A Little Comfort
by Astra (satsekhmet@yahoo.com)
Archive: Master/Apprentice and the Nesting Place.
Anywhere else is fine too ... just let me know ;->.
Category: Drama, Angst, POV, Other
Rating: PG
Warnings: QG/OW + a female friend
Spoilers: Phantom Menace spoilers.
Summary: Sequel to 'Friendship' -- more of Katy's memories of
the boys. Takes place on Obi-Wan's 30th birthday.
Feedback: Yes, please!
Author's Note: I don't use betas, so all mistakes are mine.
Disclaimers: I don't own the boys (if I did a certain Jedi
Master wouldn't be... well... SPOILER), but I do own Katy, and
this is all for love, not money.
If two male Jedi being all mushy and passionate about each
other -- and a friend -- offends you, or if you shouldn't be
reading stuff like this at your age, please skip on to the next
post!
"Mama, did you love my fathers?"
I raise my eyes from the medical kit I'm stocking, sighing. The
wordings a bit different due to our unusual circumstances, but
it's a common enough question for a single mother of my species
and culture. Even so, I pause, meeting earnest eyes that tip
from their customary deep blue toward gray as the silence
lengthens, the only sign of her impatience. There's no doubt
that she's Jedi -- born and bred.
"Yes, Trina. Very much. I still do." It was the truth --
Obi-Wan was still one of my closest friends, and as for
Qui-Gon... well, five years of physical absence had done little
to dim the memories of my childhood hero and oldest friend. I
sense there's more coming and wait quietly, crouching down to
match her height. It's a habit I'd picked up from Qui-Gon,
although I certainly didn't need to use it as often, being a
good foot shorter than he'd been.
"And they loved you?" I nod in response, remembering my
surprise when I found out how much.
"Then why do you live here?" I could hear the unspoken 'alone'.
"You mean instead of with Obi-Wan?" Her turn to nod.
"Because I was never in love with them, sweetheart, just
as they weren't with me." I watch her closely, wondering if any
six year old can truly understand the subtle difference,
especially considering that many adults don't seem to.
She narrows her eyes, concentration etching a furrow between
her brows, making her look even more like the Jedi Knight at
the heart of this discussion. "But they were in love with each
other, right Mama? And that's why Obi-Wan is so sad sometimes?"
Smiling sadly, I hug her close. "Yes, sweety." It's a bit more
complicated than that, but explaining even the basics of a
lifebond would take more time than we have right now. Sensing
that her curiousity is satisfied for the moment, "Now go
change... it's almost time to meet him and Anakin for dinner."
She gives me a quick kiss and dashes toward the bedroom as I
call after her, "And don't forget Obi-Wan's present!" It's a
special evening... his 30th birthday. Sighing again, I let my
mind drift back. They would've been together ten years now, if
not for the Sith....
When the ship arrived on Naboo, I waited until the Council and
Palpatine had left the landing platform with the queen before
gathering up Trina and slipping down the ramp. It had been an
awkward trip, to say the least -- the Council dealing with the
loss of one of their strongest knights, the resurgence of an
ancient enemy, and the futures of both Obi-Wan and Anakin...
the new chancellor, my father's all-to- willing successor, who
studiously avoided me after hearing the name 'Valorum' during
our introduction... and an uncharacteristically irritable
toddler, undoubtedly picking up on the ambient tension in
addition to her mother's distress.
I'd briefly considered leaving her on Coruscant -- she already
spent much of her time in the creche -- but she had a right to
say goodbye to Qui-Gon, even if she probably wouldn't remember
much, and I hoped that her presence would be a comfort to
Obi-Wan. She'd been able to make him... both of them... smile
since before she was born. And in her present mood, I was
hoping that he'd be able to work some magic on her as well.
Although the night she was conceived was the only night we made
love, it was not the only night I spent in their bed. As the
pregnancy progresses it became obvious -- unsurprisingly --
that our daughter was Force sensitive, and nothing calmed her
(or me, to be honest) quicker than lying between her fathers,
wrapped in the aura of love that pulsed between them.
It was Trina who saw him first, letting out a cry of delight at
the sight of the lithe figure in the brown robe across the
platform, kneeling next to a small blond boy that I assumed was
Anakin. He'd been with the Council during the brief moments I'd
spent with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan before their rushed return to
Naboo. I'd sensed a tension between them centered around the
boy, and could only hope they'd taken the time to resolve it
before meeting the Sith. Judging by the looks of him, the last
thing my poor boy needed were more burdens weighing him down.
He stood up slowly and stiffly as we approached, one hand
resting lightly on the boy's shoulder. I was suddenly glad I'd
brought my medkit, certain that Obi-Wan had been ignoring his
own injuries in the wake of the responsibility and grief that
had landed squarely on his shoulders. I resisted the urge to
run to him and hug him tight, equally conscious of Jedi decorum
and his need to keep his shields locked in place, at least
until after the children were settled and he'd met with the
Council. 'But then,' I thought at him, 'you are in for some
serious coddling, young man.' For now I settled for a
ridiculously formal bow, which both he and the boy returned.
"Anakin, I'd like you to meet Katy Valorum. She's one of the
healers trained at the Temple. Katy, this is Anakin Skywalker."
Expressive, intelligent blue eyes met mine, then glanced back
up at Obi-Wan in confusion since no one seemed to need a
healer, especially a Jedi all the way from Coruscant. For a
moment his eyes brightened with an irrational hope. My breath
caught painfully in my chest as I realized what he was
thinking. Obi-Wan answered the unspoken question quietly, "No,
Ani... not even the Jedi healers.... Katy is a very close
friend of mine, and of Master Qui-Gon," his voice tightening
slightly on the last few words.
Luckily at that moment Trina decided to make her own
introduction, holding out her arms and demanding, "Obi... up!"
His mouth twitching into a parody of his usual grin, he lifted
her easily from my arms, giving her a brief cuddle before
kneeling down to put his other arm around Anakin's slim
shoulders. "And this little imp is Trina, Katy's daughter."
Trina beamed happily at both of them, content now, with
Obi-Wan's braid clenched tight in her fist.
I blinked with surprise. Within the Temple, Trina's parentage
was common knowledge. Did this mean the boy wasn't coming back
with us? Then I saw Anakin take a close look at them, noting
the matching dimples and how the lighter portion of the long
braid was an exact match for her curls, pausing at the midnight
blue eyes that were Qui-Gon's legacy. He got a wary look in his
eye and I realized that Obi-Wan was right to be cautious.
Anakin would certainly fear anyone he perceived as competition,
especially after losing Qui-Gon so soon after leaving his home.
Right now he literally had no one except Obi-Wan to turn to.
My heart going out to the scared young boy, I knelt as well and
held out my hand to shake Anakin's. "I'm very happy to meet
you, Anakin. I hope that we can be friends as well."
I was startled back to the present by the sound of the door
opening and Trina's squeal of delight as Obi-Wan swung her up
into his arms. I felt almost dizzy as I walked over to join
them... the scene was so similar to the memory I'd been caught
up in, and yet so different. I certainly no longer had to kneel
to greet Anakin... at 14, the boy was already taller than I
was. And there was no Jedi decorum required in the privacy of
my rooms, I thought happily, giving his braid a gentle tug
before wrapping him in a tight hug like I'd wanted to when we
first met.
"Anakin, it's so good to see you again! How's my favorite
padawan? You look thin... hasn't your master been feeding you
enough?"
He squeezed me tight, his laughter echoed by Obi-Wan's. It was
an old joke among us, one going back to the days when Obi-Wan
was much younger and Qui-Gon despaired of ever getting the boy
to fill out between growth spurts.
We separated as Obi-Wan put Trina down and she immediately
grabbed for Anakin's hand, ready to drag him off to the room
she used when she was home. Like all the other initiates her
age, she spent most of her days in class and nights in the
dorms, but since I lived in the Temple, she stayed with me on
her free days, often with one or two of her current best
friends.
"Come on Anakin. You've got to see the new models I've been
building. And you've gotta tell me all about the new ships
you've been on so I know what to build next."
For a child so young, Trina was developing a fine hand for
building models of starships and other transports, and seemed
intent on using her new hobby to chronicle the missions that
Obi-Wan and Anakin were sent on.
Anakin resisted the urgent pull, looking to Obi-Wan hopefully.
"Master?"
Smiling down at the boy, he responded cautiously, "Well... for
a little while, Padawan. Just don't forget that we're supposed
to be on our way to dinner."
Anakin blushed. In his fascination with all things mechanical,
he'd often missed mealtimes, and would have continued to do so
if Obi-Wan hadn't kept such a close eye on him.
As the children left the room, already sharing stories, I
turned and looked at Obi-Wan, noting the tiredness in his
stance in addition to the ever-present sadness in the back of
his eyes. "And how are you, old friend?" I asked gently, taking
a clue from my forward daughter and grabbing his hand to lead
him over to the couch. "Was it such a difficult mission?"
giving him a slight push, then walking around behind him.
He sighed, settling into the soft cushions, then closed his
eyes and leaned his head back. "No more so than usual," he
began as I started massaging his temples, speaking softly so he
wouldn't be overhead from the next room, "but he has so much
energy, Katy ... and so much raw talent. Most days I can barely
keep him busy enough to keep him out of mischief." Brilliant
blue-gray eyes opened and focused on me. "Was I ever that
young?"
I laughed softly, "Yes... you most certainly were. In fact, you
were just about his age when we met. And I seem to recall you
causing quite a bit of mischief of your own."
"Still, I don't know how you do it. You're older than I am,"
his grin flashed briefly, taking any offense out of the remark,
"and you seem to keep up with Trina just fine."
Running my fingers through his soft hair, then attacking the
knots in his neck, I smiled down at him. "First of all, my
dear, I spend a lot less time 'keeping up' with Trina than you
do with your Padawan... she's busy in class and with her
friends most of the time. And second," I paused to drop a kiss
on the top of his head, "I think this has a lot more to do with
how hard you've been driving yourself lately than with Anakin
or your respective ages. After all, your master was ten years
older than you are now when you became his apprentice..."
I trailed off as Obi-Wan suddenly sat up, almost visibly
drawing the tension I'd just worked out back into his muscles.
I sighed, wondering for at least the thousandth time just how
much of his stubborn streak was his own and how much he'd
picked up from Qui-Gon. No matter. Either way, he'd retreated
back into his shell again and there was nothing I could do for
him right now, just as it had been when I arrived on Naboo....
Anakin stood stiffly for a moment, unconsciously reaching out
with the Force to judge my sincerity. It was a light touch --
nothing that could break past shielding, yet -- but Qui-Gon was
right... the boy was talented. Apparently satisfied, he took my
hand and shook it, smiling briefly.
Obi-Wan stood, then looked down at Anakin. "Let's show them to
the rooms, shall we Ani? I'm sure the Council will need to
speak with me soon."
Nodding, his eyes showing more worry than hope, he turned and
led the way into the palace. As we started after him, I glanced
over at Obi-wan and noticed with some satisfaction that Trina's
head had dropped onto his shoulder and she was quickly falling
asleep.
We were silent until we reached a set of large wooden doors,
then Obi-Wan leaned close to whisper, "I hope you don't mind
sharing with us. Queen Amidala's accommodations are quite
generous, and apparently between the damage from the occupation
and all of the offworld guests, plus those that have suddenly
found themselves homeless, the palace is rather full."
"Of course I don't mind. It's sure to be more comfortable than
most of the 'accomodations' I've shared with you," using the
term loosely, remembering icy caves, leaky huts and
vermin-infested tents. It wasn't like they'd needed to take a
healer along on simple missions, after all. "And it's
gratifying to hear of a queen who is so willing to open her
doors to her people."
"Oh, you'll love Padme, Healer Valorum. She amazing... she
planned the whole war all by herself!" Anakin reported quietly,
but enthusiastically, pushing the doors open.
I followed him in, my questions abruptly left unspoken as I
looked around me in shock. I turned back to the open door.
"Generous? Obi-Wan, this is..."
"I know. But Anakin can show you around and explain while I'm
gone." Belatedly I heard the chime of his commlink and quickly
took Trina from him. I didn't want to interfere with his
shielding, but I couldn't resist pressing a quick kiss to his
cheek and whispering, "We'll be waiting." He gave me hand a
grateful squeeze, stroked Trina's hair, and asked Anakin to
take good care of us before striding quickly back down the
hallway, robe flowing behind him.
I turned to my young host. "So, show me where I can bed this
one down to finish her nap, then I want to hear all about this
'Padme' and this room," and you, I thought to myself. "Oh, and
please call me Katy. Only my supervisors call me Healer
Valorum, and usually only when I'm in trouble."
The uncomfortable silence in my quarters was broken as Anakin
and Trina rejoined us, laughing. Suddenly ashamed of my own
stubborness, I reached out both a hand and a mental caress to
Obi-Wan in silent apology. I knew that birthdays were difficult
for him, loss turning his memories of past joy bittersweet.
Taking my hand, he stood, and briefly brought my fingers to his
lips. I felt a wave of affection slip across our old lover's
bond and read his own apology in his beautiful blue-gray eyes.
Nodding, I turned to our young charges. "Are you both ready to
go? Do you have everything?" I asked, looking pointedly at my
grinning daughter, who was gathering up our cloaks. As she
handed me mine, she winked. "Yes, Mama."
With that we headed out, first into the main Temple, then --
slipping our hoods up -- onto the streets of Coruscant, Trina
and Anakin leading the way since Anakin had volunteered to make
all the arrangements for the evening.
When we arrived at the restaurant -- a quiet, comfortable place
that specialized in spicy meals complimented by soothing,
frozen desserts -- Anakin stepped forward to announce that
'Skywalker, party of four' had arrived in a deep tone that
bespoke the man he would someday be. I could feel my friend's
affectionate pride in his apprentice overwhelming any
misgivings he'd had about the evening.
Once we were seated, he smiled warmly at the boy. "Excellent
choice, Padawan. Thank you for bringing me here."
"You're welcome, Master," Anakin replied, blushing slightly and
developing a sudden fascination with the menu. As Obi-Wan
helped Trina with her choices, I glanced over at the young
padawan, seeing a reflection of the child he'd been in the
unguarded joy on his face.
By the time Obi-Wan returned, Anakin had fallen asleep, but not
before telling me all about his recent adventures, each scene
overlaid with strong emotions. I could understand the Council's
concerns -- there was an untamed quality you wouldn't find in
any initiate his age -- but I certainly couldn't fault the boy
for his feeings. He'd been dragged halfway across the galaxy
and back, both physically and emotionally, and as his story
progressed, I found myself caught up in his experiences -- the
excitement of the podrace, of leaving Tatooine in the company
of not only two Jedi, but royalty as well, of arriving on
Coruscant, and of the space battle... the wonder of meeting
Padme in Watto's shop, of having a Jedi Knight in his home, of
being freed, and of discovering that Padme was actually Queen
Amidala... and the heartbreak of leaving his mother behind, of
being rejected by the Council, and, finally, of losing Qui-Gon.
He said little of the dark warrior he'd seen both here and on
Tatooine, but I got a sense of fear and rage hidden deep
beneath the surface. In the end, he'd allowed me to hold him,
and eventually cried himself to sleep in my arms.
After I'd tucked him into the bed in the larger bedroom and
checked that Trina was still sleeping in the other, I'd gone to
wash up, gaping anew at the opulence around me. Despite all
they did for the Republic, Jedi rarely got a hero's welcome
such as this and I suspected the queen's affection for young
Anakin played no small role in these lush accomodations. As I
stared wistfully at the huge sunken tub, I heard the doors open
and felt Obi-Wan's gentle touch in my mind. I hurried out to
meet him, then stopped, unsure.
"Where...?"
"Sleeping."
"Do you want to see him... before the... " he choked to a stop,
struggling for control.
"Yes, but not yet." I crossed the short distance between us,
then led him to the couch, willing him to let go while he still
could, fearing the wall I felt within him more than the
maelstrom behind it. In my youth I'd felt Qui-Gon build a wall
like that and it had nearly cost him his soulmate, and his
soul, for the Light cannot survive long without love.
Cradling his face in my hands, I forced him to meet my eyes,
still watery from the grief I'd shared with Anakin. "Obi-Wan,
please... let me in," I whispered.
He blinked once... twice... and the facade began to shatter.
His eyes filled with a kaleidoscope of emotions -- fear, anger,
guilt, shame, all blanketed under unspeakable grief -- then
overflowed with tears. His mouth twisting into a grimace of
pain, he curled towards me, hands trembling, then twisting into
the back of my tunic. I held him tightly, letting him stifle
his desolate sobs against my neck as I stroked his hair and
reached gently towards his mind.
He opened to me, flooding our bond with visions of the fight,
and I gave into my own tears as I watched, moaning as his
desperate cry of denial echoed within my mind. As I felt him
reliving Qui-Gon's death, I drew back from the deep connection,
knowing that I could pour all that I was into that gaping wound
in his soul and it still wouldn't be nearly enough. Instead, I
called upon my skills as a healer, drawing on the Force around
us to start repairing what I could of his body as well as his
mind, for now I could feel all the injuries he'd neglected.
Slowly his sobs grew less violent and his grip loosened. I
rocked him gently, mumbling soothing nothings as I did with
Trina when she was restless, and as I had done with Anakin. As
the darkness of evening settled around us, he sat back, taking
slow, deep breaths and wiping at swollen eyes. I knew the
healing was far from over, and that some wounds would never
heal completely -- at least not on this side of the pyre -- but
it was a start.
"You... you'd better go soon if you want some time alone. It's
set to start shortly after moonrise."
"What about you?"
He laughed then, a harse, bitter sound. "No, I've spent enough
time alone there."
"Obi-Wan..." I chided him softly. Bitterness would do him no
more good in the long run than iron control had.
Sighing, he closed his eyes for a moment, letting it drain
away. When he opened them again they were still stark with
grief, but no longer cold. He squeezed my hand in thanks, then
said, "I'll stay here with Anakin. I've been granted my
knighthood and I need to meditate on that along with all these
other changes."
I could feel a small glow of accomplishment deep within him and
hugged him again. "Congratulations, darling boy. I know you'll
be a marvelous knight," I sat back, once again meeting his
eyes, "You were trained by the very best, you know."
He nodded and gave me a small smile. "I know. Thank you."
Sending a small mental nudge into the next room to wake Trina,
I stood and shrugged into my cloak. I trailed my fingers over
Obi-Wan's braid one last time, murmuring "She's going to miss
this," then went into the bedroom to fetch my drowsy child.
When we came back into the main room, Obi-Wan was kneeling,
deep in meditation, and we slipped out the door silently.
Other than those brief awkward moments back at my quarters, it
was turning out to be a very good evening. Anakin had indeed
chosen well -- the food was delicious and plentiful, the
servers were attentive (although, to be honest, four sets of
Jedi robes of various ranks may have had a hand in that -- even
on Coruscant we are often misunderstood and set apart) and,
most importantly, the atmosphere was relaxing. As the meal
progressed I could see the lines of tension fall away from
Obi-Wan's face, leaving him looking younger... more like
Qui-Gon's impudent padawan than the often solemn knight he'd
grown into.
While the dinner plates were being cleared away, Anakin nudged
me under the table and Trina threw me another wink. No doubt
about it... they were up to something.
// Trina... // I coaxed silently, feeling relaxed and younger
myself.
I heard a mental giggle in response, then felt my attention
directed behind her. I quickly clamped down on my immediate
response, not wanting to ruin the surprise. I wasn't until I
saw the shocked look on Obi-Wan's face as a huge bowl of his
favorite dessert -- a sticky, decadent mixture that most adults
found too sweet even in small quantities -- was placed before
him that my laughter finally spilled out, joined by Trina's
delighted giggle and Anakin's quiet chuckle.
His eyes wide, the startled knight fell back in his seat,
moving away from the heat of the over-abundant candles, a
familiar yet all too rare grin starting to emerge.
"Got him," Trina announced smugly, smiling at Anakin.
Regaining his composure, Obi-Wan pulled her into a tight hug
and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "You sure did," he
responded, then turned sparkling eyes to Anakin. "Padawan..."
he stopped and just smiled.
"Master..." Anakin inclined his head slightly, acknowledging
the unspoken gratitude, then quirked an eyebrow in perfect
imitation of his mentor. "You should probably blow out the
candles soon," he commented in a wry tone.
"And make a wish!" Trina added, bouncing in her seat and
handing over more reasonably-sized bowls.
"Aha... now I see your ulterior motives..."
I sat back and enjoyed the teasing and laughter as Obi-Wan
extinguished the candles -- cheating a bit by bringing the
Force to bear -- and began dividing up the mountain of gooey
sweetness melting in front of him.
Letting the Force guide my steps, we soon reached the small
stone structure outside the palace. Taking a deep breath, I
crossed the arched threshold and approached the tall, still
form laying on the central platform. I was doing a good job of
maintaining my hard-won calm until Trina turned her head and
saw him. At first she smiled, turning in my arms and drawing a
breath to call out to him, but then she paused, reaching out
with her nascent Force abilities. I'd felt her confusion
earlier when he hadn't been at Obi-Wan's side... now it
returned with a greater intensity, turning her glad cry into a
soft whimper.
I knew how she felt. For over twenty-five years I'd known this
man... almost worshipped him at times... had loved him more
than anyone other than my father, the precious gift in my arms,
and the young man who'd helped him give her to me. He'd been
quiet, stern, loving, gentle, stubborn, graceful, devoted,
frustrating and both wise and foolish beyond imagining --
depending on your point of view, as he'd often said -- and he
was everything a Jedi Master should be. And now he was gone,
killed by an enemy that shouldn't even exist.
Oh, I knew the Code well enough... 'There is no death, there is
the Force.' And it was comforting to know that his spirit was
now part of the Force he'd strived so hard to serve all of his
life, but -- like Obi-Wan -- right now I found it a cold
comfort compared to the warmth of his embrace.
Knowing she wouldn't understand, but needing to try, I told
Trina that it was time to say goodbye as I took those final
steps to his side. Or maybe she understood more than I
thought... she was unusually gentle as she grabbed up handfuls
of his hair into her small fists, then planted her customary
kiss on the bump on his nose. Silent tears began to run down
her cheeks when he didn't respond. 'That, at least, she got
from me,' I thought hazily, only then noticing that I was in a
similar state. Pulling her back up into my embrace, I smoothed
his hair back into place, then bent to press my lips to his
forehead one last time. Letting my fingers drift lightly over
his face, softly stroking the soft moustache and short beard, I
took a step back and a long look, then bowed. We wouldn't be
staying for the rest of the ceremony and I owed him my respect
as well as my love.
I turned to go and almost immediately walked into a tall, thin
figure. Instinctively, I backed up a step, reaching out with
the Force. I wasn't wearing a 'saber -- healers rarely did,
even though we were trained in the basics and were allowed to
-- but the Force was my ally no less than any knight's, and I
could use it to defend myself. Suddenly I recognized the unique
feel of the man in front of me and threw myself into his
welcoming arms. I'd been so caught up in grief that I hadn't
recognized my own father's presence until after I'd walked
right into him.
"Father, I'm sorry," I rushed to apologize, even though I knew
he'd barely felt the slight push I'd used to keep him back.
"Hush, Katy. It's alright. I didn't mean to startle you. I just
wanted to come say my goodbyes before the ceremony begins. I
gather you weren't planning on staying either?"
I nodded, then asked, "How did you get here? Why didn't you
tell me... come with me?"
"With the new chancellor and the Council? Really, Katy, you're
enough of a Valorum... and a Jedi... to know better." He was
right, -- Palpatine had seemed disturbed enough by *my*
presence, and the Jedi Council were certainly no strangers to
politics, internal or external. "I hired a private transport,
which you are welcome to share on the way back, if you'd like."
I considered his offer as he lifted a still sniffling Trina
from my arms and got reacquainted with his grandchild. Noticing
my hesitation, he offered, "Obi-Wan, too, of course. How is
he?"
"As well as can be expected." I felt a small, proud smile
forcing its way past my tears. "He's been knighted, you know.
And I'm sure he'd be grateful to accept your offer. He..." I
paused, unsure whether to continue, then realized that my
father of all people would understand. "He could use some time
away from the Council right now."
He nodded, the asked, "And you?" I sensed a deeper meaning to
the question.
"Father... nothing has changed." He sighed, then gave Trina
back to me and made his way to Qui-Gon's side. I stepped back
to give him some privacy of his own.
I was glad they had parted friends -- I could sense his guilt
at having been the one to send the two Jedi here to Naboo, and
there had been some awkwardness during the pregnancy. My
father, confused by the nature of my relationship with the
bonded pair and hopeful that once the baby was born I would
settle into a partnership with the father, hadn't quite known
how to act around his old friend now that he was a candidate.
Consequently, he had openly favored Obi-Wan, making the young
padawan shy around him as he hadn't been in years. Apparently
he still held on to that hope.
The sound of a group approaching brought my father back to my
side and together we slipped away into the night and headed
toward his ship. I would return to the palace and convey my
father's offer to Obi-Wan later.
After dessert we headed back to the Temple, hard-pressed to
maintain our 'stoic Jedi' demeanor in light of the sense of
mischief that had been hanging over us since Anakin and Trina's
surprise. Quiet giggles kept sneaking out from under uplifted
hoods... and not all of them were coming from our younger
companions. Obi-Wan had even charmed me into having most of my
share of the sticky concoction, his good humor making me as
indulgent of his coaxing as his master had often been. Not that
Qui-Gon hadn't been a strict master at times, but he could
rarely resist Obi-Wan's sense of fun for long. A well-developed
sense of humor -- which was often subtle and sometimes just
plain odd -- was an aspect of his personality that my old
friend had shared only with his closest friends, and one that
had perplexed his young apprentice for years. Caught up in the
evening, it wasn't until we'd reached our door that I realized
we hadn't given Obi-Wan his gifts.
// Trina... // I began, but she was already drawing two small
boxes from her pockets, turning her head to toss me a slight
grin. I smiled back, wondering again if I should petition the
Council to let me take her as my apprentice if she continued to
show an interest in healing. I knew it wouldn't be difficult to
let our already close connection develop into a training bond.
Allowing a parent to train her own child would be a fairly
heretical request, but looking at our companions and thinking
back on Qui-Gon's history with the Council, that wouldn't be
anything unexpected from our little family.
Catching sight of the smiles and the boxes in Trina's hands,
Obi-Wan palmed open the door and hurried inside. Laughing, we
followed him, hanging up our cloaks as he settled on the floor
by the couch, looking up at us with a childlike enthusiasm
lighting his eyes. There would be no false protests from this
birthday boy -- Obi-Wan loved getting presents, primarily for
sentimental reasons. Like all Jedi, he had no need or desire
for material wealth, but the shelves of his quarters were
covered with reminders of countless missions and various
special occasions. Both Trina and Anakin had grown up hearing
the stories that went with each item, and it had been good
therapy for Obi-Wan... making him concentrate on the time he'd
had with Qui-Gon rather than a future without him. And over the
past five years his collection of memories with Anakin had
grown to fill in some of the empty spaces.
Casually, I mentioned that it might be a good time for tea and
headed into the kitchen, closely followed by Trina, who was
struggling not to laugh. In the other room we heard Anakin lose
a similar battle, evidently undone by the dismayed look on his
master's face.
"Go ahead and laugh, Padawan. You have no idea of the trials
she and Qui-Gon put me through, all because sometimes I
was a little impatient." Putting on the water to boil, I
nearly choked at the level of understatement in Obi-Wan's
comment. "Have I ever told you about the time the three of us
were on Malastare delivering medicine to the High Reaches and
we were supposed to go cliff gliding after the epidemic
was under control? It's an amazing sport... you'd love it...
it's as close as you can get to flying without using the
Force." He paused and I knew he'd closed his eyes, lost in the
memory of that flight. After a moment he continued, his voice
sounding very much put upon and affectionate at the same time.
"At any rate, whatever possessed those two to stop at the
marketplace on the way and haggle endlessly for who
knows what, I'll never know. By the time we finally got to the
cliffs..."
After setting out the cups and measuring the tea together, I
sent Trina back into the main room to listen as Obi-Wan warmed
to the tale. I sat to wait for the water to boil, easily
picturing them both sitting in rapt attention. Natural
storytellers themselves, they'd be relaying it in vivid -- and
most likely exagerated -- detail to their fellow initiates and
padawans at breakfast, if not sooner. We hadn't discussed
sleeping arrangements....
I was jolted out of my meditation by a pulse of emotion... less
anger now, but more guilt, set against a backdrop of loneliness
that pulled at the new knight's soul like a black hole. I was
on my feet even before my eyes fully opened, grabbing up my
cloak as I headed for the main room of the ship my father had
chartered. I wasn't surprised to find him still awake -- it
would be a long night for all of us. As I hugged him goodbye,
he asked "Are you taking the baby with you?".
I was about to say no -- she was sleeping comfortably and I'd
most likely have both Obi-Wan and Anakin to tend to, but some
subtle prompting convinced me otherwise and I nodded instead.
Watching my face closely he said, "For what it's worth, I agree
with your change of heart." I looked down at him, surprised.
"Your mother used to get that same look when the Force was
speaking to her... so did Qui-Gon."
My mother. Another Jedi lost on a mission... so long ago that I
barely had memories of her. I hugged him again, tighter, then
turned to go. He caught my hand and I glanced back. "Admit it
daughter, if only between us -- you do love him."
I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before
answering. "Of course I do, Father. You've known him almost as
long as I have... you know what kind of man he is. How could I
not love him? I love them both, but what they share...
shared... is... special." A woefully inadequate word, but the
best I could do at the moment. "I've seen it, felt it, closer
than anyone else. And believe me, Father... having done so, I
know that no one who had could settle for less -- not me, not
Obi-Wan... and not Qui-Gon if the situation were reversed. Now
please...." I looked pointedly at my trapped hand, feeling the
pull on my bond with the young knight growing stronger as his
own reserves weakened. Released, I left my father to consider
my words, tucked Trina under my cloak and headed back to the
small temple.
I found Obi-Wan kneeling alone next to the pyre, his severed
braid draped across his lap, barely visible in the dim glow of
the embers.
"What do you suppose he would've done with it?" he asked
softly, tying off the loose end before it unraveled any
further.
"I expect he would have found some way to keep it near him."
Qui-Gon had always been quietly proud of Obi-Wan's
accomplishments, often so quiet that his padawan didn't even
realize it until much later, which is probably why he hadn't
known how close he was to knighthood.
"I was going to burn it, but..." he shrugged. I understood his
hesitation. When he was young, it had been a potent symbol that
he wasn't a failure... that he'd been chosen after all... and
not just by any knight, but by Master Jinn, who everyone knew
had avoided taking a new apprentice. Suddenly reminded of
another 'chosen one,' I asked him where Anakin was. I'd
expected to find them together.
"Padme... Queen Amidala... took him back to our rooms. She said
she'd sit with him until I got back." Standing slowly, tucking
the braid in a pocket for now, he said, "I should be getting
back to him... I should be there... he's my padawan now..."
"The Council agreed then?"
"Eventually. Master Yoda's not happy about it, but I made a
promise and I told him I'd keep it... with or without their
help."
Obi-Wan paused in his story as I carried the teatray into the
main room and his audience hurried to clear space on the table.
I took the opportunity to comment, "If I recall correctly, what
we stopped to haggle over was a present for you..."
It had been just over ten years ago and Qui-Gon had been
looking for something special for Obi-Wan's upcoming
birthday... something in addition to the picnic and surprise
party he'd enlisted my help in arranging. That trip was the
closest he'd come to admitting to me how much he loved his
young apprentice -- although he masked it in terms of making up
for the previous year's disaster -- and he was almost
frightening in his intensity as he stalked the marketplace
looking for a love token that wouldn't obviously be one. I
wasn't gifted with future-sight like some Jedi, but I'd had a
strong feeling that things were going to change for the better
between them -- preferably soon. Patience is an admirable
trait, especially in Jedi, but I'd been losing mine and the
temptation to interfere had been growing for months....
"Speaking of presents..." Obi-Wan said hopefully.
I laughed, then gestured at the boxes on the table. "So, what
are you waiting for?"
I held my breath as he reached for one and could sense Trina
doing the same. Which one would he open first? Ah, good... his
own.
Smiling sweetly, Obi-Wan held his present up to catch the
light. It looked like an oversized focusing crystal -- the same
proportions and cut as one used in a lightsaber -- but this
replica was designed to hold keepsakes, and floating within
it's statis field was his padawan braid, curled around itself
and swaying gently. The 'crystal' itself was a rich green, a
match to the one in Qui-Gon's weapon.
I waved away his thanks, anxious for him to open the other box.
As he did, the smile dropped away into an expression of shock.
He lifted the matching blue 'crystal' up, fingers curled as if
to caress the long brown braid within. Looking to us for
confirmation, his eyes filled with wonder, he asked "Is it?" At
my nod, he continued, "How?"
"Master Yoda. He thought it was time for you to have it."
'Finally,' I thought to myself. I'd originally asked him for it
four years ago, but the little master had loved his last
padawan deeply and wanted to keep it 'for a short time longer,'
as he'd put it, counseling me -- as always -- to patience. I
suppose when you're 800 years old, four years would seem like a
very short time indeed.
"I'll have to thank him next time I see him," Obi-Wan murmured
absently, setting the gifts next to each other on the table and
turning overly bright eyes to Trina and I. "And thank you", he
said huskily, then looked over at Anakin, who was fidgeting
with his own braid and looked a little teary himself. "All
three of you. You've made this such a wonderful day. I know I
wasn't very... pleasant... earlier -- do you think I could be
forgiven long enough for a hug?"
Trina and Anakin beat me to it, barely, and very quickly we
found ourselves in what must have looked like a tangled heap of
Jedi robes tossed against the couch, the intense emotions once
again dissipating into laughter as we tried to sort out our
equally tangled limbs, then leaned against each other, content.
Standing together, watching the last embers of Qui-Gon's
funeral pyre burn themselves out, Obi-Wan and I were quiet for
a time, lost in our own thoughts and relaxing into the comfort
of each other's presence. Trina was still sleeping and as I
shifted her weight, he noticed her for the first time, asking
permission to hold her with his eyes. I handed her over
gratefully... at a year and a half, she was getting too big for
me to carry comfortably for long.
He settled her snugly under the warmth of his cloak, then broke
the silence. "Where have you two been?" I felt bad suddenly...
I'd left him alone....
He responded to the sudden wave of guilt, stepping closer and
slipping an arm around me. "No, Katy. It's not that. I didn't
expect you to stay for this, especially with the baby. I just
got a little worried when you didn't come back to the room."
"We were with my father." At his questioning look, I continued,
"He chartered a ship... we're invited to travel back with
him... all of us, if you like."
He hugged me close for a moment and I could feel him nod where
his head rested against mine. "I'd like that. Thank you again.
And I'm sure Anakin will appreciate it as well." I was certain
of that... Anakin hadn't gotten a very good first impression of
the Council.
"I do have one more favor to ask, though," Obi-Wan continued,
his voice growing softer. "Will you sing it for him?"
I turned to him, surprised. "The lament?" He nodded slowly, his
eyes shifting from the dim glow of the embers to mine. I
continued, a bit hesitantly, "I'll try. If you'll help me."
Obi-Wan had a beautiful tenor singing voice when he chose to
use it. It had blended well with Qui-Gon's rich baritone and my
alto harmonies on the rare occasions he'd been enticed to join
us.
The lament was a song of unknown origins, but it had long been
sung at funerals and seemed especially appropriate for the
Jedi. As a healer, I'd sung it many times... too many... but
never alone, or for someone I was this close to. Sensing his
agreement, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to
center enough to keep the tears at bay long enough to finish. I
began softly, my voice growing stronger as Obi-Wan joined
me....
Gone away into the night
Gone away into the ground
Gone away into the flames
So many gone
Oh, I can see you now
Standing with the others
On the deck in the blue and purple twilight
And we hold each other close
On a ship of many lovers
And we talk hand in hand before you go
Ashes flying on the air
Ashes scattered on the sea
Burned to ashes in the fire
So many gone
Oh, I can see the faces there
Many ages, many colors
As they gaze far away into the evening
There are friends that I know
And so many, many others
And they're eager for the journey to begin
Fly away into the night
Fly away into the stars
Fly away into the dawn
To lover's arms
Some have come there with their loves
Some have come alone
They all embrace in the light and in the shadow
And we say our farewells
With our arms around each other
And you tell me I will see you again
And you tell me I will see you again
Tears flowing unheeded, throats tight with repressed sobs, we
both somehow made it through to the end of the song. Then --
turning as one and without looking back -- we left the temple
and returned to the palace, that final promise of reunion
wrapping us in a warm glow that felt comfortingly familiar.
Fin... for now
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