Disclaimer: Star Wars is the creation of George Lucas and the
property of Lucasfilm ltd. No profit was, or will be made from
this story. Any infractions upon copyright laws are not
intended.
Archive: Yes
Series: 'The Padawan's Penis' & 'Name and Address Withheld
by Request'
Warnings: Err, uh, I don't think so...
Spoilers: None
Summary: Qui-Gon has an unfortunate encounter with Obi-Wan's
Male Humanoid Expansion Kit
Feedback: Please
Notes: This story is based on 'The Padawan's Penis' and 'Name
and Address Withheld By Request,' written by 'chelle and
monmit. (monroe@globalnetisp.net) 'The Master's Penis' is my
interpretation of how Qui-Gon broke the 'attachment,' and was
written with their permission.
Both stories can be found at:
http://starwarschicks.com/fanfic/sithframe.html
Prologue:
Contently, Qui-Gon sighed as he settled into bed. It had been a
long day, full of tiresome arguing with the council punctuated
by errands to the senate. The fact that he hadn't been getting
much sleep lately didn't help.
He had just closed his eyes when they snapped open in horror.
It had begun, again. The hum. That damn, mechanical-vibrating
hum which emanated from Obi-Wan's room. The same hum that kept
him awake last night.
Qui-Gon gritted his teeth and rolled over. Determined, he shut
his eyes and waited for sleep. As the minutes passed, he grew
more agitated. Finally, in a last-ditch effort he buried his
head under a pillow.
The hum was undeterred. If anything, it seemed louder.
"Sith," the Jedi cursed as felt his penis twitch and start to
rise.
Several years ago, his padawan received a package in the mail-a
package he recognized as originating from Galactic Get-Offs.
Soon thereafter, that damn hum started. The sound would seep
out from the boy's room usually once in the morning and then in
the evening.
At first Qui-Gon didn't want to know precisely what the noise
was. Sure, he was mildly curious, but respected the boy's
privacy. He was growing up, his body changing and opening to
new sensations. It was only natural for the boy to explore.
As the years passed the boy grew, and so did Qui-Gon's
curiosity. And judging from the hum, so did the boy's libido.
"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon pleaded silently through clenched jaws.
"Give it a rest, will you?"
The hum continued. His cock grew.
He rolled over again, but that did nothing to ease his
discomfort. At least someone was enjoying himself, he thought
dryly. It was indeed going to be a long night.
Several years later:
Qui-Gon stood in Obi-Wan's room, battling his curiosity. The
pink contraption lay on the floor. The boy was asleep, unaware
of his master's presence.
He now knew what the source of that hum was. Several hours ago
he had asked Obi-Wan what it was. With an embarrassed flush,
the boy told him. It was a humanoid male expansion kit.
A what? A humanoid expansion kit? Foolish boy. Didn't he
know that size matters not?
Obi-Wan then confessed that the device didn't work, but used it
anyway, saying that he found the suction to be pleasant.
Pleasant? Just how pleasant? There was only one way to
find out.
Sitting down on the floor, he glanced at Obi-Wan again. He
worked hard to maintain his stoic Jedi facade. It wouldn't do
for the boy to see him sitting on the floor, jacking-off with
his toy. No, he couldn't let the boy see that.
He'll never know, Qui-Gon assured himself.
He pressed the 'on' button and the hum filled the room. With a
last guilty look towards his sleeping padawan, he slipped the
device over his penis.
It was pleasant, Qui-Gon admitted. The tickling vibration
combined with the suction sent shivers of delight through his
body. Maybe I should get myself one of these, the Jedi
thought as his cock grew. Soon, he was lost in the sensation.
Suddenly, without warning, the motor's hum changed pitch,
sputtered, then died. What the sith...
"Master?"
Startled, Qui-Gon turned his head to find his padawan peering
at him, with a mixture of concern and curiosity. Thankfully,
his back was to the boy, shielding the pink tube encasing his
penis.
"Um, yes Obi-Wan?" He said as he pulled at the tube, trying to
get it off. It was stuck. A Jedi doesn't panic, he told
himself, trying to believe the words. He gave it another tug.
It didn't budge.
"Is there something wrong, Master?"
"No, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon assured, hoping his voice sounded
normal. He wanted to get up, to seek privacy, but his limbs
were trembling. "Go back to sleep."
The boy wasn't convinced, and got out of bed to aid his master.
What he saw made his heart stop. His master was sitting on the
floor, his sleeping pants pooled around his ankles. And
clinging to his erection was a pink tube. His Humanoid
Expansion kit.
Obi-Wan suppressed a groan. This was worse than the Bantha
holovid incident.
"Get it off," Qui-Gon choked out, interrupting his thoughts.
The padawan knelt before his master to examine the situation.
The suction, combined with his master's size was simply too
much for the motor. It quit under the strain. Didn't he read
the warnings in the instruction booklet? The tube wasn't
designed for his... uh... size.
Obi-Wan gave the tube an experimental tug, and his master let
out a strangled noise. After a few more pulls, he announced his
verdict, "you're stuck."
"I know that, padawan." Obi-Wan could see his master fight for
control. "NOW GET THIS DAMNED THING OFF ME!"
Qui-Gon's voice startled Obi-Wan into action. He went to his
desk and rummaged through one of the drawers. To Qui-Gon's
horror, the padawan returned with a pair of pliers and a
screwdriver.
"NO! DON'T USE THAT!" The master cried as the boy lifted the
pliers to the tube. Startled, Obi-Wan thought for a moment.
"Maybe we should just wait and let, um, nature, uh, take its
course. It should come off after, you, err uh, you know," the
boy stammered. His face was red with embarrassment, his ears
turning pink. Qui-Gon could no longer look at the boy--he was
so cute when he flushed like that...
...They didn't have long to wait. With a creak of protesting
plastic, and a strangled grunt from his master, it was over.
Sweaty and weak-limbed, his master climbed to his feet and
hobbled out of the room. Not a word was said.
Obi-Wand picked up the tube. With dismay, he discovered that
his precious toy was cracked, and slimy with semen.
Definitely worse than the holovid incident.
The healer took a look at her patient's injury and made an
educated guess. "Galactic Get-Off's Humanoid expansion kit?"
Qui-Gon said nothing, maintaining his aura of Jedi calm,
fighting for what was left of his dignity.
"You do realize that size matters not, don't you?"
Still he said nothing, but glared. If he was wondering how she
knew an expansion kit was to blame for his bruised and sore
penis, he didn't ask.
"Apply three times a day," she said handing him a jar of
ointment. "The bruise will disappear in a day or so. Abstain
from your, uh, activities until then.
With a curt nod, Qui-Gon left. Her next patient then entered
the room and disrobed. Master Yoda.
She examined him. "Let me guess, Master. The Gungan tongue
attachment? Again?" Abashed, Yoda's ears drooped as he nodded.
"Yes."
She sighed. Just how many Jedi own those things, the
healer wondered as she reached for a container of ointment. Her
supply was dwindling. She'd have to order more in the morning.
Epilogue:
Obi-Wan glanced at the Masters' table as he entered the dining
hall. He knew they were all discussing the latest issue of
Humanoid Hustler because of the folders marked 'Senate
Infrastructure Committee.' His master had been hiding his
magazines in that folder for years. He'd have to sneak a look
later...
His thoughts were interrupted by Master Yoda's approach. He,
too, carried a folder. "Master Yoda, I can return your
attachment. The replacement for mine has arrived."
"Lucky you are not master, you are. Guarantee not apply to
masters. Tell Qui-Gon to use Wookie attachment you must. Do not
let him use Gungan tongue attachment by mistake. Painful it is.
Know this I do."
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