Who Want's To Marry A Jedi Padawan?

by Nell (nellfire13@yahoo.com)

Dist: M-A of course... anyone just ask and its yours!
Category: parody/humor; Qui/Obi; POV
Rating:g-pg
Warnings:Spew Warning! This is rather funny!
Spoilers: Phantom Menace... and very very slight Episode 4-5-6
Summary: Cast and Crew go on the Galaxy's Newest Holo Show! Who Wan't to Marry A Jedi Padawan!

Note's: I'm new here but not to Fanfic writing (Buffy & Roswell), though it has been about... oh three years since I last wrote ANYTHING! I got the idea for this while doing an assignment... which I finished in time... only after writing this thing. *grins*

"---" Denotes Character speak
'---' is spoken thoughts (you think something then say it outloud without thinking?)
normal words is the announcers voice.

Last time on -Who Wants to Marry a Jedi Padawan- our Jedi Apprentice was introduced to his... err... our viewing audience. This week we will meet his would be pursuers. ‘Lucky bastards!’

First on our panel of contestants here all the way from Naboo, is Supreme Chancellor Palpatine! A power hungry Sith disguised as a power hungry politician... ‘There’s a difference?’ err... sorry. His home world is full of breathtaking landscapes, fruitful vegetation and Gungans! Hey Jar-Jar...

Our next contestant is a ‘Wookie?’ Oh he he... sorry bout that... I love Wookies? Don’t eat me please? The Wookie... um Coral’s grandson will one day help bring back the balance to the force by helping to destroy the Sith... ‘Go, Sith go?’

The next psycho... contestant is... ‘Dude who is that bald guy... stupid prompter work...thunk finally!’ The bald guy is none other than Council Member Mace Windu! Love what your doing with your hair Mace!

Next up is... YODA? But he’s like 800 years old. "When 800 years old you are, horny for hot young Padawan you will be to!" Eww... that’s just wrong!

Mary Sue... hey there’s a woman finally! You go girl! Mary Sue is from a pre-hyperspace planet earth, by accidentally falling through a wormhole she wound up being in exactly the right place at the wrong time! Hmmm... wonder if she knows the boy is a boy’s boy? Who knows? Good luck to ya... you’re really gonna need it.

Next is...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING? Oh he’s yours... could you put him on leash or something. What? He’s a contestant too? You mean to tell me they let a rabid... err charming crazed horned thing in here... someone needs to talk to security! Oh that’s Maul? Certainly explains a few things, guess we all know where he got that name, huh? Just don’t go chewing on the Roses or anything okay? Hey by the way does it hurt when you accidentally bite your tongue? "Like the Jedi!" Really... okay moving on...

Whoa? Is he...? Nah can’t be... Curt? Curt Wilde? The Curt Wilde? Oh. My. God. Can I get some water here or maybe his number... yeah that’d be better. Babe you look much better with kohl, but without the drug-induced haze.

Last but certainly not least is the gorgeous, wonderful, charming Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn!!!! ... Qui-Gon JINN! Will someone please find out where in the Sith... err...hell he is? Paging Master Jinn... Calling Master Jinn... please report to the friggin main room! 'Man I had saved my best entrance for him too... stupid Jedi'... Master!

Finally! Master Jinn so nice of you to join us! Where were you Tattooine, battling that horned guy Maul? Oh the loo. Feel better? Good. Good. Moving on! So here you have it ladies and gentleman, the eight lucky men... err contestants... each vying for the hand of young Obi-Wan Kenobi!

"Obi-Wan?"

"Master?"

"Padawan you’re supposed to be at Swim Camp with Bant!"

Oh you two know each other how charming. Guess I forgot to mention that little fact! Everyone meet Obi-Wan’s Master... Qui-Gon Jinn!

"You stupid..." Hey Jedi don’t call people names... do they Master Yoda?

"Stand no chance of winning now, with Qui-Gon in picture!"

I didn’t ask if you stood a chance of winning... get that thing away from me! Go chew on that Wookie or something?! Ahh I’m sorry! Help me! Help me! I break easy! Well that concludes this episode of Who Wants to Marry a Jedi Padawan! Tune in next week for our... aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh... hurts you stupid Sith! Shouldn’t you be fighting the Jedi oe something... get your dirty little teeth off of my boots, or you’ll be toothless in a minute! I’m sure the Wookie would be lots of fun to play with all that Hair... SOMEONE HELP ME?

See you Next week on another... exciting... oh to hell with this, got any Meth with you Curt? Ahh that’s much better... Tune in next week to watch all these idiots compete for the little Virgin apprentice who's in love with his master, who’s in love with the Bald guy, who’s in love with his self! While Yoda, Curt and the Wookie sing Karaoke, and Maul and Palpatine cut a rug. Next time On 'Who in the Hell would want to Marry this guy'... err... Who Wants to Marry A Jedi Padawan?

Ahh hell we all know who wins anyway! The Sith... err ...Master Qui-Gon!

By the way anyone know what happened to that Mary Sue caricature? Ah who cares...We don’t like Mary Sues anyway do we?

-fin-