Love Song
by Obiphil (phil777@netvigator.com)
Archive : yes to Master and Apprentice, QGJDL, QJEB, OKEB,
SWAL.
Pairing : Q/O
Category : AU, first time (kinda), romance.
Rating : PG (slight reference to m/m sex)
Summary : Obi-Wan writes a song for Qui-Gon's birthday. By the
time he's done singing it, things are never the same.
Disclaimer : Mr. G. Lucas, I hereby pronounce you the owner of
everyone and everything in this story. HAPPY? Super. As long as
you're happy. Right, are we good? Great, just great. Now that
things are good between us, can I ask you something? WHAT WERE
YOU THINKING WHEN YOU WERE WRITING UP THE LAST 20 MINS OF
TPM???!!! *eyes blinking and rolling back reflexively, mouth
twitching and foaming and facial muscles all twisted in
terrible spasms.*
Declaration : I wrote and display this story absolutely for
free. (People would pay money for this?? PP-leeease.)
Many many thanks : to Eshva, Lynna, Sarah and Michelle for the
kindest and most generous encouragement. To Rogue for *staring
me down in the face* (you know what I mean) and telling me to
believe in myself. To Danni whose advice is invariably
pertinent, extremely helpful and literally life-saving. (You
rescued me from a lot of embarrassment, Danni. Owe you plenty).
And MOST ESPECIALLY to Barbara whose unfailing kindness and
support from the first story onward saw me through countless
low points.
Feedback : Oh yes, please. Nothing makes me happier, well,
except waking up to Qui- Gon's stunningly handsome face.
Author notes : Lyrics of Obi's song my work but they are
written to the tune of "Sometimes When We Touch" by Dan Hill.
Characters' thoughts.
No beta readers. All mistakes and imperfections mine.
Not a material person by any means, Qui-Gon Jinn was
nevertheless highly appreciative of the comfort and
rejuvenation that the sonic fresher of his quarters could
bring.
An almost inaudible sigh of gratified needs escaping from his
graceful lips, the towering Jedi Master stepped out of the
confines of the fresher with water running down his broad
muscular frame in wanton rivulets.
That felt good.
Force, did he need the hot shower bad.
A full day session with the Council was enough to bring the
strongest in body and mind to his knees. When twelve sabre
sharp minds of super tensile strength with Force-given wisdom
to match couldn't agree on something¡K¡K..whew,
unmitigated disaster. Twelve two year old kicking, screaming
and fighting over candies would pale in comparison.
Naaah, you're being unkind. The Trade Federation may have
been defeated on Naboo. But the work has just begun. The
Council's only trying to figure out the best way to deal with
the still missing Sith Master. And they need your help. Just
because you turn 48 today doesn't entitle you to a half day
off, old timer.
His head shaking with a wry grin tugging at his mouth, Qui-Gon
trotted over to the vanity to towel himself off and have his
beard trimmed.
The Jedi Master didn't have a vain bone in his body. His sheer
masculine beauty, while plainly abundant to all those around
him, almost never registered in his mind. He was aware that a
lot of people found him attractive. He had to be as someone who
was so attuned to reading others' thoughts and feelings. He
just never considered being mooned after something to be proud
of, or for that matter, to think of at all. Consequently, scant
attention was paid to the way he looked beyond the call of
duty.
But not tonight.
He did want to look good tonight.
Not for himself.
But for Obi-Wan. In just over an hour, he was to meet his
beloved Padawan for an evening of birthday celebration. Obi-Wan
had reservation at the Dripping Honey, an Ancca music house, a
favourite haunt of Qui-Gon's who had a weakness for the mellow,
carefree and gaily seductive tunes of Ancca music.
The Jedi Master had an inkling that it was going to be more
than just a quiet evening of dinner and music for the two of
them, however.
His Padawan had been shielding tightly the whole day since they
parted way after breakfast, no doubt to keep his arrangements
for the evening from the Jedi Master for a pleasant surprise.
But before Obi-Wan turned to leave, his blue-gray eyes caught
the deep blue ones of Qui-Gon's and for a fleeting moment, the
younger man's look grew deep and intense. Time stood still for
a tenth of a second as Obi-Wan's shield slipped minutely for
exactly that long. And Qui-Gon was afforded a very brief
glimpse into Obi-Wan's inner mind.
Too brief. The moment came and went. Obi-Wan reined in his look
before Qui-Gon could make out anything.
A surprise birthday party with a large gathering. That must
be it. The Jedi Master almost chuckled out loud as he began
to towel himself off with vigor.
If nothing else, Mace's meaningful parting look and Yoda's
smirk of cryptic amusement after the Council session broke up
should be ample proof of that. Even more telling was his good
friend, Master Leinar. He ran into the lady Master in the
hallway as he was hurrying back to his quarters to freshen up
for the evening. He was too much in a rush to say anything
except "gotta run, Leiny. I'll catch you around." The lady
Master giggled liberally and said, " Sure, sure Qui and soon",
mischief touching both her eyes and voice.
He could bet on seeing the three of them tonight.
So that was that. A large gathering of friends to celebrate the
fact that he had lived for 48 years.
Only remember to look really surprised with an impenetrable
shield. Good thing I've had plenty of practice at negotiating
tables. Qui-Gon made a dry mental note as he doubled over
to dry his long, powerful legs.
The Jedi Master tried to congratulate himself for having it all
figured out believing in his rationale that it was all there
was to it. But deep down, at the Force-guided level of his
consciousness, there was this minute tingling of sensation
nagging away. It was as if the Force was whispering "there's
more" leaving the Jedi Master inexplicably unsettled.
I'll find out soon enough. With a shrug, Qui-Gon
released his bewilderment into the Force and cleared his mind
of further anticipatory excitement.
If I am right, Obi-Wan certainly has a big one planned out
this year. Scrubbing his luxuriant mane, Qui-Gon mused.
Meanwhile, a wave of sweet affection and warm gratitude washed
over the Jedi Master. Big party or not, his Padawan was very
devoted to him.
Without even his knowing it, a fond smile quirked his lips.
And he knew exactly why Obi-Wan would go all out this year for
a bigger than usual celebration
They had always celebrated each others' birthdays without fail,
even while on missions. When work interrupted their celebratory
plans, they had made it a point to make up for it afterwards.
But those celebrations invariably involved only the two of
them. There seemed to be this unspoken understanding between
the two that their observance of the occasion was a mere excuse
for them to spend a quiet and private evening together rather
than any attempts to fuzz over the crossing of yet another
temporal milestones of their lives with the help of large
crowds and social hoopla.
But no.48 was special.
So very special, both to him and Obi-Wan.
Because he almost didn't see it.
It was pure accident that Qui-Gon was toweling his deep broad
chest at the moment. The towel brushed past a dull red scar
just above and slightly to the left of the taut nipple on his
right chest.
It was shaped exactly like a light sabre in cross section head
on.
The towel in Qui-Gon's hand slowed to almost a still as the
Jedi Master sank deep into reflection involuntarily. A
maelstrom of emotions roiled up in him when red hazy memories
of what happened two moons back surfaced in a rush.
Nocturnal blue eyes lifted slowly to look into the vanity.
Fear.
There was fear in his eyes. Qui-Gon was startled afresh to be
reminded of what went through his mind at what nearly was his
moment of reckoning.
It had been an alien feeling to him before that near-fateful
day on Naboo. Afterall, the Jedi teaching had it that fear led
to the dark side. And all Jedi spent huge amount of time
purging themselves of the dark emotion.
Qui-Gon had been very successful at that until a red double
ended sabre of a Sith pierced his chest.
And then fear was let loose in him in vengeance.
Fear.
Not fear for death. No. He had never been afraid of that. A
highly accomplished Jedi Master very much in synch with the
Force, he readily embraced the faith "there's no death, there's
the Force." Even when the Sith's sabre was trapped on his chest
and he was in excruciating pain being just a hairbreadth from
joining the Force, even then, death was not what he feared.
Not death itself anyway.
What scared him was what death MEANT ---- to him and Obi-Wan.
It would have meant their parting. That would have been
immeasurably worse than his own demise. And that was what
struck fear into the otherwise dauntless and unshakably serene
Qui-Gon Jinn.
His beloved Padawan. A young man so beautiful in body and soul.
To be parted with him? To never again see those sparkling eyes
that would lit up like diamonds under the sun when they met his
face? To never again cup in his palm that recalcitrant chin
with the unbelievably cute cleft? To never again be touched by
that sharp, joyous, bouncing, exuberant mind of limitless
spirit? To never again connect with that heart of golden
kindness and gentleness?
To leave all that behind for oneness with the Force?
And what about Obi-Wan? Qui-Gon had never doubted his Padawan's
all consuming love for him. Obi-Wan would have been utterly
crushed if the Jedi Master had left him for the Force.
And what was even worse ?
To never know what it was like to make love to the one person
in the whole Universe that had claimed his heart.
Just one more year to go and his Padawan would be ready for
Knighthood. They had long accepted that their love for each
other was larger and stronger than the both of them. It was
futile trying to resist it. So instead of fighting it, they
planned their lives around it --- mostly to beat the system
that was the Council and its draconian code. Everything was
set. All that was left was for the Knighthood to be conferred
and they'd be bondmates the next day.
To lose that when he had gotten so close?
Unacceptable. Totally and completely. Period.
Finally, there was something the Jedi Master couldn't afford to
lose. Something even the will of the Force couldn't override.
That gave birth to fear when eternity was staring him in the
face on Naboo.
The irony was that if fear indeed led to the dark side, he
would have been amply tainted by now. Yet, dark side or not, it
was that same fear, that stab of overwhelming panic at the
macabre prospect of losing the most precious person in his
life, of that person being scarred for life over his departure
that gave him the sheer desperate will to claw back against
impossible odds and triumph over first the Sith, then his life-
threatening injury.
For a heartbeat of a moment, torrential memories swept past
Qui-Gon's mind bringing with them a tempest of churning
emotions before the Jedi Master brought the Force to bear and
tamped down the phantoms from the past.
In the vanity, the Jedi Master saw a hint of a rueful smile
ghosting past his otherwise impassive face.
That was the only visible trace of the momentary state of
disquiet that he had just gone through.
He closed his eyes and took a long deep cleansing breath. When
deep blue eyes were opened again, the Jedi Master was already
completely centered and serene.
Live in the present. Let the past be one with the Force.
There was no better epitome of the present than the chrono.
Qui-Gon mused as he glanced at the one on his wrist. Only 45
more mins to go. Better hurry!
He quickly scrubbed the rest of his big body dry, gave his
beard a cursory trim, blew dry his hair and padded into the bed
chamber to get changed.
Another 20 mins and Qui-Gon Jinn hopped onto an aircar and
crisply named the Dripping Honey as his destination. His long
flowing mane was neatly tied back behind his head with a brown
leather thong, highlighting the angles and planes of his regal
masculine face. His broad towering body was elegantly clad in a
hoodless turquoise robe with matching sash over a beige tunic
while same tone leggings tucked into dark brown boots were only
partially successful in concealing a pair of long, muscular
legs.
That ensemble of clothing was the best he could manage from his
modest wardrobe.
Still, he looked magnificent.
Tucked away in an obscure corner in one of the older districts
in Zone Centrale, Coruscant, the Dripping Honey was frequented
by a small but loyal clientele.
It was a cozy and unassuming little place where customers could
spend a relaxed evening amidst the soothing tunes of some of
the best Ancca music on Coruscant. The food served was
mediocre, the beverage list unimpressive. What kept the
customers from deserting was the top notch Ancca house band as
well as that friendly, almost homey atmosphere. It was the
result of nearly all customers' being long time patrons, hence
having known one another rather well. It was a place where
everyone knew everyone else's names.
Over the years, Obi-Wan had been there countless times. At
first, he was in tow of Qui-Gon who loved the resident band. As
time went by, he gradually acquired the taste for the unique
brand of soulful music himself and had even dappled in the
musical genre as a hobby. And both Master and Padawan had made
numerous acquaintances at the music house. Especially Qui-Gon,
whose natural grace, quirky humour and easy-going charm won him
many friends and even a few hearts.
One of them being the owner of the place, a perpetually
grinning blimp of a Corellian male named Ramoo. The jolly,
good-natured guy with a wide girth was taken to Qui- Gon in a
big way and the two large men had quickly become buddies.
That was why when Obi-Wan mentioned to him he wanted the music
house exclusively for Qui-Gon's 48th birthday, Ramoo not only
said yes but waived all rentals for the place. As for food and
drinks, a whopping 80% shave off listed prices was offered by
the Corellian. Obi-Wan secretly heaved a sigh of relief and
took the offer without second invitation. His meager savings
were just about wiped out by the expenses in spite of the hefty
discount.
So here he was having the whole music house for the evening to
himself and an intimate group of friends of Qui-Gon's and his.
It was a small group. He didn't invite many knowing his low key
Master disliked big crowds.
There were Yoda, Qui-Gon's former mentor and Councilor, Mace, a
good friend and peer of Qui-Gon's who also sat on the Council,
Master Leinar, a female buddy of the Jedi Master and Janjae and
Simt, boy and girl Padawan best friends of Obi-Wan's whom
Qui-Gon had gotten to know rather well and was fond of
Everyone was here well ahead of Qui-Gon's arrival. Obi-Wan had
them briefed on the occasion's being a surprise party and for
good measure had reminded everyone to keep their shields fully
functional. So there was much naughty anticipation and
excitement hanging in the air. Even the usually stern Mace and
inscrutable Yoda carried a spark of mischief and expectant
amusement in their eyes. The group had agreed to a routine of
the surprise that it was going to hurl at the birthday guy. It
was Obi-Wan's idea wholly. It went like this. Once Qui-Gon
showed up at the door, everyone would yell "SURPRISE!!!" and
then the whole group would break into the perennial birthday
chorus, "he's a mighty great fellow." Then anything went. The
party began in earnest.
The others couldn't help but be a little surprised when they
first heard the sedate lineup suggested by Obi-Wan. Didn't the
Obi-Wan they knew use to have the most wicked sense of humour?
The scheme was rather predictable really. Lacking in
imagination decidedly. Pedestrian even.
Janjae and Simt had protested as much. They counter proposed
something much wilder, featuring whipped cream, peony syrup and
a water cannon in one version.
But Obi-Wan determinedly vetoed them. His head shaking
steadfastly, the Jedi Padawan cited the presence of 2 venerable
Council members as the reason for keeping things manageable and
partially dignified at least.
Janjae and Simt gave in grudgingly at last knowing that it was
Obi's show. What he said went, at least for the night.
The evening was set and ready to go.
Obi-Wan had already gone down the check list one last time. The
single banner that said "Happy 48th to Qui-Gon Jinn and many
more to come for he's one mighty cool dude !", the drinks, the
refreshments, conferring with Ramoo in the kitchen over the
stewed aooli with dandenuum leaves, Qui-Gon's favourite main
dish, and running down the musical lineup with the house band.
All set.
He took a moment to sit by himself in one far corner and
watched the interplay among members of the group for once as an
onlooker.
Mace and Yoda were deep in low conversation, no doubt about
some never ending Council business again judging from their
grave expressions and uptight posture.
Master Leinar was horsing around with the two Padawans each
with a drink in their hands. Intermittent giggles and manic
gesturing marked the three of them in distinct contrast with
the other two.
A ghost of a wry smile formed on Obi-Wan's face as his eyes
narrowed.
So they thought he had come up with a lame game plan for the
evening, and that whatever surprise there might be tonight
would be muted and pedestrian.
And his sabre sharp Master? Obi-Wan had no illusion that the
surprise party could elude his Master's keen presence of mind.
His brief lingering look and fleeting slippage of shields at
breakfast would be all Qui-Gon needed to be onto his little
party scheme.
Instinctively, he ran a check on his shields for the umpteenth
time. They were shut tight as a zactonium vault. Even Yoda
couldn't breach it without the most determined probe.
A sigh left his mouth.
How he had them fooled. All of them.
When he was done with this day, they would realize the surprise
party was the least of the surprises for the evening.
Obi-Wan's smile turned bitter-sweet...¡Kand a tad wicked.
Qui-Gon stopped for a moment outside the unobtrusive entrance
to the Dripping Honey to straighten his travel-ruffled robe.
Shields up and look surprised. One last reminder and the
Jedi Master pushed open the door to walk in, his face already
schooled consummately to display the optimal level of pleasant
astonishment.
"SURPRISE!!!"
The group from which the word exploded might be small, but the
volume of noise was deafening.
Even Yoda managed a good showing of decibels with his shrill,
thin, childlike voice, although the effort did leave him a bit
flushed and quick in breathing afterwards.
Then under the lead of Mace's rich baritone, everyone began
singing "mighty great fellow"while clapping spiritedly.
Qui-Gon might have had to fake his surprise, but the warmth and
affection that flooded his heart at the sight of friends and
loved ones who turned up just for him was quite genuine.
But before he let it show on his face, there was a routine to
perform. He allowed his jaw to drop open and widened his indigo
eyes to radiate a mixture of wild surprise, unexpected joy, and
happy incredulity. By no means an easy maneuver, but he seemed
to be managing splendidly as everyone was grinning from ear to
ear flashing the greatest possible amount of white teeth at his
reaction.
Then there was a round of hearty hugs for the Masters first.
With Mace, Qui-Gon got also a hefty thump on his shoulder, with
Leinar, a kiss on both cheeks and with Yoda, an indulgent
tousle on his head that threatened to undo his immaculately
groomed mane.
The two Padawans were more in awe of the legendary Master. In
fact, both Janjae and Simt had a half crush on Qui-Gon and both
let their jaws drop rather unflatteringly as Qui-Gon walked
regally into the place looking unbelievably handsome. The two
had since been quite unable to take their worshipping eyes off
Qui-Gon. But they regained their composure in time and gave the
tall rugged Master a big hug each before saying deferentially,
"happy birthday, Master Jinn."
Obi-Wan waited til Qui-Gon was done with everyone before
approaching.
Eyes already glittering like diamonds under the sun, he rushed
forward and threw himself into Qui-Gon's waiting circle of
arms.
The two men spent quite a moment hugging each other tightly.
Their training bond singing and tingling with boundless joy and
love.
When they finally released each other, Qui-Gon gazed into the
blue-gray depth of his Padawan's eyes and said softly, "thank
you, Obi-Wan, for everything. You're too good to me. You've
made me very, very happy. I am one lucky old man."
Obi-Wan suddenly felt a bit shy under the intense gaze of the
older man. He lowered his eyes which had grown misty and soft
and fixed them at his Master's strong bearded jaw before saying
quietly, "no, Master, thank YOU for
everything¡K¡K", he paused, shifted his eyes back
onto Qui-Gon's face as a glint of mischief came off his look.
He leaned up towards Qui-Gon's ear and whispered, "
...including looking surprised."
Qui-Gon couldn't help but chuckled at being seen through so
soon. His mastery of the art of charade must be slipping.
Both were in fact grateful for the little interjection of
humour. The air was hitherto getting a bit charged with heavy
emotions when the birthday occasion naturally pushed both men's
thoughts towards what might have been ---- those red hazy
memories of Naboo.
"Hey there, are you two mushy softies done or what? We have a
party to kick off here!" Master Leinar bitched over vivaciously
in her smoky voice.
That brought the whole house down and the party officially
began.
"Your Padawan adores you, no, what am I saying, worships, he
worships you, Qui." Eyes half lidded from alcohol induced
drowsiness, Master Leinar spoke languidly with a bit of a big
tongue as she jerked her chin at the next table where Obi-Wan
sat with his two Padawan buddies.
The main dish of stewed aooli was only so so as Ramoo wasn't
the best of cook but he did break out a whole box of vintage
Aldaraanian sweet wine and Leinar had indulged herself.
Consequently, she was too filled up with drinks to do more than
just pushing the house desert of shiratama souffle around with
her fork.
"I know, I am lucky to be Obi-Wan's Master." Qui-Gon said
proudly and affectionately, his smiling eyes trained on his
young Padawan just a table away.
It happened that Obi-Wan turned his head at that moment and
locked eyes with Qui- Gon. From one heartbeat to the next, they
stayed eyes on eyes and Qui-Gon was a bit unraveled. It was
that deep, enigmatic look again from Obi-Wan. And then, just
like before, Obi-Wan gave him a loving grin and turned away.
Qui-Gon's curiosity flared up afresh. Wasn't the night's
surprise already out in the open? And why was his Padawan
continuing with the tight shielding?
" I am with Leinar here. Never seen a Padawan quite so devoted
to his Master. You're damn lucky, birthday guy." Mace's rich
tone cut short Qui-Gon's contemplation. The Councilor followed
up his remark with a pat on Qui-Gon's back.
Qui-Gon suddenly felt a little unease at Mace's words. They
skirted too close to the rather transparent but never publicly
acknowledged secret --- the romantic feelings his Padawan and
him had for each other.
Mace maybe his friend, perhaps his best one after Leinar. But
he was also a Councilor. The Council was very, very strict
about the observance of the Code to the point of totalitarian
inflexibility. And the Code said romantic love between Master
and Padawan was all but forbidden. Such love, once uncovered,
would constitute grounds for enforced separation. What was
truly draconian was that the Code also said romantic feelings
between the pair, even not acted upon, were grounds enough for
the same severe treatment once known. It was a legacy of the
ancient conviction of the Code's makers a thousand years back
that feelings were the precursor of acts and were therefore as
dangerous and punishable.
There was one opening for clemency, however. The heart trial.
The Master and Padawan being found out would be placed under a
stringent trial to test for their ability to keep the
learning/teaching process unscathed in spite of the romantic
love or feelings. If they passed, they would be allowed to stay
lovers or consummate their mutual desires. But failing the test
would mean summary splitting up of the pair with no room for
appeal or redress. It was either make or break. A roll of dice
against fate almost.
That was why generations of Masters and Padawans in love with
one another prefer to rely on stealth and tight mental shields
to keep their forbidden acts or thoughts from being brought to
light by the Council instead of braving the dreaded heart
trial.
To its credit, the Council was aware of the near
non-enforceability of the part of the Code pertaining to
unconsummated romantic feelings. Not about to be reduced to the
dubious role of mind Police, the Council had never sought to
pry into the minds of its Jedi opting to pretend nothing was
amiss as long as it wasn't shoved right into its face. What it
meant was short of a public and unequivocal declaration of the
existence of such feelings, the Council always chose to look
the other way.
Quintessential Jedi as they were, both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan saw
past the barbaric facade of the Code and subscribed to its
wisdom of forbidding romantic love between teachers and
students conceding the very real interference such a
relationship would wreak with the learning and teaching
process, Qui-Gon's frequent defiance of the Council not
withstanding.
The part of the Code about romantic feelings, however, they
scoffed and laughed at knowing that its utterly silly existence
was due more to the inevitable inertia of a past revered by an
Order that placed a premium on history and traditions than any
genuine merits.
That was the backdrop against which Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan arrived
at their understanding --- they fully acknowledged the feelings
they had for each other. But they would wait til Obi-Wan made
Knighthood before acting upon them.
It didn't mean, however, they had the liberty to flaunt even
their feelings in front of two Councilors. If those feelings
were publicly and unequivocally acknowledged, the two
Councilors would be unable to look the opposite way but duty
bound to set things in motion that would lead to the feared
heart trial. The possibility was remote, but the dire
consequences rendered extreme caution advisable.
At the thought, Qui-Gon shifted minutely in his seat and
resolved to keep the conversation away from the potentially
volatile subject for the rest of the evening.
"Yeah, I couldn't ask for a better Padawan. Hey, where're my
presents? You've all brought presents, haven't you? I want to
see them now." A deft change of subject shifted Mace's and the
others' attention to the more pleasant and much less risky
matter.
Yoda narrowed his eyes and shot an amused but meaningful glance
at Qui-Gon who caught it and smiled wryly in return, both
Jedi's thoughts immediately transparent to each other, mutual
understanding flowing between them along their old training
bond.
It was followed by a jovial session of presents giving and
opening. Along the way, many giggles, chuckles, laughs,
chortles and shrieks occurred involving frequently the whole
group.
Mace gave Qui-Gon a photon magnifier ideal for blowing up small
rock veins. He knew how much the tall Master loved studying
rock samples. "Thought this might come in handy for your old
worn out pair of eyes, Qui." he needled Qui-Gon good- naturedly
with mock glee, which earned him a spirited but very faked neck
clamp from the target of his harmless barb.
Yoda's gift was a box of choicest rock enthusiast's collection
of Outer rim rock samples. This particular series featured
volcanic rocks excavated from the Outer rim worlds of Hoth,
Reubus Prime and Tirius Minor. Evidently, the two Councilors
had done quite a bit of coordination in gift selection.
Leinar gave Qui-Gon both a very elegant hooded Bractian silk
robe for formal Jedi occasions and a half drunken, fully wet
kiss. The feisty Lady Master meant no seduction whatsoever as
she had been giggling quite uncontrollably before, during and
after the kiss.
Janjae and Simt pooled their meager allowance and bought a
bottle of fine Aldaraanian wine of a rather good year for
Qui-Gon. The big Master was very moved as he knew how expensive
that favourite wine of his came. He gave each of them a bear
hug which caused both to go a bit weak in their knees and
flushed profusely.
Then all eyes turned on Obi-Wan.
The Jedi Padawan had fallen strangely quiet of late.
" I think you should all sit down first." Obi-Wan's voice was
low but even, a curious hint of gravity underlying it.
The room fell silent.
Flickering with determination, tenderness and just a hint of
bitter-sweetness, Obi- Wan's blue-gray eyes resolutely sought
out the deep blue ones of his Master's.
Eyes locked with eyes for yet another deep, deep look and
Obi-Wan turned to walk slowly towards the small stage of the
music house.
The expectation and suspense in the air became palpable. The
group exchanged quizzical glances with one another and began to
take seats. Qui-Gon, in particular, sensed that something
extraordinary was about to happen.
This was confirmed a moment later as Obi-Wan began to lower his
shields partially while trotting onto the stage. Right away,
Qui-Gon felt roiling love, passion
and¡K¡K.¡K.anxiety flooding through their
bond. Why would Obi-Wan be anxious? It was just a birthday
present. Or was it?
O Force, What are you going to do, Padawan? Even in his
head, Qui-Gon could hear the edge of desperation flooding his
voice.
Obi-Wan felt many pairs of eyes fixed on him from up stage. But
his eyes had never strayed from one particular pair, one that
seemed to gleam with flickers of nocturnal blue fire.
He took the voicer but didn't speak yet. He bowed his head as
if to gather himself.
When he raised his head again, there was this look of sheer
will and intensity splattered across his face. He pinched his
lips once before speaking. His cheeks were flushed and his
nostrils dilated minutely to draw in bigger breaths.
" You guys down there, you mean so much to Master and I.
You¡Kyou've been such great friends and¡K.
and¡K..you gave us so much love and support. That's why I
wanted all of you here tonight not only as touchstones of ours
but witnesses ¡K¡K"
Obi-Wan paused. When he spoke again, his words went in another
direction. And he spoke as if possessed, his tone composed but
powerful with raw conviction, the previous emotion-saddled
hesitance disappearing altogether.
" I have a birthday present for my Master who means everything,
I mean EVERYTHING to me. It's this song I wrote. My Master may
think he knows how much I love him. But I doubt if he does
fully cos sometimes I shock even myself that I can love someone
so very deeply and desperately. I don't need to tell you how
thankful I am for this 48th birthday of Qui-Gon's and why. It's
almost a cliche to say that one never realizes how much one
loves someone until one no longer has that person. I am very,
very happy that I do not have to find that out first hand. But
I came close. I almost¡K..:los¡K..lost Qui-Gon to a
Sith on Naboo. I¡K.I have never been so ¡K.so
scared in my life¡K¡K." Obi-Wan voice choked and he
had to pause again to steady himself with the help of the
Force.
Down below, Qui-Gon's entire posture was frozen stone still.
His face totally impassive. His gaze fixed completely and
wholly on the young man on stage. For the Jedi Master, at that
moment, the whole Universe didn't exist beyond that person.
Only the mist that slowly gathered in his deep blue eyes
betrayed how much his Padawan's declaration of love moved and
at the same time clenched his heart. A small part of him knew
that he shouldn't even be focused on that. The more pressing
and practical things ---- the presence of Yoda and Mace as
Councilors, the public confession to having romantic feelings,
the heart trial. Those were the very serious things he should
be worried about. But somehow, he couldn't care less about
them. What mattered, the ONLY thing that mattered was...was the
song that Obi-Wan said that he had written. He had to hear it.
He had to.
Elsewhere, the others were shocked beyond words. Janjae and
Simt glanced at each with utter disbelief. They sucked their
breaths in a long while ago and completely forgot to let them
out. Leinar was totally sobered now. Her eyes intent on
Obi-Wan, respect, empathy and sadness emanating from her face.
Both Councilors were ever serene. Mace shook his head slowly at
the madness of all this while Yoda looked on inscrutably with
narrowed, hooded eyes.
Having taken a moment to get himself together, Obi-Wan resumed,
" what happened on Naboo taught me something. That life is
short and that it's especially so if you're in love. For the
sake of the Force, my life could have ended right there on
Naboo cos if Qui-Gon had become one with the Force, I would
have been right behind him. Life wouldn't have been worth
living without him. Auh, auh, no way you could have left me
behind, Master. I go where you go."
His eyes caressed his Master's rugged handsome face as a rueful
grin curled his lips.
"I know we made plans for a year from now and all that. But I
won't wait anymore. Not moons, much less a year. Life is too
short for the waiting game. The lesson of Naboo was too
pointed. Considering our work, we'd never know what's going to
happen on our next mission. My life could end tomorrow and I
don't want to go without loving you and being loved by you. So
this is what I am going to do. I hereby put myself forward for
the heart trial. Sorry, Qui-Gon, for forcing this on you and
dragging you into this by going public like I am. But there was
no other way. If I had asked you, you would never have said yes
and you know it. You would have played it safe for my sake. But
don't worry, Master, Qui-Gon, my love, I fully intend to pass
the heart trial with you so that we can be bondmates right
away."
As if a load had been lifted off his shoulders, some of the
zest and spirit had gradually returned to Obi-Wan's body
language and his tone had gotten more lighthearted
progressively. But his eyes were still ablaze with fierce
determination.
"But first thing first. I still have a song to sing. This one
is for you, Qui-Gon. I spent a whole moon writing it. Both the
music and the words. The song's inept and clumsy and infantile.
But it's my heart. And my heart is yours. Yours alone. If you
haven't known yet fully just how very much I love you, I hope
the song lets you know. Happy birthday, Master."
Obi-Wan turned to nod at the house band. The melodious tune of
an Ancca song began to fill the air with the joy and torments
of love.
************************************
#Keeper Of My Heart# by Obi-Wan Kenobi
A million times I've heard it
from people everywhere.
The wind and rain and winter snow
agree that it is so.
That one should not surrender
his heart and love and soul
for doing that's a fool's act
you'd only bleed to death.
(chorus 1)
The rainbow in the sky
tells a story otherwise
that my heart belongs to you I must comply.
So you're the keeper of my heart
of my soul you are a part
If I'm a fool I will always be your fool
(interlude)
A cold hard place the world was
all ice and sleet and frost
until your arms surround me
to keep me warm on winter nights
(chorus 2)
But one look from your eyes
and my destiny abides
you're my joy and pride and love I can't deny
Cos you're the keeper of my soul
I surrendered it and smile.
We are as one in love in heart in soul.
******************************
The Jedi Padawan was correct. Neither the tune, the words nor
the singing were terribly professional. But where technique was
lacking, honesty and depth of feelings more than made up for.
Obi-Wan sang from the heart of his soul. It was easy. Where the
person he loved more than his life was concerned , he had
little difficulty being totally honest and expressive with
articulating how he felt. And he had been so much immersed into
the song that the Force in him found its way into the singing
giving it the sheer impact that it shouldn't have had on
technical merits alone.
The Force hummed and sang along with Obi-Wan.
It was powerful.
No one in the room escaped its impact. No one remembered to
clap after it was done.
Qui-Gon sat absolutely still like a statue. He heard no words
or tunes coming from the stage. He only heard the ocean deep
love and yearning that came off Obi-Wan's clear tenor voice.
Buoyed by the Force, it bored deep into the core of his heart.
The song and the declaration stunned him almost beyond thoughts
and words. That Obi-Wan would love him enough to be willing to
take the heart trial was a shock indeed. Maybe his Padawan was
right. Maybe he didn't realize fully the depth of Obi-Wan's
love for him.
Quite a while went by before Qui-Gon knew that his face was wet
with tears.
Obi-Wan came down stage a little shakily. His knees were wobbly
and he was soaked through in his back with sweat. He had put so
much into the song, into the evening, into thinking up and
executing the whole scheme that the final completion of them
left him drained and weak. But there was also lightness in his
steps. He had done it. He had seen to it that two Councilors
heard his public and unequivocal declaration of love loud and
clear. There was no turning back now.
He walked straight up to his Master and lover and stopped in
front of him, blue-gray eyes luminous with bitter-sweet longing
and tender passions.
Qui-Gon slowly stood up, his blue fiery gaze never leaving the
face of the young man. His face still a mask of impassivity.
There were many things he knew he should be saying now. And he
should be saying most of them in the sternest, gravest Master's
voice since they had to do with how foolish Obi-Wan was in
choosing to go down the hardest, least traveled route of a
heart trial.
But somehow those words seemed trivial, fuzzy and totally out
of place when he met Obi-Wan's burning gaze.
The two Jedi locked eyes with each other for a long time, each
standing inhumanly still. Then without warning, Qui-Gon reached
forward fast, swiftly gathered his Padawan into his bruising
embrace and planted a searing, devouring kiss on the young
man's lips. Their training bond flared violently into an
incandescent source of raw power that energized them
exponentially. Obi-Wan went dizzyingly boneless as Qui- Gon
plundered his mouth with hunger and desires. In the
intoxicating delirium, the Jedi Padawan was only dimly aware
that there was applause all around him and somebody shouted
'Bravo, bravo...."
Epilogue
Obi-Wan cuddled up against Qui-Gon's broad muscular chest in
total but sweet exhaustion as passion and desire gradually
ebbed in him. His lover's strong musky scent of sex and sweat
still hung deliciously in the air. He had lost count of how
many times they made love. Qui-Gon had already drifted into
deep slumber no doubt as worn out as Obi-Wan, if not more
considering he played the giver more times than did the younger
man.
Wow, what a way to celebrate the passing of the heart
trial.
At the utterly happy thought, Obi-Wan let out a long sated yawn
of total contentment. His heart and soul finally at home, the
Jedi Padawan sank into restful sleep and joined his Master in
his dreams.
END
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