Summary: A tisket, a tasket, Kenobi's got a basket.
Series: Once Upon A Time, In A Galaxy Far, Far Away
Notes: This is the third in the series.
Feedback: Well, sure. Otherwise, I'd just sit around and read
this to myself.
Disclaimer: I didn't do it. And even if I did, I didn't make a
dime.
Once upon a time, there was a fine, upstanding, handsome young
padawan named Obi-Wan Kenobi. He lived outside of Coruscant in
the woods to the north of the city. The Force was strong in
this young man, and it had always been assumed that he would
grow up to be a Jedi Knight. As an small boy, a favorite aunt
had given him a brown hooded cloak much like the ones worn by
the Jedi, and the boy had treasured the cloak so much that he
had continued to wear it for many, many years, even though,
after he hit puberty, it only came halfway down his luscious
ass. As a joke, his friends had taken to calling him Little
Brown Jedi Hood.
One day, Little Brown Jedi Hood, who was as good-hearted as he
was good-looking, decided to take an assortment of teas and tea
breads to the little hermit who lived in a small cottage on the
other side of the woods. The little hermit, whose name was
Yoda, had been very kind to Little Brown Jedi Hood as a boy and
had encouraged him to enter the Order of the Jedi Knights.
"Have need of your abilities, the Order does," Yoda told Little
Brown Jedi Hood when he turned eighteen. "A fine Knight you
will make." Yoda's voice dropped, and he muttered, as if to
himself, "A lot of fine nights, in fact, if *someone* his cards
play right."
Little Brown Jedi Hood didn't always understand Yoda's cryptic
mutterings, but he loved and respected the curmudgeonly little
gnome and often took him treats. As he packed the basket of tea
goodies that he intended to carry to Yoda's cottage that day,
he contemplated his future. He was not gifted with the ablility
to see clearly beyond the present, but every once in a while he
had twinges of what he thought was Force-sight. He had had one
of those feelings that very morning. Was it a glimpse into his
future? Was something important about to happen? Or were his
shorts just riding up on him again?
Finishing his packing, Little Brown Jedi Hood put on his
beloved brown hooded cloak, picked up the basket, and headed
off down the forest path. Unbeknown to the lovely young man,
his departure was observed by a tall, silver-brown furred wolf.
The Wolf tracked Little Brown Jedi Hood for a distance, until
he was certain that the young man was headed in the direction
of Yoda's cottage, and then took off through the forest to
follow a short-cut he knew.
Arriving at Yoda's cottage some minutes ahead of Little Brown
Jedi Hood, the Wolf knocked impatiently on the door. When there
was no answer, he knocked again. And then again. As he was
raising his fist to knock a fourth time, he heard a cross voice
call out, "Your damn banthas hold! Coming I am."
The door to the cottage swung open, and the Wolf looked down
into Yoda's broad face and wise, but irritated, old eyes. The
little gnome sniffed disdainfully.
"Oh, you it is. Been expecting you I have."
The Wolf was startled, but quickly covered his surprise.
Projecting his most congenial manner, he said, "Good afternoon,
Master Yoda. You look well."
Yoda said nothing in reply, simply peering up at the tall Wolf
and waiting.
Yoda's silent contemplation made the Wolf nervous, but he
continued, determined to bluff it out. "I was hoping that I
might be able to borrow your cottage and one of your larger,
longer robes for a few hours. Would that be possible?"
The little gnome squinted his eyes and looked suspiciously at
the Wolf. "For what purpose? Planning some sort of perverted
sex orgy are you?"
"If I play my cards right," the Wolf thought to himself.
"Heard that I did," Yoda snapped. "My house a brothel is not.
Go away." He stepped back and started to close the door. The
Wolf's arm shot out and caught the door before it latched.
Slowly, gently, so as not to unduly threaten Yoda--because the
little guy could probably take him, two falls out of three--the
Wolf used his superior arm length to push the door wide-open
again.
"Please, Master Yoda. This is very important."
The tiny sage snorted. "Said you the same thing when to turn my
home into an amateur veterinary clinic you wanted. Ruined my
carpets were!"
"I know, Master, but..."
"And said you the same thing when to turn my home into a Jedi
Apprentice fraternity house you wanted. Still all the sheets
from the toga party I have not found."
"I *know*, Master Yoda. I'm sorry about those other times, but
this is really important." The Wolf turned desperate, pleading
eyes on the small, but stern creature in front of him.
"Please?"
"Hmph. Never that look could I resist. Very well. Three hours
you may have. But spotless the place must be when I return."
"Yes. Of course, Master Yoda. Thank you." The Wolf beamed down
at Yoda. "You won't regret this."
Yoda picked up his walking stick and his Walkman, which were
sitting on a table by the door. "My own counsel will I keep
over what I regret," he announced sharply, shuffling around the
Wolf, who slipped quickly through the cottage door. As the Wolf
started to close the door, the little gnome turned back.
"Three hours, my padawan." He suddenly smiled. "And then big
time you will owe me."
Uncertain of the small sage's meaning, the Wolf shut the
cottage door behind Yoda and hurried to make preparations. He
turned all the lights in the one-room cottage down as low as
they would go. He pulled back his long silver-gray hair, er,
fur, and tied it at the nape of his neck. Stripping down
completely and, draping one of Yoda's largest, but still quite
insufficient, robes across the front of his body, he slipped
into Yoda's bed, pulled the covers up to his whiskered chin,
and waited.
Moments later, Little Brown Jedi Hood came skipping down the
path. Being as well-mannered as he was well-endowed, he
politely knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" the Wolf called out in a voice approximating, but
just barely, Yoda's.
"It's me, Little Brown Jedi Hood, come to bring you tea," the
young man responded.
"Come in, come in, my dear," the Wolf said.
"That's odd," thought Little Brown Jedi Hood, as he pushed the
door open. "Master Yoda has never called me 'my dear' before."
He walked into the dimly lit cottage.
"Where are you, Master Yoda?"
"I'm in the bed. Please come closer, my dear," the Wolf
practically purred.
Little Brown Jedi Hood frowned. "He's so adorable," the Wolf
thought. The young man moved closer to the bed.
"Master Yoda, are you all right? Your sentences aren't as
artificially convoluted as usual."
The Wolf started at his oversight, but recovered quickly.
"Feeling poorly I am. Affecting my sentence structure it must
be."
"Oh," responded Little Brown Jedi Hood, who was as guileless as
he was gorgeous. He walked up next to the bed and set his
basket down on the nightstand. Looking closely at the Wolf in
Yoda's clothing, he frowned again.
"My, Master Yoda, what small, exquisitely formed ears you
have."
"The better to hear you with, my dear," said the Wolf silkily.
The young man leaned closer. "My, Master Yoda, what intense
blue eyes you have."
"The better to see you with, my dear," said the Wolf, scooting
subtley closer to the edge of the bed.
Little Brown Jedi Hood leaned down so close to the Wolf that he
could feel the young man's warm, sweet breath on his face. "My,
Master Yoda, what lovely white teeth you have."
The Wolf smiled broadly. "I just knew you were going to say
that. The better to *eat* you with, my dear!" And he abruptly
sat up in the bed and wrapped his arms around Little Brown Jedi
Hood, pulling him down into the sheets. They struggled, rolling
across the bed and falling to the floor, losing, in the
process, the small Jedi Master's robe, the brown hooded cloak,
and, to Little Brown Jedi Hood's considerable surprise, all of
the rest of his clothing, as well. The Wolf nipped at the young
man's lips and throat, getting in an occasional, but quite
satisfying, grope a little further down, as the two wrestled
for an advantage. Finally, the Wolf got a solid, unbreakable
grip on Little Brown Jedi Hood, pulled him to his feet, and
swung him up over the Wolf's broad shoulder. Carrying the
deliciously squirming young man to the bed, the Wolf heaved him
off onto the rumpled covers. He was just about to crawl on top
of the little darling, when someone started pounding on the
front door.
Startled, the Wolf turned toward the door and whined, "But I
still have another two and a half hours!" Little Brown Jedi
Hood, misjudging the distance, rolled off the bed and hit the
floor with a thud, as the cottage door swung open, banging
against the far wall. Mace Windu stood with the afternoon light
at his back, wearing a rustic woodsman's costume and carring a
light-saber.
"Fear not, Little Brown Jedi Hood. I'm here to rescue you from
this vile fiend, this defiler of innocents!" The Wolf's mouth
fell open at this vicious slur from one of his oldest and
dearest friends, and he sat down heavily on edge of the bed.
"Come here," Mace continued, "I'll protect you from this
villain!"
He activated his light-saber and stood with it in one hand,
feet planted firmly on the cottage stoop, holding out his other
hand to the naked young man who stood slowly beside Yoda's
narrow bed, rubbing his bruised, but still quite lustworthy,
posterior. Giving the Wolf a long, considered, side-wise
glance, Little Brown Jedi Hood suddenly executed a dramatic
triple gainer from a standing position and landed squarely in
front of Mace Windu. Straightening quickly, the young man took
a deep breath and asked the Jedi Master, incredulously, "Are
you completely out of your mind?", grabbed the cottage door,
and slammed it in Mace's face.
Then Little Brown Jedi Hood, who was as horny as he was
wholesome, turned to face the Wolf and said, "Now--where were
we?"
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