Series: Conversational Oddities ( inventive, aren't we )
Authors: Morty and Nenkaylee, aka the Twins of Madness
Feedback: Yep, grill us, kill us! Velaxis_99@hotmail.com or
Annon_Vahai@hotmail.com
Category: Humour ( hmmmm. Will we dare? Yep. )
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: not a whiff of 'em
Disclaimers: Lucasfilm owns the Jedi - technically. We did the
funny stuff - hopefully. No money is made - sadly.
Author's notes: We're home. We're finally, finally home again.
Also, this was written during a three-hour-flight, a
seven-hour-wait at a german airport and a three-hour-stare at a
wall when we were home.
Imagine this: aboard a plane, two twenty-one-year-olds sit side
by side, staring at what is supposed to be a meal. Honest, food
just seems to follow us around! Anyway, we decided to leave the
pilot's grilled cat ( that's what it looked like! ) alone and
be creative instead.
Nenkaylee, however, managed to undo creativity within a heart
beat.
Morty: "Man, this trip is taking forever! We'll miss Sarah (
friend ) at the airport!"
Nen: ( singing ) "I'm waving my dick in the wind! I'm waving my
dick in the wind! If all goes right I'll be in your arms
tonight, I'm waving my dick in the wind!"
Morty: "Shut up. Just shut the FUCK UP!"
Tehe. Also, we'd like to thank all those neat people who've
sent us feedback to the previous two installments. Thanks a
bundle, you guys are great!
As always, here's the rule: we might have plagiarised. You see
something that belongs in one of your stories, you are
cordially invited to yell at us off-list, and we''ll repost
with your name attached, or take the Oddity out of the
installment.
Here goes nothing...
ODDITY ONE
"So, here's the deal: you let go of mine, I let go of yours."
"What makes you think I'd want mine back?"
"Why wouldn't you?"
"It's old and flaccid. Yours is fresh and juicy."
"M-hm."
"Very juicy."
"M-hm."
"Tastes much better than mine."
"Why do I get the feeling that this conversation just went from
bread rolls to something entirely different?"
"Oh, just wait till I get my hands on that!"
ODDITY TWO
"How did the talks...why are you packing in a hurry?"
"Let's say it didn't all go as planned."
"Let me guess: the ambassador made a pass at you again?"
"Yes."
"And you told him to fuck off."
"Worse."
"Huh?"
"Remember that course I took last month, the one about how to
properly make strangle knots into slippery tentacles?"
"Yeehaah, we're dead."
ODDITY THREE
"Tell me, stripling, how do you feel all chained up and
helpless?"
"Actually, it's quite comfortable."
"Comf- Why, you little - let's see how you like
this!"
"Uuh, nice!"
"What!?"
"Mmmmmh... I know someone who is even better at bondage,
though."
"Oh? And who could that be?"
"My master."
"Master."
"Yes."
"What're you, a slave?"
"Sometimes, when the situation calls for it...but we tend to
switch. We're not fixed, that's too boring. You know, it's - "
"Alright, alright, shut up already! MAN! How come
I always get stuck with the weirdos?"
"Maybe you have a problem. Come to think of it, you certainly
have one now."
"And you just see that, do you, yes?"
"Well, it's over six feet tall, has a beard, and is at the
moment mightily pissed that you abducted me. I dare say it's
rather impossible not to notice that."
ODDITY FOUR
"You let go of me this second, Qui-Gon!"
"You move it, you lose it."
"That's not fair!"
"What, Obi-Wan Kenobi is scared? Uuuuh-weee! Since when do you
care about what happens to your body, especially since it's
such a minor appendage we're talking about?"
"Losing? Seems more like I'm donating something here.
And hey, I think it really did work. You stopped digging for
wisdom and started digging me."
"Obi-Wan, the oddities of nature have always fascinated
me, you know that. And I'm truly amazed - I didn't know they
could be so tiny!"
"Like that, do you? Makes me wonder about
your...capacities."
"I am surprised you come up with that, padawan. Getting ideas?
Or have you been peeping through some keyholes?"
"When there's nothing on the vidscreen, I'm always thankful for
a free horror show."
"Now, what bothers me more - your choice of options how to pass
time, or the fact that half a million channels cannot entertain
you?"
"Maybe, master, my mind is just more selective."
"Did you just say 'demented' ?"
"Enjoying this, are you?"
"Padawan, it's not everyday you get to see a leech stuck to
someone's cockhead. Oh! Hold still, Obi-Wan, I think it's
feeding again!"
"You do of course realize that I am going to kill you as
soon as I can move again?"
"Yes."
"Good."
"Although I'd rather have you be the leech on my
cockhead."
ODDITY FIVE
( the authors would like the reader to know that yes, they
have turned to the Dark Side on occasion, being rudely
interrupted in sleep )
"Good morning, Master Qui-Gon and Master Obi-Wan! Well,
rise'n'shine my mom always used to say, she was kinda cool you
know but yiipeeh I'm here now and hey it's four in the morning
just the right time to get up and enjoy another great
day in a great life and WOW I didn't know you carried your
lightsabers in bed, too - but isn't that a bit dangerous, what
if one activates while you sleep and...why are you looking at
me like that?"
"Chosen One or not - you. are. dead."
"OBI-WAN! GET BACK HERE!! HE DIDN'T MEAN IT!!"
ODDITY SIX
"Padawan, I sense much fear in you."
"Be quiet, will you? This takes concentration!"
"Fear leads to the Dark Side..."
"As do gluttony and greed, and who in this room made me
do it?"
"I told you I'd never let you go alone - besides, whose talents
would spoil me in the future, without you by my side, were I to
leave you?"
"Hmpf."
"Could you specify that a bit?"
"Hunky Master, Perverted Forever. Oh, sorry, no comma in
there."
"Very funny. Why are you so crabby all of a sudden?"
"All you see in me is someone to spoil you. I'm hurt."
"Awww, you know that's not true. I adore you!"
"Yeah. Right."
"Padawan, I sense - "
"SHUT.UP."
"I was going to say I sense it's time. What does the recipe
say?"
"Twenty-five minutes and another ten to let it cool."
"Perfect. Well done, padawan! Once again, you've avoided the
Dark - "
"It's a friggin' cake, Qui-Gon. Get a grip on yourself!"
"I'd rather get a grip on you."
"Lovely. From cake to monkey sex in three seconds."
"Yes, wonderful, isn't it?"
ODDITY SEVEN
"A Jedi does not indulge in public!"
"Yes, master."
"A Jedi does not run around half-naked!"
"Yes, master."
"A Jedi does not seek entertainment by goosing others with the
Force!"
"Oh, come on! You liked that, didn't you?"
ODDITY EIGHT
"Good night, Obi-Wan. Oh, and by the way, next time we go to
the market to buy tea, remind me to look for one of those
feather boas - you know, like the one you were wearing tonight
at the queen's wedding. I think this really brought out the
best in you...sigh. It's amazing what pink can do to
your eyes, and - "
"Qui-Gon?"
"Yes?"
"Rest. In. Pieces."
ODDITY NINE
"Lube?"
"Check."
"More lube?"
"Check."
"A lot more lube?"
"For Force's sake, it's only a one-day trip, Obi-Wan!"
ODDITY TEN
"Tell me, Obi-Wan, when was the last time you had sex?"
"Uhm...why do you ask?"
"That hole you've drilled into your mattress is radiating
frightening amounts of Dark Side energy."
"You must have taken an awfully close look at my bed to have
noticed that."
"I did not. I actually noticed it when your hole started
communicating with my hole."
"You have a hole?"
"I have several, in fact."
"In you mattress?"
"That's one of the places, yes."
"Oh. Oh."
"Get my drift?"
"The one leading straight to your bedroom? I think so, yes."
"Well, we really should do something about those big, bad
holes, shouldn't we?"
"Let's just hope I have enough to fill them, then."
"I have no doubts about that."
-the end - (For now. We'll be back. Oh yes, we'll be back.
MOHAHAHA! )
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