless and as a result, losing his padawan.
Qui-Gon leapt to his feet and, ignoring Yoda's outraged
protests, strode out of the hall. He was a frightening figure,
countenance so stern, and no one dared oppose his passage as he
stormed back to his quarters. Once inside, he sank into his
favourite chair and placed his head in his hands. Feeling so
alone. But knowing that he did not dare take another
padawan. Too much was at stake, the future of a potential Jedi.
He would not lose another.
Even though something inside him yearned for it. The part of
his mind, long empty of the training bond, was dead, cut off so
abruptly several years ago. Qui-Gon knew that as long as he
lived, he would never forget that day, or the days that
followed, the fear which turned into horror and then a deep
depression when nothing could be done except accept the truth
of what had happened. And try and move on. Missions, endless
missions, doing the work of the Council in an attempt to
distract him from the past.
Yet despite all of that, Qui-Gon still missed him. And by now
he was accepting that he always would. Perhaps Yoda was right,
perhaps he should take on another padawan. But not yet, he
wasn't quite ready.
He closed his eyes, and the image of the initiates sprung into
his mind. The boy, the star of the arena....
...and there was a tingle in the back of Qui-Gon's mind. The
faintest brush, the most distant of sensations, yet there was
no belaying the fact that it was there, in the place of
the training bond, and Qui-Gon's eyes snapped open in a mixture
of wonder and outrage.
A bond? Already? It wasn't possible, he didn't even know the
boy's name, and he'd be damned if he'd be forced into taking
another padawan without making a conscious decision. Qui-Gon
wasn't ready for this and as he fought against the bond, he
felt it slipping away, diminishing into almost nothingness.
Which was good. When only the tiniest of flickers remained,
Qui-Gon got to his feet and sought out Yoda. Despite the joy
the revival of that part of his mind brought to him, he
would not take another apprentice. Because the
apprentice would be doomed.
"Master, I-" Qui-Gon began, sinking to his knees, but Yoda
immediately interrupted him, a smile creeping over the wizened
face.
"Sense it, I do," he almost chuckled. "The beginnings of a bond
you have."
"I do not want this!" burst out Qui-Gon in response. "And
today, of all days! It is sacrilegious to his memory!"
Yoda hobbled forward until he stood almost eye to eye with his
former student. "Today?"
"Yes, today. It is five years today since I lost him. He would
have been twenty-one. He would have almost been a Jedi."
Shaking his head, Yoda sighed. "You mourn him still."
"Of course I mourn him, Yoda. He was the brightest student I
had ever seen. The Force flowed through him, he was filled with
light and laughter and..." Qui-Gon's voice threatened to break,
"...he brought more joy into my life than I ever thought
possible. He was my best friend."
Yoda grunted. "Let go, you must." A comforting hand reached out
to touch Qui-Gon's forehead, sending the vaguest images and
suggestions, suggestions which Qui-Gon violently objected to. A
vision of a memorial ceremony, to formally lay Obi-Wan Kenobi
to rest.
"I refuse to believe that he is dead!" Qui-Gon burst out, his
heart aching. He'd rejected such a ceremony time and time
again, always wanting to hold on to the hope that his
apprentice would someday return.
"No other explanation is there," Yoda said sadly.
"But I did not sense his death!" protested Qui-Gon. His eyes
closed, the memories of that terrible day flooding back once
again. There had been no warning. Nothing. Just a growing
terror and horror that would never leave him.
He had been in meetings with the Council for most of the day,
giving Obi-Wan the rare day off, even as both of them had known
that Obi-Wan would spend most of the day in training anyway. He
was the best young man Qui-Gon had ever known.
The Council meeting room had Force shielded, as it was when
matters of utmost secrecy were discussed. As a result,
Obi-Wan's bond with his master had been blocked for most of the
day. And when Qui-Gon exited the chambers, somehow, he had
forgotten to actively look for it.
By the time he'd realised the bond was dormant, it was late
evening and Obi-Wan had not returned to their quarters as
expected. Surmising that perhaps Obi-Wan was in a
Force-shielded area, Qui- Gon had attempted to contact him on
his communications device. No answer. Nor was there an answer
from the libraries, or the training arenas, or anywhere that
Qui-Gon quickly contacted to locate his apprentice.
Not that he was panicking just yet. He trusted Obi-Wan, and
what could possibly happen to a Jedi on Coruscant, home of the
most talented Jedi in the galaxy? Besides, Qui-Gon reassured
himself, he sensed no pain along their bond. Not even the
fuzziness of unconsciousness. And there certainly wasn't
the searing pain that would have resulted if Obi-Wan was dead.
There was just nothing. Emptiness. As if Obi-Wan had not just
vanished out of Qui-Gon's life, it was as if he had never
existed.
And when he realised that, Qui-Gon began to get
extremely worried indeed. He raced through the temple, then the
gardens, then the surrounding area, madly asking every person
if they had seen Obi- Wan at all that day. Many had, and
Qui-Gon was eventually able to reconstruct Obi-Wan's last day.
Lightsaber practice with Bant. Time spent in the library
researching a project Qui-Gon had given him. Lunch. Then
presumably meditation for several hours, until he had gone out
into the gardens about mid-afternoon.
After that, no one had seen him. Qui-Gon searched the gardens
time and time again, both physically and using the Force, but
always, there was nothing. Even if Obi-Wan had been taken
against his will there should have been some sign, or sense of
a struggle. Anything. Growing more frantic with each passing
hour, Qui-Gon roused the entire Jedi Council from their beds to
help him search as the hours of the night turned into dawn.
No trace of Obi-Wan Kenobi was ever found.
But to the present day, Qui-Gon refused to believe he was dead,
even after so long had passed. Even as each long day had turned
into a week, or a month, and the investigation was called off,
no evidence or motive ever being found. Even when Obi-Wan's
name was taken off the assignment roster. Even when Yoda
suggested Qui-Gon remove Obi-Wan's things from their quarters
and pack them away.
Qui-Gon had refused to do this. The door to Obi-Wan's room
remained closed, but inside it was intact, right down to the
hastily made bed and datapad thrown on top of it.
And that, in part, was another reason Qui-Gon could not take on
a new apprentice. Accepting a new padawan meant that Obi-Wan
was truly gone; and that was almost enough of a reason within
itself.
Yoda sighed heavily, picking up on Qui-Gon's thoughts easily.
"A tragedy it was," he agreed, "but insist I must that
you move on. Already, the Force has willed that take on a new
apprentice you shall."
"But what if I doom him as well?" Qui-Gon asked, more to
himself than Yoda. "I have already lost two."
"And how many do you think I have lost?" returned Yoda,
exasperated. "Happens, it does. Accept the will of the Force,
we do, and move on." He harrumphed. "I move on. You must too."
Qui-Gon bowed his head, recognising the truth behind Yoda's
words, and the pain. Even Yoda, the greatest of them all, had
lost apprentices during his 800 years of training them. Perhaps
it was time for him to begin over.
"I will listen to the Force, Master," Qui-Gon acquiesced, again
feeling the faint tingling in his mind. "But it will take
time."
"Have time you do," Yoda said, "but that boy down there is
waiting."
"I shall consider it."
Yoda managed one more heavy sigh before turning from Qui-Gon
and shuffling back to his chair. Qui-Gon took this as a signal
to leave and did so, bowing low before he left.
His mind was whirling as he walked down the corridors,
wondering if Yoda's advice had done him any good. It seemed the
new bond was not to be denied. But how could he accept it?
Perhaps it was time to put the past behind him. Time to
stop hoping and accept the truth. His heart heavy with loss,
but a spring in his footsteps, Qui-Gon returned to the arena
where the children still played. Suddenly he had a reason to go
on.
Qui-Gon greeted Mace Windu with a smile, and the surprise on
Mace's face was obvious.
"Has it truly been so long since I smiled?" Qui-Gon asked him
and Mace nodded gravely in response.
"It is good to see you here, Qui-Gon," Mace said, subtly
conveying much more with the message. "Would you like to meet
the students?"
"Yes, I think I should like that very much." Mace led him over
to the master's area where they could converse quietly for a
moment before formal introductions were made. The Council
member pointed out several promising students to Qui-Gon and
Qui-Gon found himself really listening for once, despite the
fact that his attention was drawn to the blonde boy who
reminded him a little of Obi-Wan.
"Ca-Bral Randis," said Mace, finally giving him a name. "He is
the most promising student we have seen for years. Many masters
are intersted in taking Ca-Bral as a padawan, but I feel is
still a little young. He is only ten."
"He carries himself with the authority of one much older,"
Qui-Gon noted.
"Yes," Mace quietly agreed, shooting an intent look at Qui-Gon
which Qui-Gon ignored.
"I believe you said something about introductions?"
The two masters left the safety of their area and joined the
students who had just completed their levitation exercises.
"Good afternoon," Mace said. "I would like to introduce you to
Master Qui-Gon Jinn, who has been offworld for several months."
A chorus of polite responses reached Qui-Gon's ears and he
smiled at the children, his eyes on Ca-Bral and his friends. "I
would like to spend time with you all," he said. "Would you
show me what you were doing?"
Throughout the rest of the afternoon, Qui-Gon immersed himself
in the childrens' exercises as masters often did when they were
seeking a new padawan, or just getting to know the temple
initiates. A master was always welcome, as he could teach them
many things they did not fully understand.
Qui-Gon kept a subtle eye on Ca-Bral the whole time, not
wanting to single the boy out, but carefully assessing his
abilities and his interaction with the others. There was no
doubt that Ca-Bral was special. However, Qui-Gon did not dare
to reach into the beginnings of the bond in his own mind,
because Ca-Bral was completely unaware of it and Qui-Gon
refused to accelerate the process until the time was right.
As the afternoon drew to a close, a small girl crept closer to
Qui- Gon with a shy smile on her face. "Thank you, Master
Qui-Gon. It was fun this afternoon," she said softly, before
reaching forward and embracing him tightly. As the small arms
slipped around him Qui-Gon smiled. He had missed this, the
simple closeness of another person, and the innocent love of a
child. He returned the hug gently, saying, "I was honoured to
be with you all."
"Will you come again?" Jessi-myn, the little girl, asked.
"You can be sure of it," promised Qui-Gon, his eyes on Ca-Bral.
Ca-Bral steadily smiled back.
And Qui-Gon left the training rooms with a the hints of a grin
on his face, light in his eyes. So long he had been closed away
from everyone, yet a little girl had broken down his defences
so easily. Qui-Gon realised how much fun he'd had with the
children, it was something so different from what he'd done for
the past few years. Obi-Wan used to encourage him to spend time
with the temple initiates, but Obi-Wan was gone.
And Qui-Gon resolutely put that thought out of his head,
concentrating instead on the future, and the promise of
bringing up one special person in the Force. His search was
over. It was time for life.
He dined with the masters that evening and was heartened to see
Jessi-Myn smiling and waving at him, and Ca-Bral gave him a
respectful nod from across the room. Yoda obviously sensed Qui-
Gon's mood change and gave him an approving glance.
"You were right, my master," Qui-Gon acquiesed. "I have been
wallowing in the past. I shall endeavour to focus on the moment
from now on, the moment which shall lead to the future."
"Good," Yoda granted, and nothing more on the matter was said.
For the first time in what seemed forever, Qui-Gon laughed with
the other masters, enjoying the tales of their padawans'
mishaps instead of resenting them. Soon, perhaps, he could add
his own stories to theirs.
And the tingle in Qui-Gon's mind repeatedly brought a fresh
smile to his face. He could not deny it, he felt alive again.
He could not go back to his quarters that night, they were
dull, filled with ghosts and memories, and so he went to the
gardens, to think. He had a lot to consider; it was impossible
that his life could turn around in one day but it was certainly
the beginning of something new.
Qui-Gon paused at the gardens' entrance and inhaled deeply,
detecting the sweet sense of jasmine mixed with the sultry
fragrance of a warm night. This was one of the most beautiful
places on Coruscant, and deeply in tune with the Force. Peace
could be found in here.
His feet found a familiar path and he wandered, quietly,
silently, revelling in the quiet made possible by shields
around the area. It wasn't dark, for that was near-impossible
on Coruscant given the amount of illumination from both the
orbiting ships and the moons, however, it was most certainly
night. A night to embrace, a night to revel in.
He wandered through the wooded area and came to a clearing,
pausing to study the night-blossoming Itini flower. The smell
was heavenly and he breathed it deeply, accepting, living in
the moment. He was dully aware of the tallness of the trees
behind him, and the edge of the park before him. Children
played there during the day, on the swings and the slides and
the "castle", but for now, it was silent.
And there was a man sitting on the swing.
Qui-Gon froze. His eyes were rivited to that spot, the tall
figure with his back to Qui-Gon sitting comfortably, arms
holding the ropes, feet trailing in the sand as he rocked
backwards and forwards.
The longish golden-red hair, highlighted by the nightly glow.
The braid trailing over the back shoulder. The cloak, clearly
three sizes too small, stretching over his back.
And the sound of his breathing, or was that his beating heart,
or was it Qui-Gon's own that Qui-Gon was hearing?
Qui-Gon stared, refusing to believe what he was seeing,
refusing to hope, refusing to accept the knowledge that every
part of his body was screaming was true. He should turn, close
his eyes, and the apparition would disappear, it was nothing
more than a cruel trick of the light.
But his heart was singing and the tingle in his mind was
bursting into full bloom and Qui-Gon suddenly recognised what
it was. The bond. It wasn't with the temple initiate whose name
Qui-Gon could no longer remember. It was with the person who
sat, unaware, before him.
Half petrified, half overjoyed, Qui-Gon took a tentative step
forward. If this was an illusion he didn't want to destroy it.
But he had to speak, he had to say something. As he opened his
mouth, Qui-Gon realised he was trembling and the words would
not come.
A step forward, and then another, the soft crunching of his
footsteps on the grass had to reach the ears of the man
on the swing, didn't it? If only he would turn, if only he
could see the face, those eyes, to know that it wasn't a
phantom.
And he turned.
And Qui-Gon looked into those familiar blue-green eyes and felt
his heart stop.
And Obi-Wan stood and walked over to him, steadying him with a
firm grip on his arms and the universe was right again.
"Hello, Master," Obi-Wan said softly, formally.
A thousand questions raced through Qui-Gon's mind. Where have
you been? Are you all right? How did you get back? When did you
come back? Are you real? Why did you leave?
But in the end, he could say nothing of this, only managing to
enfold Obi-Wan into his arms and murmer, "Padawan."
Obi-Wan awkwardly accepted the hug and Qui-Gon reflected how
different he felt. Five years ago a boy had gone missing and
now, a man had returned. Obi-Wan was much taller and had gained
a sturdy, muscular frame. No longer gawky, he was a beautiful
young man and even as he recognised that, Qui-Gon felt a flood
of confusion. It was Obi-Wan back, but was it his
Obi-Wan? Or was it a strangely different person in a familiar
form?
Finally, Qui-Gon felt strong enough to let go, but still he
trembled and nothing could stop the pounding of his heart. He
was too old for a shock like this...
"You are not old, Master," Obi-Wan said easily, and then
Qui-Gon froze with the surprise of the old bond being restored
so quickly. It didn't make sense, none of it made sense,
because for the past five years there had been nothing
in his mind!
Qui-Gon stared at Obi-Wan and his former apprentice stared back
at him. Obi-Wan's eyes were open wide with confusion as he
seemed to take in Qui-Gon's appearance, and then his own, for
the first time. One hand tugged uselessly at a sleeve which was
far too short for his arm.
"I-" Obi-Wan began, and then seemed lost for words. He looked
around at the gardens in bewilderment. "You-"
"Obi-Wan, tell me," Qui-Gon finally found his voice. "How do
you feel?"
"I feel fine," he answered, slowly, deliberately. "But I am
very confused." He swayed slightly and Qui-Gon took Obi-Wan's
hands in his own, the contact providing an anchor for both of
them. "How is it that I come to be here?"
Qui-Gon sighed. "I was hoping you could answer that question
for me. Obi-Wan, where have you been?"
The gaze that met his was empty, lost and frightened.
"Nowhere," he said softly. And then he frowned, closing his
eyes. "I have been away," Obi-Wan realised. His grip on
Qui-Gon's fingers strengthened. "But there is nothing in my
mind - Master, it's nothing but an empty black hole!" His voice
rose, desperate, so frightened and again Qui-Gon pulled him
forward into a comforting embrace. One hand rubbed up and down
Obi-Wan's back as Obi-Wan buried his face in Qui-Gon's
shoulder, and Qui-Gon could feel how very very scared Obi-Wan
was.
"It will be all right, Padawan," he soothed, pressing a soft
kiss to the top of Obi-Wan's head and reflecting that even that
gesture was now different. "I am here for you. Together, we
will find out what has happened, but for now, rest assured that
you are safe."
Yet with the icy feeling that settled over his heart, Qui-Gon
found that he could not yet believe it.
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