Spoilers: Only if you have never seen any Star Wars! SW:JA,
SW:TPM, SW:NH.
Summary: Ben's thoughts as he faces Vader
Feedback. Would be nice.
Notes: Just a short piece written when I was feeling blue and
couldn't write anything more constructive.
Finally it would be over, at last he would be one with the
Force, one with Qui-Gon again.
As it should have been all those years ago on Naboo.
It may have been Qui-Gon that died at the hands of the Sith
Lord but a part of Obi-Wan had died too. The part of him that
was able to feel joy, feel love.
He had carried on. What other choice did he have? He had given
his dying lover his promise that he would train the boy, the
chosen one. He had failed Qui-Gon in life, he would not fail
him in death.
Yet he had failed. He'd lost Annakin to the Dark Side.
As he stood before his former apprentice now, their sabers
humming softly, the emotions of his life flickered before him.
The fear of being rejected by Qui-Gon when he had been 13. The
joy at finally being accepted by the Jedi Master.
The feeling of pride at proving to be a worthy padawan as he
grew from a child into a young man. The happiness of becoming
not just an apprentice but a friend to his Master.
The terror of falling in love and the fear of rejection;
elation when he realised his feelings were returned.
The ecstasy and contentment at becoming Qui-Gon's lover
cherished and loved in return.
The insurmountable anguish at having his lover torn away from
him, his whole future ripped to shreds by one dark warrior.
The subdued pride in becoming a Knight, wishing he could share
the moment with his Master.
His growing pride in his own padawan as Annakin grew from a boy
himself and began to master the Jedi arts.
Failure, anger, resentment at losing someone else he cared
about. Not to death this time but to something far worse. To
darkness.
The guilt and bitterness as he watched his fellow Jedi hunted
and slaughtered by the rising Dark Lord and his new student.
The tainted happiness at the birth of Annakin's children and
the anguish of taking Queen Amadala's son away from her even
when he knew it was paramount for the boys safety.
The loss of the Queen herself. A woman once so strong and
vibrant, crushed by betrayal.
The destruction of the Jedi, the temples, their very way of
life. A few survivors forced to flee to the far reaches of the
galaxy to escape the same slaughter.
He had thought he was beyond ever feeling hope again. His
reputation as a crazy old hermit was deserved. He shunned
contact with anyone. His way of life had been decimated,
everyone he had ever dared to care about were dead or beyond
his reach. He would not care again.
Then the young man had arrived; looking so much like his father
it had shaken him to his core. He had considered leaving him
there, unconscious on the sand but the part of him that was
still Jedi knew he could not.
Instead he had sheltered the boy in his home and it had been
the beginning of the end.
He had not planned on a noble sacrifice, he merely wanted to
guide the boy towards his destiny. Let Annakin's son be the one
to take responsibility for rebuilding the Jedi.
But now, standing before his former padawan, hearing him boast
that he was no longer the student but the Master, knowing he
could provide not one, but both of Amadala's children the
opportunity of escape he knew what he must do.
The Force called to him like a siren song. This was his
destiny. A presence called to him, a presence he had not felt
in so long but would never forget. Qui-Gon was there, waiting
for him. It was time to let someone else carry on the battle in
this mortal world.
He would be with Qui-Gon, with all the Jedi butchered at this
Dark Lord's hands. Together they would be strong.
"Strike me down and I will become more powerful than you can
possibly imagine."
When the killing blow struck he felt nothing but happiness at
last.
Archive 