Spoilers: Yup, if you haven't seen the movie, then go no
further.
Disclaimers: Oh, great Lucas! I bow before your mightiness and
your lawyers. I promise not to make money from the stuff you
own!
Author's note: I have to thank my wonderous Padawan D'Angel for
betaing this for me. She'll be a wonderful Jedi someday :)
You are gone from me.
I always tried to listen to you, Master. As a child, a part of
me worshipped you as a God. I hung on your every word and
followed you without question. As I grew, I realized that I
would have to follow my own path and make my own decisions,
that not all of your words were law and I must choose what to
accept. Still, I listened and I learned from you.
That day in the Council chambers, I learned something else. I
listened to what you said, but I heard what you didn't say.
You wanted Anakin to be your Padawan, to train him in the ways
of the Jedi. Because he is the chosen one, he will bring
balance to the force. That is what you believe, my master, and
that is what you told the Council.
All I heard was the words underneath your words that you did
not say and surely did not mean. But I heard them regardless.
You wanted Anakin to be your apprentice.
Not me.
Over and over it echoed alongside everything you said.
Not me.
Anakin was to be your Padawan.
Not me.
Anakin was the chosen one.
Not me.
Anakin was the one you believed in, Anakin was the one you
wanted to train, Anakin was to stand by your side, not me, not
me, not me!
After all our time together, all we had done, all we had been
through and you took this boy as if I had never existed, cast
me aside. After all, I'm not the chosen one, my midichlorians
are well with in the scope, and I'm not destined to bring
balance. I'm only the one who has been at your side for nearly
twenty years, what is that compared to the chosen one?
Nothing, apparently.
If I hadn't been so very caught up in my own personal despair,
do you think that perhaps I would have heard the other words
underneath your own? That having to take Anakin and, in turn
release me, caused you great pain. That if there had been
another way, any way, you would have chosen it.
If I had looked a bit deeper in your eyes then, would I have
seen then, seen your sorrow at having to make yet another
sacrifice to follow what you believed in.
But even at the end you thought of him! And I promised you,
because despite my hurt and jealousy I would still do anything
for you. I would die for you, even now. It seems that I will
die for you yet, for your beliefs.
I didn't see it, Master, how could I have been so blind! That
only at the last second, when words escaped you, that I saw it,
that I felt it. For the briefest endless time, our eyes met and
I saw! I fell into your infinity and we were one! I left the
confines of my body and truly felt the Force flow through the
universe. I saw eternity in your eyes, Master, and I
understood.
And then your eyes dimmed and closed, leaving me to hold only a
body, a shell, and you were gone from me.
It was only at the end that I saw the truth. But in seeing it,
I know now that I am not alone, that you will always be here,
near me, one with the Force that surrounds me, you surround me.
You are gone from me, but still, you left me with something,
Master.
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