Disclaimer: None of them are mine (although I reallllly wish
Obi-Wan was) they all belong to the all powerful Lucas, who but
for the grace of Lucas go I, so please don't sue me....you
won't get much
Feedback: Yes please. Good, bad and ugly. I thrive on feedback.
And feedback may make me write a sequel, you never know
g Please send all feedback to Remiee22@hotmail.com
Archive: M_A, The Nesting Place, swff, and anyone who wants to.
Please just send me a note with your URL so I can visit. But
please, all I ask is that you archive my stories under the name
Remba and not my real name. Thanks.
Spoilers: nope, notta one, this is AU, as far as I'm concerned
the scene in TPM will never take place (I'm in such denial)
Rating: R
Warnings: Just sad. No happy ending yet. Also if you don't like
the idea of 2 men together or underage then you really
shouldn't be on this list or this webpage g
Summary: Angst. h/c AU Set a couple of years after TPM would
have taken place. So THAT scene never happen. Obi is a Knight.
Just read it
Notes: Many, many thanks and chocolate covered Jedi to Fox,
Terri, and Wombat, for the excellent betas and knowing what I
was thinking and meant when I, myself, wasn't sure. All the
really good lines are from them turning my confused words into
meaningful sentences. g Thanks again, you don't know how
much all your help means to me. Thank yous and Obi sighs to
Layna and Barri for their kind words. Also big waves and Obi
sighs to My beloved Master, Master Elayna, my Imp Padawan,
Knight Barri, and my humorous GrandPadawan who never ceases to
make me laugh, Padawan Angela.
And now as Paul Harvey always says (and I don't own him either
so please don't sue me Mr. Harvey, you won't get anything
either) " And now for the rest of the story"
Is love wasted on the young? Maybe.
The venerated Jedi Master was walking down the hall when he
heard it. A sound almost like soft crying. He listened harder.
Yes, it was crying. He frowned in worry, wondering what would
cause the muffled sobs. He followed the sound to its source and
found himself in a lonely hall, almost deserted this late at
night. His beloved Padawan sat in a window seat, his legs drawn
up to his knees. It was only by happenstance that he decided to
travel this out of the way route. The Master surely had to muse
for a few moments that the Force did indeed work in mysterious
ways.
He was quite worried about his Padawan; this was not like him.
And that worry showed in his voice.
"Padawan?" the worried voice gently asked.
"Master." His beloved Padawan quickly wiped the tears away from
his cheeks and immediately put on that face of patented Jedi
serenity, or tried to at least. But that sadness, that absolute
despair was still evident in his eyes and the pallor of his
face.
"My Padawan?" he gently caressed a damp tear-stained cheek
while radiating a subtle feeling of 'What's wrong?' in his
touch and tone. The worry now etched deeply on his face.
"Nothing is wrong, Master." The younger man turned to look out
the window into the garden. His Master's hand shifted to his
hunched over shoulder. Giving a gentle caress, and sending a
wave of reassurance and caring through their still remaining
training bond. The former Padawan knew he had worried his
Master. How many people my age would be found in an
abandoned hallway at 12th hour crying into their cloak, he
thought bitterly. He always could tell when his Master was
worried.
He settled himself next to his Padawan, and gazed out as well.
Waiting for the other man to tell him what had happened. What
had wiped the constant joy from his handsome face, and caused
such heart-wrenching sobs.. For a while he didn't think the
young man would answer him. He almost sighed in defeat, but
then he heard the voice that was little more than a whisper
with the sound of tears in it yet again.
"I broke up with my lover tonight. Or I should say my lover
broke up with me. That would be more apt." He was crying yet
again. Silence again, and then. "I fell in love, Master. I knew
I shouldn't, that I would only be hurt in the long run, but I
believed...that he loved me...that I loved him...that he was
the one. And now..." he ended in a sob. He felt a comforting
hand gently squeeze his knee as the other hand again wiped away
the wayward tears.
The Master felt shocked. He had not known that his former
apprentice had recently been in a relationship. He felt a
slight hurt that such an important fact of his former Padawan's
life had not been shared. For as long as they had known each
other they had never kept secrets from the other. They had
always shared all the joys and the sorrows. It was
something that he was happy had not changed when this beloved
man had been Knighted. Now knowing that something which had
caused his Padawan such joy had not been shared was... painful.
Only knowing that he would indeed be present for future joys
was any balm to this unintentional pain.
"We had been lovers for almost a year," his Padawan continued
with a wistful smile, the pain seeming to ebb for a moment.
"The day...the day he said he loved me was the happiest of my
life. I don't think anything could even compare except maybe
the day we met. When he said it, I truly believed him." His
gaze wondered back to the moonlit garden, his eyes bright with
unshed tears. "He said it before we even began the physical
relationship. I thought we had formed a deep bond with that
admission alone."
A bitter laugh. "I could understand it if maybe he fell out of
love, or maybe he only thought he was in love with me, he's
young after all." He smiled sadly at his admission. "But
I was nothing more than someone to keep his bed warm. Nothing
more that someone to keep him company while his true lover was
away for the year on a mission." These words erased the bitter
smile from his face as tears threatened to spill again.
"Padawan?" Again that worried tone, this time mixed with shock.
The younger man could no longer hold back the tears, and they
flowed warmly down his face. "I went to his quarters tonight,
and found him in bed with his other lover. His lover had
returned a few months early, his mission a success. That's when
he took me aside and told me the truth, that I was nothing more
than a toy to him. He didn't say it in those words. He tried to
be gentle. I don't think he wanted a scene, but Master, in that
moment I saw deep in his eyes that he never loved me. He only
said those words to get me in his bed. Master, I was going to
ask him to soul bond with me. I love him so much." With that
final admission he lost his voice as the sobs began to wrack
his body.
The Master almost cried. This precious man who had been his
Padawan meant more to him than anyone. He loved him with all of
his soul, with all of his being. This man was his pride and
joy. To see this happen to such a beautiful and kind-hearted
man, to see his usually self assured Padawan in such a state
was nearly unbearable.
He wanted to reassure his beloved former Padawan with words,
but knew they go unheard. Later would be the time for words. So
the Master did the only thing he could do, send love and
reassurance through their bond while gently rubbing the shaking
back.
"Do you know the worst of it, Master?" He asked nearly slamming
his fist on the window seat in anger and frustration. "His
lover is my best friend. My friend whom I confided for
years that great encompassing love I held. Who I
admitted my feelings to, whose shoulder I cried on when I
thought I could never be with the one I loved. And not once did
he ever say a word, not a damn word. And they've been lovers
since before he was Knighted a year ago. They've been lovers
for four years, Master. Four years. Not once did either
say anything because they didn't want to hurt me, they both
knew how I felt. They've even discussed soulbonding, Master."
The silent tears trailed down his face. The pain and anger
radiating from his body.
His Master moved him into a hug, gently stroking his hair.
"Shhh. Shhhh, Beloved Padawan."
"My best friend, Master. How could Mace not tell me? We were
best friends. How could Obi-Wan do this to me? How? How?" he
asked brokenly, sobbing all of his grief out with what he felt
was the last of his soul. It was the grief of loving a young
man for eight years. Of discovering when his Padawan was
sixteen that he loved that joyful boundless soul with
everything that was in him. Of knowing that first Obi-Wan was
too young, and then realizing such an energetic young man would
never love an old man like him. It was the grief of losing a
joy that he would never know again: the joy of hearing his
unobtainable Padawan confess his love, and of believing with
all his heart that it was true.
The old Master held his precious Padawan while he cried out his
grief. It never ceased to amaze Yoda the amount of pain love
could put a soul through. He just held Qui-Gon as he finished
crying out his grief, sending reassurance over their training
bond and murmuring gentle, loving, reassuring words only a
father would know.
The End.
End Note: As you can see this was in response to the challenge
issued of wanting to see Qui cry due to Obi leaving him
for another lover (since all that type of fic is of Qui doing
this to Obi) Please let me know if the ending surprised you or
not. And remember there might be a sequel if there is enough
interest in one. Also the sentence "It was the grief of losing
a joy that he would never know again; the joy of hearing his
unobtainable Padawan confess his love, and of believing with
all his heart that it was true." Is a direct quote from Wombat
who gave me this sentence as an idea during her beta. It was
such a beautiful use of words that I couldn't change it, but I
wanted to make sure she got credit for such poetry.
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