Category: Hm.. Non Q/O, Romance, POV.. Ya know, I should just
make up a category for this.
Rating: PG.
Warnings: Would "implied slash" be a warning? I mean.. what are
you doing here if you need to be warned about slash?
Spoilers: Yes, for TPM.
Summary: A letter I wrote to a dear friend about my feelings
for Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan. Being a founding member of the Darth
Maul Estrogen Brigade.. my feelings caught me by surprise.
Feedback: Yes, please. To the addy listed above.
Here's my rant, my feelings, my words as I feel they need to be
seen. I share them with you because I know you will not mock me
and be disgusted with me, however immaturely that would be...
but some younger girls would find joy in. And all because I am
a Jedi.
Bah!!!!! Stupid little girls who think Maul is the shit.
OK.. I am so over this Maul crap. I saw the movie before A LOT
of people did. And ya know what? I bragged about it. Know why?
Cuz TPM was like.. the biggest thing to hit the world since
friggin Tang and I got to taste it before the astronauts took
it to space, baby. May 15th. My boss called me up, 10pm on May
14th and says, "Wanna go see Star Wars tomorrow?" Half asleep I
say yes and BAM! I got a free ticket to a sneak preview.
Rebecca says now... "Danielle, you loved Maul way before the
movie even came out, girl," whenever I talk about how much I'm
over him. But she knows that I've fallen in love with those two
Guardians of Peace and Justice. How could I not?
When Maul's blade first pierced Qui-Gon.. I smiled. A
deliciously evil smile and conceded it to myself in the full,
dark theater. Those around me gasped in horror but I delighted
in the sight of the good guy being taken down. The glint of
pure, malicious evil in that tattooed man's eyes.. it made my
heart race with desire. My mouth filled with sweet adrenaline
as he, and I, waited for the laser walls to end their cycle and
the fight to continue. I knew his fate. I had known for weeks.
He would lose the fight and fall down the shaft into broken
pieces.
Now when the scene plays before my eyes.. I hold my breath..
even wince as his blade drives through my beloved Master's
torso. I suppress a shiver and exhale. My Apprentice's scream
echoes and I close my eyes. Not wanting to see the fear, the
dread, the pain, the sorrow in his face. Those feelings I saw
once and laughed at. My heart wrenches because I know his
master, his friend, his father.. his lover.. is dying. And the
last thing he will share with him is not words of love or
comfort. Inwardly, I weep for him.
I find solace on the Internet. Stories of their first meeting,
their first missions, their first loves fill my heart with a
joy that puts a smile on my face. I brave stories rated "NC-17"
and discover a new path of their relationship. I am not
disgusted or repulsed. Again I smile.. because I know they are
happy and together and free to share their emotions to each
other in a way some people will never know how. I know that
there is a love that exists so pure and uninhibited. There is a
story I have read in which Obi-Wan becomes pregnant. "Absurd"
someone told me when I mentioned it. I dont think so. On one
hand I find it a cute story. On the other.. a testament to the
love that binds Master and Apprentice. "It was the will of the
Force," I say. Why would it be so hard to believe that these 2
lovers could not conceive a child? Because they are
anatomically incapable? To hell with that notion. Their love
for one another was so intense, so strong and encompassing that
a higher power, the Force, or their own bodies willed it to
happen. If only every child on THIS planet were created in this
gentle way.
My heart aches for a love so infinitely strong that no matter
who I am or who they are, we can do and say anything and never
have our love flicker or falter in the slightest.
My heart aches when one of them has been hurt. Either
physically or emotionally. Especially if it was the one they
loved doing the harm. My eyes sting when words they have spoken
cut into each other. Or when words they should have said were
not.. and it was soon too late. My pulse quickens with theirs
as their hands race over one another's body, enticing and
exciting every nerve and every fibre of their being. I am
comforted when one knows just what to say to make the pain go
away. I fall in love with them when they discover each other..
over and over. In so many different ways.. yet every way the
same. But again my heart aches knowing I cant have them. I can
never feel them, taste them, touch them, hold them. And that
aches reminds me that my chances are limited so much.. that I
would ever find my true one. My soulmate. The friend to my
friend. The lover to my lover. The Master to my Apprentice.
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