summary: This story is inspired by the Jedi Apprentice novels,
The Rising Force and Dark Rival, and takes place before Obi-wan
became Qui-Gon's padewan. During a mission, a young
apprentice's longing for his master reaches a critical point.
warning: the young apprentice is 16. Please note that just
because this young apprentice wants his master, doesn't mean
he's going to get him.
The Great Ship VenVar ploughed through the cold reaches of
space, with the stately dignity and soul-numbing pomposity that
only the Cornari Divine could manage. Oh, how my head ached
after 6 days of politely listening to Empress Joy To All Who
See Her ramble on endlessly about how wonderful and highly
civilized her race was and how sorry she was that I was cursed
with being merely a lowly human.
"You are right Exalted Empress, no one prepares a better lugora
denasta than the Cornari. Why, I feel as if I've never tasted
it before tonight! However shall I survive when I am forced to
return to Coruscant?" Xanatos purred, with the most winning
smile. My padawan excelled in the Jedi art of sucking up.
Empress Joy To All Who See Her flipped a dangling orange
tentacle from off her wide, gray face and smiled delightedly at
the young Jedi. "You are very perceptive for a member of such
an inferior species! Why, it almost makes up for the unpleasant
odor that humans are so unfortunately cursed with."
Xanatos' dark eyes flashed with amusement. "Thank you, Glorious
One. I am unworthy of such a compliment."
"Of course you are my boy, but we Cornari Divine are noted
throughout the galaxy for our generosity when dealing with
those not as evolved as ourselves." She turned her bulky form
towards me and said, "You have trained this one in an almost
competent manner. I commend you, Qui-Gon."
"I am honored, Most Exquisite Empress." I bowed my head in the
most courtly manner that I could manage.
Rising slowly from the table, the Empress took her leave giving
us the slightest of nods, more than mere alien rabble deserved,
I'm sure. When she had gone, followed by a dozen devoted
servants, Xanatos dissolved into laughter.
"Padawan," I gently chided. "Control yourself."
Wiping tears from his eyes and smoothing his jet black hair, he
answered, "My apologies, Master, but the Cornari are quite
ridiculous."
"That is not an appropriate thing for a Jedi to say," I sternly
pointed out, though I felt exactly the same way. "Come,
Xanatos. Tomorrow we will reach Cornari Prime and we must be
rested so that we may carry out our mission."
"Such as it is," he muttered.
I chose to ignore that comment. Xanatos was young and eager for
adventure, and our current assignment would hardly fit into
that category. We were to escort the Empress to her home world
and there she would choose a royal consort from among the 2 1/2
million Cornari who would willingly sacrifice their most
precious body parts simply to be near her. It was, to say the
least, a test of a Jedi's patience.
As we made our way along the ornately decorated, yet stuffy,
corridor to our quarters, Xanatos began the wheedling.
"Master," he said with feigned innocence. "I am having trouble
with my 6th level meditation . Perhaps if we were to do it
together. ."
"You must master that skill on your own, Padawan," I answered
distantly. Xanatos had been trying to get me to make love to
him for the past year and a half, but I would never betray my
responsibility in such an unforgivable way.
Pouting slightly, he tried another approach, "I think I pulled
a muscle during our last workout. Will you take a look at it?"
"Now is an excellent time for you to practice your self-healing
techniques. Good night, Xanatos."
We parted and as the door to my small room slid shut, I sighed
with relief. An apprentice developing an infatuation for his
master was not an uncommon situation, but knowing that didn't
make it any easier for me to deal with.
Slowly, I shook my hair free from its restraints. The Empress
found my long locks hideous and had instructed me to keep them
up, especially at meal times. I knelt beside my small cot and
let the tension drain away. My neck and back hurt from the
stress of the day. It would be nice, I thought, if I had
someone to massage them for me.
With a smile, I shunted that thought away before Xanatos could
pick up on it. He would be only too willing to help. Stretching
out on the uncomfortable bed, I stared at the ceiling and
remembered the words that my own Master had told me so very
long ago.
I was barely 15 and was as smitten with Master Cyrene as
Xanatos was with me. She handled the situation with much more
skill than I had been able to muster, I had to admit.
One day, she called me into her meditation chamber and
indicated for me to sit on the floor with her. I did so,
marveling as always at the blazing intelligence so evident in
her lovely brown eyes. She swept her shoulder length golden
curls out of her face and smiled at me.
"Padawan," she began. "do you believe that you will ever fall
in love?"
My heart skipped a beat as my face turned bright red. She knew
the truth! "I - I don't know Master," I stammered.
"I have seen into your heart, Padawan. You believe yourself to
be in love with me, do you not?"
I knew it would be pointless to lie, so I whispered, "Yes
Master, I'm sorry."
She lifted my chin up until our eyes met. "There is nothing to
be sorry about. You have not offended me in any way. But you
must understand that I do not feel for you as you would wish."
My heart sank. Of course, I knew that she didn't love me, but
still it hurt to hear her say it.
"Qui-Gon, you are young. In time, you will see that this
feeling is not truly love, but infatuation."
Well, that hurt. Not only didn't she love me, but she didn't
believe my feelings for her were real. "Master, how can you say
that? I understand that you do not care for me, but. . "
"Padawan," she interrupted me. "I do care for you, very much
so. We have a bond, you and I, and I know things about you that
you don't yet know yourself."
Master Cyrene's gift was insight. Even Yoda was said to come to
her for advice. "What is it that you know, Master?" I asked
with trepidation.
"Your heart beats true and strong, but it has the capacity to
love only once. You must be careful my Padawan. Choose wrongly
and you will spend your life in loneliness; choose wisely and
you will find happiness and fulfillment that will sustain you
until your dying day."
I kept her words with me through the many years that followed.
There were many friends and a few lovers, but none that I could
ever give myself completely to. In time, I accepted the idea
that I would probably spend the rest of my life alone, except
for my padawan, of course.
As I drifted into sleep, a flicker of a vision came to me. I
was in a tiny bed, much like the one I was currently sleeping
in, and I was passionately entangled with a young man. He was
in his early 20's and his light hair was cut in the traditional
manner of an apprentice. Our bodies were one and a sense of
completeness that I had never known before filled me.
"Beautiful one," I whispered.
"Master," he gasped.
I awoke with a start and bolted straight up in the bed. I had
made many mistakes in my life and was sure to make many more,
but I was not prepared to believe that I would be so foolish as
to become involved with a future apprentice. Yet, if this
vision was to be believed that is exactly what would happen.
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