Warning: Major TPM spoilers; very angsty (if you thought
'Promise' was bad, this is worse :)
Summary: Obi-Wan remembers the good times.
Archive: M-A, yes
Disclaimer: They're not mine, I'm poor, etc etc.
Feedback: Of course! Critical as well as positive, if you have
any suggestions for improvement.
Thanks to Sarah and Rebecca for encouragement and beta-ing.
Obi-Wan could see the bright flames even with his eyes closed.
The tears welling up behind his eyelids felt as hot as the heat
reflecting off his face from the pyre.
At a soft touch on his sleeve he opened his eyes and turned to
face the small boy beside him. Anakin's eyes were as wide as
Obi-Wan's, both trying to hold back the tears that would come
if they blinked. The Jedi was expecting another question about
the boy's future or about the funeral ritual, but instead,
Anakin whispered earnestly, "I'm sorry. I know you miss Master
Qui-Gon."
Obi-Wan stared at him for a moment, trying to read the true
meaning of Anakin's words in his eyes. Did the boy really
know...? He rested his hand comfortingly on Anakin's shoulder,
turning back to face the flames and losing his breath suddenly
as he realized he would never again feel Qui-Gon's gentle
touch. Never feel his Master's hand resting warmly on his own
shoulder. Never feel his strong arms holding him closely...
The flames dancing before his eyes flickered and shifted,
shrinking to become a multitude of sharp points of candlelight.
Obi-Wan could remember lighting each and every candle, hurrying
to finish before Qui-Gon returned to their room after his
meeting with the council. By the time he had finished, the wax
had dripped and pooled around the bases of the earliest lit
ones, but none had flickered out, and the room was glowing with
soft, warm light.
He smiled, imagining the delight on Qui-Gon's face. Just as he
sank onto the floor in the centre of the room, legs crossed
beneath him, there was a noise in the hall. A moment later, the
door opened and Qui-Gon strode in, looking tired and irritated.
"I hope you won't mind if I go straight to bed, Padawan,"
Qui-Gon began, but he stopped a few steps into the room and
looked around in surprise. His eyes landed upon Obi-Wan, who
was smiling up at him from the floor.
"Good evening, Master."
The corner of Qui-Gon's mouth twitched slightly at the sight of
the grin on his apprentice's face. "Good evening," he replied,
settling himself beside Obi-Wan.
The younger man's face was expectant. He was still smiling
broadly, but there was a trace of worry in his eyes. "How...
how was the meeting, Master?" He tried to sound nonchalant.
Qui-Gon took pity on him. "It's beautiful," he said softly.
"But why?"
Obi-Wan's eyes shone, sparkling in the light of a hundred
candles. "It is the anniversary of the day you chose me to be
your Padawan learner, Master," he said huskily, his voice
getting quieter, "and it has been a month since..." He let his
voice trail off. There was a moment of silence, broken only by
the almost inaudible roar of tiny flames and the pounding of
his heart.
His master's lips twitched again. "Since what, Padawan?"
In response, Obi-Wan leaned forward slowly, mirrored by
Qui-Gon, who bent his head to meet his apprentice's lips with
his own. They sat for a moment, almost motionless, then found
each other's hands and intertwined their fingers, sliding up
onto their knees to trap their clasped hands between their warm
bodies.
Qui-Gon broke the kiss first, gently pulling away for air
before returning to brush his lips over Obi-Wan's cheeks.
"Thank you," he murmured.
"For the candles?" Obi-Wan gasped, between dropping feverish
kisses along his master's throat. He felt Qui-Gon smile, felt a
strong hand slide up his back to draw him closer.
"Yes." A soft kiss in the centre of his forehead. "Thank you
for the candles."
The body on the pyre shifted slightly, the flames crackling,
and Obi-Wan's eyes flew open again. Anakin was still staring at
him, wide-eyed. Obi-Wan managed a small smile and the worried
look on the boy's face was replaced by simple sorrow.
Obi-Wan raised a hand to the hood of his cloak and twitched it
forward to hide his face from the eyes of those around him. His
field of vision was instantly reduced to the flames leaping
over his master's body, framed by the dark fabric of his hood.
He closed his eyes again, feeling the warmth on his face.
The sun on his face was a welcome change after the dark
coldness of space. "This is one diplomatic mission I might
actually enjoy."
"Diplomacy is the main purpose of our planetary travels,
Padawan. There are not sight-seeing excursions." Qui-Gon's
rebuke was mocking, and Obi-Wan turned to smile at his master.
"You must admit, Master, it is nice to feel the sun." He peeled
his cloak off as he spoke, then looked up to see if Qui-Gon was
doing the same. He tried to keep the smile off his face as he
watched Qui-Gon loosen the tie of his robes, letting them fall
open.
"That, I cannot argue with. Take care not to let yourself burn,
though."
"Yes, Master." Keeping his eyes fixed upon his master's tall
form, Obi-Wan lowered himself onto his cloak, which he'd spread
out on the ground. Slowly, he stretched out his arms and legs
until he was lounging on his back, propped up on one elbow. He
let his head fall back, arching his back slightly as he felt
Qui-Gon's eyes on him.
"And you must not let yourself get overheated," Qui-Gon
continued haltingly. He was clearly having trouble
concentrating on his words.
"Overheated, Master?" Obi-Wan reached up and dragged his
fingers down the centre of his chest, loosening his robes. He
could see Qui-Gon swallow even from his position on the ground.
His master's cheeks were flushed.
"I think perhaps lighter-weight robes would have served us
better," Qui-Gon managed at last.
"Or none at all," Obi-Wan suggested, letting his fingers trail
further down.
He could tell right away that Qui-Gon had reached his breaking
point. His master stood frozen for a long moment then burst out
laughing, a sight so rare that Obi-Wan sat straight up and
stared at him, almost frowning.
"You..." Qui-Gon let himself drop to his knees at his
apprentice's side. "Hopeless," he added, a broad smile still on
his face.
"Hopeless?" Obi-Wan reached up and wrapped his arms around
Qui-Gon's bare neck. A moment later, Qui-Gon was too busy with
his mouth to reply.
It wasn't until the sun had set behind the nearby mountains
that Qui-Gon was able to answer. He turned his head to nuzzle
Obi-Wan's sweaty, spiky hair. His apprentice murmured
contentedly and shifted to lie even closer. "Perfect," Qui-Gon
whispered.
"I know," Obi-Wan mumbled back, eyes opening a crack as he
flashed a sleepy smile.
As Obi-Wan opened his eyes once more, the memory of the
red-gold sky was so emblazoned on his mind that it was a shock
to find himself surrounded by darkness. He'd been drawn back to
the present by the rustling of feet as mourners began to leave
the funeral chamber.
Anakin was led away by Master Yoda and Mace Windu, both of whom
nodded solemnly at him as they departed. The queen, her face
even paler than usual against her dark robes, touched his
sleeve softly and whispered a few kind words, then followed
Chancellor Palpatine out into the night.
Finally, Obi-Wan was left alone with his master's remains. The
body was almost unrecognizable, but he could still make out the
distinctive slope of his master's brow. A few scraps of burnt
fabric from his cloak had fluttered to the floor. He bent to
pick them up, holding them delicately so the ash-edged cloth
wouldn't deteriorate any further.
The flames had slowed, but the fuel beneath what was left of
the body was still glowing brightly. Obi-Wan fixed his eyes
upon the place where the light burned brightest and let the
whiteness sear his eyes, refusing to blink until he could see
nothing but fire.
A warm breath at the back of his neck was enough to distract
him from the flickering flame.
"There may be such a thing as too much practice, Padawan..."
Qui-Gon let his hands rest heavily on Obi-Wan's shoulders. "How
long have you been staring at that candle?"
"I'm not sure." He let his head hang forward, feeling the
tightness in his neck. "Too long, I suspect." He pulled his
head up again. "But Master Yoda said it was important to
practice clearing one's mind."
"Surely it doesn't take you too long to accomplish that?" His
master's level voice almost succeeded in hiding the gentle
sarcasm.
"Master Qui-Gon!" Obi-Wan turned in his chair and tried to look
upset. "Perhaps you could help me relax?" he suggested
innocently.
"Your muscles do seem tight..." Qui-Gon smiled. "I think the
bed would be a suitable place for you to lie."
Obi-Wan tried to keep himself from running across the room and
flinging himself on the bed, preferably shedding articles of
clothing on the way. He managed to control himself long enough
to slink across the floor, taking his time, knowing it was
driving Qui-Gon crazy, and climbed onto the bed. He stretched
out on his stomach, folding his arms on the pillow and resting
his head on them. "Should I take off my robes?" he asked
lightly, fingers itching to tear the clothes off his master's
body.
"An excellent suggestion," Qui-Gon agreed, voice and face
almost emotionless. "Allow me to help you."
The young man rolled over and sat up, letting Qui-Gon untuck
the robes from his belt. he helped him to pull the outer layers
over his head, then slipped off the remaining tunic. Obi-Wan
sat for an instant, enjoying the feel of Qui-Gon's eyes on his
body, then rolled back to his previous position.
"Shall I get some oil? Or..."
Obi-Wan gently used the Force to grab his master's hands and
pulled them down onto his bare shoulders. "I think your hands
alone will be fine, Master."
Qui-Gon started to knead the taut muscles at the top of his
apprentice's spine with his thumbs, pressing hard into the soft
skin. Obi-Wan gasped, then closed his eyes and smiled as he
felt the tension melt out of his body.
The large hands moved slowly and patiently down the length of
his body until it felt as if his spine was turning to water.
All the hours of practice, all the vague worries and minor
distractions of the day fell away. Obi-Wan let his mind drift,
and was only drawn back to earth when he felt Qui-Gon's fingers
sliding beneath the top of his belt.
Qui-Gon shifted on the bed beside him and bent lower. "I'm
sorry to distract you, Obi-Wan, but isn't that easier than
using the candle?"
Obi-Wan smiled. "And so much more pleasant, Master." He arched
his back ever so slightly and was rewarded with the feel of
Qui-Gon's fingers sliding down around his body to rest upon his
hips.
His master bent lower still until Obi-Wan could feel his
master's lips grazing the back of his head. "Do you think your
muscles are sufficiently relaxed?" His fingers tightened
slightly around Obi-Wan's hips.
"Mmm..."
"Is that a yes?" He pushed Obi-Wan's hip gently, rolling him
onto his side, and shifted to lie beside him.
Obi-Wan let his fingers do what they'd been dying to do and
could only manage another distracted "..mmm..." in response.
On the table beside them, the forgotten candle burned down
slowly.
As Qui-Gon drifted off to sleep, Obi-Wan found his tired eyes
drawn to the last faint sputters of the candle as its flame
shrank, until it finally touched the pooled wax and flickered
out. The only light in the now dark room was the tiny glowing
ash at the tip of the wick, and Obi-Wan watched it until it
vanished.
The bright coal he'd been watching had faded now. Obi-Wan had
lost track of time, had no idea how long he'd been standing
here, staring blankly at the fire which swarmed over the
remains of his master. His lover. His best friend. For the
better part of his life, his only friend.
What was left on the pyre was no longer recognizable as any of
these. Qui-Gon was truly gone. Obi-Wan watched the last glowing
embers fade into the darkness, his eyes desperately searching
for any trace of light left among the ashes. Nothing. It was
over.
He bowed soberly, respectfully, to the heap of ashes, then
turned and walked to the door, not looking back. Just before he
stepped outside, he pulled the hood of his cloak as far forward
as it would go, the heavy cloth shadowing his eyes and hiding
them from the starlight far above.
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