Warnings:sex nothing actually, just thoughts about it,
character death.
Summary Anakin wants his Master and understands that he won't
ever have him.
Thanks for my beta reader, you know who you are can't wait for
your stories to appear at this site.
Disclaimer, yes, this is George Lucas's sandbox, but I'm only
playing with the kind of sand he doesn't use anyways to build
his beautiful sandcastles.
My Master sits in the small walled garden, by the little
fountain where he usually rests.I remember when he told Master
Jinn that I was dangerous, " They all can see it, why don't
you,?"he said. He terrified me then.
Qui-Gon liked me, besides my Mother he was the only one person
in the universe who liked me.
Padme, I thought she liked me a little, but then it turned out
that there was no Padme, just the Queen, in disguise. I still
think I might marry her someday, but it is not important to me
anymore. Then I lost Master Jinn, and got Kenobi for a Master,
I did everything possible to make him like me, there is no
other Padawan in the entire order more obedient than I am.
Never disobeyed him, never been late, never protested any test
or exercise, my homeworks were always ready on time. His
suspicions about me gradually shrank to a bearable level. I
matured a lot, and understood what he was afraid of, some kind
of prophecy.
If I'm the chosen one, I don't give a womprat's toenail about
it. Everybody else thinks of that cursed prophecy when they
look at me. I could have fangs and claws dripping blood, they
couldn't look at me with more fear. It is not much fun to be
the one they all are afraid of.
It's been a year now that I started to see how beautiful my
Master is. I want him, I crave his touch, I dream about his
body. I try to think of something else when I see, him, the
last thing I need is that he'd know that all I think of what
I'd do with him, how would I worship him with my mouth, with my
hands, how I'd bring him to the edge of insanity with pleasure.
But he never looks at me as if I had a body. I don't want to
give up hope, not yet. I watch him sitting by that fountain, I
open myself wide, to let his toughts come to me. He thinks of
Qui-Gon, I didn't know they were lovers. Now I understand, that
he'll never be mine, he still belongs to his Master, and will
belong to him for the rest of his life. I'll never have him. He
will do his duty as he had promised to Qui-Gon. What is left
for me? Nothing, I'm a burden he carries, all he wants is to
finish my training then he could die and join his Master in the
Force. Damn them both. Why couldn't they leave me on Tatooine,
I could still be a slave, never learning that I have the power
to scare the living soul out of them. I don't want power. All I
want is his touch,a real smile, one look of those bluegreen
eyes, a look that tells me that he doesn't resent me
completely.
I'm old enough now to crave him I'll be twenty next spring..
Not a moment passes without me feeling the heat of my passion.
He must sense it, or is he that blind? Maybe I scare him with
that too, he can't return my feelings, I know it now. Obi-Wan,
I whisper. My Obi, I want to carry him to my bed, he is smaller
than I and I could carry him in my arms. I'd throw him on the
bed, undress him, and kiss his entire body until he begs me to
take him. That won't ever happen. Qui-Gon had him, lucky
Qui-Gon. Great, Ani, now you envy a dead man. Master Jinn, now
I'm scared will this pain ever lessen? My question flys into
the night, serarching for an answer.Will I ever stop wanting
him? He apparently never stopped wanting you, Master Jinn. The
only way I could please him, would be if I cut his throat, so
he can join you in the afterlife.
I'm tempted to do it.
The Sith Master started to call me years ago, he had told me
that if I ever want to leave the Jedi, he'd take me as his
apprentice. I think that's an alternative. Months pass, and
nothing changes, except Obi-Wan's pain deepens. I have made my
decision, tonight he'll understand how much I love him. Night
falls, and I'm ready. I go to him. He wakes up. He looks at me.
First time in his life, he doesn't see me as a burden the
bluegreen eyes are kind to me now. He knows I bring his freedom
a small ceremonial dagger. I can't live with his suffering any
longer, he longs for Qui-Gon as much as I long for him.
"Why?" he asks me mentally.
"I must let you go to him. I love you, Master. I love you too
much. I can't ask more sacrificesfrom you." I sit down beside
him on the bed. "Think of him now. I'll make it fast." My hand
is steady, there's no pain, the thrust is sure and quick. In a
second he's gone. I undress him, I have to see him naked before
I leave. I stroke him gently, this is all I can have, this is
all I'll ever have of him. His skin is cool now, to my touch.
"You are free now, my beautiful Master. Fly free, my love."
I pack my bags. The dark call of the Sith Master reaches me, I
answer.
"I'm on my way, lead me."
The path is clear in front of me. What will come, will come, I
need nothing, I need no hope, no comfort. I had my reward, that
last look he gave me, was all I could get from him. At least I
can remember his eyes, when he looked at me with gratitude.
Archive 