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Never Again

by Tariana Adren (jedi_knight_tariana@yahoo.com)

He is gone.

The man who was my closest friend and confidante for the past dozen years, and my lover for the past five.

I will never again look into those beautiful eyes, feel that gaze meet mine. I will never again run my hands over those incredible muscles; feel them shift under my hands as we wrestle in fun; as we perform a training routine; as we make love.

I will never again make love to him.

I will never again see him, my soulmate.

He is dead.

And it is my fault.

I left him alone and vulnerable against the greatest evil either of us had ever faced.

I flagged for just a moment, giving the Sith the chance to break away from us.

He followed the demon, as did I, but I was not fast enough.

I was forced to watch through the energy wall as he was cut down.

I acted in rage, killing the Sith, and that is a grave offense for a Jedi, but I believe just maintaining my sanity in the face of that horror is all that can be expected of me.

After all, I had no reason to live. My joy; my life, was taking his last breaths.

As soon as I had vanquished the Sith, I knelt before my love, cradling his head in my lap, hoping for a few last moments.

But there was nothing of my dearest left.

"There is no death; only the Force." How many times has Yoda told me that?

Thousands, I'm sure.

I am about to find out if the old Master has been truthful.

Now I will join my love. Together we will always be, in the Force.

I love you, my Qui-Gon.

Forgive me.

_fin_