ARCHIVE: yes please! M_A and anyone who wants it, just ask.
CATEGORY: Humour ( attempted )
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: nope
SUMMARY: We were bored out of our skulls... they don't even
have real pubs here!!! So we sat down, and talked, and talked,
and then Morty had that pen and a piece of paper...
DISCLAIMERS: It´s all George Lucas, sadly. But at least
we can claim the madness that goes along with it :)
FEEDBACK: Oh please, oh please, oh please! Send anything you
wanna say to either Velaxis_99@hotmail. com, or
Annon_Vahai@hotmail.com.
NOTES: These might not be as funny as the first ones, but we're
trying! Really, we are. By now, Morty and I are really squicked
out by german food...you wouldn't believe it, or at least we
wouldn't believe it, but 'Maultaschen' are really nothing else
but albino ravioli. Very weird. Oh, and we're still in a
shit mood. Morty has buzz- cut her hair again ( three
millimeters, people ),and I'm a chain smoker. Go figure.
SECOND NOTES: Once again, we're both sure we did some
plagiarism in here...anyone who finds anything that belongs in
one of his or her fics, please yell at us off-list, and we'll
include names and re-post, or take that Oddity out of the
installment. Oh, and if we really did plagiarise - we ARE
already sorry, so there's no need to get out the flame thrower
On with insanity....
ODDITY ONE
"Padawan, fetch me that book please, now there's a good boy."
Silence
"Padawan?"
"What am I, your dog?"
"Well, you've got the tail, and..."
"AND?"
"The leash came with the package."
"You're heading for an early grave, buster."
"How about an early bed instead?"
"Sounds delicious."
"Fetch the lube."
"Yip yip."
ODDITY TWO
"Why do you keep the beard?"
"Less face to wash."
"That's an insight into your psyche I'd hoped to avoid."
"You asked!"
"You answered! So, how often do you wash that rug?"
"As long as it doesn't walk away on its own..."
"Ewwww!"
"Padawan, I remember a time when that braid of yours was ready
to rise up and slay you."
"I was 14!"
"Youth does not excuze stickiness."
A pointed look
"Okay, age does not excuze stickiness either."
"I'll get the washcloth. After all, we don't want to appear
before the Council glued together at the belly."
ODDITY THREE
( Blame it on Ruth, who recommended eating 'Maultaschen'.
Yeeech. The correct translation, BTW, would not be
'kiss-bellies', but 'maw-bags'. Spoooo-kay! )
"Padawan, stop playing with your food and eat."
"I am not playing. I am trying to kill it."
"Pick something else, then."
"No thanks, I'd rather not eat anything that looks as if the
cook has used a flamethrower to cook it."
"What about those? They're fresh."
"Indeed. They still look surprised."
ODDITY FOUR
"Remind me again: why are we running from an army of angry
Wookies?"
"In the greater scheme of things, I'd say because we majorly
goofed up."
"No, reeeeaallly?"
"Padawan, this isn't a good time for jokes!"
"I'm not the one who recommended 'Flea-free for larger domestic
animals' when they complained about itching fur!"
"Shut up and run."
ODDITY FIVE
"Hmmmm, Master Qui-Gon?"
"Yes?"
"Heard girlie-scream too, you did?"
"Yes, Master Yodah. I guess Obi-Wan has found the thnadarrian
man-eating spider I was missing from the terrarium this
morning."
ODDITY SIX
"Qui-Gon, for the sake of your health, our friendship,
relationship and love, I hope you've spontaneously
developed suckers, and that's your mouth on my ass."
"Uhmmm...."
"Tomorrow, this thing is gone!"
"But it's still not fully recovered...whatever it is."
"I don't care."
"But Obi-Wan, it's hurt!"
"I know someone else who's gonna be."
"It'll die!"
"See my tears?"
"As Jedi, it is our first and foremost duty to protect - "
"Sex or care for pathetic lifeforms?"
"I'll bring it back to the gardens tomorrow."
"Good boy."
"Jedi do not blackmail."
"For a greater cause, any time."
ODDITY SEVEN
"No."
"Hm?"
"NO."
"What?"
"Not now."
"When?"
"Tonight."
"I'm hard!"
"I'm busy!"
"I'm horny!"
"Please?!"
"Okay."
"I love you too, Qui-Gon."
"You better."
"You threatening me? Pfeh."
"Brat."
"Pfeh again. I can do 'pfeh' a lot, you know."
"As often as....?"
"You're a machine, Qui-Gon."
"Says the man who can come six times in a row."
"Great!"
"What?"
"You made me remember!!"
"What?"
"Last night."
"So?"
"Now I'm horny, too."
"That's good. I'm about to drill a hole into the wall."
"Shut up and get over here!"
"Oh well..."
"NOW!"
"No."
"WHAT?!"
"I'm not in the mood anymore."
"WHY!?!"
"I am joking, Obi-Wan!"
"Good. I wasn't. Get over here. Now."
"Yes, master."
"And you call me brat."
"Pfeh."
ODDITY EIGHT
"I, Qui-Gon jinn, Jedi Master, hereby claim you, Obi-Wan
Kenobi, as my owned slave! You have as of now no rights. All of
you is mine, including your body, your mind, and, most
important, your cooking skills!"
"Pull the other one, lazy. I've been doing the cooking for
three weeks straight. Your turn tonight."
ODDITY NINE
"Obi-Wan Kenobi
How I adore your body!
So soft and yet so strong
With limbs all long
And very flexible too!
Sho-bi-doo-bi-doooo!
Obi-Wan Kenobi
I will forever love thee!
There is no other man
Who can be bent the way you can!
Yes my love is true!
Sho-bi-doo-bi-doooo!"
"How many of those pills did he take, Master Healer?"
"We're not sure."
ODDITY TEN
"...you will be my slave forever now..."
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHHAAAA!!!"
"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, but how are we supposed to be practicing
for the 'Melan-diath' if you keep bursting out laughing every
time?"
"I can't help it! I keep imagining you saying that to me in
real life, and it's just so ridiculous!"
ODDITY ELEVEN
"Bad luck, Jedi! Your puny mindtricks don't work on me!"
"I'm pretty sure my lightsaber will do the convincing just
fine."
Archive 